deepxbluexocean

[deepxbluexocean]

(Closed for @shrieks )

Usually when Ocean went places, he took the stairs. Not only did he not like elevators for a variety of reasons - they were just closed-in metal boxes suspended by wires that if snapped would cause you to plummet to your death, which was not how Ocean wanted to die - but he just liked staying in shape in whatever way he could, which included using the stairs when possible. Luckily that gave him a reason he could actually admit out loud (as opposed to the aforementioned reason about the hidden hazards of elevators, which some people thought was weird). Unfortunately, Ocean's main other option when he was at the mall was the escalator, and frankly those weren't any better than elevators. The problem with those was that Ocean always panicked slightly when it came time to step on and off of them, fearful that if he chose the wrong moment, he might stumble and fall and both make a fool of himself and also injure his shin on the jagged edges of the steps, something that had actually happened to him as a child when the escalator suddenly stopped and no doubt contributed to his escalator phobia (escalaphobia, he'd learned it was called). Really they were a danger for different reasons, and Ocean had a more difficult time choose which was worse.

Most often, he'd take the escalator, the lesser of two evils in his eyes, but today there were throngs of people using them, and Ocean wasn't in the mood to deal with that. He'd had a rough shift at Art Murmur, dealing with customers who weren't very nice most of the day, and instead of Ocean realizing they were just unpleasant people, he blamed himself. Maybe he hadn't been very good at helping them? Maybe he wasn't good at helping anyone? Maybe he wasn't good at anything? That was the way Ocean's brain spiraled, and he was struggling to keep it from doing so now as he made his way to elevator, just wanted to be done with the place. Luckily today the elevator wasn't crowded with people like it was sometimes (apparently they were all at the escalators today), and only one other person joined Ocean inside. It was someone he didn't recognize, not really, though he thought maybe he'd seen the guy around the mall. Most likely, he was an employee, though Ocean didn't know his name. He was handsome though, and Ocean lost himself for a moment staring at him before realizing what he was doing. The moment the elevators closed, Ocean turned away, feeling that familiar panic welling inside him. Backing into the corner, he closed his eyes, fingers clawing at the walls to help steady himself as the elevator began to move. It would be over soon, something Ocean took comfort in; it was a quick ride at least. Or that was what Ocean thought, but suddenly the elevator stopped, causing Ocean to lurch forward.

Eyes snapping open, Ocean felt his heart stop for a moment as the lights flickered off before the low emergency lights came on, the two strangers spending just a moment in darkness together. The low light wasn't much better though, and for one wild moment, Ocean thought the elevator was about to plummet to the ground. But he quickly realized that that wasn't what was happening here. The elevator wasn't moving, and that exactly was the problem. They were stuck. "Oh no," he whispered, rushing to the control panel and pressing the emergency button. "No no no no no no no no," he kept muttering under his breath, jabbing the button so hard over and over again that his finger began to hurt. A few seconds later, someone had answered, and after Ocean had informed them of the situation, they'd said all he and the other employee could do was wait until they got them out, giving no time frame. Immediately backing into the corner again, Ocean slumped to the floor, visibly deflated. He didn't swear, but there was ever a time where he might, it would be now. Sighing, Ocean ran his fingers through his hair, trying to calm down, and it was like he suddenly remembered he wasn't alone. Looking at the other person stuck with him, Ocean apologized, "I'm really sorry. This...this is so embarrassing. I'm just not good with elevators or any enclosed space really." His cheeks were tinged red, voice shaky, and he introduced himself, "My name is Ocean." They might be stuck here for awhile, after all, so they might as well get acquainted.

[deepxbluexocean]

As he listened to Micah, Ocean was happy for him of course, but he was also feeling a little discouraged. Micah had left Shrike and really made something of himself, had seen so much more of the world than Ocean ever had, and he realized how little he had accomplished in his own life. So while he smiled at Micah and was genuinely happy for him, there was just a touch of sadness there as well. "Wow," Ocean said. "You've done so much. That's really impressive. So you're working for NASA? I bet farm life feels a lot different now." He wondered what it would be like to have your life figured out, and Ocean stated, "I've never even left Colorado. I've barely left Shrike even, and I have no idea what I want to do with my life, like none at all. I don't even know what I want to study at college. Right now I'm just taking prerequisite courses while I try to figure it out." Ocean didn't want to make this about him, so he just smiled again and agreed, "Yeah, we definitely need to catch up. I'd like that a lot."

