debupahit

[debupahit]

Dear, Jordy

who is he he was my friend back when we were in elementary school until junior high school. to be spesific, he was my chairmate for a year or two. he was the shortest guy among all the boys. yet he was a superior person. 

his appearance he got Manado genes from her mom that made he mesmerizes, and that’s a fact because his older brother also fascinating. back then, everyone’s adore him and admit he’s a goddamn handsome. 

tell us about him he likes to skate, a lot. i think he spent skating every afternoon with his skater friends. he also good at basketball, he was in the main team. he also join a shuffle dance group (back in the era, you know) and did a performances. he smells very good. i bet you’re gonna love his smell. oh and i remember that he always brought his lunch from home. sadly, he smoked. Jordy never liked a girl, and never had a girlfriend ever until senior high school.

why did you like him he’s handsome.. and there’s no doubt. periodt.

a moment to remembered  the story i’m gonna tell is the most embarrasing moment i ever did. so i had two friends named Kezia and Grace. fun fact, Grace loves Jordy very bad. like, really bad. but Jordy didnt take Grace as a lover. we girls then decided to make a three fake accounts on facebook and intended to catfishing Jordy. after a couple days, Jordy found out that it was just a trap and we were the suspect. he got so angry at us and i cant stop saying sorry. because of his angelic heart, after that he said it was okay and we became friends again until junior high school. i still kinda like him but no, i knew he won’t make any lover that time.

[debupahit]

take me back

menuju bulan ke tiga di rumah aja, banyak waktu yang terkadang nggak secara sadar gua pakai untuk berfikir. kenapa gini? kenapa gitu? coba kalo gini? coba kalo gitu?

salah satunya adalah Audi. beberapa hari terakhir, gua sempet kepikiran terus sama dia. damn, i was so mean back there. gua bener-bener definisi jahat, dan sekarang gua nyesel. nggak seharusnya gua kayak gitu sama cowo baik macem dia. kembali lagi bersama enjelika yang nyia-nyiain orang baik. sampai akhirnya, kemarin malam gua nggak sengaja ngirim instastory orang lewat DM ke instagramnya dia. yang seharusnya gua kirim ke Marvin. karena panik, gua langsung bilang maaf seharusnya nggak ngirim ke elo, and he said its okay.

holy holy mother universe, semalem gua mimpiin dia. ya inti dari ceritanya adalah gua mergokin dia pergi sama temen kuliah gua Tabita dan Evita, mereka bertiga pergi berenang. gua nanya Audi kenapa berenang kok ngga ngajak-ngajak padahal gua lagi ngidam banget berenang?. sayangnya dia cuma terbata dan ngga bisa jawab pertanyaan gua. gua langsung nangis dan lari menuju kamar. 

and that’s it. terkadang memang alam bawah sadar kita keren. bisa merekam segala jejak sebelum kita tidur, atau memang itu hanya sebuah bunga tidur yang dirangkai secara acak... siapa yang tahu? 

[debupahit]

quick fire questions

J: 5 hal yang kamu suka dari aku

Y: aku suka dengan personality kamu, how you treat people, how you care about me, how passionate you are and also your way of thinking about things i can't

Y: you are a great person to me

Y: and im really grateful that we are together

J: 4 hal yang aku suka

Y: kamu suka rebahan, tidur, makan dan jalanjalan

J: 3 hal yang kamu gasuka dari aku

Y: apa yaa, suka bingung, plin plan dan suka nyesel setelah mengambil keputusan

J: 2 kalimat yang sering aku ucap

Y: selamat pagi sayanggg

Y: lalu

Y: makan yuk laper

J: 1 hal yang pengen kamu ubah dari aku

Y: engga perlu aku ubah, aku gak punya hak untuk merubah kamu, aku bersyukur dan senang dengan kamu, kamu yg menentukan apa yg mau kamu perbaiki dan buktikan ke aku

[debupahit]

3 hours talking

T: mungkin kalo gua di Bandung, kita jadian ya?

A: mungkin.

[debupahit]

guess what?

hey there things are getting complicated lately uni, social life, mind, heart, etc

there he goes my very popular father no, its not my biological father he is.. someone above me some kind of supervisor? chief? close enough

and there she goes my (also) popular friend shes pretty, everyones adore her pretty enough to make every girl jealous? i guess so

im going to tell you the bitter fact between them they like each other, but they just dont know.

(this was drafted in 2017, i just posted it 3 years later)

[debupahit]

i thought the night was ours,

but it wasnt.

[debupahit]

my ego dominates me

it hurts as hell, help i dont wanna i feel like the world is spinnin around until black i just saw

[debupahit]

i cant

its 4 AM already and i cant sleep

im sorry

i cant

.. stop thinking about you.

[debupahit]

him.

its been 14 or 15 days being around him. ive started to thinking if this was a serious kind of things.. ya know.

by the way, he's one of my high school mates. he's (extremely) kind-hearted, funny, smart, SMELLS GOOD..

he love to do some kind of little things to treat a woman like a princess. man, you should know, he do r e s p e c t woman!

help me to face and sort this things out?

