deborahsun-blog

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“Count your rainbows, not your thunderstorms.” ⚡ 

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Me when I'm sad: I should......buy more books...

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The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.

F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby. (via wordsnquotes)

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To reach the gap. To make things clear. Honesty.

We could have been together now, if I didn’t do the “right thing”. I like you, yes you read, I like you. I like you more than being friends. We’re more than that, we are special to each other, I really don’t know about you but for me it is. I wish to know you even better, your family, your friends, your dreams, your passion, your hobbies & favorites. I want to know ALL the things about you. But I am afraid. First reason is that, I am afraid to be attach once again for the longest time to a boy whom I just met online, talking to him only through cellphone. Seeing only his pictures and hearing his voice only, though not just a voice, “all his voice”. You are different, I guess. The first trait I’m looking for a man is a prayeful one, a man whom I can share my faith with. The one who can understand and feel the deepest longings I feel everytime I look on the Eucharist. And I think you are that man. I want a man not just a boy, you are not perfect, you are not my type, your are not even my ideal. But you captured me. I never expected this from myself because from the start I knew it was wrong. You’ll go to seminary, so it means you wanted to be a priest.

Who am I to be the reason not to make happen that dreams of yours. Well yes, maybe I’ve help you but that was my main role after all, to be a part of your vocation. Men like you are needed in the Church. This world need priests. We could be more than friends if I wanted to but we are both struggling not to fall into sin. Not to fall inlove , because we both know it's wrong. Me, going to states. You, going to seminary. It was a complete different path. We could never be together. I asked myself many times if I should tell him that I like him as more than friends. That I want you to stay, to listen to all of my words the happy & sad, exciting & not. That I want to hear from you saying you love me. Even you are in the seminary, that I can wait, that I can be your girlfriend outside the seminary walls. I know, I suck. I know, it’s wrong. But I like you, I want you, I need you. But then again I look on the crucifix and remembering all my struggles discerning my vocation, then I realize I do not want him to feel this way. I don’t want to make things for him complicated. I want him to focus on his chosen path. Jesus is waiting for him, as well as me even if it is so hard to left, to ignore your calls, not to talk to you, not to hear your voice and to stay away from you. I did it. Not for me but for you. I wanted you to know that this long term decision I made is for you. I needed you but Christ needs you the most.

Too saintly to hear but that is what real love looks like. Because I love Jesus and I love you. I just need to let you go for real but I just can’t. I thought, talking with you in a friendly way is the least thing I could do ,for you and for myself. The struggle is still there but I know this actions and decisions are the best way to keep the friendship we have. You’ll always be special to me. You are the only person I’d talk to when times were too rough for me. You were there. Your voice was enough that time. Remember the times you ask to see me making the big & best step for us but I refuse. It was because I’m really scared, too scared because what if after that we couldn’t handle our feelings, what if after that I really wanted you to be mine. It cannot be, you are doing good in seminary and I’m trying to move on for giving me butterflies that for the longest I never felt. Thank you for making me feel happy and wanted. Stop worrying how I feel about you, you are more than that whatever you think you are. And I think this feeling will lasts a little bit longer. Bare with me, I'm trying in handling this, I am trying to escape just give me more time.

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I’m just tired; I just want the world to be quiet for a bit.

Matt Healy  (via wordsnquotes)

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A book is a dream that you hold in your hands.

Neil Gaiman (via thepersonalwords)

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I wish I had enough words to bridge the gap between us

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Discerning 19 Things on my 19th Birthday.

1. Read more books. 

2. Travel , meet new people & make new friends.

3. Keep and write a journal.

4. Invest on friendships.

5. Listen>Understand>>> Sanctify.

6. Learn to be alone, it’s good for your soul.

7. It costs you nothing to be kind.

8.  Experience new things, which you think will help you to know yourself even better.

9. Do not be afraid when love requires sacrifice. (Mahirap bes, sobra pero kayanin mo.)

10. Do more what makes you happy and satisfied.

11. Prayer life is a necessity. Jesus is the only way, the Truth and the Life. (Dasal bes, dasal.)

12. Consider long term effects when making decisions.

13. Simple things matter most.

14. Don’t let your depression, anxiety, frustrations, insecurities destroy and kill you. (Gising!!!! Laban!!!!, nagooverthink ka lang bes.)

