dearelisabeth

[dearelisabeth]

Happy Birthday!

Dear Elisabeth,

Today, you are 5. That seems like such a big milestone amongst all the others you’ve hit recently. At the beginning of the week, you started 4K. You’re blowing your teacher out of the water already with all you know and your skills. We felt comfortable sending you only after the school district mandated masks, but even so only about half the kids in your class wear them consistently. I worry about you constantly. I would without a global pandemic, but that certainly adds an extra layer of concern.

This year you’ve come into your own even more. You love crafts and science experiments. Dinosaurs and unicorns. Playing outside. You’re loving having your own room that we could paint the way you wanted. You’re fiercely protective of your sister, and so helpful with her... perhaps sometimes a little overzealous, but that’s okay. You’re an amazing big sister. 

I can’t believe the leaps and bounds we’ve all made since I began writing these letters to you. Your dad is excelling at his work. He finally got a definitive ADHD diagnosis, and since settling into a medication that works for him, things have been so much easier for him. We theorize you may follow suit, but no intervention is necessary right now. We’re just letting you be a kid. 

I’m looking forward to going back to school and figuring out my career path. Now that you’ll be in school, half days for now and full days next year, it’s becoming apparent that I need to do more. You just don’t need me as much. Which is bittersweet. I’m so proud of the girl you are, and I hope you are, too. 

On your 4k paperwork, they requested we find 3 words to describe you. Daddy and I landed on Resourceful, Independent, and Inquisitive. I wonder if those still apply when you’re reading this. I’d bet money that they do. 3 words wasn’t enough to describe your empathetic soul, and the pure joy you exude near constantly. I’d love to take credit for the amazing person you’re turning into, but I think you would have been authentically yourself no matter the circumstances. And I’m not sure I’ve said it enough times, so I’ll say it again: I’m so proud of you. And you should be, too.

I love you forever and always. Happy birthday, my girl.

Love,

Mom

[dearelisabeth]

Dear Elisabeth,

I fear saying this out of concern of jinxing it, but life is pretty good right now. Since my last correspondence, your dad and I bought a house near your grandparents (both sets). In fact, it’s two blocks away from my childhood home. It’s perfect for us.

We worked so hard to remodel both your and your sister’s rooms. There was wallpaper on the walls that was peeling and just generally outdated. Ada’s room was fairly straightforward, only half the wall was wallpapered because there’s wainscoting on the bottom half. We let you pick out the color you wanted your walls, and much to my dismay you picked yellow. But it’s your room and it could have been worse I suppose. At least it’s a fairly tame yellow. Your dad and I busted our asses to get the wallpaper off the walls in your room while you crashed on the living room floor on your mattress. The wallpaper was stuck to a thick layer of wall filler that was used to smooth out texture that was put in the wall previously. That layer crumbled as we pulled it down and made the process more complicated. You seem pleased with your pastel rainbow wall and yellow though, so that’s what matters.

You are such a sweet, amazing kid. We are so proud of the little lady you’re becoming. Your curiosity knows no bounds, and we are doing our best to nurture that.

The pandemic is 🤞🤞seemingly winding down. Your dad and I, grandparents, and great grandparents are all fully vaccinated. We plan to send you to 4K in the fall so long as things continue to improve.

We lost 3 of your great great grandparents this year, the only ones you had left. Both of Grandma Cindy’s parents passed early in the year. Great Great Grandma Beverly was the first to pass, she was an amazing, hilarious, bold lady who kept her humor to the end. Her ex husband and Grandma Cindy’s dad passed away not too much after her. Frances, or Grandpa Fran. He called you Smiley, and loved you so much. They both did. He was a stubborn, hard working, difficult man, but he always had a smile and some quarters for us and you as kids. Last, your Grandpa Jason’s late father’s (who I’ve not met that I recall) mom, Great Great Grandma Marion passed just this past month. I knew her better as a kid, but she was a strong woman with a quirky sense of humor and a general eternal youthfulness. You met her when you were teeny tiny, but she never got to really know you unfortunately.

These are all people that have contributed to who you are on a fundamental level, and if there’s one thing I’m sure all three of them contributed to, it’s your strength as a person to take on any challenge that will come to you. As much as I hate to allow it as your mom, you will come against adversity big and small in your lifetime, and I hope the knowledge that you come from a tough bunch helps you push through.

I love you to the ends of the universe and back.

Love,

Mom

[dearelisabeth]

You made it.

Dear Elisabeth,

It’s official, you made it through having the plague. You’re a certified badass and kicked it in like 3 days. So, if anyone asks what makes you such a force to be reckoned with, you can add this to your list of accomplishments. 

