davidcervelli

[davidcervelli]

The Problem With Winning Friends and Influencing People

Learning to sell is a funny pursuit.

On the one hand, you’ve got these mad-keen extroverted types who get switched on by phrases like “got what it takes” and “never say die” and all manners of other self-baiting challenges. Let’s call you guys “group 1” (because we typically prefer being that number).

And on the flip side, there’s often the more reflective type. The one often abhorred by group 1, the one that wants their work to speak for itself and “be damned to those who don’t get me”. For the sake of this article, let’s call you guys “group 2”.

And what sits between the two groups, is any number of misunderstandings and misinterpretations of communication essentials to help people engage and impact their prospective audience.

Take rapport for example.

Building rapport is an imperative tool for anyone that has an opinion, wants to share it, and has an interest in not coming off as a dick. Knowing the mechanics of rapport help us broaden the range of people we can connect with outside of those who are exactly like us.

And of course that’s pretty useful in the world of business and selling stuff.

In his 1936 best seller, “How To Win Friends and Influence People,” Dale Carnegie writes about this tool called ‘rapport’. He notes that people are most motivated to change their thoughts or behaviours when prompted by people who they feel similar to and people who understand them.

No surprises so far, right? But here’s where it gets a little tricky.

One of the most misunderstood messages about selling is the one around building rapport. And I blame Dale.

See, what throws people off - even 80 years later - is the connective nature of the book’s title: “How to win friends and influence people “ as if the two are the same thing.

And while NOT having rapport makes it pretty tough to get anyone to do anything you want them to, when you have too much rapport - you can no longer influence people either!

“Whaaaaaatttt??!!!” screams Group 1 from the depths of every sales book we’ve ever read.

Group 2 on the other hand, quietly already know this to be true.

How often have you had one of us G1’s come up to you and forcefully try to “win” your friendship by finding an unrelated common interest, before pushing our product on to you? You know what I’m talking about. “See the football on the weekend? Great, wasn’t it? Now, wanna buy my stuff?”

And how did you feel about that?

Now Dale’s title may have been misleading, but it wasn’t untrue. Because for you G2s - were you influenced? Probably. In fact, you may have even bought the product that you didn’t want because of the social pressure you now felt as applied by your new “friend”.

The problem is that the G1 may not have even known what experience they’ve created for you. They may just have rolled onto the next game of friend-winning, totally content that they were doing it right.

(Hey, G1, for the record, you’re doing it wrong).

So why don’t we find a definition a little more useful so that everyone can feel better about it?

Rapport is the connection experienced between two parties when there is a mutual sense that the other is someone worth talking to.

The problem with trying to “win friends” is that you either fail and come off as a disingenuous try-hard OR you succeed and become someone that can’t be taken seriously.

Take a very classic sales environment - leadership.

There is no shortage of materials teaching how to be a great leader (some we’ve created ourselves!), but when it comes to rapport in the workplace, this is a big grey area.

Let’s rule out an old classic - the “tyrant” manager.

This is the manager who believes that tough love is the only form of love, and that it should be dished out indiscriminately. They might use words like “direct accountability” and “critical performance” and other authority-stamping sorts of words. They may believe that it's more effective to motivate via the stick, rather than the carrot.

Then there’s the “best friend” manager.

Here’s the one who’s always “on your side” and “in it together”. This person will often buy into your bullshit when you ‘dominate’ the relationship with a tale of woe to get out of something uncomfortable. The problem here is when you actually need to be held accountable, it’s hard to switch into the ‘submissive’ role when you actually are on the wrong track.

There is, however; a very different level of rapport that exists.

In fact, the term “rapport” began as a clinical term to describe a state that a patient experienced when they became totally accepting of their physician's instructions. This deep level of rapport was not foundered on their personal liking of the physician, or of some common interest in Justin Bieber. Instead, the rapport came from a deep understanding that the professional could deliver an outcome that the patient desired.

So what’s my point?

Whether it’s a definition thing, or a behaviour thing - you need to be changing something if you want to get more of what you want. Real rapport is NOT about talking a lot, or becoming insta-besties. Rapport is quickly establishing yourself as an expert, and guiding your audience to a desired outcome.

Rapport ultimately comes down to problem / solution matching. Your job is to become a master at communicating your value, but specifically to the people that require it. For example, I work with startup owners and sales team managers. When I train my clients, they make more sales. If I tell them to read a book, they read the book. If I tell them to build a plan, they build a plan. They do what I say because we’re in rapport. We’re in rapport because they get results from what I tell them to do.

