dazaikida-archive - Tumblr blog

[dazaikida-archive]

IMPORTANT!

this blog will be an archive! any new writing will be in @vanitas-no-requiem!

this is me writing from a back up account!

[dazaikida-archive]

Fandom: Elsword

Pairing: N/A

Word count: 292

Notes: based on my own salt.

There’s something to being inferior.

It makes him absolutely angry, being beaten at something, when he was supposed to be the best.

Mastermind contemplates silently in his lab, being unable to live with the fact that even Lusa can surpass what he is confident about. Lusa’s newly-made drone managed to overwhelm the inventor’s destruction capability without breaking down.

And he wants to strike that fact down( to strike down his envy that someone did something so great after nearly no experience ).

Mastermind goes back to the dungeon the next day, mood more tense than the last time. He can’t lose.

He won’t lose.

He speeds through the hallways, ordering his dynamos to hunt down every target in sight, to lock on target and destroy.

But again, Lusa beat him to it.

The small plasma balls stroke fast, zipping through the air and nearly missing the mastermind’s drones.

Something is lit inside Mastermind’s head.

Envy. Anger. Frustration-

Hate.

Mastermind smashes yet another incomplete prototype, stomping on it harshly even though it was already in shambles. That same feeling he felt earlier in the dungeon when Lusa surpassed him. After (begrudgingly) asking for Lusa’s blueprints-

They were in nearly the same format as his.

Lusa was catching up too quick.

And then the ache under his eyes and the lump in his throat slowly comes.

Mastermind is pathetic.

Absolutely pathetic, he was just all talk after all.

The field he claimed to specialize in, someone who was simple-minded managed to overpass him.

The inventor collapsed next to his desk, eyes blank in disbelief. His hand clung to the edge, gripping too tight into numbness.

He’s pathetic.

Useless.

Bashful when he can’t do a thing.

Without his knowing, the floor slowly gets wet with tears.

[dazaikida-archive]

stressed out

Fandom: elsword

Pairings: DLLP, RGMM, CielDE (cieladd in all)

Word count: 526

Notes: pure fluff. whaT A SURPRIS E

Lukas doesn't pass out from work. At least not anymore.

Well, if he counts fighting all the time as work, Drake could say that Lukas passes out all the time.

In that case, he would lift the psyker over his shoulders and grumpily carry him back to their shared home with Lu, quite literally dropping the boy on his bed. He's passed out, so he wouldn't mind the harsh treatment, right? Drake is too lazy to look into that matter for now. He drapes the covers over the unconscious boy, surprisingly gentle, opposite to his actions before.

And then Drake would slip in a small smile and his head would shake slightly, sighing as he left the room will Lu's demand for yet another batch of cookies.

Does Mallory pass out? Definitely. Every time Rodolphus enters his room, he would find him researching again. He would silently ask for another coffee, although the Royal Guard already knows that and comes over to set the tray down, sugar and cream sorted neatly on the tray. Then the scientist would pick up the cup, silently mutter a 'thank you' with eyes still stuck to the screen.

Though he does close his eyes, savoring the taste of the drink. That leaves a small smile on the half-demon's without failure.

But when Mal passes out, it's at the most bizarre times of the day. In the afternoon, when Rod would bring him snacks. At noon, when he calls the boy for lunch. Sometimes even when Rod enters the room, Mal slumps violently against the tablet, screens shutting down and dynamos following suit. It is an inglorious sight, as pens and rolled-up papers slide off the desktop. The royal guard doesn't mind, and he picks up the mastermind in a bridal carry, gently setting down the delicate body onto the bed.

And then Rodolphus would leave to make hot chocolate for when his lover wakes up, closing the door softly behind him.

Ciel opened the door to a passed-out-Dietrich.

One arm was hanging off the table, one curled up over the slim boy's head, even lightly gripping his hair.

It's...a heartbreaking sight. Ciel was not expecting to see this when he came up to call Dietrich down for dinner. The boy in question flinched, whimpering for a slight moment before settling down again. Is he just sleeping?...