15. Be intelligent and fastidious when using your social media accounts.

16. Like Mother Teresa said, want peace? Go home and love your family.

17. Intelligent mind and good personality will make you the most beautiful person.

18.  Sometimes the hardest and right things are the same, choose right anyway. 

19. God is more than enough. If you have Him, everything else is secondary.

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10.10.16

Baking Time (Chocolate Chip Cookies)

Ingredients: 2 eggs 1 cup butter 2 ½ cup flour 1 cup brown sugar 125 mg of sugar 1 tsp vanilla extract ¾ tsp baking powder ¾ tsp salt ¼ cup of chocolate chip

HAPPY BAKING!!!!!

🍪🍪🍪😋😋😋❤️❤️❤️

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EL NIDO, PALAWAN February 2016 Our first out of town without our parents. Hashtag independent life. 🌊🌊🌊. Best experience of 2016 for me. I gained new learnings and meet new people. Traveling is a therapy which enables you to think more rational. Hope to get back soon. See you soon EL NIDO 😎🏝🏖

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It costs you nothing to be kind ~ 🌻🌻🌻

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"There is no place for selfishness and no place for fear! Do not be afraid when love makes demands. Do not be afraid when love requires sacrifice.”

Saint John Paul II

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#TEENAGECONFESSIONS

09.04.16 Saturday midnight

Two weeks ahead of time my plans were settled. Sacrament of reconciliation and Holy Mass are vital necessities for my soul. My thirsting soul badly needs it. A ritual errand for me every first Friday of the month. Deep devotion to the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus leads me to these deeds.

“I promise you in the excessive mercy of my Heart that my all-powerful love will grant to all those who receive Holy Communion on the First Fridays in nine consecutive months the grace of final perseverance; they shall not die in my disgrace, nor without receiving their sacraments. My divine Heart shall be their safe refuge in this last moment.” (Jesus to St. Margaret Mary) What an incredibly ravishing promise of Our Lord Jesus. Look at His Most Sacred Heart and there you’ll see how much love He can bestow on you.

Let’s dig out on not-so-me confession. Unfortunately, all my plans were ruined. Transferred to another bus then too late for our friends meet-up, church oratory was closed. No reparation vigil, I am so torn. The idea of clubbing was my idea. Two of my friends were never been there. Three of us were first timers. Right after dinner, we decided to go.

I couldn’t believe, I entered legit night club. Not so surprising, I saw a lot of young people. Dancing, smoking, drinking — being wasted. Enjoying some fling time with there boyfriends, girlfriends & friends. In that midnight, I observed different kind of persons. From group of friends who only wants to enjoy each others company (KAMI YUN) and jam with DJ’s music to group of men and women who only wants fling with there opposite sexes. Including sexy dancing and kissing.

The real agenda for the night trip was to try and experience what it feels like why a lot of young adults are investing there time in to that kind of activity. That exact night I was thinking how many souls are here inside the club do they really know what they are doing? With there vices, inequities & uselessness. Eto pala talaga yung sinasabi ng mga matatanda. Dito hindi mo makikita na kabataan ang pag-asa ng bayan at simbahan. Kundi naging pag-asa sila ng mga nagpapayamang mga negosyante. Kung iisipin mo na i-judge ang ganitong mga kabataan, para sa akin mas kailangan nila ng awa at malasakit. Bakit? Kasi hindi nila alam ang ginagawa nila. Nabubulag sila sa mga bagay na alam nilang tama, okay lang naman. Living our life doesn’t mean we should do all our own will. I saw souls who are far with God, souls that need help & sanctification. The word salvation and heaven should exists in there vocabulary.

Purity does not exist inside night clubs. It’s just a place full of short comfort and happiness. It is just one of those selfish place on earth. Believe me, I saw Jesus inside he said, “I thirst from these people”.

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I’m so attached to this world that I want to disappear from it.

Coral-Vellichor (via coral-vellichor)

I WANT TO BE SOMETHING ELSE

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09.28.16

Enriching my baking skills (kunwari magaling) 😂. I got this vanilla cupcake with buttercream frosting recipe from CupCake Gemma. Checkout her youtube, she got incredible baking talent. Cheesecake & Toblerone cake are the only pastries I've tried to bake. Apparently, I made checklist for baking adventures and baking cupcakes are one of those. Today, it is a check for me! ☑ Yey!!! Our family has enormous love for pastries. My Mama, Ate's (sisters) & Aunties are amateurs in baking. They can bake from scratch to smash 🙌🏻 Expect incoming baking stuffs in my blog!

 With Love, Megan

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09.02.16. Snap-chatting with my college friend, Divine Myrrh 👻👻👻 Late dinner at Don Henricos, Session Road. Fun fact: my second sibling (sister) had the same name with her “Divine” 👯 ☄