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deathstrandingsecretsanta · 5 months ago

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Just As You Are - (Death Stranding - DeadSam)

Written for @promethea-moth-art for the @deathstrandingsecretsanta 2024 exchange.

Summary: Sam discovers something about Deadman that he didn't know before. If only the timing wasn't so inconvenient.

Notes:

This is a little different to what I usually write. I've created and roleplayed trans characters before, partially in exploration of my own gender identity but I haven't posted anything public until now. It's something that I knew I wanted to explore though, and when I saw that it was something promethea-moth was interested in I wanted to give it a go with Deadman. I hope that this is okay and that you enjoy what I've written.

Just a couple of small warnings with this one. Things get a bit awkward, and Sam's initial reaction to discovering that Deadman is trans is... not great. I do think I've actually managed to keep Sam more in character than I sometimes do though, just in terms of him not being the best at socializing. There's a happy ending though and nothing too bad, just an awkward as hell conversation.

And to anyone reading this: Merry Christmas and Keep on Keeping On. <3

JUST AS YOU ARE

Deadman felt like his whole body was on fire. It wasn’t a bad feeling no. On the contrary, it was one of the nicest feelings he had ever felt. His heart was beating more quickly than could possibly be healthy, his hands were trembling, his head was spinning, and yet there wasn’t anywhere else in the world that he would rather be at that moment.

Because right now he was sitting on the bed of one Sam Porter Bridges, and all of Sam’s attention was concentrated one hundred per cent on Deadman. Sam’s hands were roaming all over Deadman’s body, sneaking beneath the fabric of his shirt and gently caressing the skin beneath. Sam’s lips were pressing a soft, slow trail of kisses down his neck.

It was more than Deadman had ever allowed himself to hope for. Even the first few hugs that they had been able to share had each been an unexpected delight, but over the past few months the two of them had only been growing closer, both emotionally and in terms of physical intimacy as well. At first it had just been the hugs, but then Sam had started to initiate other forms of touch as well; a hand lingering on Deadman’s shoulder, or seeking out Deadman’s hand and clasping it softly in his own. Before long Sam started deliberately sitting close enough to Deadman that their sides would press against one another, the warmth and soft pressure of the other man a subtle pleasure that Deadman had not even known he could enjoy until Sam had started to do it.

A couple of weeks ago Sam had very awkwardly and shyly pressed a soft, chaste kiss to Deadman’s cheek.

All of which had been slowly leading towards this; the two of them alone in the shelter Sam was calling home, at least for the time being, sitting on Sam’s bed while the other man’s bare hands explored every inch and every scar of Deadman’s torso.

Sam had even organized for Fragile to look after their little Lou for a while, which meant that they were able to focus their attentions entirely on each other.

Deadman had never thought of himself as being particularly attractive. He was too soft and too scarred for that, at least as far as his own thoughts were concerned, but Sam evidently found something about him to like, if the pleased moans that the other man were letting out were anything to go by.

“Oh Sam,” Deadman gasped as Sam very gently nibbled at the side of his neck. His hands hovered uselessly behind Sam’s back, unsure how much of Deadman’s touch the other man would be comfortable with receiving.

“May I?” Deadman asked, very gently placing one hand on Sam’s shoulder.

Sam didn’t remove himself from where he was still placing kiss upon kiss on Deadman’s neck and collar bone. He simply reached back, grabbing one of Deadman’s hands and immediately and confidently placing it on Sam’s hips, before grabbing Deadman’s other hand and placing it on his back.

It was about as clear a ‘go ahead’ as Sam could have possibly given him, yet Deadman’s gloved hands still shook as he started gently caressing the side of Sam’s body. It was all so lovely and so overwhelming that he barely knew what to do with himself.

Sam pulled back from Deadman’s neck, but he only allowed himself a breather of a few seconds before he pressed his lips to Deadman’s mouth instead, coaxing an enthusiastic moan from Deadman’s throat.

Deadman knew that it had been a long time since Sam had done anything like this, and Deadman had absolutely no experience at all, but luckily it seemed like the two of them were quickly getting the hang of it, or Sam was at any rate.

