deathseemslikemyfriend - Tumblr blog

[deathseemslikemyfriend]

Like I think about how much things have changed since that day and how many years I would've missed and how many memories wouldn't have been made. I think of what life would've been like for my friends and for my family. What phases of life I would've missed. What accomplishments I wouldn't have achieved. 10 years is an awfully long time. I had only just started high school, I'd only started taking band seriously, I'd cried every night. I was still regularly swimming butterfly events during meets. I still had braces (not a time to be alive tbh). We were wondering if I'd need a brace for my back to realign it. I would've missed seeing the Fault in Our Stars with my friends, watching Germany beat Brazil 7-1 during the World Cup, seeing One Direction with my own eyes for the first time.

I can't say for certain that I'm happy I'm alive and that I love living. Maybe that might seem sad. But it's a much farther way than I used to be.

To you, I promise you that the highs are worth those lows you feel. And I promise you that even through all the pain life has been worth living.

So even if you can't feel my hand in yours, know that I'm waiting for you to come home.

[deathseemslikemyfriend]

You know what's crazy? Tomorrow marks 10 years since the day I decided not to kill myself all because I saw a music video that made me hyperfixate on something other than how badly I wanted to die. Life is a funny thing huh.....

[deathseemslikemyfriend]

I wish I had the ability to like just leave shit like that in the past you know? Like it's over it's done literally there's nothing tying me there still. But the lasting effect it's had on me has been just truly something else....

[deathseemslikemyfriend]

Not the urge to reread the message FOR WHAT??? To make myself feel bad over a situation that's over?? Why are we even still thinking about it lmaoooo

[deathseemslikemyfriend]

The crippling realization that it's been 2 years since the whole server situation that I really didn't wanna remember but ofc it's 5 am and I'm awake long enough to remember it I hate myself lolololol

[deathseemslikemyfriend]

DAMN I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING BC MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS ARE HORRIBLE AND THIS IS THE WORST TIME OF YEAR LOLOLOLOL

[deathseemslikemyfriend]

Oh I don't wanna think about it I'm gonna be sick

[deathseemslikemyfriend]

Get out of my head get out of my HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD I DON'T WANNA THINK ABOUT IT I DON'T EVER WANNA THINK ABOUT IT I DON'T CARE HOW MANY QUESTIONS I HAVE OR WHAT CLARIFICATION I WANT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT

[deathseemslikemyfriend]

"I won't go another day without you."

[deathseemslikemyfriend]

3 years later and I still find myself hoping it's you

[deathseemslikemyfriend]

The anti-diet diet was working great but it's just slowly becoming anti-food altogether diet 💔

[deathseemslikemyfriend]

Ah yes the intrusive thought to not eat has returned

[deathseemslikemyfriend]

I understand why but I'm honestly devastated

[deathseemslikemyfriend]

To the girl from 2 years ago, I promise you're gonna be okay.

[deathseemslikemyfriend]

YEP I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER LMFAOOOOOOOO DAMN ALRIGHT INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS YOU GET THIS ONE PASS AND THATS IT NO MORE

[deathseemslikemyfriend]

Update intrusive thoughts won but honestly I feel better about myself lolololol

[deathseemslikemyfriend]

FOR FUCKS SAKE CAN YOU GO AWAY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS PLEASE AND THANK YOU I FUCKING HATE YOU