daveymarvich-blog

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I just can’t do it anymore.

I grew up with an innate aversion to conflict. I guess it came from noticing the way that my extended family passive-aggressively danced around tough issues during our holiday gatherings. Each family member had their own reaction to growing tension and the little guy you see above mostly just froze and prayed those moments would end. In high school, my hatred of conflict spawned a learned ability to fill awkward conversational vacancies with jovial anecdotes in an attempt to join hands with those around me for the sake of social unity. Above all else, I wanted everyone to get along, sit in a circle and sing songs together.

As you can imagine, it’s been a hard act to keep up in our hyper-polarized modern day. As ideologies hardened and rifts widened, I became more and more agitated that I couldn’t be the “Kumbaya, everyone-get-along, song and dance man” anymore.

Yet still I tried.

I kept quiet about my own thoughts (as much as my soul would let me get away with) so that I could maybe eke out a small little piece of communal pie where we could all live in harmony as long as I didn’t say anything that rocked the boat.

But now, I’m the “liberal” amongst my people and I just can’t do it anymore. The cracks are showing in my game of silence and I just can’t. Repression has led me down a lonely, dark road that I chose for myself. The defense mechanisms of my youth became my prison as an adult. My fear of conflict and tension has devastated my ability to speak from the heart and in turn, has stunted my ability to communicate emotionally. But I just can’t do it anymore. No matter how awkward it feels or how many people in my life I alienate, I have to speak from my heart.

If you’re reading this and you’ve known me for a long time, (first off, hi!) second, there’s a chance that I’m going to offend you and I don’t apologize for it one bit. You and I (or probably just me) are going to have to learn to love each other through our disagreements. If there’s anything I’ve learned through my travels, new experiences or new friends, it’s that they shape you largely through the differences. To meet someone with all the same thoughts, likes and dislikes is an exciting feeling, but I don’t know how much it does for our ability to grow and become as people. But to meet someone completely different is an often grating, but supremely rewarding feeling that has the opportunity to grow us into much better versions of ourselves. It’s in this thought where I am sad that I robbed my friends and family of that kind of a relationship with me. In keeping my real thoughts quiet for the sake of pleasantness, I stole from my loved ones a chance to grow, stretch and become something greater.

As a former “professional Christian” (and current Christian… don’t get crazy, you jackals), I’ve seen and heard some shockingly offensive and profoundly ignorant things spouted from many surprising places. I’m not here to expose anything to cause harm within the Church. I still believe that the Church and followers of Jesus Christ can be the greatest agents for positive change in our world today. I really do. I’m not saying that it is or isn’t happening, but it can and I believe it will. Its with that in mind that I speak now. I’ve been mostly silent for the last few years because I was still working through a lot of really unhealthy bitterness toward the Church that had built up over the years. That kind of bitterness renders any set of words, no matter how well-written, totally toxic. Bitterness, as a root, poisons everything it touches. If not dealt with, it can be like an onion with deep layers built up over time that can take much work to undo. I’m still on that “undoing” journey and as I discern which topics I can write about without seething behind my tiny computer, I will. It really is my intention to approach those I may disagree with in love. I also want to offer us both the chance to grow!

However, we must disagree well. As much as the internet beckons us to spew the “fire and fury” at each other because we can’t agree on which Game of Thrones episode is best (Answer: none of them), we must be civil. You are not crazy and I am not crazy. We both came to our own set of beliefs and standards through a series of rational thoughts that were informed by an infinitely complex web of experiences and relationships… and all of that makes perfect sense to us! So really, the goal should be understanding, patience and grace. We’re not going get there this very second and we may not ever in some cases. But I guess there still is that part of me that wants everyone to get along, but now I think I’m ready to acknowledge that they probably won’t and I can’t let that cripple me.

So, hi.

I’m Davey.

I love God, but most times His Church makes me want to barf. I’m probably not nearly as loving or holy as you ever expected a worship leader to be and it’s probably best that you internalize that now as we go forward. I voted for the woman president. I think Fox News is the worst thing to happen to television since the internet. I’m glad that my wife and I share an anniversary with Federal Gay Marriage. I think you can be both a follower of Jesus and a Democrat. I think socialism is a nice idea that wouldn’t need to be a reality if the Church wasn’t so ridiculously self-centered. I think that if you look around your church on a Sunday and everyone looks like you, you should be worried. I think Christians should care about treating the homeless as well as they treat fetuses. Lots more things, but I’m probably not brave enough to talk about them yet.

P.S. Speaking of fetuses….

BRI IS PREGNANT.

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BRIANA JOHNSTON!!!