No matter. Ciel isn't as cruel to wake up the time traveler just for food. The boy needs the rest. He softly picks up Dietrich like a baby, and as if on instinct the unconscious boy curled up in his arms, relaxing again on the bed. Ciel was about to leave the room until a small voice called to him.

"Ciel?...Ngh..."

He turned around, seeing the esper's eyes open by a hair's width before closing them again.

"Come here with me...I'm not sleeping well..."

The fact that Dietrich wasn't sleeping well is an obvious fact. Ciel sheds his coat and climbs onto the bed with Dietrich, embracing him. He plants a kiss on the half-asleep boy, and closes his eyes.

The boy deserves it, after all.

[dazaikida-archive]

rough

Fandom: Elsword

Pairing: LPDE

Word count: 611

Notes: blood tw, injury tw, bordering nsfw

also @3add pay up

my writing skills basically went to hell

"You're not going anywhere."

Lusa's voice came from the doorway of Esper's lab, firm and strong. But to the time traveler it meant nothing. He silently tears open yet another portal, the air around him ripples violently from the haste.

"What. Th'fuck. do y' think you're doin'.”

And that voice calls out again, except this time he doesn't hesitate to continue what he's doing. Esper was halfway into the portal until pure, brute force knocked him to the side, pinning him to the wall. And then it's Lusa's eyes looking into his, bright and narrowed. Esper instinctively grabbed at the firm hold on his shoulders, desperately trying to pry it off. The low growls that makes its way out of his throat are nowhere near to quiet.

"Listen to me, ya fuck."

Only now did the time traveler look back at the brawler himself, glaring at the other boy through his blackening eyes. Lusa's lopsided smirk full of teeth makes Esper growl even more, and this time he wills his dynamos behind Lusa. The wet feeling on his back goes unnoticed.

"Let me go."

Esper snarls, and started channeling electricity into the machinery. His look overfills with spite and annoyance, sclerae completely black by now. No matter the thrashing and kicking he did, Lusa refuses to let go.The psyker is really pushing the limits.

"Ya shut up, I ain't letting ya go soon like this."

Esper wills the dynamos to impale Lusa, but instead the grip on his shoulders was released and he quickly loses the feeling of the dynamos connected to him. It takes him a second to realize that Lusa shattered all the 6 pieces of machinery, and has now moved on to pinning the time traveller against the floor. Another dull pain erupted on his already-aching shoulders from the impact against the wall earlier. That's sure to leave a bruise.

"You don't know what giving up is, do you?"

Esper didn't notice that his throat hurt when he spoke. He throws a few glances back to the wall, and his eyes widen in shock as he realized the black smeared on it was his blood. Now Esper's eyes are full of rage, and he compresses the air around his hands. Esper struck faster then Lusa expected, the gravity spheres homing on the brawler's back. In the moment of confusion, Esper slipped out and nearly made it to the next portal but to his surprise, Lusa tackled him again and he yelped as he fell on the floor once more.

And Lusa's movements were rough, wild, uncontrolled. A strange wild light glinted in his widened eyes, and a maniacal laugh erupted from the psyker. That did nothing but make the esper's glare intensify even more. Gritting his teeth, he struggled once more. In an instant, he felt Lusa's dynamos pin down his clothes, rooting Esper further into the locked position.

"Ya sure don't like things easy, huh?"

Lusa taunted, his grin growing even wider( was it even possible to do so?). Another round of laughter, and his eyes narrowed at his counterpart below him. His Nasod eye emitted a dim glow, sparking with small bolts of electricity.

"Then sure. We can 'ave it rough."

And then Esper felt Lusa's lips ram into his own, tongue prodding around in the inner walls of his mouth. The kiss was messy, rough, so like Lusa. But the time traveller decided that he wasn't dealing with his counterpart's bullshit today. Esper sank his shark-like teeth into Lusa's bottom lip, forcing the brawler to draw away. Gasping for air, both their expressions twisting into a smirk.

This isn't going down smooth.