I, however, was the last in the house to fall (aside from your baby sister, who was shipped off to your grandma’s to avoid getting sick when you and Aunt Catrina were exposed by your Grandpa Trent), and it is killing me every day you stand outside of my door and ask for a hug that I can’t give you in case of strain mutation. Rest assured I will snuggle you for a week straight against your will once I am allowed out of my room. I miss you and your sister more than words can describe. 

Daddy and Aunt Catrina have been taking great care of you though. You’re so crazy smart, sweet, and funny. You’re everything we had hoped for and more. We cannot wait to see who you become.

I’m worried that with your sister’s medical issues you might feel like you’re taking a backburner, but I need  you to know that, in our hearts, that will never be the case. You are so incredible, baby girl, and I’m so proud to be your mom. 

Your daddy and I are buying a house soon. I cannot wait to see you thrive wherever we end up.  I have you to thank for everything, my sweet lady. You made us a family under the most ridiculous circumstances, and I can never tell you how much I am indebted to you for the wonderful life you’ve given us.

I love you so dang much.

Love,

Mom 

[dearelisabeth]

Dear Elisabeth,

So, the pandemic isn't really going away, but the government is pretending it is. Meanwhile the police keep killing black people, most recently George Floyd, who used a $20 bill to buy cigarettes that someone thought was fake. The cop knelt on his neck for nearly 9 minutes, killing him while 3 other cops stood back and watched.

There are protests everywhere of Black Lives Matter folks just trying to bring some equality and justice to the POC community. Of course white people are making it worse, and the cops are tear gassing en masse and shooting rubber bullets directly at people which, despite how they sound, are incredibly dangerous. To say that I'm disgusted with the United States in general right now is an understatement.

We have opened our circle a bit to include your grandma, grandpa, and uncles because I'm going to the hospital twice a week to check on Adelaide. I cannot wait until we can just all be a family together.

You and I are making this stay at home thing work the other 5 days. You're an amazing help and the sweetest of beans. That's not to say you aren't stubborn as shit and very opinionated when it suits you, but I'm proud to see you becoming your own person -- as frustrating as it can be for me some days.

You're amazing, and you never ceases to impress me everyday with your take on the world.

We love you so much.

Love you always,

Mom

P.s. look at this adorable bug costume you made from your craft subscription box with Daddy today.

[dearelisabeth]

Dear Elisabeth,

I'm not sure you've noticed too terribly much, but we're currently going through a pandemic. Covid-19 is running rampant, even close to home now. Everything is closed besides grocery stores and pharmacies. People are made to wear masks when going out in public. Even Dad is working from home after some persuasion of his boss (who is kind of an asshole).

We're under stay-at-home orders. Your school is closed, which means Aunt Catrina is laid off right now. It's a time of uncertainty all around. You're not handling the change of routine well, but we're doing our best. Aunt Catrina has been working for Grandpa Trent to make some money on top of unemployment. She bought you a small swingset with three swings and a slide that you seem to love.

I'm struggling with the routine change too, and I can tell you I haven't been at my best for you. I'm sorry. This pregnancy has been absolutely exhausting, but you still deserve better.

Love you always,

Mom

[dearelisabeth]

Big Sister

Dear Elisabeth,

We found out in October that you’re going to be a big sister! We’d been trying for 8 months and were starting to feel a little weary, but I swear my friend Ashley getting pregnant with her little boy 9 weeks ahead of me has something to do with it. She’s like the ovarian rainman. When she gets pregnant, everyone gets pregnant.

We told you last month and your response was, “FINALLY, mom.” Apparently everyone else at school has siblings already and you’ve been waiting patiently for your turn. You like to put your ear against my belly and “hear the baby” which isn’t super possible, but extra not possible because I’m only 13 weeks along at this point... just into the second trimester. This pregnancy has been intense. I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis gravidarum which basically just means I’m throwing up all the time. On top of that, my A1C was just over the diabetic threshold, so they’re being extra extra about that. Even more so than when I was pregnant with you. I have to test my glucose 4 times a day -- once in the morning and 2 hours after every meal. Bleh. It’s worth it though to stay healthy and keep your sibling healthy.

I quit my job as of the 30th of December. My supervisor was pretty horrible, and the job was physically making me sick. Your dad still works there, but he’s pursuing a consultant gig that could be huge for us. You go to school Monday-Wednesday, and then you’re stuck-- I mean home with me Thursday and Friday. It’s only been a week since the holiday schedules have chilled out, but you seem to be enjoying your time home with me. We do chores and crafts together. Sometimes we go and visit Grandma Kathy in Janesville. I have yet to really get a rhythm of activities down yet, but I’m working on it. 