He hooked one leg over Deadman’s own, before essentially climbing into Deadman’s lap, his mouth staying locked to Deadman’s the whole time. He kept kissing him, again and again, slowly pushing Deadman back down against the bed. Deadman felt like he was drowning in a sea of warm bliss, sinking deeper and deeper with every one of Sam’s kisses and caresses.

Sam’s hands were moving up and over his chest, his explorations having undone half the buttons on Deadman’s shirt. They began to move down again, over his soft, round belly, which he caressed with just as much love as he had any other part of Deadman’s body, before they snuck lower, making quick work of Deadman’s belt and tossing it off the bed.

His hands then snuck beneath the waist band of Deadman’s trousers.

Deadman bit his lip, attempting to stifle the moan that threatened to spill out of his mouth as Sam’s hand dipped lower, sneaking between his legs.

“What the fuck?” Sam said. He pulled away from Deadman as though his hand had been stung, and Deadman felt his heart drop.

Deadman hadn’t even known that this, Sam’s reaction and the awful look on his face, had been something that he had needed to fear. He had thought… Well, he had thought...

“I thought you knew,” Deadman said, feeling like an absolute fool. He should have known that it wouldn’t be this easy; that fate would not allow him to have a happy relationship with someone as incredible as Sam Porter Bridges. Something had to go wrong somewhere. It always did where his personal relationships were concerned.

“What?” Sam asked. “Why would I? You never told me.”

Deadman opened his mouth to argue and then immediately closed it again when his thoughts caught up to him.

Sam could have found a lot about Deadman if he had chosen to search the Bridges archives. Deadman had no doubt that it would have been possible for Sam to have discovered that Deadman was a trans man; assuming that you knew how to effectively search the archives and how to get around the various security protocols that were in place for restricted information. And anything and everything to do with Deadman’s creation was almost definitely restricted information. Assuming of course that Sam had cared enough to research Deadman in the first place.

It occurred to Deadman in that moment that perhaps he had been assuming too much, at least where Sam’s research capabilities and his interest in Deadman himself were concerned.

Deadman on the other hand had, of course, set about gathering as much information on Sam as he possibly could, especially when the growing affection and attraction that had been building up between them had become apparent. But that had been him.

Perhaps he should not have been surprised that Sam’s interest in him had proven to be not quite as… well… thorough or obsessive as Deadman’s interest in Sam had been.

“The shower!” Deadman said, jumping up from the bed as he remembered that there had most definitely been another moment during which Sam should have, perhaps, realized the truth. “We were pressed up very close against one another in there. Surely you noticed that a certain part of my anatomy was not… um…”

He couldn’t bring himself to actually say the words. Not when Sam was already looking at him like he’d gone completely insane.

“The shower?” Sam repeated, still looking at Deadman as though he thought the other man had completely lost it.

“Yes, when I had you pushed up against the… um… maybe don’t worry about that.”

“No, I remember that pretty fucking clearly,” Sam said. “Remember having a lot more to worry about than whether or not I could feel your erection pressing up against me.”

Deadman immediately found himself blushing. He brought a hand up to his face and looked away from Sam. How the hell could he just come out and say things like that? There was a brashness and straightforwardness to Sam that Deadman both admired and wished he could summon as easily as Sam managed to.

“Look, whatever is going on with you, why don’t you just tell me?” Sam said.

“Whatever is going on with me?” Deadman echoed.

“Yeah,” Sam said. “Like why you don’t have a dick.”

Okay, so maybe there was such a thing as being too brash and straightforward.

Deadman wasn’t the sort of person to curse in frustration, but in that moment he almost wished that he was. Instead he just let out a sigh as he tried to think through what he was going to say. Clearly Sam understood even less than Deadman had realized.

“Okay,” he said, taking a seat on the side of the bed once more. “How do I explain this?”

He had no way of knowing whether this was something Sam had come across before. His life had been so isolated, and with him being exposed to timefall as much as he had, it was possible this was something Sam had known about at some point in the past but had since forgotten.

“When the scientists created me they thought that they were making a woman, and gave me certain body parts accordingly,” Deadman said. “As it turns out they were wrong. When I was able to leave the laboratory and make my own decisions, I realized that I was a man and that I wanted to live as one. With the advancements that have been made in artificial hormone creation over the past few years, Bridges was able to make sure that I received the necessary medications.”

