deathflares

[deathflares]

i'm not passive but aggressive

[Fallen Hero series. Mid-Retribution, post Herald rooftop scene.]

[Chargestep implications; River Basri, Ricardo Ortega and Daniel Sullivan. 1450 words. Discussions of Heartbreak + death. (Kinda just dashed this one out in a flurry of inspo, apologies if it's not super clean!!)]

“Ortega…”

Daniel lingers in the doorway of Ricardo’s official office, looking for all the world like a wet puppy who just peed in the house. 

Ricardo smiles. He’ll have to tell River that one later.

“What’s up?” he asks, because he’s not a complete asshole. 

Daniel takes one step in. Starts hovering. Doesn’t stop hovering until he’s close to Ricardo’s desk, which prompts Ricardo to lean back in his chair until it creaks, because — what? Why is their heroic little flyboy looking at him like that? Like he’s about to break the worst news of his—

Yeah, get out of that thought spiral before it begins. Jesus.

“What is it, Herald?” he asks again, harder this time.

The use of his hero name gets the boy back on the floor, at least. “I just feel like you should hear about what happened from me…first…”

Nervousness and shame rolls off Daniel in waves so strong that Ricardo stands up. He’s not sure how to make that sudden motion casual, and any attempt to seem cool about it clearly fails by the way Herald takes an immediate step back. Ricardo puts his hands up.

“What?” he asks, hoping confusion is more clear than annoyance. “Did something happen during therapy?”

“Um, so, I talked to River.”

Ricardo feels gravity pull him hard into the floor. “Yes?

“And, I…I may have carried hertoarooftopwhereshefaintedandI’mreallysorryIdidn’teventhink—”

“Hey, woah, slow down.”

Daniel takes a breath. Eyes not meeting Ricardo’s. Face flushed red as a crack in the earth. “I’m sorry, I know I should have thought about it. I know—I mean it makes perfect sense that she has trauma around heights because of—”

Ricardo raises a hand. Keeps it flat. Get that tension out of your body before it starts tingling. Put the mask on. “Stop. Start over. What the hell are you going on about?”

Daniel grounds himself. Feet squared, like he’s ready to be hit. Ricardo resists the urge to click his tongue. Easy to knock over; stance not wide enough. “Well, I know how you are about…her.”

A weight, thunked right into the gut. That spit-up glop of words, coming together slowly. A rooftop where she fainted. A…

His heart twists, 180. Agony, right down to the gut.

“What did you do?” he manages to ask nicely.

Daniel’s gaze sharpens. Confidence coming back, slow and then all at once like sunrise. “At least give me a minute to explain myself before you punch me.”

Ricardo’s mouth twitches downward. He leans into his desk. Put the damn mask on. “Fine.”

He can almost see the heroic effort Daniel makes not to roll his eyes at Ricardo’s too-serious tone. “First of all, you're not her keeper. But I’m telling you now so everyone is on the same page and because I am sorry, okay?” 

He moves on too fast for Ricardo to snap back. He doesn’t get to say that. He doesn’t know how fragile this situation is — but then, even Ricardo is still left wondering, most days. He must not be playing his cards close enough to the chest if Daniel notices his concern.

“I wanted to talk to her about some…things,” Daniel says. “So I found her on the road and she said she’d listen to me so I…picked her up…and flew off…”

The earlier glob of words suddenly becomes clear as day and just as fucking scorching. Ricardo’s fists clench. “Good god. Are you shitting me?”

“I know.”

Hands. Clenching. Reach, reach, reach. No. Stop. “No you fucking don’t, kid—”

"Don't start with that," he snaps. "This is the problem, okay?”

"Come off it—"

"No, I mean the ‘no one telling me anything’ crap! I had no idea she would react that way—”

He can hear River’s voice in his head. Do you have a brain? “Because, for damn starters, you aren’t supposed to pick up civilians off the street!”

Daniel has the good sense to pause, at least. He sighs, frustrated, and holds his fingers to his temples. “I…know.”

It takes some of the wind out of Ricardo’s sails, but not enough. “You know how most people died during Heartbreak, don’t you? You at least knew that? Did you know she threw herself out a fourth-story window?”

Daniel’s gaze turns the poisonous kind of blue and he bites his lip but he stays quiet.

“This is what happens when you don’t fucking think, Daniel.”

“Oh, that’s rich.”

No. No. Let it go. Let the static in your veins just…go… 

“Is she okay?” Ricardo grinds out.

Daniel nods a bit too fast, but his frown sticks like gum. “She, um, recovered fast. But I…kind of wanted to ask you about that.”

“Really.” He needs to call her, he needs to fix this right now, right now before she— 

His glare turns ice cold. “Newsflash, Ortega, you don’t get to own all the rights to giving a shit about her.”

“She’s not Sidestep anymore,” he says. “Why do you care?”

Daniel steps back a half-step, eyes wide with shock. “Jesus. I forget how much of a fucking asshole you are, sometimes.”

Got the kid to cuss. There’s that at least. Still. You’re not a young roaring lion anymore, act like it. He puts his hands up. Truce. “Sorry.” The words feel hollow but he’s fucking trying. “You’re right. That was out of line.”

Some tension drains from Daniel’s shoulders and settles right on Ortega’s instead.

“I’m surprised you didn’t get punched,” Ortega can’t help but slip in.

“Something’s missing inside her. I don’t know. Do you know what I’m talking about?”