You may still be little, but your personality is huge. You have so much to say. So many jokes, silly things, loving words, and sass. Sometimes all in the same sentence. You’re enjoying simple games now like a matching game called Duck-a-roo, and you’re loving crafts. You have an easel set up in the living room that I always keep stocked with paper, markers, stickers, construction paper, a gluestick, and paper only scissors. You wrote your name beautifully on the paper that’s on it now. Great Aunt Danni (I probably didn’t spell her name right) gave you most of your crafting supplies for Christmas this year and it was an amazing gift. 

We’ve been doing a monthly Kiwi Crate that comes with 3 themed crafts. Your first month was rainbows and you got to dye a bag with tissue paper squares and water (And then add some felt stickers), and then you assembled a rainbow cloud pillow in which you got to stuff the pillow and then put each strip of rainbow felt sticker on, and finally you made a cool “stained glass” silhouette thingy that’s hard to explain but I definitely have pictures of. This month, you got to assemble a xylophone, a tamborine, and decorate a dance ribbon for your music themed box. The year of crates was our major Christmas gift to you this year in conjunction with Grandma Kathy and Grandpa Jason.

Auntie Catrina, or Ta as you call her most times, is kinda your BFF to a concerning degree at this point. Not actually concerning, I kid, but also you’re turning into a tiny Catrina which has its concerning points, haha. You’re nearly potty trained during the day, though you like to save your poop for after you go to bed in your pullup. Booger.

I’m sure I have more to say, but you just got home, so I’m going to get the snuggling while it’s hot. 

Love you always, 

Mom

[dearelisabeth]

Happy Birthday x2, Elisabeth

Dear Elisabeth,

Well you see, I forgot that this existed for a year or so. My bad. It was your birthday last week. You’re not shy to tell anyone that you are THREE, which is insane. You’re so adorable (which is the word you insist we must use because you say you’re too big to be cute) and so sweet and empathetic. I’m just so proud of the little person  you are becoming. I always knew you’d be cool, but you’re like, super rad. You insisted on a pink dinosaur party, so I hand made dinosaur balloons out of pink balloons and glitter paper for the limbs and heads, finishing them off with googly eyes. You thought they were the best things ever, so I was able to ignore the imperfections due to my inability to do any sort on fine motor skill with grace. Grandma Kathy made a super cool pink dino cake with a tie dyed interior and tie dyed cupcakes. Our house was full of people, and they were all there because they love you. As overwhelming as family get-togethers can be, it was heartwarming to see your great grandparents on your dad’s side and Great Grandma Cindy and Great Grandpa Jim, both of your sets of grandparents, all of your uncles, Uncle Z, and of course Aunt Catrina and her boyfriend, Collin (whom you adore right now) all under one roof to celebrate you. My friend Ashley and her son Emmett were there also to wish you a happy birthday.

This June we moved into what you call (still) your “new house”. It’s a beautiful tri-level, open floor plan condo in Oregon, WI a block away from a park. The community is so warm and welcoming that your Dad and I know we made a great move. Aunt Catrina also came to live with us, making the move more affordable for everyone involved. We took in one of Dad’s friends as he is what we call an “Epic runaway”. Your Dad made it about a year and a half before being asked to leave because he wasn’t willing to sacrifice all of his time with you for this position. We now work at the same company doing IT in jails. It’s not great, but it pays the bills and you get to see him a bit more often. Anyway, said friend of your dad is now Aunt Catrina’s boyfriend. Once they started dating, he pretty much immediately started sleeping in her bed, so they share a room now. 

 Uncle Z now has his own bachelor pad downtown. We miss him, but he still comes to visit regularly. In fact, the week after your birthday he braved your potty training self in his beloved Subaru and took you to ice cream and let you pick out some cool stuff at the teacher store. I cannot overstate how much you are loved. 

Dad and I are trying so desperately to give you a sibling, which you continue to inquire about on a regular basis. It’s been about 6 months of trying now and we’ve experienced one loss. It was heart breaking, but at least it was before we had announced anything. We want for you to have a sister or brother, there’s nothing quite like that bond. Beyond that, I’ve always dreamed of having two children - no more, no less. Hopefully someday we can make that a reality. Dad has been traveling a lot, so that probably doesn’t particularly help the situation either. 