It’s authentic, it’s mutually beneficial, it’s good business.

So whether you’re in G1 or G2, it's important to understand the REAL superpower that is rapport. If you want to be in rapport with someone, start with authentic value and be willing to create it. G1, be aware that you’re likely going to get in people’s faces and it’s going to piss them off. Stop it. G2, there’s a good chance that you’re sitting around being all passive and allowing your potential perfect customers to go by without having their problem solved, just because you’re overcompensating, not wanting to be confrontational. Toughen up and get yourself out there - your customers deserve it.

There are some very powerful rapport building techniques and mechanics to trigger and cajole and hypnotise - sure. But why not try something else on (just like trying on a new jacket)? Why not focus on being authentic, and genuinely curious about connecting with a person. When you discover that there’s a problem / solution match - how wonderful the universe will be.

(BTW: this is also the secret to making attracting high profile, high net worth clients - turns out they sometimes have problems that need to be solved too).

So yes, the mechanics are powerful and we love to teach them in our training programs, but your intention will beat your techniques ANY day of the week.

Much love

Dave

[davidcervelli]

The actual cost of "No"

I’m calling out a big elephant.

The biggest fundamental problem in small businesses is an inability to sell and position their own value.

There - it’s out.

I want to lead with that because if you don’t realise that to be true, then you:

a. Don’t have a business, so you don’t care b. Are still confusing the word “business” with the word “hobby” c. Learned persuasion earlier in life (right after good manners), and can’t imagine how people could live without it

But this critical issue that pushes more than 80% of startups into oblivion is driven by a single catalyst. Some businesses just don’t invest in learning how to communicate with impact. In fact, in many industries - the majority of business owners say they don’t even want to learn to market or sell.

Here’s the problem...

If you’re part of the majority who want to build a business or career but simply don’t want to be a marketer or salesperson, it’s a little like wanting to build a library but hating books.

A business occurs when a customer exchanges money for your product, service or expertise.

No sales = no business = expensive hobby.

Simple.

And as much as we have to sugar coat it for some, when my company is training and consulting with our partners and clients - we’re teaching them how to sell. Unapologetically.

Don’t get me wrong - learning to become a master communicator is not about convincing people to buy things they shouldn’t buy or do things that they shouldn’t do. Actually it’s the opposite. Learning to engage, capture attention and trust - that’s all about helping people to make the decisions they should make, that sometimes they struggle to make on their own.

Example.

Let’s say I’m looking to build a new website. I might start by seeking out a designer to make my brand stand out and capture my audience’s curiosity. So I check out Elance, ODesk, and the other $3/hr design services that will produce a result. Finally, I go to my friend - the career graphic designer who’s worked with Disney, Apple and other massive brands in their respective areas. She quotes me $2000 for the concepts.

“$2000!?” I ask incredulously.

“$2000, take it or leave it” is the response.

I leave it.

Fast forward 9 months, 5 designers, 6 million template logo samples and a lot of unholy language - I have a logo that I’m content with. Oh, and each of the designers’ samples only cost around $450... each.

Good deal right?

By now you might be thinking that the author of this post is a complete moron customer and deserved what he got for not realising the designer’s value upfront?

(In fairness, you’re more likely thinking of a time when you did EXACTLY the same thing.)

But imagine if that designer had invested in the ability to lead me through the value? Perhaps just a few important points to help me save time, money and grey hair

Speed of delivery...

One-stop solution...

Taking time to understand actual wants, and only giving options that qualify...

*** ("Oh, and did I mention that Disney trusts me with their work?")

So learning to sell is just for the sleazy, the icky and the unclean, you say? Investing is sales training is just to extract the most money out of people indiscriminately, you maintain?

Perhaps its time to rethink your position on this one.

So what is the actual cost of your next potential customer saying “no”?

In today's marketplace, its imperative to maintain focus on the actual cost of a customer saying “no”.

Why? Because when it comes down to it, you’re actually doing a massive disservice when you don’t sell.

Firstly, you’re doing a disservice to your customer. Remember that people buy things because they have interest to grow or seek something that will bring the pleasure OR they have an interest in solving some pain point. While you’re not selling, what you’re actually doing is leaving them stuck in their problem (while you feel rejected that they didn’t simply see your value).

