dcccivcr

[dcccivcr]

// how we doin' chat.......

[dcccivcr]

"It is not a guard's job to make questions or personal judgements. If they make unsolicited comments or go around speaking of what they saw, they are not fit for the role." Xinyuan did not doubt for a second that the Japanese guards were competent in that way — although they should be more careful letting the princess escape their sight. Which, knowing Kai-ming, she probably did often.

It wasn't supposed to be any safer with him than it was on her own. He could not be seen showing kindness to her, even in her current state. His eyes darted around, scanning his surroundings, and only settled back on the woman after he'd made sure they were all alone. Only then he hesitantly placed a hand on her shoulder. "On their lives, they will keep you safe. But you need to stay by their side for that."

the voice that interrupted her sobs was the one voice kai-ming didn't expect to hear — and the only one that could've snapped her from her panic so quickly. the little princess looked at him; eyes wide with shock, cheeks flushed and wet with tears. she didn't understand why he stopped to say anything, why it mattered at all really.

" i don't want them right now. " she sniffled, still coddling the arm that was once broken. " i don't want them to see me like this. " kai-ming tried her best to appear stronger then she was in front of the japanese court — she knew she was china's weakest, and she didn't want to appear as pathetic as she felt sometimes. even now, with how they had parted the last time she saw xinyuan — her fragile emotional state was not a new sight to him.

[dcccivcr]

Alistair's response steals the breath and words off him, leaving him quiet for a few seconds before he can sigh and answer: "Frustrating." Someone like him. He'd never thought about that, yet it was truer than he had ever thought. "I know. That is why I tried a different approach. I—" and he hesitates. It is the truth, and yet he is intimately ashamed of it. "I hurt her. I told her things I did not mean so she... forgets about me. Our nations are enemies, and I cannot let her get entangled in that. She does not know the gravity of the situation," and neither does Alistair, about his role as a spy.

"But I don't know if I did the right thing. No matter what I do, I can't get it out of my head." The way she looked at him, broken. The tears rolling down her cheeks. It haunts him, terribly.

"Questioning political decisions is neither my job, nor something I've ever been interested in, and I don't understand them, but it gets exhausting. The wars, the assassinations— what good are they for?"

"so then, she is just like you. and doesn't know when to let things go. what's that like? dealing with someone who's just like you?" alistair does not offer this as unsolicited advice nor as a quip towards xinyuan's character. especially not with the secretive way in which this was being shared. but they were similar, if this was the case. "she has grown used to you. and irrevocably fond. it's bound to happen. it happened to me once, if you remember."

part of germany's foils had been affected by that, in fact. he understands why xinyuan is so hesitant to speak on it. "ah, yes. the betrothal. there are many of those like they're attempting to upstage one another. all of a sudden, weddings. out of nowhere. but the emperor's was at least expected. even if these deaths are not."

[dcccivcr]

Violence did not daunt him, only sent a much-needed rush of adrenaline through his veins. Making sure the Tolentino emperor and his wife were unharmed, keeping an eye on the members of the Japanese court, he did not kill, but surely enjoyed the exercise.

Many of the royals were however terrified, rightfully so. Blood had been spilled, after all. Xinyuan's mind and eyes had wandered momentarily towards Kai-ming, and the moment he hears her sobs, he recognizes them immediately. Similarly to how violence got his blood pumping, so did the sound, an instinct not yet forgotten.

The spy freezes and stops in his tracks behind her with an ache in his heart.

"You should not sit around unguarded. It might be dangerous."

° • — CLOSED starter for xinyuan ( @dcccivcr ) ° • — day of the pre-tribunal, afterwards, outside

the last time kai-ming had felt this scared, was the day she was exiled from her home. before that, it was when france and thailand had crashed the first gathering; when she broke her arm in the fight that broke out. while she was timid and easily frightened, this sort of absolutely paralyzing, suffocating fear was not commonly felt by the little princess.

the princess paced, frantic — back and forth, back and forth — nearly creating a rut in the grass beneath her silk slippers. her arm cradled by her other hand, the arm that was once broken and had since healed, but there was almost a phantom ache; like the chaos had reminded her. she was scared of being hurt again, even with all the commotion gone. everyone had scattered. everything was quiet again. even with the silence, the peace she had felt the past several months; it was gone.

kai-ming slumped against one of the walls, oblivious to if she was in someone's way, and collapsed into a crying heap.