Once he had returned with the bowl, Ocean smiled - a real smile this time, unaffected by his previous sadness - at the way Micah reacted. "Thank you, though I don't know if incredible is the right word," Ocean replied because of course he couldn't just take the compliment. "It's okay though. It's my favorite of the day. Do you really like it?" As he took the cone, Ocean protested, "No, I can pay," though he knew Micah wasn't going to let him. He was enjoying his cone as Micah talked about what he had said, and Ocean sighed because this was his own fault for bringing it up. But it also wouldn't be so bad to discuss it with Micah, whom he had known a long time now. "I was sort of with this guy while you were gone," Ocean told Micah. "At first it was okay, but then...it wasn't." He kept licking his cone, focusing on it like it was the most important thing and not looking at Micah. "He's out of the picture now," Ocean continued, "but it lasted a lot longer than it should have."

Micah could never regret his decision to go to college and follow his dream. After Celia had left, he'd been so lost, and leaving Shrike had been what he needed to get back on his feet and rediscover his identity outside of his relationship. So he didn't regret it, but seeing the friends he'd missed again reminded him how bittersweet the decision had been.

"Cleveland, yeah," he answered with a smile, more than happy to talk about his recent work. "I was finishing up my master's in Boulder when some folks from the NASA lab out there met with the cohort. Thankfully, NASA still likes young and eager aerospace engineers," he joked. The day the recruiters had come to their symposium was one of the most exciting, nerve-wracking days of Micah's life, all his work over the past near-decade leading to one conversation with a man in a pressed suit. "I spent a year out there. But Mom and Dad need some help running the farm right now, so I took leave. Should be back for a bit," he explained while omitting the specifics. "Which is great because we've got catchin' up to do." He grinned.

When Ocean ran off, Micah remembered he – until realizing it was Micah on the other side of the counter – had actually asked about ice cream. So while he had the time, Micah managed to scoop out a serving of strawberry into a sugar cone. When Ocean returned, Micah's smile did too at the sight of what he carried. "No way!" He laughed, touched by the gift. "This is incredible, O. Thank you." He then outstretched his hand. "Here, it's not remotely the same, but this is on the house," he offered, handing him the cone. As he did, his brow furrowed at Ocean's admission. "I'm sorry to hear that. Do you wanna talk about it? I'm not exactly slammed if you've got time."

[deepxbluexocean]

How long had it been since he'd seen Micah? That was something Ocean was wondering as they hugged; even if Ocean wasn't already a hugger because of life on the commune, there was just something so huggable about his friend. But it was as they were hugging that Ocean realized that he hadn't seen Micah since before Grant, meaning that his old friend didn't know the new version of him yet. Micah knew the happy, confident version of him, not the defeated, shattered Ocean. Luckily they were getting reacquainted at the market though, where he was enough of the old Ocean to hopefully escape notice. For now, Ocean just tried to be glad to see his friend again. Micah was a good one, and he would have fit in perfectly at the commune, still would if he ever decided to join. "I can't believe it's been so long," Ocean replied, smiling as he pulled out of the hug. "The last I heard, you were somewhere out east I think." And then, his smile fading just a little, Ocean asked, "What brings you back?" He wondered why anyone would return to Shrike Heights given everything happening in the town.

It was nice catching up with his friend, and Ocean said, "I'm glad to have you back. I missed hanging out." The truth was that Micah was one of his few friends who didn't live on the commune, and it was nice having that kind of connection to the outside world; it was why he was attending a local university and working in the mall now, or one of the reasons at least. "I'm still doing pottery," Ocean confirmed, and then an idea came to him. "One second, I'll be right back," he told Micah, and then Ocean hurried back to his stand, grabbing his favorite piece for the day, a bowl that was beautiful decorated. Then he brought it to Micah, handing it to the man and saying, "Here, a welcome home gift," his smile bright and easy. It had always felt good doing things for other people. "I've been alright here I guess," Ocean answered his other question. And then he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "Well not really," he admitted sheepishly, "but I'm getting by."