Secondly, you’re doing a disservice to yourself. Our brain is wired to be comfortable. That’s why when we’re uncomfortable we grow - to become comfortable. But when there’s no growth or learning to be had (like when you don’t even try to sell, then the customer in turn doesn’t buy…), we often lower our standards for ourselves. When you don’t actively influence people to make decisions to work with you when they really should, you lower your own standards and limit your growth.

Thirdly, you’re doing a disservice to your brand. When you go to market with any message - on your website, on your business card, or by your word-of-mouth advocates - you’re educating the world on why they need what you offer. When you don’t sell to them once you’ve reconnected them with a want or need, all you’re doing is the heavy lifting for your competition. Remember what Bob Hooey said, “if you’re not taking care of your customer, your competitor will.”

With love,

- DC

"The juice is worth the squeeze..."

[davidcervelli]

What kind of year is 2015 going to be for you? Seems like a simple question, but it’s the first and most important for the year so, if you haven’t yet – it’s probably time to get cracking… In other posts we’ve discussed the best ways to make your goals and resolutions stick, but in this post, I want to get into the exact ingredients that is going to make 2015 your year, according to the world’s experts.  Click here to read more...

Discover Coaching is launching a FREE Sales Mastery Masterclass in February this year.  If you want to learn how to pitch and present your ideas and services clearly, confidently and powerfully with your language, jump on the early bird list at www.MassPersuasion.com and watch all of the videos. 

[davidcervelli]

Painting Pictures (Neuro Linguistic Programming Tool)

The capacity of the human brain is staggering. It works faster than the fastest super computer and at any one time generates enough electricity to power a small city. But what sets the human mind apart from other species is our capacity to imagine.

Ask yourself this question – what were the 5 most important skills you learned in all of high school? Which classes were they in?

Now…

Close your eyes and picture yourself at your favourite holiday destination. Is it in the mountains for a ski trip, in the bush camping or on a beach in the sun? What does it smell like? What does it feel like? Who is with you? What will you eat?

Take a moment and do it now (you’ll be happy that you did)…

Which one was easier?

The second one, right? This is because of the way our brain interprets, stores and recalls information. To more and lesser degrees our mind makes pictures and anchors experiences to them. Knowing this, we can tailor our approach to goal-oriented conversation and dramatically improve our interpersonal skills.

We do this by “painting pictures” in our customers’ minds.

A great way to script this in to a sales conversation might go something like this:

“So John, imagine we work together for the next six months. Six months from now when you picture success, what does it look like? What’s different at work? In your personal time?”

In another post, we talk about reading eye access cues (neurolinguistic programming tool) and what your eyes tell someone about what you’re thinking. When your picture is successfully being painted in your customer’s mind, they will usually go to the “Visual Create” direction as they “see” this image of a future that hasn’t happened yet.

The more your customers can see themselves in the world you paint for them, the easier it is for their defences to drop and for them to make a logical and informed decision.

Bonus tips:

Use a combination of Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic words in your descriptions which will engage every type of customer preference

Visual phrases: “when you PICTURE success”, “what does it LOOK like”, “where do you SEE your self in six months”, “I want you to be CRYSTAL CLEAR about…”

Auditory phrases: “how does that SOUND?” “does that RING A BELL?”, “so we can SILENCE any critics”, “I’m all EARS…”

Kinesthetic phrases: “I really FEEL like we’re getting somewhere,” “so that we can GRASP that concept,” “so that we can TAP INTO the market needs…”

  For a full list of neuro linguisting programming tools, go to www.discovercoaching.com/ list-of-predicates-neuro-linguistic-programming

  Be colourful and sense-centric in your descriptions and notice when your customer to takes over.

www.discovercoaching.com

https://www.facebook.com/dcCorporateSolutions

[davidcervelli]

The 3 Second Rule of Business Communication

Do you know about the 3 second rule? The world’s leading theoretical physicists, brain surgeons and chess champions got together and determined that 3 seconds is exactly how long you have before a dropped donut is no longer good to pick back up and eat.

That’s important to know.

It also happens to be three-quarters of how long it takes for a stranger to make their first internal judgment of you when you first meet. This is just as true in a business communication or sales frame (e.g. networking event, a sales pitch or presentation), as it is in a social environment (e.g. bar, party).

So what if your communication hesitation is costing you donuts / the man or women of your dreams / the next client who will change the trajectory of your life and business forever?

As it turns out, this is the #1 most common trait of excellent sales people and business leadership experts – the ability to act! If there’s an opportunity, they seize it and if there’s a problem, they confront it.