Here’s what a Miyazaki theme park might look like…

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You

I want you

Not just for all the wonderful ways that you enrich my life I just want you

I want you as you are Your wild beauty Your messy hair Your insecurities Your worry Your laughter Your joy Your *heart*

I’m still just as sure as I was that night last summer in PB

You Just you

Your first name, my last name.

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For most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don’t enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are that you’re not going to be very happy. If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn’t going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.

Andy Rooney (via kvtes)

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There simply aren't words to explain how much this wonderful person means to me. I believe in you always, BNJ.

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Secret Thread

"You may have noticed that the books you really love are bound together by a secret thread. You know very well what is the common quality that makes you love them, though you cannot put it into words... Are not all lifelong friendships born at the moment when at last you meet another human being who has some inkling... of that something which you were born desiring...?"

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Kevin Drew Zach Galifianakis Feist Dancing Funny or Die

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I love Her

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I. MISS. ICELAND.

I´m always drawn to the ocean. Especially on days like that when the wind is blowing and the waves come smashing against the rocks with great force.

We are nothing compared to the forces of the nature and they can easily destroy us if we are not careful. And if we continue to disrespect and abuse mother nature as we have been doing for a long time now, we deserve it

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I want to make good citizens. If a child hears fine music from the day of his birth and learns to play it himself, he develops sensitivity, discipline and endurance. He gets a beautiful heart.

Shin'ichi Suzuki

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I had the chance

to see LCD Soundsystem at the Hollywood Bowl on their final tour and I didn't go because I was tired. It turned out to be their last time on the west coast before they broke up. I regret that decision every time I think about it. I learned my lesson by the time Coachella 2013 rolled around. My friend Aaron and I left work at Crystal Mtn just outside of Seattle, WA at 3pm, drove thru the night and got to Coachella just in time for music to start at 1pm the following day. We left Southern California on Monday morning after the final night of Coachella and drove all the way back to Crystal Mtn just in time to clock in for work Tuesday morning at 8am. May the days of being young and wild never die. Miss you aaronaroundtheworld

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Ebert / Miyazaki

"I was so fortunate to meet Miyazaki at the 2002 Toronto film festival. I told him I love the “gratuitous motion” in his films; instead of every movement being dictated by the story, sometimes people will just sit for a moment, or sigh, or gaze at a running stream, or do something extra, not to advance the story but only to give the sense of time and place and who they are.

'We have a word for that in Japanese,' he said. 'It’s called ‘ma.’ Emptiness. It’s there intentionally.' He clapped his hands three or four times. 'The time in between my clapping is ‘ma.’ If you just have non-stop action with no breathing space at all, it’s just busyness.'" - Roger Ebert

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Only in America can you be pro-death penalty, pro-war, pro-unmanned drone bombs, pro-nuclear weapons, pro-guns, pro-torture, pro-land mines, and still call yourself ‘pro-life.’

John Fuegelsang (via explore-everywhere)

Our backwards land.

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Has anyone ever told you that you look like Beetlejuice?

Tyler Tubbs (brainwashedchildren)

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Avant Gardener by Courtney Barnett

I sleep in late Another day Oh what a wonder Oh what a waste. It’s a monday It’s so mundane What exciting things Will happen today? The yard is full of hard rubbish it’s a mess and I guess the neighbours must think we run a meth lab We should ammend that I pull the sheets back It’s 40 degrees And i feel like i’m dying. Life’s getting hard in here So i do some gardening Anything to take my mind away from where it’s sposed to be. The nice lady next door talks of green beds And all the nice things that she wants to plant in them I wanna grow tomatoes on the front steps. Sunflowers, bean sprouts, sweet corn and radishes. I feel pro-active I pull out weeds All of a sudden I’m having trouble breathing in. My hands are shaky My knees are weak I can’t seem to stand On my own two feet I’m breathing but i’m wheezing Feel like i’m emphysem-in’ My throat feels like a funnel Filled with weet bix and kerosene and Oh no, next thing i know They call up triple o I’d rather die than owe the hospital Till I get old I get adrenalin Straight to the heart I feel like Uma Thurman Post-overdosing kick start Reminds me of the time When i was really sick and i Had too much psuedoefedryn and i Couldn’t sleep at night Halfway down high street, andy looks ambivalent He’s probably wondering what i’m doing getting in an ambulance The paramedic thinks i’m clever cos i play guitar I think she’s clever cos she stops people dying Anaphylactic and super hypocondriactic Should’ve stayed in bed today I much prefer the mundane. I take a hit from An asthma puffer I do it wrong I was never good at smoking bongs. I’m not that good at breathing in.

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"Sort-of album, collection of songs, really" of the day.

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