daydreamingvictim

[daydreamingvictim]

I feel so pretty at this moment of the day

[daydreamingvictim]

[daydreamingvictim]

I’m having anxiety attacks because of school and then i don’t study 😞

[daydreamingvictim]

[daydreamingvictim]

[daydreamingvictim]

[daydreamingvictim]

[daydreamingvictim]

◟♡ Daydreaming 24/7

[daydreamingvictim]

"I want a loser gf" until I lay in my room all day, have 2 friends, socially awkward and extremely clingy

[daydreamingvictim]

lowkey mood recently

[daydreamingvictim]

[daydreamingvictim]

[daydreamingvictim]

It’ll be ok tho

[daydreamingvictim]

I feel too much, too hard, too deeply

And I feel like people don’t feel at all

[daydreamingvictim]

𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐫, 𝐈 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐝𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐞. ❀

It’s gonna be kinda long and probably hard to understand, so sorry in advance ❣︎

Since September, I only hang out with two girls at school, that I already knew before from middle school. One of these two friends is in my class, and she is depressed since 7th grade (important for the story). In class I only sit next to her and talk to her because we only know each other.

At first, I wanted to talk to the other girls in our class because they seemed very nice and I wanted to make new friends. But the friend that I already have, forbidden me to talk to the other girls. At first I was shocked, how could she told me what to do ? Why would she believe that she has the power to dictate my life ? But then, she told me that she was uncomfortable with talking to them because of her depression and some anxiety.

Of course, I stayed with her, because I felt really bad because I know she struggles and I don’t want to leave her for some girls I don’t even know yet.

(Little precision, we are in the same class, but we have some lessons where we are in different groups)

Around December, I still only barely knew the people in my class, and I was waiting for my only friend during the pause, and she wasn’t coming, so I texted her, and she told me she wants to stay with her friends, and I was like “What friends???”. She always told me she did not want to meet or talk to the people in our class, and she also guilt-trapped me into only staying with her, and now she forgets me and stays with her new friends ?

So, of course I was a little mad and stopped talking to her until the end of the week. I started to talk more to the girls in my class, but they all kinda ignored me, because OF COURSE, they are all already friends with each other and I’m the only one who isn’t. Because I only stayed with that one friend I am now categorized as one of the “weird girls” and it is impossible for me to become friends with the other girls.

Now, some weeks ago, my friend went to the psychologist and psychiatrist (she usually misses one hour of school in the morning and comes back in the afternoon), and right before the time she was supposed to come back, she texted me that she would not go to school this afternoon, and I was a little annoyed (she is the type of the girl who’s parents always allow her to stay home because she’s too lazy to go to school (she said it herself)), but I still asked her why, and she said it was because her psychiatrist and psychologist decided that she was too dangerous for herself.

When she told me that I was extremely scared for her, because I know she already hurt herself in the past, and she went through a hard breakup. I also felt like the most horrible person in the world because I always talked badly about her.

They are trying a new medicine on her, and now she hasn’t been to school for two weeks. What I am going to say is horrible, but I haven’t felt this good in a long time. When she was at school, we would only talk about her depression and how she hates everything and everyone and how her breakup was horrible etc, and when I tried to speak about something funny to cheer her up, something that happened to me or something personal she would always ignore me and change the subject. The last two weeks were so great, I started to talk to other people and hang out with them, I stopped feeling negative all the time, and even found myself prettier (which I haven’t in a long time).

I talked about the whole situation to my mom, and she told me that I was an emotion sponge, when I stay with negative persons (that friend), I am sad and negative, but when I stay with positive people (the girls in my class, who only make jokes and want to have fun), I am happier and more positive.

Now, I don’t really now what to do or how to feel, because my friend clearly needs help, and I have tried to help her, but her depression is also affecting me and I just can’t handle it anymore. I know that I can’t leave her because I am scared her mental state would get worse, but at the same time, I really want to talk to new people, make new friends and stay in this positive bubble I have been in for the last two weeks.

She is coming back on Monday, and I am probably going to stay with her, but I don’t want to become sad again.

Am I a horrible person for thinking that about my friend ? If so, what can I do to be a better friend and help her with her depression without being sad myself ? Should I slowly start to hang out with different persons and leave her with her new friends ?

[daydreamingvictim]

why are men so self conscious about their height when there are so many more important flaws to be self conscious about like the lack of emotional intelligence

[daydreamingvictim]

If anybody sees this I hope you’re having a happy Christmas !