decayinginasilentnight - Tumblr blog

[decayinginasilentnight]

i fell at work a few days ago along w having dropped a 5kilo box on my head and my whole body aches and is bruised. ive had a worse than normal headache for 4 days and ive been abnormally exhausted too i hate this body so much

[decayinginasilentnight]

first two pics were taken today, july 25 2018. i weigh 105.6 pounds and am 5'6". the pic of the croptop and skirt are from june 25, 2017. weight unknown and i think im sucking in. ive hit a plateau since april 2018 where i reached my lowest weight 103.2. ive been jumpin between 105 and 107 since. ive hated the way i looked since the earlier years of elementary school. i remember in third grade when the gym teacher made us all weigh ourselves, lined up in groups of six. i remember the look of disgust on her face when it read 114 (i was 4'11") and i remember the shame that flooded through me as i walked to do whatever activity assigned. that feeling never left

[decayinginasilentnight]

did anyone else ever just feel like you had to kill yourself but not because you particularly wanted to die? just as a person you felt like you were incompatible with life and it was inevitable that at some point you would have to die because you would no longer be able to cope with living

[decayinginasilentnight]

Yeah, I may be ugly and stupid and awkward and annoying- *starts crying* and worthless and useless and disgusting and

[decayinginasilentnight]

me: *looks at myself in the mirror* me: Hm. don’t like That

[decayinginasilentnight]

[decayinginasilentnight]

[decayinginasilentnight]

Me, forgot to shower in the last three days, soaking in the rain without an umbrella to fake “shower hair”: ok that’s the end of the post ffuc

[decayinginasilentnight]

*feels nothing* mmm, don’t like that *feels something but like, too much* mmm not a fan of that either

[decayinginasilentnight]

pro fucking tip

BABY FOOD ok like ik it seems weird and all but baby food is a great meal??? like its super high in nutrients bc ya know its for developing babies but the fruit based ones r rly good (no clue about veggie ones but dont go for meat based i hear its awful) and i had one apple and pumpkin one for breakfast and that plus my tea/coffee/ water and im full. it was only 50 calories ik it seems like a lot but??? its worth it

[decayinginasilentnight]

[decayinginasilentnight]

does anyone else that has an ed mixed with severe depression exist in a state of constant exhaustion? i cant tell if its depression or both,,,

[decayinginasilentnight]

I’m in love with the great British bake off

[decayinginasilentnight]

im down almost 3 whole pounds since the beginning of january. i went from 117.4 to 114.6 and i think this fast has helped immensely i was looking at myself in the mirror and now when im not sucking in or stretching, i look like how i used to when i would suck in at my sw just. wow.

[decayinginasilentnight]

holy shit

i was walking around the house with my hands on my hips and my mom said something along the lines of ‘i think youre getting too skinny’ and like. fuck no ones ever said that to me before

[decayinginasilentnight]

i ! don’t ! tolerate ! fat shaming !

i may want to be skinny, but i will NEVER slate someone else’s weight or compare bigger girls to smaller ones, weight is ONLY an issue on my self because of my DISORDER and i do NOT find fat people less attractive or less worthy than skinny people

[decayinginasilentnight]

what's the use in trying if you don't deserve to live