red || it/he || 19 links - my attic - arte bogthis blog used to have actual content and posts believe it or not, now it's just me complaining and ventingjust a heads up, i tend to block blank blogs. ive seen enough bots on this godforsaken site.
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why can't I distract my thoughts while doing other shit
#I really need some kind of alternative to antidepressants#While I'm at it#Maybe antipsychotics too#I'm gonna need some morphine too I guess. I can't keep being jealous at others for having people who care about them#I just wish I can stop having thoughts
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i keep feeling more and more like a ghost than a human in a negative way haugh
#I exist I'm real#But somehow#I don't exist at the same time#I hate feeling like this again#I thought I got over it by mid 2021#Why do I still feel like this#Why can't I just be born and surrounded by people who care since my childhood instead of never having to experience that and then forced to#Grow up when I was 7 and not allowed to do shit kids do#Including the expectations that I have people who care about me#And why does that shit still affect me at the age of 19#Why don't I exist no matter how much I try#Hell I bet by the time I'm 60 nobody knows I'm even real#Maybe it's better if I just died when I was 11 instead#Nothing would've changed#So many people showed proof of that#Not much change if I don't exist there#If j so they just go hey#And then they go back to pretending like I don't exist#No matter#I just keep repeating myself#I would say sorry but I doubt I have to do that#I'm just talking to myself
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Honestly I don't think this is even personal grudge against people I think this is more my brain being mad at me for failing to kill myself (again) 4 years after my last (failed) attempt
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this is a stupid question but how do I come to good terms with people who nearly got me to commit suicide
#I'm just trying to Not act like an asshole to specific people because unlike the others I don't see them regularly in servers anymore#Especially since that suicide was straight up just me acting impulsively and trued my best to not do that since I had to go to work the nex#- month#And just#Idk#I'm trying my best to straight up admit names but#God#At least one of them tried to apologise (but I doubt they know about the nearly committing suicide part)#And the other is as dense as a fucking neutron star#But like#I wish they (and the other) know just how much damage it has caused to me#Then again#Maybe bad timing#Look I really wanna take my mental health more seriously but I somehow always convince myself that this is all just bad timing#But it's hard to think that they're not doing it on purpose#+ other shit going on in my life at the time
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Mfw
Fun fact every time I pull my huion tablet's wire to draw I keep accidentally hit my rx 78 kit and they just, topples over
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Fun fact every time I pull my huion tablet's wire to draw I keep accidentally hit my rx 78 kit and they just, topples over
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how many years of skin problems involving fungi infection does it take for me to be a mushroom tho that's the question
#Trying to cheer myself up#I'm actually cooked#Here's hoping the shit I'm prescribed with is enough until the next appointment my doctor assigned to get more prescription stuff and I don#- Die or something
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mfw fungal infections tend to get worse during hotter times and malaysia is straight up hell rn
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god i dont want to remember july to september 2023
#fuckin hell#my mental health pretty much got worse during that time because of my spm retake#then when its all done i thought i could be somewhat happy#NOPE#OF COURSE I HAD TO GET THE CRUSHING REMINDER THAT I DONT FUCKING EXIST#the more i think about the latter half of 2023 the more i regret not succesfully killing myself when i was 11
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by the tomb gate are thorn-trees,
with an axe they are felled.
man, you are not good,
and the people of this country know it.
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Started playing wom2 last night and saw this goofy guy outside of riverville
#funnily enough#I based my character off my ffex character#Who I jokingly shipped with exdeath#So what if#ani's funky edits
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fuck i just remembered a dream i had a few days ago where i got a job at some weird forest soap/???/perfume shop at suria klcc except that suria klcc is also mid valley kl and also slightly bigger and ???????? what the fuck is that dream
#either way i think my brain is trying to tell me to get a job i guess#or its reminding me that lrt exists and i havent been to one in ages
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I wonder how in the world she smiles that wide 🤔
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blah blah blah tmi rant about shit that happened years ago because my stupid brain doesn't work
#Don't mind me I'm just sweeping the floors by making fun of a post I just made#This definitely applies to like 90% of my posts#Probably 90%#I don't know anymore
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