Micah recognized the voice and instantly, his smile widened. His eyes adjusted as he came around the counter to Ocean's side, opening his arms up for a hug. "Long time no see, my friend," he grinned. Micah's work on the farm had always been pretty focused on his family, but the commune had always offered another group to relate to. Especially with there being plenty of folks his age on the property, it was a built-in place for him to find friends where he otherwise might have struggled. Being a bookish, enthusiastic kid whose mind went a million miles a minute tended to pose challenges. Thankfully, he had people like Ocean who didn't seem to mind.

Micah stepped back, taking a proper look at the man he hadn't seen in a handful of years. "Yeah, what's it been... three years?" He asked. He'd come home for holidays most years while in college, but with internships and research, the visits had been brief and focused on his family. The success was good, but coming back home, it reminded him of what he'd given up to chase it. "Not too long, just a few days. I'll be back for a while longer this time, though." He offered, though exactly how long that would be still proved an open question. "How've you been? You're still doing pottery, right?" He asked, recalling his friend's interest back when they were kids.

[deepxbluexocean]

Ocean loved market days. It was one of the few times he felt confident - not so much in his work but in his ability to work the stands. It was like he became a different person, talking to the customers and selling the commune products (as well as his own), and it all just felt so easy. Why couldn't he be this version of Ocean all the time? But it was like lightning in a bottle, and as soon as the market was over, that bottle shattered, and he was back to being his reserved, insecure self. Maybe one day he'd figure out how to keep himself from reverting to that version.

Right now though, Ocean was focusing on the market. There were a lot of people from the commune that day, so Ocean was taking a little break, looking around at the various stalls. When he saw the ice cream machine, he approached the man and asked, "Do you make strawberry by chance?" Suddenly Ocean had such a craving for it, so he was going to be disappointed if the other said no. And that was when Ocean realized that he knew this man. "Oh hey Micah!" Ocean exclaimed. "Man, it's been awhile. How long have you been back?"

date & time: eight a.m., late july open to: everyone

Micah had been back less than a week, and the early mornings had been hitting him hard. He hadn't realized how much later his days started in Cleveland, but rising before the sun to milk the cows and staying busy 'til his head hit the pillow at night had taken its toll. He'd missed it, of course, but he was in desperate need of a nap.

The sun beating down on him as he arranged the family's stall at the farmer's market didn't help matters either. He was already sweating at eight in the morning, and he could feel his energy being sapped in the heat. In a way though, masochistic as it was, he loved it. The familiar routines and patterns he'd grown up with felt like home, and it made his tiredness feel like an accomplished one. Like it was worth it.

As he unloaded the last of the machines for their onsite ice cream stand – an idea of his from last summer he was quite proud of, he must admit – the heat bearing down on him eased, and he realized someone's shadow was shielding him. He popped up quickly, smiling as he squinted, the sun briefly blinding and preventing him from identifying his conversation partner.

"Morning," he greeted them easily. "You're just in time. I'm just about to open up shop. Were you looking for anything in particular?"

[deepxbluexocean]

Nodding, Ocean replied, "Yeah, I think we all kind of influence each other on the commune. A lot of us have artistic interests, which I think makes sense since we're around each other so much, especially in childhood." Most of the kids didn't go to a typical school, so they didn't venture off of the commune as much as the adults did. As a result, they were generally all pretty close, which of course influenced their interests. Though Ocean's own interest in pottery was cultivated by his parents as well. Smiling, Ocean nodded again. "Yeah, I'm definitely lucky to have them. I don't know if they're lucky to have me." He laughed softly, though his gentle self-deprecation belied his hidden fear - that he was a burden. But Ocean just played it off like a joke, just like he always did. Blushing just a little, Ocean admitted, "Well...I usually don't leave the markets with very much leftover stock. But I always feel like people are just being nice and overlooking the imperfections. I don't remember the last time I made a piece I was truly happy with." It was probably before Grant shattered his self-esteem, Ocean assumed, though that felt like so long ago now. "I usually work wherever I can, though we have a lot of space and barns and sheds and things like that," he answered. "I like to go into one of the barns and work there. It's more secluded than someone's house, so I can focus more."

