dasistblod

[dasistblod]

YouTube ads: (30 seconds of irrelevant wackiness) Oh hohohoho the creature wants the Food!

Facebook ads: (fabricated sponsored "news" article) Here is why, everyone is buying the new thing. Trust us everyone is buying it

TikTok ads: (paid actor) I just bought this thing and it totally changed my life! Join me on my Journey, with Product...

Tumblr ads: (ai generated image of heaven) The Truth About Your Elbows

[dasistblod]

if this tweet doesn’t make perfect sense to u immediately then u weren’t meant to understand it

[dasistblod]

Wilkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome.

[dasistblod]

upon learning that the upcoming Dracula movie is yet another Dracula/Mina romance, here is an incomplete list of things that would be more interesting in an adaptation than a Dracula/Mina romance:

A romance between Dracula and literally any other character

An origin story for the lady vampires

A feature length adaptation of the Demeter plot (yes, I know this exists already, it deserves more adaptations)

A Dracula origin story set at the Scholomance

Mina and Jonathan going into that "unknown and terrible land" together

Dracula deciding that, rather than just murdering people, he can offer sex in exchange for blood, and chooses to go to London to do this because the locals will not be receptive. He awkwardly tries to ask Jonathan about prostitution in London and Jonathan's proper gentleman sensibilities are affronted

Dracula gets committed to Seward's asylum, somehow

Dracula gets stuck in wolf form and gets adopted by one of the protagonists

Dracula and his ladies go to Van Helsing, expert on the occult that he is, to ask for help trying to conceive

The Crew of Light try to imprison Dracula rather than destroy him, theorizing that, if they can find a way to cure him, everyone he's turned will be cured

Dracula's sexy immortal vampire harem kicking him out of his own castle because they're sick of his shit

Dracula and Van Helsing as bitter exes

The solicitor who gets sent to Dracula is now Gabriel John Utterson, hoping for a nice relaxing vacation after all the Dr. Jekyll business

Sherlock Holmes, somehow

Dracula marries Mrs. Westenra

Dracula is in the Wild West and gets attacked by vampire hunting cowboys

Dracula being so creeped out by Renfield's obsession and vows of servitude that he flees to another country (to which Renfield follows him)

Oscar Wilde fucks Dracula

[dasistblod]

i swear to god if one more stupid fandom ruins a beautiful text post i am calling the police

[dasistblod]

tell me in the tags if you sleep w the tv on/music playing or if it has to be pitch black/silent

[dasistblod]

Let's bother mama

[dasistblod]

The Jungle Book (1967)

[dasistblod]

It's Make A Terrible Comic Day again

[dasistblod]

Are u even having fun on tumblr if u don't gain a slight crush on a mutual. Are u even using it right. Let's be honest

[dasistblod]

[dasistblod]

indeed.com search history "pet for mysteriously wealthy older woman" "unethical science test subject full time" "vampire thrall with room and board"

[dasistblod]

[dasistblod]

i have never seen a post and thought to myself "what this really needs is a stupid-ass gimmick blog making it all about their single bad joke"

[dasistblod]

I was in the reviews for a listing for a tungsten cube for reasons that are not important, THIS REVIEW IS CRACKING ME UP

Having a dense cube communicates status to women and business relationships. #mycube

[dasistblod]

tumblr media criticism

[dasistblod]

no more fandoms! no more ship discourse! no more stupid drama! everyone go frolic in a field until you fall over sleepy like a big doggy ok?