[dazaikida-archive]

We met around September last year.

I joined in the conversation the other three were having, basically crashed the party. Introduced myself, starting off shy and contributing ideas and such.

Then I got “adopted” into the “family”, as the youngest child(quite literally).

Lexa, the older brother. Easy to angry, challenging to talk with. Really fun ideas, I loved talking to him.

Era, the father. She was a kind person, a really doting figure. I really looked up to her. She wrote well, drew amazing pictures, really mature and can organize everything out. She was my idol.

And lastly, Chomi, the mother. She brought everyone together, and a really, really fun person. She is caring too, also has amazing ideas. Can also be a really naughty person too. I was closest to her.

And maybe I’m taking this too seriously, but who knows?

It was a great time. We shared life stories, problems, and comfort. I loved being with them.

…

But good things disappear too soon.

Things started breaking apart. From the fandom, from the environment, from real life issues, and what ended it all was…me.

Haha, I /really/ had to say everything on my mind. I trust too much.

Lexa was the one who left first. It was heartbreaking and I’m still grieving over it now.

Then it was Era. She left the fandom, but still in a very gentle manner.

…And there’s Chomi. In Chomi’s case…it…really drove me to write this. She’s still in the fandom, but…somewhere I can’t reach. Somewhere with a better person. I still can’t help but feel envious, pathetic, and can’t help feeling like every attempt that I try to get her attention it was…not a topic I was comfortable about. I only eant to her these days, and even that’s changed.

I can’t help but feel like a burden.

She’s in a better place. They’re all in a better place.

And I’m left here.

Alone.

I’m overreacting. People change. Even I changed by a tenfold, and I should accept that fact. Nothing will stay for forever.

I’m-

Lonely. I really am.

Even with new friends surrounding me, I still cannot trust them like I trust you guys. I miss you. Sometimes I don’t even look at the fragments of our past, afraid of nostalgia overtaking me and making me angry and pissed off.

Gosh, I don’t even want to say anything anymore.

It’s too lonely.

[dazaikida-archive]

someone save these angry children @3add your convo with tricks yesterday inspired this now pay for your sins

[dazaikida-archive]

industrial disease

Fandom: Elsword

Characters: Base Raven, Base Add

Pairings: RavenAdd if you squint

Word count: 333

Notes: something that is not add omG im so pRouD

inspired from quest logs

The lights from the city glared at him from below, casting soft highlights on his tanned, scarred skin. Raven's hair shook softly with the night's breeze. Golden eyes unfocused, lost in thought and staring into space. Suddenly the door on the rooftop creaked open. It slammed again, and footsteps came to him, but slowed down before the figure finally sat down beside the veteran.

"Never thought there would be someone here at this time," the figure - who revealed to be Add - spoke. The white haired boy was still in his usual clothes, although they seem more ruffled from the time the search party had dinner together. His hair was in a disarray like usual, but the eyebags he had seemed to be darker, worn out from insomnia.

"The technology in this city, it's far more advanced from the others," Add lets out a small laugh, "to think of Nasod technology and how it advances in the future..."

"It'll be...disgusting." The raven haired mercenary shook his head. With this cursed Nasod arm, the race itself seems to be a terrifying memory. Something that cannot be controlled. After a small moment of silence, a disheartened sigh came from the tracer beside him. And in that moment, a defeated smile, a gentle grin, crossed the boy's face. Such was a sight so rare, it surprised Raven to see such a thing coming from Add.

"...I can't say any different either."

It was quite a shock. Seeing Add, a boy so obsessed with Nasod machinery say that, it numbs out Raven's mind for a while. The sound of fabric softly ruffling brought him back, and his eyes naturally looked towards the source of the noise.

"I'll be leaving now," the tracer scowled, "follow me and don't be surprised if your arm gets chopped off for research."

Raven found the boy's words funny, and let slip a small chuckle. The door slammed behind him, echoing across the windy rooftop.

He supposes he should have some rest too.