Alma was easy to talk to, and Ocean was definitely glad he had run into them, even despite his initial embarrassment for being so clumsy. When they suggested showing each other their work, Ocean hesitated for a moment. "Uh...I..." he started, thinking about it. He couldn't remember the last time he'd shown anyone his paintings, but Alma had been so understanding and welcoming, and he believed that they wouldn't judge him, at least not beyond a constructive criticism sort of way. "I think that would be alright," Ocean decided finally, even if the notion scared him. Smiling at Alma's response, Ocean added, "It's especially good when it's got real strawberry pieces in it. Someone on the commune makes it homemade sometimes. Maybe you could try it sometime." Ocean told Alma what his schedule was for the week, and finally he asked, "Is everyone at Art Murmur as nice as you? Because maybe I've been nervous for nothing." He hadn't exactly made an effort to get to know his coworkers."

"I guess you can say that, yeah. I mean it's new friendship and I've probably spent a bit more time with Sonnet but they're both brilliant individuals. I've learned so much. Sonnet is a great artist when it comes to working with her hands too. Lots to admire there. That's amazing though. You're all really lucky to have each other," they told him sincerely. Their own life was proof of how it could be when you didn't consistently have loving and caring people in your life. "Oh come on, I bet you're great. In fact I think I probably have already seen some of your stuff at the market, now that I think about it. I remember someone telling me that someone from the commune made it. So from where I'm standing, you're pretty damn talented. Do you make most of your things on the commune? Like do y'all have a studio or something? I usually rent space, make deals for a space or occasionally make a mess in my garage." But after that one time her mother had gone off on them about it, they had basically avoided that option for a long time.

"Yeah there's nothing like art pushing you to start over and try again, right? Like the ultimate test of patience. It's not something I thought I'd be able to focus on as much but I've found my groove, you know? We do get a discount. I'll teach you how to work it to your advantage and maximize those benefits, don't you worry. But this is a really good start. You've already met me. And you'll meet all sorts of people coming in and out of the store. Mmm, something tells me that if you're like me then your bar for 'good enough' is probably way too high. If you ever want to share anything...well you show me yours, I'll show you mine," they told him with a laugh but a sweetly sincere smile. Maybe this was the kind of thing Alma was waiting for. A new artist friend but another sign that maybe the commune really was the place for her. "Ooo, a great answer. Classic and delicious. I think we're going to get along great, Ocean," she told him and patted his arm lightly as they got in line for the ice cream. "What days of the week are you working? Maybe I can shift my schedule to match."

[deepxbluexocean]

Even though Ocean was glad to see Honey, as the pair began to walk, he was starting to feel nervous. With as perceptive and empathetic as Honey was, Ocean knew she had most likely sensed something going on with him. It was a common problem he'd run into with members of the commune; it was always difficult to hide how he was feeling from them, and right now he especially wanted to. He hated that once people knew what had happened with Grant and how it had changed Ocean that they would see him differently. Although Ocean had no doubt that the people who cared about him, like Honey, would still feel that way, he would be different in their eyes whether they liked it or not. But for a bit longer, Ocean tried to play it cool, not wanting to just jump right into it. Maybe Honey wouldn't even ask? Nodding, Ocean replied, "Yeah, okay. That sounds good." And then then pair began to walk.

For a few minutes, Ocean and Honey just walked quietly; they'd known each other long enough to not feel the need to fill every silence between them. Eventually though, Ocean said, "I've been going there a lot, to the bridge I mean. It's just...it's easier to think at places like that, the bridge or quiet places on the commune. You've probably noticed I've been spending a lot of time alone lately." That was a new thing about Ocean, who before Grant had almost always been with other people. "I guess I'm...introspective lately," he went on. "I've, uh, had a lot on my mind. I'm thinking you've probably noticed that." Here it was - Ocean had essentially given Honey an in to ask about his change, if she wanted to.

growing up in the commune, honey has always been able to understand and feel a wide range of emotions and feelings; her emotional intelligence, as is the norm in the commune, is well beyond her years. coming from this background, and living through this era of the shrike killers, honey would be more than understanding of any anxiety that ocean is feeling, much like how she's been able to understand that there is a change in ocean, that he's gone through something big enough to make him less himself. no matter how good ocean has been at hiding things, honey is observant enough to worry for her beloved ocean. "it's so pretty here," honey agrees with a nod. while all of the commune are so different, their own unique people who all value individuality, they pretty much all agree on the cbd being their least favorite spot in town. "how about we go for a little walk in order to get a nice cold drink?" she suggests, the closest store that they could purchase a drink from being a small walk away. honey doesn't want to force ocean into anything he's not comfortable with, but she does hope for his sake that he can confide in her, no matter what that looks like today.