[debupahit]

benci dan maaf

lalu kemudian persepsi orang banyak mengatakan jadi anak tunggal itu ego nya tinggi saya menyangkal, namun saya rasa itu saya.

maaf, jika saya merasa dia adalah milik saya milik saya dan sekitarnya milik saya dan kerabat terdekatnya namun, nyatanya bukan dia hanyalah seorang kerabat selama satu tahun ke depan seorang penanggung jawab dan kepala tidak lebih dari kata keluarga

saya, merasa ego saya mengambil alih jadi yang dominan siapa? dari biasa menjadi terbiasa saya rasa ini tidak nyata harus tidak nyata

benci, tidak, saya tidak benci namun saya iri iri akan apa yang saya kira punya saya

[debupahit]

jadi?

jadi pertanyaan saya, anda siapa? apakah hanya sebatas minoritas negri? apakah hanya sebatas sembunyi dibalik kursi? apakah hanya sebatas diam dengan ambisi pribadi? apakah hanya sebatas berlari tanpa perduli? apakah hanya sebatas mereka yang bermimpi? sayang, yang tidak merealisasi

jadi pernyataan saya, kini anda adalah mahasiswa yang berani memberi analisa yang berani berdinamika yang berani mengabdi untuk sesama yang berani menerima dengan lapang dada demi Indonesia yang lebih sejahtera

namun prinsip saya, anda belum mutlak mahasiswa anda belum bangga akan almamater anda anda belum berani memberikan warna anda belum berani meraih asa kalau jas almamater anda saja hanya tersimpan di dalam almari lama dan kemudian penuh dengan debu belaka

yang tidak digunakan demi nama civitas akademika, demi nama universitas, dan demi nama Indonesia.

[debupahit]

Snow White and the Seven Deadly Sins by R.S. Gwynn reprinted with the author's gracious permission from No Word of Farewell: Selected Poems 1970-2000

Good Catholic girl, she didn't mind the cleaning. All of her household chores, at first, were small And hardly labors one could find demeaning. One's duty was one's refuge, after all.

And if she had her doubts at certain moments And once confessed them to the Father, she Was instantly referred to texts in Romans And Peter's First Epistle, chapter III.

Years passed. More sinful every day, the Seven Breakfasted, grabbed their pitchforks, donned their horns And sped to contravene the hopes of heaven, Sowing the neighbors' lawns with tares and thorns.

She set to work. Pride's hundred looking-glasses Ogled her dimly, smeared with prints of lips; Lust's magazines lay strewn--bare tits and asses And flyers for "devices"--chains, cuffs, whips.

Gluttony's empties covered half the table, Mingling with Avarice's cards and chips, And she'd been told to sew a Bill Blass label In the green blazer Envy'd bought at Gyp's.

She knelt to the cold master bathroom floor as If a petitioner before the Pope, Retrieving several pairs of Sloth's soiled drawers, A sweat-sock and a cake of hairy soap.

Then, as she wiped the Windex from the mirror, She noticed, and the vision made her cry, How much she'd grayed and paled, and how much clearer Festered the bruise of Wrath beneath her eye.

"No poisoned apple needed for this Princess," She murmured, making X's with her thumb. A car door slammed, bringing her to her senses: Ho-hum. Ho-hum. It's home from work we come.

And she was out the window in a second, In time to see a Handsome Prince, of course, Who, spying her distressed condition, beckoned For her to mount (What else?) his snow-white horse.

Impeccably he spoke. His smile was glowing.  So debonair! So charming! And so Male. She took one step, reversed, and without slowing Beat it to St. Anne's where she took the veil.

[debupahit]

so this is why it all started. i still remember how fucked up i am thinking over and over again how everything should connected to each other how everything must have a reason phenomenally how i wanted this to be perfect babe, that struggle, it was just a pre-exhausting period.

its so sad to fact the reality i feel like im eating my own words no, not just me i can guarantee that my vissions and missions in the past i feel so sick about it right now its like a bullshit you know, that period kinda gave me a trauma literally trauma to everyone.

my questions are, how can i trust them, or even being close to them  if they ACTUALLY rejected us? if they ACTUALLY underestimated us? if they ACTUALLY sick of us in the back? pretending that they are happy with us pity, but that’s what they said to me and its a fact.

im really sorry i have to admit that i really sick of them the threaths you gave me in the past influentially so great for me for what i think about them in this time that is the cause of the trauma what can i say is, you gave fucking damn threats, not a motivation sorry if im too much negative-thinking but it aint my family yet.

i need an escape then i ran out from my comfort zone another challenge awaits, right? and thats kinda worked theres a family vibe in there even we are a new people even we are strangers but they treated us like a family from the beginning.

and it makes me assume honey, its better to play outside find people that makes you even stronger that gives you a lot of motivations that inspires you in order to survive outside your comfort zone

so.. Student Presidential Board, Student Representative Assembly, i’m coming straight to you.

[debupahit]

yes, indeed. i have passed so many circles that i even not think about it at first yet that was the challenge out from our comfort zone even if i am an introvert as fuck facing the difference until strange things became a habit became a family became a best part of you at that moment

but again, everything is temporary.

when you put a hope in a good things to be last forever you cant decide for how long good things lasts babe, the reality fucked us up the circles that i have been through was the best moment i ever had God, could this be last forever? but once our goals are done we messed up. no, we broke up. “we could be like this forever” it was just a cliche bullshit i always heard

note: a bullshit that i always wanted to.

[debupahit]

kalau saja aku belum menemukan matahari itu mungkin esok, mungkin nanti atau kapan? mungkin ia sedang bersembunyi dibalik pohon-pohon pinus enggan muncul segera masih ingin menikmati dan memanfaatkan waktu yang tersisa karna tahu pencarinya belum bisa melepas sang bulan

-  JUNE 15TH 2016 23:56 PM

[debupahit]

he came in into her room that day he looked a little bit sad she didnt know why and then she asked "what's the matter?" he didn't answer. suddenly, he pulled her into a hug and said, "i dont know how to say it to you" she only froze in that moment then released the hug but, she felt a guilt she pulled him back into a hug and said, "just spill it out, i understand you"

just before she knew what he's gonna say she realized something she felt relieved yet annoyed

yes, it was only just a dream.

October 11th 2016