day-by-day-gwen

[day-by-day-gwen]

Good evening (morning?) tumblr,

After almost 2 months of not being active I'm back. With the emergence of the Coronavirus, I thought maybe it's a good idea to start doing this again. It's been rough, and things have honestly gotten worse, socially speaking at least. I understand that my problems aren't exactly the most significant, but I feel the need to speak again. I gave up on this blog for a while because I was scared, and it didn't seem like it was going anywhere but I just looked back on all my old posts and I was going through a rough time undeniably, but now is probably one of the scariest times of my life. For those of you looking back today is March 31st, 2020. We're in the middle of a global pandemic. School's been shut down for almost 3 weeks now and it doesn't look like it'll be opening up again soon. It was hard enough finding people to interact with at school then, I have no clue what I'm going to do now. There are two whole people in this entire town who want to talk to me right now. One of them is psychotic and the other is constantly busy. Of course I don't count my mother in those two. she seems like she'll be the only constant in my entire life, and even that's a stretch seeing as she was neglectful my entire childhood. I love her but she wasn't the best mother when I was young. I say that as if I'm that much older than I was. I'm only 16 but I feel like I'm so much older. I know that's pretty common. I Guess you could just say I'm feeling lost. I'll keep doing my best.

Goodnight Tumblr,

~Gwen~

[day-by-day-gwen]

Day #12

Good evening Tumblr!

Today was Friday TGIF I know, today was long as usual. I switched from having a gym class to going into a second computer science class today because I want to take AP computer science next year and I'd have to wait until my senior year if I didn't take computer science this year. I had an overall average day nothing new nothing old etc etc. We talked about world war II and I got to talk a lot which was fun. I also got to play some songs I liked in band and I think I'm really starting to get the hang of the pieces that we're going to be playing in March. I'm really excited to have that concert cuz all of the songs are really pretty. My favorite is probably Shenandoah by Frank ticheli it's really really pretty, and slow and it's super majestic and it's just literally everything I like about concert band. So needless to say I'm really excited to play it we had anime club yesterday which I forgot to mention and we actually got quite a bit done we settled on doing a movie night for fundraising so that we can go to anime Midwest and while that might take a while and honestly it probably isn't going to happen it's fun to plan things with people I like. I really should interact with the people in that club more they're very nice people maybe they're who I should be friends with. My mom and I went to a restaurant for dinner and then we went out bowling and it was nice to get out the house and stuff even though I really haven't been I feel kind of trapped I probably could do more stuff by myself but I just like don't like confrontation so it's probably not going to happen but you know whatever. at the bowling alley I saw one of my friends from school Maddie she's really not my friend she's actually kind of mean but like in a nice way? I don't really know how to describe her she just kind of like tsundere is the best word I can think of. she like kind of acts like a dick but at the same time she's also like a really good helpful friend so meh. I think that sums up about what happened today.

Good night Tumblr,

~Gwen~

[day-by-day-gwen]

Day #11

Good evening Tumblr!

Today was long as hell, but that's just generally how bdays go at my school. block scheduling can be kind of annoying because instead of classes being like 45 minutes, they're an hour 45 and it's just ugh.I had sociology again today and that was really fun but otherwise classes were just kind of dull I guess. algebra 2 got a little nuts today though because we had a sub and he was actually really cool. We started a group chat so we can play bitmoji games during class, I know it's not the best thing but like it's fun! my quest for new friends has yet to be fruitful and I'm stuck doing stuff with old friends still. That's okay I really didn't dislike my friends I just, wanted to do more stuff and they were unable to. The evening tonight was like kind of a limbo of yuck and ew. I just felt really off in a way and like I had no appetite, and I snapped at my mom a couple times and I feel really bad about it. I think it's just cuz I'm super tired. With that I think I might go to bed.

Good night Tumblr,

~Gwen~

[day-by-day-gwen]

Day #10

Good evening Tumblr!

It's Gwen again, but I think you already knew that. Today was Wednesday yuck bomb hated it. I had a migraine all day and it sucked I basically just sat in my room for 8 hours not allowed to do anything in the dark. It's lonely trust me don't choose to fake that way. If you're going to fake an illness don't fake a migraine because for one most people don't get them regularly and when they do it's hard to get people to believe you that it's as bad as it is. Anyways that's about it

Good night Tumblr,

~Gwen~

[day-by-day-gwen]

Day #9

Good evening Tumblr!

Today was not today, lol I may or may not have forgotten to do the past 3 days! so I'm going to do all of them now on Thursday even though this post specifically is for Tuesday. So on Tuesday, not much happened. We started a new unit in math, I had my first day of sociology and loved it by the way, and we start a new unit in bio too. Overall not too bad of a day just kind of long. That's pretty much how school goes nowadays

Good night Tumblr,

~Gwen~

[day-by-day-gwen]

Day #8

Good evening Tumblr!

Today felt way longer than it actually was. I had gym today for the first time this year and let's just say I can't feel my legs, LOL. I'm so tired it's not even funny. I'm like about to pass out as I'm writing us, he he. so today I'm using vocal recognition instead of typing everything out so I don't have to move too much. Today was the first day of the new semester and I like my new classes but I wish I still had my old schedule.

Goodnight Tumblr,

~Gwen~

[day-by-day-gwen]

Day #7

Good evening Tumblr,

Today was stupidly short. I just ended up cleaning the house and ate dinner and then went to bed. Nothing productive happened and honestly that's okay. this weekend has been so relaxing it just makes me want to never go back to school. and to answer your questions no I'm not going to drop out, lol.

That's it for tonight Tumblr,

~Gwen~

[day-by-day-gwen]

Day #6

Good Evening Tumblr!