[deepxbluexocean]

Being with Evander was simple, easy, and Ocean was definitely starting to feel less like an idiot about the scheduling mix-up at Art Murmur. More than likely, those thoughts would come back, probably tonight when he was alone in bed thinking about all the stupid things he had said and done today. But for now, it was easier to push those thoughts to the side while talking with Evander. The man was kind and definitely more outgoing than Ocean was, plus he was handsome, and that was nice too. Plus he was familiar, which is what really made the difference. Like most people on the commune, he felt like family, which Ocean thought was probably his favorite part about living there. And since Evander was like family, Ocean should have known he wouldn't just let his negative thinking go without saying something about it; the people who cared about him almost always did. It seemed like Evander at least understood where Ocean's thoughts were coming from though. Nodding, he replied, "Yeah, feelings don't always make sense. I just...sometimes it's like I see something happening outside my body, and it's just so mortifying I want to look away. But then I realize I can't because I'm not just watching it, I'm living it, and it's such a...a paralyzing feeling, like everything is falling down around you. Have you ever experienced that, Evander?" Sighing, Ocean ran his fingers through his hear and admitted, "I know this doesn't seem like a big deal, and objectively I know that it's not. I just...I've been having these feelings a lot lately." And then in a quiet voice, he added, "And I don't like myself very much these days." It wasn't something he'd said out loud very often, that was for sure, and he blushed now because of giving voice to his hidden thoughts. "I didn't used to be like this," Ocean said softly. "You remember."

Evander was good with leaving, and Ocean breathed a small sigh of relief. "I just need to be somewhere with less people," he answered. "I know they're not, but I feel like everyone is watching me and whispering about me behind my back. That's crazy, I know, but I guess that's where my brain is right now." Thinking about where he wanted to go, Ocean suggested, "Maybe like the lake? Or a park somewhere? Honestly anywhere quiet will work. Is that okay with you? It's alright if you're busy." It was just occurring to him that Evander probably had been at the mall for a reason, and he might still have things to do there. "I can wait, if you've got to finish something up. I'd just be wandering alone if you weren't here, so however long you need is alright."

“either way, i’m happy,” evander told him. the commune didn’t care for money in the traditional sense; they made everything they needed by selling their produce and their creations at markets and events - or privately - and their mentality wasn’t that of the typical american consumer. they were extremely self-sustainable, even evander was for the most part, despite being a little different; his passions were expensive, technology being very expensive, but that was close to the only reason why evander worked as much as he did in search of an income as large as the one he made. especially now that a handful of commune members had jobs outside of the commune, mostly in shrike mall, evander wasn’t worried about who paid for the coffees - though he also didn’t think on it too much, especially not enough to think that ocean’s words made him sound stupid; they hadn’t. 

“no need,” evander wanted to say something along the lines of ‘that’s what family is for’, but without the family aspect; unfortunately as ‘that’s what fellow commune members are for’ didn’t have the same ring to it, he shrugged it off and hoped that the gesture would speak for itself. “hey,” evander frowned, but it was a look of sympathy, not of judgement or anger. “you’re not an idiot, ocean,” evander assured him. he had heard rumors of ocean’s past relationship after the conclusion of it, but he never paid too much attention to any of the details; it wasn’t that evander didn’t care about ocean - he did - it was only that evander was a naturally solitude person for the most part. hearing ocean speak so negatively about himself, speaking in a way so foreign to a commune member, and so unlike the rest of them, it had evander wondering if the rumors he heard were true. “while it’s not a big deal in the way that it’s a mistake that many people make, i get that feelings don’t always follow sense,” he began. “so even if it’s not that big of a deal, i understand how it could feel that way.”