Your personality is just so vibrant, it’s hard for me to get over it. You speak in paragraphs and chapters, and you have so many stories to tell. In the car on the ride to school, it’s always you, Dad, Aunt Catrina, and me, and you always pick a farm animal for three of us to be, and then the fourth is a duck. Every time. It’s hilarious. “Mommy, you’re the daddy horse. Ta (Aunt Catrina), you’re the baby horse, I’m the Mommy horse, and Daddy... you’re the duck.” We all make animal sounds, and you feed us pretend food. Dad gets especially into it with his animal sounds, despite the fact that usually he’s the one driving. 

Your favorite food is yoodles (noodles). You love bananas, which you refer to as bayanas, and you’re quick to remind us that you would like berssert after dinner. You’ve just gotten out of the habit of calling unicorns “corns” which are your second favorite animals after dinosaurs (especially t-rexes and ‘ceratops) and just before flamingos “mingos” which you were for Halloween last year. Unsurprisingly, you are requesting to be a pink T-Rex for Halloween this year. I’m sure tonight we will watch one of your three favorite shows: Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, Sarah and Duck, or Dinosaur Train. 

Your room is so stuffed with toys from family and friends that Dad and I decided to do an experience with you this year instead. We took you to the Great Wolf Lodge in the Dells. It’s a giant water park that is perfect for young kiddos. You were able to ride some of the slides by yourself even which was really fun. I got to catch you at the end. You loved the indoor splash pads, especially the stationary jet ski that had a water gun attached. Dad would eep every time you got him with the water gun and you thought that was hilarious. After the evening in the water park, we went to dinner and the arcade, and then Aunt Catrina took you to Build a Bear. Of course because it was just you and her, you talked her into, not just one, but TWO extra stuffed animals: Mingo (a flamingo), Chuck (the birthday bear), and Princess Bear (the... princess bear). Your room is going to explode. While you two did that, I snuck into Carters and bought you some adorable dino jammies. The next morning, we woke up at Great Wolf, had breakfast, and scooted back down to the water park. After a couple hours, you were waterparked out, so we went to Wizard’s Quest which is this giant room where you go around these fairytale/fantasy themed play structures and try to find the objects on the tablet they give you. It was pretty cool, but you were a little freaked out by how dimly lit it was. Dad almost got stuck in a tunnel out of a ball pit, which was pretty funny. 

Both your Dad and I have been traveling a lot, and it’s been hard on you. You’re so sweet, but we can tell it upsets you that we left when we come back. I want so badly to be home with you, but it’s just not in the cards for us right now. I’m going to try to write more often -- then maybe you won’t be stuck reading a wall of text as long as this one. Just know that we love you so, so much.

Love,

Mom

[dearelisabeth]

Happy Birthday, Elisabeth.

Dear Elisabeth,

Today is your birthday. It’s insane to think that it’s been a year since you blessed us with your presence (at the last possible moment, I must say). You have grown so much. Just in the last couple of weeks, you’ve started walking everywhere. You love climbing the stairs, although the coming down part has room for improvement. When you’re tired, you walk like a little drunken baby, swaying all over the place and stumbling. 

The whole family came out on the 10th for your birthday. We had hot dogs and beer brats, both of which you enjoyed thoroughly, along with chips and veggies (and of  course, cake). We attempted to do a cake smash with you, but you were far too efficient. Of course with the cake that YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE MESSY WITH, you’re not particularly, but with anything else... it’s everywhere. You got so many nice things from everyone, and you were so patient sitting on daddy’s lap while we opened them even though I could tell all you wanted to do was get down and roam. I can’t tell you how many times I heard,  “she’s so cute! I mean, babies are cute, but she’s CUTE.”

Anyway, today is your actual birthday and we’re just having a relaxed day at home. I did dress you in an extra cute dress that Aunt Catrina got for you. Pretty soon I’ll have to photo dump the last 6 months of your existence. I’ve been so busy lately. I started a masters program through UWM online, and your dad has been busy settling in at Epic. He’s getting important customers and learning lots of neat stuff. Next month he’s going to be gone for half of it and then another week in November. Which leaves me and you home for midterms. It’ll be interesting for sure. I wouldn’t be surprised if grandma takes this opportunity as payback for when your grandpa was gone when she had to move all of us into their house on Foxwood Court. That’s a story for another time though. 

You and I went to the quilt expo with Great Grandma Cindy which was the first time you’ve really been fussy in public. We did miss your nap, though, so that’s probably why. Great Grandma is going through some health struggles right now, and I fear that she thinks I’m spending more time with her because of it. Truth is, I just have more time to spend now and want to spend it with her. 