[dcccivcr]

"Commander," the spy speaks, and his voice is strained enough to serve as an answer to his question. He takes a deep breath as he carefully adjusts his body and the position of his head to be able to look at the other without inviting nausea back into him — trying his best not go make a fool of himself, despite looking less than dignified already. "I am... handling it. I am grateful I never joined the navy, however."

the ocean feels like a second home, although daeng's current position isn't a naval commander, he has gone to numerous battles abroad in the past decade. china's navy is a sight to marvel, and one of the strongest out there. therefore, he muses he must have been one of the very few who would prefer to live here rather than go on land, where many more things can go wrong. he is on a stroll through the top deck when he spots the familiar face, and greets him back. "xinyuan, getting some fresh air?" with a glance back at the wide expanse of blue & gray, he turns his attention back to the imperial guard. "how's the sea and the weather treating you? it is rare we have to travel so often, to so far distances."

[dcccivcr]

"I was rather busy in general. The Emperor announced his betrothal, and one can never be too careful these days... as proved by the regrettable fate of her majesty recently." But that seemed to be a conflict far from China's or Japan's borders, and thus it wasn't the highest priority in his personal list of troubles.

"I spent some time hiding from the exiled princess, too," he sighs. There is only so much truth he can share about the matter, but it weighs so heavily on him that he feels compelled to tell his friend. "She seemed to have trouble understanding that I am not her bodyguard anymore."

familiarity  makes  him  shift  in  the  waters,  which  part  to  make  way  for  the  other  guard.  “i'm  afraid  so.  if  we  didn't,  i'd  be  concerned.”  immediate  jovial  tone  seeps  through  his  words  in  the  greeting,  the  salt  of  the  brazil  air  doing  little  to  spoil  the  reunion.  alistair  hadn't  thought  it  possible  to  want  to  smile  after  how  things  had  gone,  and  yet  the  smile  appears  with  ease. 

“i  wondered  if  you'd  made  it  on  the  ship.  i  saw  neither  hair  nor  shoe  of  you  in  ethiopia.”  not  accusatory,  but  noticing  the  absence.  alistair  has  never  been  much  of  a  writer  of  lettres  himself,  but  xinyuan  had  brought  this  out  of  him.  he  had  even  managed  a  full  page  once.  “dare  i  ask  what  part  of  the  tomfoolery  kept  you  the  busiest?”

[dcccivcr]

END.

his shoulders  sagged  when  he  sighed.  it wasn't the first time he wished his father was still here so he could ask him why he'd made a decision. beyond the obvious answers. having a set of eyes and ears in china, so close to the emperor, was crucial. kaito couldn't imagine trusting another with the task, but he still wished toshihisa could return home.   ❝ it won't be this way forever. ❞   not a promise - the world was too fragile for that - but a hope. liar, he thought. it didn't matter; the least kaito could do was safeguard him however he could, including the memory people held of him.  ❝ i swear i will. ❞   his voice was firm.  ❝ she has become like family to me. ❞

[dcccivcr]

"I am not interested in old men," Xinyuan replies, his tongue loosened by the liquor even though his tone is just as aseptic as usual. Young men? Perhaps, but he was not the type who tries to fix a broken heart by throwing himself into the arms of another. That would still be a distraction, and he has enough of those to bear at the moment. "It will pass. She is stronger than she seems." Half a truth that he believes, and half wishful thinking. She will be alright — even if she hates him, she will be. She has to be. Otherwise, he would never be able to forgive himself.

"Does he intend to? Why not stay in Japan instead? You have a place in court, and he—" the sudden realization that he barely knows a thing about the man hits Xinyuan. Typically, he would already know all there is to know about a person of interest, but in this case he barely knew the man. "What does he... do, exactly?"

"I'll save you the trouble. No one worth ogling, lest you count the old stud behind the bar." Midori waves off, a cheeriness even if it is in the company of someone as dull as the color beige. Indeed, she and Xinyuan have come a long way in their animosity. And still, poking and prodding at his stoic nature is a world of fun. That, and a way to entertain herself. "Your secret is safe." She points out, knowledgably. "She's... Doing as well as one is able." Midori explains, tracking her fingers along the goblet.

"Indeed, it is all above board. Literally. Kaito invited him on our vessel en route to Brazil. He approves, I gather." Not difficult when the standard for Midori's affairs were typically torrid. "Although I do not think he relishes in the idea of me being taken away to France." Pausing, she plays with her bare fingers, lingering on the ring finger. "But who's to say what happens next?"

[dcccivcr]

“I can see enough, though less than I would like,” Xinyuan answers. The resigned sigh he lets out almost makes the words unnecessary, eloquent enough on its own. “But I would rather have this than risk anybody finding out.” Or Kai-Ming making an unexpected entrance, he thinks, but doesn’t say out loud. The knowledge that she would likely not chase him around anymore is far less comforting than he had hoped.