“Don’t,” he snaps, because it’s cold. It’s cold and it hurts like a bitch, hearing someone else say it. Hearing someone else see the ice behind her silver eyes. The sludge of terror and hate that prompts her whole body to freeze up moments before she screams in fury. Does she hate him? She would have the right. He wonders, every day.

“Do you even hear yourself?” Daniel asks, voice low. “She thought you sent me after her. Maybe you should think about that.”

In answer, Ricardo slowly sits back down in his chair.

Sometimes Daniel is like the worst of Wei and himself rolled into one — smarter than you’d give him credit for, tactical about it, and absolutely unwilling to quit once he’s got the scent.

“So she told you about Heartbreak,” Ricardo manages.

Daniel looks toward the window, squinting into the sun. “Yeah. Not a lot, but…enough.” He turns back. His voice quiets. “Have…do you…”

“What.”

“Do you think about…why they keep so much of it classified? From us?”

Ricardo leans back. “What did she say?”

“Just…” Daniel’s fingers fidget together. His eyes glance around the room. Too many ears. Hmm. “Well, to think about who knows what. And why that matters.”

Yeah. That does sound like River. Make the map, connect the dots, pick the decisive action. Even at her lowest. Of course that’s what she’d say.

“We can talk about that later,” he says, gesturing broadly — vaguely to the cameras. He hopes Daniel is smart enough to pick up on that. “Just…don’t pull shit like that again, okay? Better yet…maybe don’t speak to her unless she talks to you first.”

“Well. About that.”

Ricardo tilts his head, jaw clenching. Don’t think about her falling limp in the sky. Don’t. Just don’t touch it.

“She agreed to, um. Help me train?”

He’s…not sure what to do with the weird pit that opens up in his gut. Is it jealousy? No, you’re too old for that. Anger? Worry? Confusion? Why is she training Daniel? Isn’t she retired? What does she get out of that? Does she want back in the fold, just not sure how to go about it because of her…family situation? That would sound like her; she hated even the smell of imposition.

He files it all down into a smirk. Confidence. You’re fine with this. You are. “Good luck with that. Maybe she’ll teach you how to use that big brain of yours.”

Daniel glares at him, though the heat isn’t so stifling. “Maybe you should ask for lessons, too.”

“Good one.”

“Whatever.” A beat. The boy is still a professional to the core. “If you need something, you know where to find me.”

Herald leaves.

Ortega turns to his phone. The big brick.

He wants to resist the impulse. She was just here.

But he can’t. He’s weak as shit. He knows this. He’s a fool. He’ll call himself however many names he needs to in order to get over it and pick up the phone — because keeping her here, safe, protected, is more important than anything else.

He’s not going to fail again because of some dumb kid.

[deathflares]

✨ My writing commissions are open! 💫 See ToC » https://deathflares.carrd.co Apply here » https://forms.gle/r3dnrbCA3XFrq2G48 Form will be open until Nov. 24! Thank you for your interest. 🙇

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Forget Clarity of Description

                I often get stuck in this writing-mode in which the vision I have of what’s happening is so vivid I just need everyone else to see it too. I’ve also seen this in a lot of other people’s work, when description goes on for paragraphs (or one large one), just listing things the character is experiencing.

                This stuff is important for you as the writer to know, but ultimately, making sure your readers are imagining the exact same thing as you is not the goal. Every reader is going to make the scene their own, they’re never going to see exactly what you do, so what we should rather be aiming for is evoking emotion.

                Is the girl tall, blond, with striking blue eyes and rosy cheeks, wearing a pink vest and a white button-up shirt underneath, white shoes, and a black skirt?

                Or is the girl bobbing on her feet, her eyes alight, blond hair haloed around her face like a sunrise?

                The first example we can get a pretty clear image of what the girl looks like. The second one, we get her personality, what the narrator thinks of her (comparing her to sunshine!), a general ‘vibe’. Same goes for other descriptions: places, situations, backstory or exposition can all evoke an emotion in readers, and that’s what they’re going to remember.

                It goes without saying, but tying in those physical details into description is still important. In the second example I still told readers the girl had blond hair, but those other details weren’t as necessary as her personality, vibe, and the impression she left on our narrator. Balance is everything.

                I would much, much rather give a description that creates a strong emotional response but a confusing image, over one that gives a clear image and not much else. What are some descriptions that have stuck with you?

                Good luck!

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some old wolgraha

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Dragonsong

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crops of wips for a friend’s FFXIV project !!!

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you bitches better hope that twitter doesn’t actually die because that means that i’m going to be taking all of my excess random thoughts and putting them here instead of on my nice quiet locked account which means i’m going to be subjecting you to like 9-15 posts a day like “anyone else think young kyle machlachlan looks like a butch lesbian” or “what if tony soprano was bisexual” or “i have a mosquito bite” 

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A very serious conversation

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Labyrinthos 🌤️

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✨ My writing commissions are open! 💫 See ToC » https://deathflares.carrd.co Apply here » https://forms.gle/r3dnrbCA3XFrq2G48 Form will be open until Nov. 24! Thank you for your interest. 🙇

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THANCRED WATERS IN THE FINAL FANTASY XIV: ENDWALKER TRAILER

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NEVER ENDING LIST OF GAMES I WANT TO PLAY  ⏩ FINAL FANTASY XIV

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quick exarch

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this force of habit still can thrill

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WoL/G’raha ice cream date! (WIP hopefully)