[dazaikida-archive]

I wish you would write a fic where TTr uses portals for the first time, but his balance is so bad that he keeps tripping/falling over himself.

word count: 365

Time has no idea how many times he had to revise the force that his portals throw him out with. Stumbling his feet - and almost falling over on his face - he lands roughly in his room again. By now it became purely irritating how he still can’t control the factors after ten or so times of experimenting.

He has to get it right. Or else there would be harsh consequences, from what he has heard from Glave. Brushing out his clothes, he goes over to his desk and starts on another code.

He’s stupid. How could he leave a variable that could be the difference between life and death be corrupted? Time reminds himself to go over the code again later for avoidance of future accidents.

Time’s consciousness is pulled back into reality as a sharp piece of debris hurled at him and nearly impaled his ear before he swerved to dodge it. The dynamos supporting him nearly slid off the figure on them, Time hurriedly recomposes himself for another chunk of rock.

And then it was too many shards of space itself hurling at him, moving through them and dodging at the same time became too hard to navigate. The circular shape of Time’s machinery rolled his feet forward and-

He was falling. The distorted gravity of the unknown crack between dimensions squeezed his organs between the edges, inside the field they were pulled harshly to one side.

It makes him nauseous, and the dynamos take way too long to respond. When they reach him, a shard graves the corner of his left eye, and his nerves scream out in pain. Getting to the other end seemed a million years away - and Time still confuses himself thinking about how it works - but he ripped open another portal, dropped out with a pained groan on the floor of his lab again.

Damn it, he still needs to work on his balance.

Another wave of pain snaps him back to his eye, clutching the cut at the edge. It hurts, yet he can’t move from the floor to treat it.

Never he goes in unprepared again.

But that would be to slow, wouldn’t it be?

((( apologies for bad writing!! all i’ve done these days are academic writings so my writing skills are down but i was in the zone™ so managed to push through!! i legit jumped off my bench and rolled on the floor when i saw this is in my inbox )))

[dazaikida-archive]

Send me an anonymous ask completing the sentence "I wish you would write a fic where..."

[dazaikida-archive]

drabbles: send me characters and a prompt

Leave a “Amuse Me” in my ask, and I will write a funny drabble about one character trying to cheer another up.

Leave a “Break Me” in my ask, and I will write an angsty drabble.

Leave a “Call Me” in my ask, and I will write a drabble about one character asking for another [be it at the brink of death/in a battlefield/knocking on the front door wounded, feel free to specify.]

Leave a “Drink Me” in my ask, and I will write a drabble about characters drinking, alone or with each other.

Leave a “Enamor Me” in my ask, and I will write a fluffy drabble characters trying to woo one another [be it out of the blue/Valentines Day, feel free to specify.]

Leave a “Fight Me” in my ask, and I will write a drabble out one character fighting with/or against another.

Leave a “Get Me” in my ask, and I will write a drabble about one character saving another.

Leave a “Haunt Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about one character watching over another [as a ghost, watching from a distance, or otherwise, feel free to specify.]

Leave a “Invite Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about one character asking another character to join them.

Leave a “Join Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about one character giving another character an offer [be it a proposal for an alliance, asking them to join them in an activity, feel free to specify.]

Leave a “Kill Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about one character killing another.

Leave a “Love Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a fluffy drabble about two (or more) characters.

Leave a “Mourn Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about one character mourning another character’s death.

Leave a “Nurse Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about one character healing another.

Leave a “Offer Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about one character giving another a gift.

Leave a “Paint Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about one character drawing a picture of another [like one of your french girls~ be it painting them or drawing them, maybe offering a picture of them as a gift, feel free to specify.]

Leave a “Quiet Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about one character trying to calm another down [be it from crying, from lashing out, feel free to specify.]

Leave a “Remember Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about one character trying to get another to remember them [be it from an accident, meeting them after years apart, feel free to specify.]

Leave a “Tell Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about one character confessing something to another [be it a love confession, a secret, feel free to specify.]

Leave a “Unbind Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about one character freeing another, or the other way around, or something among the lines [be it freeing them from jail, from handcuffs, from a trap, from a curse, feel free to specify.]