You might be thinking, “well of course I attract more awesome in my life when I act, no sh*t,” but it’s actually cooler than that.

See, the judgement that’s made in the most primal part of our brain is critical. It’s the unconscious equation that determines whether a stimulus (like a new person walking in the room) is worth our attention (is it safe?) or not. 99.9% of stimuli – and people – don’t pass the test because they don’t act with confidence in time.

TRANSLATION: When a prospect (or a donut) sees you hesitate for more than 3 seconds, you are unconsciously put into a compartment of not worth attention. This state of indifference from your client is the biggest hurdle to overcome, and what is costing you the most sales.

And you thought they were just not in the market… ACTION: Apply the 3 second rule in all business communication and personal areas of your life. When you notice someone who you can add value to, or can add value to you – act in under 3 seconds.

Tell us how you go!!

Happy hunting people xo

For more business communication advice, visit our site at www.discovercoaching.com

[davidcervelli]

Friday Freshie - Sales Tip: How Top Influencers Tell Stories.

Ever have the superhero conversation? Of course you have. You know the one: “If I were a superhero, my superpower would be…” then you discuss the merits of each person’s perspective (the correct answer is of course voluntary invisibility, but let’s not get into it). But for super communicators, the super power is STORYTELLING. The best part? You don’t have to be born on Krypton to acquire it.

But first, why is storytelling a super power at all? It’s because of the way our brain works. Our minds (particularly our unconscious ones) are constantly looking for patterns in life. These patterns are to keep us safe (that guy punched himself in the face and it hurt, so I won’t punch myself in the face) and keep us accepted in our communities (no one talks to that weird cat lady, so I better watch how many cats I’m acquiring). And most of all, we look for patterns to make more sense of the world, so as to make our lives more meaningful. This is also why we love reading books or watching movies – we can symbolically connect with another reality while relating to the character traits that take us there. What does this have to do with selling? True masters of communication know that when you are a good storyteller, you can connect deeply with the listener and create unconscious meaning for them, compelling them to take action. Example… I was in a pitch last week and we were talking to a business owner who wanted us to come in and train his team in sales and coach him around his marketing strategy. When we got to the time to commit, he started pulling back saying that he’d like to think about it and get back to us. At this point my partner, with a great deal of poise replies, “Absolutely. You know it’s funny, this reminds me of when we were working with [insert large international competitor in similar industry]. Even though we doubled revenue in the first quarter after working together, we were disappointed that literally a month before we started working together, three other competitors came into the market with a similar product. It’s so funny how timing really is everything, right?” Guess what happened next? OF COURSE HE SIGNED UP! Had anything changed? No! Only the story he heard created an unconscious link between this other client we’d worked with and his own situation. This is also called IMPLICIT selling, allowing a customer come to their own (guided) conclusion that they NEED to be working with you – urgently. Storytelling is a super power because it can be used for anything: building credibility, demonstrating social proof, seeding compliments (“just like you, he was really loved by his employees, so what he did was…”), handling objections etc. There are four key elements to a great story (or anecdote or metaphor) for the purpose of creating action or pitching: 1. Keep it concise – the shorter the better, as long as it gets the point across. 2. Make it clear – there’s nothing worse than a story that the customer doesn’t understand, it makes them feel stupid and you caused that experience. 3. Make it relevant – use characters and elements in the story that actually relate to the customer. If they are a 35-year-old woman wanting to lose weight after pregnancy, don’t make the story about how you helped a 16-year-old athlete prepare for his basketball try-outs. 4. Make one point at a time – coming back to point #2, making super complex, multi-layered comparisons don’t work. Eg. “Have you ever missed a golden opportunity because you took too long to jump on it? Hmmm.” BONUS: 5. Use stories to ‘seed’ other things that will help the customer buy. Trust comes (in part) from your experience and capabilities. Next time a customer asks a question or poses an objection, try beginning your answer with, “that’s a great question! You know I remember when we were working with [insert a big brand you’ve worked with that’s relevant to your customer] and what they found was…” What’s a good story you tell to iterate a point? If you liked this post, let me know below. Have an awesome weekend!!

[davidcervelli]

5 posts!