Today was full but fun! First I got to sleep in which it was really nice, then my mom and I went shopping in a bigger city near us, then I spent the night relaxing until my aunt and uncle came over to visit our new apartment! It was nice to have a day that was kind of laid back and not really planned. I think my room is finally finished decorated. I mean I could use a couple more posters and I miss the plaques of the things that I worked on but otherwise it's as done as it's going to get. I'm really starting to feel like this is a home just a place I live. I'm working on a project that I think most of you will like. I call it the Deus de Terra and it kind of came from a dream which was funny. like it started off as just a weird dream but now it's a fully-fledged project that I'm thinking of making a full 3 minute animation of. So yeah I'll share if you guys want.

Goodnight Tumblr,

~Gwen~

[day-by-day-gwen]

Day #5

Good evening, Tumblr!

Today I didn't have school since it was the end of exams week. Today was super chill and it was nice to take a break to relax. I got basically nothing done today but I don't really mind. I clean my room a little bit but it still looks pretty bad. I played a ton of league of legends today. I had the best lunch. it was a baked potato with cheddar cheese and bacon bits and it was just really good. Like I know it's super simple and super bad for me but I loved it anyways. Honestly I think the small things in life are really butts what really makes life worth it. Not much happened other than that so I'm going to say goodnight early.

Goodnight Tumblr,

~Gwen~

[day-by-day-gwen]

Day #4

Good evening Tumblr!

Today was hard! I had two more exams, but the catch was they were my hardest exams. First step was my biology exam and I thought I was going to do worse than I did but I did actually okay. Then my algebra exam, algebra 2 to be exact. Man was that hard. I've been struggling with all the road this year and it's just ugh. I ended up having to come in during my study hall the finish it which most people can't do but I have a 504 plan so I was allowed to. I honestly thought I was going to do worse than I did but I think it turned out okay. the league of legends first week match was today, it went bad. we lost within 20 minutes, which a normal league of legends round lasts like 50 minutes so, they kicked our butts. Not much else other than that happened today so I think I'll end it there.

Goodnight Tumblr,

~Gwen~

[day-by-day-gwen]

Day #3

Good Evening, Tumblr!

Today I took two exams! My first being computer science, and my second being intro to painting. I am very tired so this is gonna be short... like nothing happened of interest, so

Goodnight Tumblr,

~Gwen~

[day-by-day-gwen]

gifs for the vent post I just made

[day-by-day-gwen]

a clear up

daily diaries are, well, daily

vents are NOT

they are for when i feel crappy and i want to vent 

goodnight for real,

~gwen~

[day-by-day-gwen]

Vent #1

I really just genuinely hate my father. He’s changed my life in like, the worst possible way. People ask if I miss him and I reply with a resounding hell no, but it seems like people don’t realize how bad it really was... Sometimes I wonder if people believe me, even when I’m telling the truth. I really just want to be normal and stuff, but my past seems to make it impossible. my present makes it seem impossible. the future i want is so far out of grasp and the fear that I won’t be in the position I need is paralyzing. I’m really tired of seizing up every time im around a tall, bigger man. I feel lost, I guess. I have to triple check doors, I have to lock all possible areas, I miss not worrying about stuff like that. Take me back to when I was pure, a girl scout cookie, a brand new eraser... Nostalgia is paralyzing, because when i try to go back to the things that made me happy, it doesn't work... remember minecraft roleplay? on edawg878 the creative server, when we used to put “I   P R E F E R   F A N T A” under ‘crush’? remember being jealous of those kids who’s parents had the money to pay for a membership? jealous that they could do colored signs, that they could have multiple plots? now I’m jealous of people who’s life always is in color (metaphorically, of course). I’m Jealous of people who have people other than those obligated to that care. I miss genuine excitement, and when I cry it’s not for what I’ve gone through, it’s for the loss of innocence, the loss of normalcy, and the loss of childhood and blissful ignorance.

sincerely,

~gwen~(feeling small, so small letters.)

[day-by-day-gwen]

Day #2

Good Evening Tumblr!

Today I took another final, a test and learned that we have no school on Friday! I also won a match with my LoL(League of Legends) team (I play on the JV league team).  It wasn’t against another time but that’s ok, seeing as I don’t expect to actually play against another team unless someone’s sick or something (I’m pretty low level and I joined late :/). I thought a lot today about why I didn’t get into this foreign exchange thing I applied for, and came to the conclusion that it was probably because I have anxiety problems I take medication for. It really pisses me off because if my dad wasn’t so horrible to me, I might be normal enough to go to Korea. Bad way of thinking, I know, but still. I’m just kinda tired of finding things my dad screwed up for me. I’ll be okay, but today was hard emotionally...

Goodnight tumblr,

~Gwen~

[day-by-day-gwen]

Day #1

Good evening Tumblr, 

Today was a little hard. It’s the beginning of finals week at my school, but newsflash! Since I was sick half of last week, I totally forgot. :/ I walked into first hour and BAM! US History exam. T-T... Pray for me tumblr, lol. I had therapy today and took my medicine, a shower and some time to make this blog :D. I also realized I should probably think about expanding my social circle. My friends are great, but they don’t get out much, and my therapist Amanda (Trust me she’ll be a reoccurring character) said it’s important for me to rediscover having a social life. Sooooo yeah, more friends needed for constant social interaction. Anyways, it’s getting late and I should go to bed!

Goodnight Tumblr, 

~Gwen~

[day-by-day-gwen]

New Blog

Hi! My name is Gwen and I’m trying to make a diary to recover the best way I know how; online! I plan to post everyday, but we’ll see how that goes. I will update the cat and dog pictures weekly and stuff. Feel free to ask me stuff, and I’ll do my best to answer. :D