Leave a “Value Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about one character telling another how they feel about them.

Leave a “Wed Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about a character under the subject of wedlock [be it characters proposing to or marrying another, feel free to specify.]

Leave a “X Me” in my ask, and I will write whatever it is that you wish, [specify.]

Leave an “Yahoo Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about the specified characters celebrating something [feel free to specify.]

Leave an “Zip Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about one character dressing another, or the other way around [this can also be used for shutting them up as well, but feel free to specify.]

[dazaikida-archive]

NEGATIVE TW LIKE EXTREME NEGATIVE TW HERE

word count: 273

notes: stress writing man

“Why can’t you do anything right?!”

[ he ] was angry at him.

Bad.

“You can’t even bring your mother back! What a disgrace you are to her.”

No, stop it. His mother will never hate him….

Will she?

Esper curled up tighter into the ball he already is, if it was physically possible to do so. The shadow of [ him ] casted over him with light coming from the hallway behind him. He was afraid. Too afraid. After all, this isn’t real, right? It’s just his paranoia-

Right?

Yet why are his disgusting, loatheful black tears falling down in torrents? Why is he clawing at his head like it would block the screeches directed at him? Why did he care if it was just his imagination? Why? Why, Why, why why whywhywhywhywhy-

“You’re an ugly creature.”

He broke. His incoherent mumbling grew into screams, desperate to block out the words thrown at him. He’s had enough, his pathetic life is enough, his existence is enough, his pain is enough. Why was Esper the receiving end of the stick? Not just a stick, a knife. A venomous knife aimed straight at his core, at his heart, at his mind, and all the securities he barely held onto.

[ He ] ignored him, left Esper for his own defenses when he sure knows how frail Esper was, not even knowing how to take a break. Yes here [ he ] was, yelling at him how he can’t fend for himself, how he can’t help with anything but drag the household down.

It’s painful, it hurts him inside.

It pains his heart, if he has one that is.

He wants to die.

[dazaikida-archive]

Fanfic Day Meme

I thought along with Fanfic Rec Day it’d be a good idea to start up an ask meme for writers so they can gush about writing and words and everyone can have a platform to ask writers some burning questions about their work.

Be proud and spread word about your hard work all around, writers! Today’s a day for all of us to appreciate you and your efforts : ) 

What is your favorite fic you have under your belt?

What is your favorite snippet of dialogue?

What inspired [insert fic]?

Do you prefer writing long or short fics?

What’s your favorite headcanon you use in fics?

What’s the detail you wait on bated breath for readers to notice?

How much do you like symbolism in your fics?

How often do people catch onto your little details?

What’s the fic you like the least?

What would you change if you had it all to do again?

What’s a fanfic idea you haven’t done yet?

What’s the hardest thing to write for you?

Do you have a favorite character to write for?

What’s your favorite shipping fic you’ve written? Favorite gen fic?

Give us a snippet of something from your WiPs!

[dazaikida-archive]

the way it is

[dazaikida-archive]

An open note to readers of fanfic

Sometimes I stare at the computer screen when the words don’t want to come and I think, “Fuck, who am I kidding? This is terrible writing, and this story is shit, and no one cares, anyway.“  And I close the window and go do something else.

But every now and then I get an amazing, heartfelt, beautiful comment from someone who loved something I wrote, and it reminds me that, at least for that one person, I did write something worthwhile. And so I open the window again and I write one sentence, and then another, and then I start to find my way again.

So on behalf of all fanfic writers everywhere, I want to say thank you, thank you so much, to all of the readers who take the time to leave a comment and tell us that something we wrote mattered to you, that it brightened your day or made you laugh or cry or get horny or whatever.

Please don’t think we’re ever bothered by your comment, or that we don’t want to hear it, or that what you have to say isn’t important enough. It means so, so much. And on some days, it’s what keeps us going.

[dazaikida-archive]

transmitting signals

Fandom: Elsword

Pairing: tracercest (if you squint maybe)

Word Count: 787

None of them knew what was happening to each other at first.