[davidcervelli]

Nailed it ;) #melbournesunday #bagelhunters (at Bowery to Williamsburg)

[davidcervelli]

Friday Freshie - Business Coaching Tip: It's not what you say that makes you a dick

Ever wondered why “actions speak louder than words”? They do – in fact, they speak 48% louder according to the communication pioneer from the 1960’s, Professor Albert Mehrabian. In his early work, Mehrabian determined that there are three fundamental ways that we communicate messages – through our language patterns (the WORDS we use), through our paralinguistics (the TONALITY we use) and through our body language (our GESTURES and ACTIONS). Have you ever been in conversation with someone who told you something that you immediately didn’t believe? It’s likely you were picking up on a MISMATCH of modalities. For example, if you were to SAY that you’re certain about something, but used an uncertain TONALITY, most people are conditioned to notice it and react by questioning the truth of your postulation. Turns out my wooden-spoon-wielding mother was right when I was a kid – “it’s not what you said, it’s how you said it”. And, of course, body language… If you SAY that you’ll behave in a certain way, then actually BEHAVE in another – which behavior do people believe to be authentically you? So it is with your gestures and actions in conversation. If you SAY that you like my cooking but then spit it out and throw it in the bin, I will probably assume that you’re lying to my face. Rude. When putting together a pitch or compelling argument – be sure to practice all three of these elements. It’s not just about carefully choosing the each and every word (which is absolutely critical for a polished performance that drives results), but also being super aware of the tonality with which you say each word, and the specific genstures that you use to accompany the other two. Mehrabian discovered that there’s a hierarchy of importance when it comes to the three modes of communication: Only 7% of the WORDS we use influence how a person receives a message; Where 38% of the influence comes from the TONALITY or paralinguistics; And 55%(!) of a person’s feelings or attitude toward what your communicating is impacted by your BODY LANGUAGE. NOTE: If there is a mismatch between WHAT you say, HOW you’re saying it and/or HOW you gesticulate or behave – the receiver will always side with the higher influencing communication form. ie: If you SAY you’re really friendly, and you use a super friendly TONALITY, but you do it while kicking a puppy, people will still think you’re a dick. Happy Friday.

[davidcervelli]

Business Coaching Tip:

4 Requirements for ‪#‎Clarity‬ to‪ #Motivate Action and Change

“90% of everything you DON’T have in your life is because of a lack of clarity”

This ‪#‎FridayFreshy‬ is also a ‪#‎FridayFrowback‬ from a recording with DC in a 1-on-2 Sales Manager ‪#‎coaching‬ session.

[davidcervelli]

Hey @aitken_daniel - some people are just born too cool for school #embarrassingphotos #allgrownup #instasperiment #instawillkillproductivitytoday #yolo #imascoolasdan #notusinghashtagscorrectly (at The DC Garage)

[davidcervelli]

Friday Freshie - Sales Tip: Your Fears Become Their Fears.

Someone asked me yesterday – “but what if they just don’t close? I mean, we answer all their questions, send out info on request – then they just disappear.” “Hmmm, “ I said, “and why do YOU think they don’t buy from you?” “Well, it’s probably because they’ve already worked with other people and they don’t want to change.” “A-huh, and what else?” “Most people probably can’t afford to spend another $2000 on marketing.” “Interesting, and do you agree?” “Oh, yeah – I don’t think most people can just FIND another $2000 they haven’t planned for. So how do we handle that objection?” “It seems that it hasn’t happened yet, because it’s not THEIR objection.” **Light bulb moment** One of the most powerful lessons I’ve ever learnt in pitching and presenting is that 90% of the objections that ever come up against in a presentation ACTUALLY COME FROM THE SALESPERSONS THEMSELVES. Another way of saying this is: YOUR objections become YOUR CUSTOMERS’ objections – your FEARS and CONCERNS will become THEIR FEARS and CONCERNS. Imagine what it would be like if you went to take your drivers licence test but were absolutely convinced that you would fail. What would you focus on? The dash? The mirrors? The uncomfortably silent instructor? And what would your brain start to do as you noticed the notes being taken? Would it start to seize up and panic? Focus more on the invisible mistakes your making? Where would your attention go then? And at some point – you prove yourself right. It’s the same in a sales presentation (or any frame of influence for that matter). If you go in FOCUSED on objections, fears and concerns THAT HAVEN’T EVEN BUBBLED UP YET, you’ll eventually make them happen, and you’ll find ‘em. Your brain is an incredibly powerful machine and, without getting all woo-woo here, has immense power to create the reality it wishes to see. Learn to harness this power, be mindful of that INNER GAME and notice most of those “smoke-screen” objections just fade away…