It had been a long time since he had talked about this with anyone, but the words came easier than he thought they would have. Maybe because he found it so easy to trust Sam. He had from the very first moment that the two of them had met, for reasons that were still slightly beyond his understanding.

He stood there, waiting for Sam to say something, hoping as he did that his trust in the other man hadn’t been misplaced.

Sam looked thoughtful for a moment.

“Huh,” he eventually said, with a shrug, and that was it.

“You probably have some questions?” Deadman prompted, readying himself for them. Surely they were inevitable.

“I might eventually,” Sam said. “Can’t think of any right now though. So… you’re trans.”

Well, Sam was aware of transness as a concept at the very least. That was a start, a good start, and Deadman found himself letting out a sigh of relief that was probably far too obvious.

“Yes, yes I am.”

Sam took a seat on the bed beside Deadman once more, and shrugged again. “I hope this isn’t going to be a problem,” Deadman said. He really had become very attached to Sam. It would break his heart if anything were to come between them now.

“Why would it be a problem?” Sam said. “Honestly, I was waiting for it to be something way weirder. Some sort of weird DOOMS shit or something. This is whatever.”

He shrugged again, his words and his actions both so open and honest and casual that Deadman had no choice but to believe that Sam really, truly wasn’t all that bothered.

“Oh,” Deadman said.

A frown was starting to appear on Sam’s face though; one that Deadman was reasonably sure meant the other man was thinking very hard about something.

“Are you absolutely sure you’re fine with this Sam?” Deadman asked.

“Huh? Yeah. Of course. You already know that I like both men and women. Why would I have a problem with this?”

“Then what is this?” Deadman asked, reaching out and poking Sam between the eyebrows, where their furrowing was the most obvious.

Sam’s frown just deepened, and he let out one of the small grunts that Deadman knew he sometimes let out when he was upset or annoyed.

“Just pissed off at myself,” Sam said. “We had something really nice going on and then I had to go and ruin it by being an asshole.”

Deadman couldn’t help but let out a chuckle in response to that. Sam’s answer was just so unexpected and so very much like Sam that between that and the sudden relief he was feeling, he just couldn’t help it.

“Well you know, Sam,” Deadman said, grabbing one of Sam’s hands and delicately moving it so that it sat on Deadman’s thigh once more. “I’m sure that we could get back there very quickly if we both made an effort.”

Sam’s eyes met Deadman’s own. Deadman gave him an encouraging smile which Sam was quick to return.

Sam gave Deadman’s thigh a gentle squeeze, and that was all the warning that Deadman got before Sam was climbing into Deadman’s lap again, his lips quickly finding Deadman’s own and resuming the eager, passionate kisses that they had been trading a few minutes earlier.

His hands snuck beneath Deadman’s clothes once more, lovingly running over the skin of his belly and chest, while all the while his mouth plundered Deadman’s own. It wasn’t long at all before Deadman’s heart was pounding again, in the good, blissful way that this much of Sam’s attention could do, and not because of the brief bout of anxiety that he had experienced earlier.

One of Sam’s hands snuck down beneath Deadman’s pants again, and he pulled back from the kiss, just far enough that Deadman could still feel the warmth of Sam’s breath against his lips. When he opened his eyes again he found Sam’s face only a few inches away from his own, watching Deadman very closely as Sam’s hand moved further down within Deadman’s pants, and started caressing this time instead of retreating.

Deadman’s eyes quickly closed again as the pleasure quickly began to build.

“Oh Sam,” he murmured.

“I love you,” Sam whispered, his breath uneven, as one of his hands gently caressed Deadman’s side. “You know that, right? You. Just as you are.”

And with everything that passed between the two of them over the next couple of hours, the way that Sam touched Deadman’s body and all of the things, both filthy and sweet, that he whispered in Deadman’s ear or groaned while in the throes of passion, it was impossible not to believe him.

#death stranding #dsss 2024 #deadsam #death stranding fic #deadman #sam porter bridges #death stranding secret santa 2024

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