Sure, there were changes in their appearance, but the way they acted....Those were left unnoticed. All the tracers are almost 19 now, and surely moving on from their tracer days. But the name stuck, those short titles that held so much meaning to each of them.

Psych wonders if one day those precious things will be lost.

He was always taking care of the other two tracers now, they keep shutting themselves away in their rooms. He’s concerned about how Arc always take an unusually large amount of caffeine around bedtime, then retreat back into his lab. He should also get a new shirt too, his dark purple one looks like it’s tight. Hair pulled up into a ponytail Psych isn’t sure if it’s a stylistic choice or he doesn’t have the time to cut it ( or simply too lazy ). Arc also got rid of his old puffy coat and moved on to a more regal and noble-looking overcoat.

It could be just him, but.... Arc seems like he doesn’t care about Psych and Time anymore. The only times that they ever talked to each other was those groggy mornings at the dining table sharing breakfast over small talk. Those times were silent, too. Arc had a cold air around him, making Psych wary of even approaching the young researcher.

Psych can notice himself changing too.

His leather jacket was discarded, and many regrets stayed behind from all the memories with the poor battered old thing. He changed into a purple shirt instead under the vest, and has taken a liking to spiking his hair up straight like blades. More armor donned his body, helping with the plasma’ s conductivity through his attacks. Psych also took the tag from his collar off.

But the common concern shared between Arc and Psych is...Time.

There were no signs of him, and the food left outside his door had to be trashed so many times when it was found untouched for hours. It had been weeks, even months since the last time they had seen the time traveller. Late night when Arc went out for coffee refills, he heard muffled screaming and the sound of something clawing at the floor. Time’s doors never opened to the light of the rest of the house and none emitted from the room itself. Other times it was deadly quiet.

Why? They don’t know.

He can’t believe it.

Or rather, he refuses to believe it.

Both his eyes...they’re black. Did he not notice it? What was he doing that nulled out the pain that usually came with every wave of toxin?

Oh, right. Researching.

Time chugged down another vial of medicine, desperate to push back the toxins once more. He checked the mirror and thank the Lady El it worked. He blinked away the cold after-taste of the substance, feel it sinking into his systems. He opened his eyes again to the sight of His left eye blackened again.

“Tch.”

His tongue clicked in annoyance, that never went away no matter what. Time wraps his ever so familiar eye-patch around his head once more and stepped through another portal.

Time discovers one day that what he did can’t be reversed.

Can he even call himself “Time” anymore? He chuckled at the thought.

His eyepatch still remains on, covering only one of his disgusting pair of eyes. All the vials that contained useless “medicine” were emptied long ago in a rush to whiten whatever he could.

He proceeded to shut himself in after wards. Diving head-first into equations and portals alike, his armor changing according to the conditions he went through each time. He comes to be unaffected by the sting in his eyes from overwork, but never the pain that comes with every time jump. The toxins seeped in at an ever faster rate, infecting every part of his body. Every time he reached his lab again, he clawed at the ground, at his own skin, at anything that could possibly relieve himself from the pain.

It’s never enough.

“Time?”

He doesn’t register the name. It felt so foreign from that voice, that voice from long ago. Too long ago. He realizes that “Psych” is calling him after several minutes of digging through his memories.

“...What is it?”

Psych seems very surprised at his response. He didn’t even turn around to face him while answering.

“I’m not ‘Time’ anymore, Psych.”

Saying the other “tracer’s” name felt so foreign rolling off his tongue. He knew that Psych someday will change too.

“What do you mean?-”

The black-clad time traveller finally turned around.

“Nice to meet you, Psych. The name’s Esper.”

[dazaikida-archive]

things to relate to

Fandom: Elsword

Pairings: LPDE

Category: flangst / hurt and comfort

Word Count: 349

“Esper, you should go to sleep for now.”

 "Like hell I would, Lusa. I’ve got things to finish.“

 ”…Fine, I’ll leave you be.“

 ”…“ 

 "Esper, you should go to sleep for now." 