The spy listens to her words carefully, and even more carefully to the tone she uses. He isn’t any less prone to assuming the worst scenario, but she seems convinced. Xinyuan holds back the instinct to question her judgment, and just shakes his head. “I see. I do have to ask  — does the Emperor know?” He probably does, considering he saw Max boarding the Kōtetsu. “Does he like him?”

She bites back a taunting, bemused remark at Xinyuan's get-up. A way to conceal his identity, while partaking in the special night. How ironic it was - she was the thief, he was the authority. Yet it is Xinyuan who must hide, while she remains bare-faced and prominent. "I am surprised you can even see in that thing." Midori mutters, peering at his face with inspection.

"I am..." She confirms lowly, suddenly wrought with thoughtfulness. "Max." Midori fills in the gap, giving a name to the Frenchman in question. "He is kind, sincere, trustworthy. " She lists his emboldened qualities, but in the mix of the drink, Midori cannot hide the moment of vulnerability that rises. "It is love." She confirms the question that Xinyuan doesn't ask. "I-" Hesitantly, she lowers her drink. A wary correction in her voice; "I hope it's love." She admits into her drink. "I am trying really hard to make it love."

[dcccivcr]

If a younger version of him could look at himself now, he would not believe his eyes. What exhaustion and a broken heart do to a man, that he is now seeking company in the unlikeliest of places.

He can treat himself to some liquor, for one night. The other, less important Emperor is guarded by people he trusts won't stab him in his sleep — would that not be a positive thing, anyway? —, if he would get any sleep at all with his wife in the same room.

For the second time ever since he left China, he wears a mask, and borrowed clothes. The cut is similar, yet different enough that he feels slightly uncomfortable in them. Though this is a private reunion, Xinyuan wouldn't be so careless as to go around showing his face in places he shouldn't be in.

He drinks when she does, though cautiously. Alcohol clouds rapidly his senses, but he has grown accustomed to recognizing his limits.

"Are you not being courted by a Frenchman now?" A brief reminder that it is indeed his job to have eyes and ears everywhere, especially aboard Japan's vessel.

[Transitioned to Kaito's Unofficial Bachelor Party at the Soldier's Taverna]

"And look at us now..." A thief, turned lady, and now a reformed liar. A prosecutor, turned spy, now running amok with a broken heart. The tides of life change them, and Midori's harsh opinions on Xinyuan (and likely his of her) are muddled in the mix of flaws and shortcomings. "I would blame it on the war... But the likes of you and I are often at war with ourselves. Even at times of peace." Especially at times of peace, when sanity seems too good to believe in.

Midori sinks back into her chair, soaking in the warmth of the bonfire. Lips loosened by liquor, eyes hazy from the late hour. It seems inevitable that they would speak of such things, in what is a defined celebration. She takes a long sip of her ale, savoring the taste. "Hardened as it may be, it comes from a place of love." She reminds Xinyuan, casting a glance over at their Emperor from across the way. Their reasons for being, but the catalyst of their tortured hearts. "Let us drink, then. To our tortured hearts."

[dcccivcr]

What an odd thing, to feel excitement at the sight of a naked man — of the candid, amiable kind. Yet, Xinyuan cannot hold back a smile, recognizing Alistair from behind. He hasn't seen him in a year, but aside from the reports the spy sent back home, the letters he sent Alistair were the only correspondence he kept.

"It reminds me of Lal Qila. In the best way." Despite all that transpired in that fateful place, at least he found a good friend. "Do we have to keep meeting like this?"

open starter : alistair wolff . accepting replies ( 1 / 3 ).

place : the outdoor water springs .

floral scent only serves to haunt him here, intrinsic memories of petals and stems brushing against coarse, black hair that did not belong to his own head. breathing out a sigh, attempting to calm the thunderous heartbeat within his neck, as though it is a creature wishing to break free. ( the screams from the brazilian ship echoed long into the night. he thrashed awake, believing it to be a nightmare . past histories, creeping towards his ankles. the poison, the poison. how it drips so tenderly. ) a soft movement of water from the entrance of the open - springs drives him to open one eye. book set on a rock ledge by his side, untouched as well as the canteen of citrus water, said to help in this heat. "this spring reminds me of home. in the best way." it is, for the time being, the only personal sentiment he offers.

[dcccivcr]

"It was decided for me long before you had a saying in it, your majesty," he keeps the formalities, but his tone is closer to that of an old friend, than a servant. It feels right, and nostalgic, to speak to Kaito like this. It is, also, the first time Toshihisa has ever spoken so openly of his suspicions that he was chosen and raised for this purpose from the very beginning — even though openly means nothing more than a vague implication.