You’re so sweet with your “big hugs” (you flop yourself down on our shoulder and snuggle) and your waves. Every day you have a new sound, and you’re constantly surprising me with new words. I do somewhat miss being able to put you down, walk away, come back, and have you in the same place, though, hahaha.  Do me a favor when you read this, walk up to me and give me a huge hug, ok? Your hugs are the best. 

I love you with all of my heart. 

-Mom

[dearelisabeth]

We Moved, Daddy Graduated, and You Have Your First Room

Dear Elisabeth,

On the first of June, we moved to a duplex on Offshore Drive in Madison. Your daddy and I worked for a week and a half packing up all of our things into neat little boxes. It’s weird to think all of what we have in this world can fit into a truck. You stayed with Great Grandma Cindy during moving day, and gave her crap because you’re getting your front two teeth (after you already have your lateral incisors and bottom front two teeth, I might add).

Your dad graduated with his bachelor’s from University of Wisconsin Steven’s Point this year with honors, and is starting his job at Epic today. So far, he seems to be enjoying it, but it’s only his first day. 

You are definitely growing into your own. You’ve learned to crawl efficiently as of 6 months nearly on the dot, sit up with no trouble, and you learned to pull yourself up on furniture within a week of learning to crawl. You’re so close to walking. You’ve become aware of the fact that when you cry, we try to appease you and so now you’re beginning to throw fits when we put you down or take something away or don’t feed you the food we’re eating. You’re so silly, though, and I’m loving every moment home with you now that I get to be your stay at home mom. Daddy misses you every second of the day, though. 

You’re not a huge fan of the fact that we have three bedrooms, one for me and dad, one for Uncle Z, and one for you. You much preferred sleeping at the foot of our bed, knowing that we were there at you beck and call. We are only across the hallway now, my love.

We love you so, so much.

[dearelisabeth]

Things Are Changing.

Dear Elisabeth, Everyone is calling you Ellie these days, occasionally Elle. I announced at your birth that those were their two options for nicknames. You're rolling all over the place. I run to the bathroom and you're no longer where I put you down (but still only a foot or two away). I've been working 50ish hours a week at PCCU. I'm the only teller staffed in Milton and it's sort of stressful running the place by myself. My coworker is neurotic to say the least and my boss feels more like a peer. I've trained her on half of the things around here so it's hard to see her as a superior. But that's all going to change!! We're moving to Verona because your dad got an awesome job at Epic Systems (a electronic medical records company). We're so excited to move you to a place with culture and things to do. As nice as Janesville is, it's boring and so very intolerant. You've started eating bits of whatever we're eating which as reminded me that I need to eat healthier if only for your sake. I'm going to try my best to be healthier all around. Now I am off to use the rest of my lunch to try to figure out a budget once we move. I love you so much, sweet face.

[dearelisabeth]

Part two 5 months. You're getting so big <3

[dearelisabeth]

Gremlin baby

[dearelisabeth]

Months 4 & 5

[dearelisabeth]

[dearelisabeth]

[dearelisabeth]

First three months.

[dearelisabeth]

Merry Christmas

Dear Elisabeth,

Merry first Christmas, love. So much has changed since I last wrote you. You’re three months old now and smiling away. We got your first giggle when you came to visit me at work on my lunch. I’m pretty sure your dad teared up; however, I’m certain that I did.

I started working full time hours at PCCU as an MSR (basically a teller with more responsibilities) on November 1st (you were 6 weeks old). I miss you horribly. Dad and Grandma Kathy have been keeping a close eye on you while I’m gone. You’re starting to prefer daddy over me (dad swears it isn’t so, but I know and it’s ok). I miss being the fixall for you, but now you cry sometimes until daddy takes you. We still get our cuddles and play time in, though, I make sure of it.

Daddy is now just focused on school. He took a one day a week job at the post office to help bridge the financial gap, but for the most part I’m the one bringing home the bacon these days.

We’re still living with grandma and grandpa which is nice but also pretty stressful with your crazy uncles. There are 8 of us living in one house. Your dad and I can’t wait to get a place of our own where you can have your own room and we can have a bit more space to stretch our legs.

You enjoyed Christmas despite not really knowing what’s going on. You smiled a cooed at family and got passed around like a sack of potatoes. You met uncle Travis and Aunt Lisa (who, for the record, is NOT your name sake as much as great grandma Connie may say it).

We went to 6 Christmases so far and have one to go this weekend. We’ll make it, I swear.

I love you so much.

Mom