 He felt like he has heard these words before, long ago. Probably when he was still hopeful. The silence between them is awkward, each other waiting for a response. Finally Esper broke the ice forming between them. 

 "Might as well do so, I’m tired." 

 The brawler was taken aback by this. Since when was Esper this ready to put away his work? A few years ago, when he said these exact same lines he received a blatant refusal. Now the boy seemed so tired, and his movements were lazy. He shut off his screens along with the dynamos, placing them carefully on the table. It was not until they were both snuggled under the warm covers of their bed did they start to talk again. 

 "Lusa, do you ever feel like everything you did was useless?" 

 The brawler turned around to face Esper. His face was blank, eyes unfocused. Lusa reached a hand out to brush a stray strand of hair from the time traveller’s face. He pulls the other closer, and their eyes don’t meet. 

 "Yes…”

 It was small, breathed out between barely open lips. Lusa felt a slight shift from the boy in his arms. 

 "But Lusa, you’re so good at everything.“

 "Nobody can be that good, Esper, not even the El lady or Mastermind." 

 Lusa sniffs. What? He felt like crying? He was supposed to be the one that was comforting Esper, not the other way around! But Esper shook in his arms, and it seems like his tears wetted Lusa’s shirt. 

 "I’ve failed so many times, I can’t do this Lusa, I can’t accomplish what anyone set out for me Lusa, I can’t! I can’t stand this-" 

 "Esper, shhh.”

 Lusa realizes that he’s crying too. The tears rolls down his cheeks slowly, welling up at the edges of his eyes. He pulls Esper in even closer. 

 "I’m like that too, Esper. You’re not alone.“

[dazaikida-archive]

ashes to ashes

A/N: @filoshiraeth :^))))))

also, this is a branch to the nasod apo fic previously written by mm/filoshiraeth, it would be cool to check that out before reading this!

Pairing: N/A

Category: i dont even know man angst???

rating: T, death mention, suicide mention

WC: 403

“Master, please end my existence.”

The words that Apocalypse breathed out were quiet, quick, as if it weren’t there if one didn’t pay attention. But the Mastermind trained his eyes down at the nasod’s dull magenta eyes. Lady El, he barely saw them at this point even, due to the small machine looking down on the floor. His ears didn’t twitch whenever he stays still anymore, and they look like they were attached to his head if one didn’t look closely. 

“Apocalypse, what are you saying-”

“Master, I know that you can differentiate threats and allies.”

What was Apocalypse saying? He doesn’t understand. Did the Mastermind do anything wrong? Did he hurt the nasod? He doesn’t understand any of this! Was he treating Apocalypse badly(although he knows currently it was the other way ‘round)? He curses himself for the lack of his social skills.

Apocalypse, on the other hand, has nothing running through his head. All earlier thoughts he had was shut down, stored away on a folder deep somewhere in his massive code database. Instead, they were replaced by several emotions. Negative emotions. Shame, regret, self-doubt, disappointment, and so many more emotions that were new to him, all directed at himself. His Master was taking so long, what if Apocalypse got angry of waiting, and accidentally hurt his Master again?

He decides to urge on the process, gathering all his codes and information, compressing them all into one file. He sets up the delete button for that, and pulls up the screen in front of his Master. Emotion codes, weaponry, memories-

Every existing, functioning part of himself.

“Apocalypse, I…”

“Please, I can’t do it myself.”

“…”

Mastermind raises a shaky hand, hesitant to press the button. He has never ended a life of someone who’s willing to die before, let alone one of his closest companions. Although he wants Apocalypse to live, he takes the nasod’s thoughts into account. Yet his hand still hangs in the air, reluctant to touch the holographic screen-

Until he felt a firm, cold hand on his wrist, pulling it towards the screen. He felt his finger come intact with the hologram-

-And before his very eyes, he saw his own creation, his only companion, crumple lifeless on the ground.  

The Mastermind knows he has the capability to make a new Apocalypse, an even better one, but he doesn’t.

It will never, never, be the same.