darling-blade

[darling-blade]

i looooove characters who are sacrificial lamb coded. characters who have never lived for themselves. characters born to be a tool, a weapon, a sacrifice, all of the above. a character raised by the heroes to save the world, at any expense, even their own health, even their own life. a character raised by the villains to end the world, at any expense, even their own health, even their own life. characters who are denied personhood so they can be used as tools instead. characters who never even had a chance to be people because they were shaped into something else from the moment they were born. characters who were born to die.

[darling-blade]

[darling-blade]

Night ???/??? Of sleep eluding me:

Tw of medicine, sleep issues, addiction, mentions of sh thoughts/impulses.

.

.

.

Benadryl and melatonin have stopped working. I'm getting roughly 3 hours of sleep a night if I'm lucky and I'm surviving off thc and nicotine if I'm being brutally honest. Something so horrifying about history repeating itself is knowing exactly what these things mean and knowing Why its happening and not having any real control of the situation other than prolonging the inevitable r*l*ps* that seem to be heading my way like a steam engine.

I'm scared lol

I'm fighting so hard and using every technique in the book and I'm losing.

I know healing isn't linear but dammit I thought I'd gotten past this.

[darling-blade]

i lowkey don’t wanna tell anyone what's going on in my life anymore.

[darling-blade]

ⓘ this user has been abandoned by god

[darling-blade]

[darling-blade]

[darling-blade]

i dont think we need a new year. i think we’ve had enough of them

[darling-blade]

[darling-blade]

[darling-blade]

september…….honey……..angel……….please be kind

[darling-blade]

[darling-blade]

[darling-blade]

[darling-blade]

[darling-blade]

sometimes it's hard for me to let go.. i hold onto even the smallest possibility of being in your arms again. i sometimes hope that we have infinite "last times" so that we dance into forever together... infinite "last times" until we take our last breaths.

[darling-blade]