"I do not mind if she does not forgive, as long as she lives a long, joyful life." And that, in any case, was likely incompatible with him being in it. "Please, take care of her," he says, with a whisper that sounds less like a request, and more like a goodbye. "She is very dear to my heart."

the crown  demanded  sacrifice  of  all  who ventured close to it. his shoulders had adjusted to the weight upon them, shaking only when fatigue grew too strong, and still kaito reached for more. let him bear it so those around him didn't need to. if only bones were unbreakable creations. alas too much weight, they would shatter, and not all maladies could be transferred from one to another. ❝ your dedication does not go unnoticed. ❞   his friend alone carried a mission crucial to japan's survival. a burden kaito couldn't help shoulder, only ensure the information xinyuan risked his life for was not in vain. kaito's gaze met his.   ❝ and i'm sorry. i never wanted you to be in a position like this but neither do i want to see you placed at greater risk. ❞ he reached out to place a hand on xinyuan's shoulder.   ❝ when the time comes, she will understand. if her kindness could survive being exiled then it is strong enough to forgive. ❞

[dcccivcr]

{Words by Anaïs Nin, from The Diary Of Anais Nin, Vol. 4 (1944-1947) / Cynthia Cruz from diagnosis,The glimmering room}

[dcccivcr]

Taylor Byas, from I Done Clicked My Heels Three Times: Poems; “Men really be menning”

[dcccivcr]

That was reassuring, though expected. "It was never hidden, it just happened a long time ago." And they both happened to be very private people, so whoever knew about it back in the day might have also followed their intuition, rather than care enough to ask. He wasn't quite sure if romance was the word exactly, but that was something between him and Rei — if the terminology even mattered anymore.

"Why would I?" After his own question, he ponders about the woman's. He lets out a sigh, bracing himself before diving straight into the mortifying deed of saying something nice about her. "You lack discipline, but are adaptable and resilient. A hardened heart is not a bad thing. It is a necessity for anyone willing to soil their hands so that others will not have to."

Midori would never know how intimate those words were to him. His pride, his purpose, his moving force ever since he was first handed a weapon as a child. Repeating them like a prayer was the greatest kindness he would often allow to himself.

"They did not betray your confidence." Midori responds immediately, reading between Xinyuan's query. Pinching her nose to settle the nausea from the fight, skin still cold from the heated exchange. "But as the foremost expert in hidden romances, and the lies we tell ourselves... I suppose I had an inkling." An intuition for what can only be said through far away glances in crowded rooms.

"And you do not put me in the camp of tender hearts, who view it as an extremity?" Did Xinyuan think her heartless, too? A petty thief, as Tian Feng so clearly outlined. She used to rebel against his opinion of her. But in this moment, with so much between them, Midori is rendered curious. Perhaps even vulnerable, in their company. "I said that, as well." She hums, but hearing it from Xinyuan grounds her in the realization - her stance was scarcely believable. "But it does not make it better, or easier."

[dcccivcr]

not ready to be seen.

[dcccivcr]

"How much do you know about that?" He questions, curiously and cautiously, with a light frown. Are they close enough for Rei to have shared with her the details of their relationship? It wouldn't upset him, but it would... embarrass him, for sure.

"The difference between you and I is that I decided not to run from it, but to uproot the problem instead. You should remember that, moving on: if you cannot trust yourself, better remove whatever hinders you. Tender hearts will consider it too extreme," he thinks of Rei, and even of Kaito, "but it is often because they do not have an Emperor to protect." The advice is harsh, but well-intentioned. Xinyuan knows first-hand how terrifying and poisonous love can be, and has not expelled it from his system entirely just yet. He can only wait, and hope that he will return to normal sooner or later. "It was for the best."

"You and me both." She responds with a small, ironic smirk. The closest they've come, thus far, to anything resembling congenial jesting. Funny how love, for all its faults, becomes their great unifier. She offers a listless nod, thankful for whatever good opinion Rei still held of her. "Then they will know you did right by me." Midori is not duty bout to do so. But enough time on the wrong side teaches her a thing or two about integrity. And this, she can do.

"I said the same thing of my duties to Kaito, too, you know." She doesn't delude herself into thinking she and Xinyuan will ever see it the same way. Or that they will become the best of friends. But there they stand, amidst her tears and off the heels of a raging argument. When else could she be as open? "But love... It finds a way of winning out, in the end. No matter how far one runs." Chuckling sourly, she shrugs; "Better this than lamenting on what just happened there."