dawnlotus1

[dawnlotus1]

In tears

[dawnlotus1]

*tsk* Gotta hate it when you chip a nail.

[dawnlotus1]

@skittlespizza

brooding men who cannot communicate their feelings if their life depended on it are only hot when they're fictional. if i have to deal with one in real life i will curse him and pray for his downfall every night before i go to bed

[dawnlotus1]

me re-scrolling thru older convos w/ my friends becuase i remember how much i enjoyed talking to them about the subject

[dawnlotus1]

yknow it is easy to joke about tumblr memes wreaking havoc on your vocabulary or whatever but when you are around people who are familiar with them it can be genuinely very useful to have a one-syllable noun meaning "unpopular yet heavily marketed streaming service that is going to inevitably go bankrupt in a year or two holding a show you want to watch hostage in the meantime"

[dawnlotus1]

[dawnlotus1]

im still losing it over the "how did high schoolers write 600 word essays before chatgpt" post. 600 words. that is nothing. that is so few words what do you mean you can't write 600 words. 600 words. this post right here is 45 words.

[dawnlotus1]

I’ve had a tumblr for 4 years what the fuck am I doing with my life 

[dawnlotus1]

thing for a school i dont really want to go toooo but i put my boesy into it anyway in case i cant get into the school i want

[dawnlotus1]

i love characters who do the “i worship the myth i make of you” and in turn dehumanize and get wrong the object of their devotion and love. yes project a thing that does not exist onto a pedestal and kneel at it like it is your altar. this will surely not blow up in both of your faces eventually

[dawnlotus1]

suck, and i cannot stress this enough, my cock to the fucking base

[dawnlotus1]

yisang, part 2

[dawnlotus1]

Classic Rat prank

og comic

[dawnlotus1]

Even now the smoke still stings my eyes a bit

[dawnlotus1]

whys combat and military gear always got to look so fucking cool when the people wearing them just objectively arent. thats unfair

[dawnlotus1]

the psychology of ayin and angela's relationship fascinates me.

how much ayin projected his idea of a woman onto angela is disturbing. even beyond her intentionally provocative figure, it's her nature as a robot with an emotional capacity, someone capable of being so human yet forced to act like what she is physically, a robot. he meant it when he wanted her to just be a machine, a doll, a walking, talking caricature of a person who does what pleases him. the fact he made her based on carmen makes me think angela was supposed to reciprocate his feelings towards carmen at some point. she is endlessly patient, kind, polite; she is extremely efficient, mechanistic, cold and distant. he wanted someone who could just be a toy to him, a distraction from the world around him who was also useful. a woman - always loving, supportive, emotionally available, but never anything more than that. a woman - but not a person.

he has this ever shifting view of angela as a failed legacy of the woman he loved, a cold assistant, a useful machine, but never something he made with his own hands. never his responsibility. never a life that he created, cursed with the capacity to be human, yet never allowed her to be human. from past lover, to assistant, to toy. but to angela, who is no more emotionally or psychologically advanced than a literal child, he's her creator, a father. it's like forcing a toddler to help do your desk job while you berate them over every single mistake and expect better performance from that toddler than your own. and also you make that toddler babysit you when you mess up and comfort you and cheer you up all the time. in some sense it is a bit creepy that he has plastered the image of a lover onto what is, in spirit, a daughter. a lover that he clearly failed to even understand.

[dawnlotus1]

giving increasingly loud sighs as I wait for my crush to ask "what's wrong?" so I can say I'm in a state of depression unless I can touch someone's boobs with no bra