deeperstart

[deeperstart]

Sometimes I forget that the closer I am, the further away I feel I’m moving from the goalpost. While I’m running and running closer towards a routine that I no longer feel I deserve or want. It’s hard to reach into myself sometime to figure out what I want. It’s hard to find the time to do that. I know I want to be love, and love, which sounds simple enough and allows me to persist to what I already am.. and I feel better from that. Love isn’t a diced fixed gamble game, it’s me and you. It’s the poise of it all. I continue to crave a connection that I feel is so close to my grasp but so hard to understand. To restart is to restart.

[deeperstart]

Being sober

Being sober

It’s like a book that’s being written everyday, but a narrative that you can’t always control?? This Thing, all magnificent being, is truly one that I will follow until it all makes sense. Y? Because I love you. Being sober is like a book laced with memories & pages bleeding ecstasy that’s forbidden to everyone but I.

Sometime when you decide to grab the pen and write the book yourself, it’s like Truman looking back into the camera . “Tsk tsk. No no no” it’s not my story to tell, but it is yours & my story to view. “I’m a new soul, I came to this strange world hoping I could learn about how to give and take🎵” That’s how it can feel. Sometimes it’s best to let things unfold as they may because all roads in sobriety really do lead to beauty. People may not remember you but they remember how you make them feel. God and Donald, that’s what it feels like sometimes but I know that it’s God, Donald and all of Donald’s friends.

Being sober. A way out is allowing you to go through. My goal in sobriety is self discovery. My goal in sobriety is to experience love, even if it’s a short term momentary love.

[deeperstart]

I need to pour into myself more

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Quiting vaping is the hardest thing that I’m trying to do in sobriety. Overall it’ll be better for me to not do for my health. It’s just so hard. I want to stop.

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I hope this job is going to be a good fit

[deeperstart]

The art of sobriety

The magnificent enchantment that pulls you to sleep and wakes you up.

2 years ago I would’ve never felt something so warm and embracing because my bones was frozen and my finger tips felt like ice.

in this very moment, this feels like something more internal. I want to be with it eternally, forever and always.. Sorry I’ve missed out for so long but I’m here now. Use me.. let me be your instrument so I can continue to feel the inspirations of my soul.

Friends are amazing.

[deeperstart]

I’m struggling. Lack of faith. Lack of resources.

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I’m sad. What’s the point of me trying if everything is a financial burden. I hate trying. I have no purpose.

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I need to get better at using this. I’m still sober. I’ve been sober since 11-8-2021

[deeperstart]

I wrote this two days ago.

My bed is so warm. Silk satin sheets welcome me in, inviting me to spend time with myself. Cool to the touch pillows feeling like lavender haze on my skin. My body floating in the air, my mind is still on earth, but my body is floating and headed towards what feels like outer space. Outer space.. where I can dance with my insecurities and think about the solutions to problems not yet countered. Oh, what a beauty if I could just be an alien for one more day.

[deeperstart]

I hate having financial insecurity. I started school. My house manager wants me to find a exit plan. My job cut my hours. I’m passing 2/3 of my classes. (Statistics is hard. I have 3 more months until the semester is done. I’m still sober.

[deeperstart]

There’s something in me that wants to give up

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I’m stressing. Sober but over everything

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I start college tomorrow. Hopefully I can write about my experience here

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Just got back from Dallas and I’m feeling a bit lost. Like, what am I doing this for if it’s not for love.

I’d like to get to know Chris but doesn’t seem like he’s interested.

[deeperstart]

Do you ever feel like it’s harder to achieve your dreams when it’s 1000000000 people right now doing the exact same thing, thinking the exact same thing, With no formula given or directions provided?