“it’s okay,” ocean didn’t need to explain himself. “we all have bad days, try not to be too hard on yourself,” some more than others, evander knew that personally. “of course,” evander wasn’t a perfect person, or a perfect commune member, but since joining the commune - albeit after a rocky start there - he had become a good person, at the very least. when he could help somebody, he absolutely would. “i’m happy to be here,” while happy wasn’t the best word to use in describing evander, it still made sense to say that he was happy to spend time with ocean. “yeah, i drove here,” he nodded. “of course we can,” evander hadn’t been hurt in the mall, like so many others had, but he still didn’t need to be asked twice to leave the death trap. “where’d you have in mind?”

[deepxbluexocean]

Ocean had time to kill before his ride came to pick him up after his shift, a couple of hours in fact. Normally he might have made his way around the mall, just browsing, maybe actually spending some of his paycheck for a change (he almost never did beyond basic essentials, opting instead to save it). But just recently while wandering the mall, he'd seen his ex with his friends, and now Ocean was a little wary - that had happened a couple of times in the last few weeks. It was almost like Grant was doing it on purpose now that he knew Ocean worked at the mall - which was something his ex would definitely do. So instead, Ocean went over to Showtime, deciding to stay in just one store. Truthfully Ocean also thought that it would be easy to hide in Showtime if Grant made an appearance, what with its high shelves. It was a little bit like a maze, so it seemed like the best option. As he entered the store, Ocean looked around when he heard a seemingly disembodied voice. Where was it coming from? Ocean was startled for just a moment before he saw the source of the voice, someone whose face was mostly obscured by VHS tapes. "Do you need some help?" Ocean asked, already hurrying over to help keep the tapes upright as the other man set them down. "Sorry," Ocean apologized, "you probably had that handled on your own. It just looked kind of precarious." Running his fingers through his hair, Ocean admitted, "I'm not exactly looking for anything, I'm just...sort of avoiding someone who may or may not be in the mall. I know that sounds stupid, it's just...someone I really, really don't want to see."

open starter for @shrikestart from pj dawson. takes place in showtime, shrike mall. please use beta editor!

"hello!" pj calls out his greeting almost immediately upon hearing the bell chime, indicating that someone has walked through the door of his work place. "give me one second and you'll have my full attention," he tells them, cheerfully yet apologetically, chuckling as his view of the person - presumably a customer - is entirely obstructed. he carries a tall stack of videos in his hands, a stack so high that he's using his cheek to help the ones at the top of the pile stay in place. "sorry about this," he's going above and beyond with the engagement, attentive and helpful being two words to describe him perfectly. "how can i help you? what're you after?" he asks them as he finally places the videos on the counter carefully, and only then is he able to turn around and catch sight of the other person.

[deepxbluexocean]

It didn't use to be like this. There was a time when Ocean didn't have to make such an effort to check in with the people he cared about; it would just be natural to spend time with them, especially the commune members and especially the members of Wozniak family. Ocean used to be such an outgoing person, but that was before Grant, and now he was so introverted and reserved, so different than the way he was before. And to make it worse, there was no way the people he cared about the most hadn't noticed. After all, they had known Ocean his entire life, so they had to have seen the change in him, and he hated that because he didn't want them to worry. Maybe that was why he spent more time off of the commune these days. Whatever the reason, he was doing just that, not just with work and school but just exploring Shrike Heights or the mall, spending time with himself because when no one he cared about was around, he didn't have to put on a front. It was like he was always wearing a mask these days, and it was starting to get uncomfortable, if it ever wasn't.

Today Ocean was out for a walk after his shift at the mall, standing on Willow Bridge and admiring both the view and the bridge itself. It really was beautiful, and it just made Ocean feel peaceful. Since he hadn't seen her coming, Ocean was surprised to hear someone call his name, looking in that direction and seeing Honey coming toward him. He was both happy to see her and suddenly a little anxious at the same time. While Ocean cared very much about Honey, he was having a bit of a difficult day, and he didn't feel like having to pretend he was fine. But that was what he was going to have to do it seemed, and Ocean slipped the mask back on. "Hey Honey!" he exclaimed, smiling at his friend, who was essentially his sister. "I was just out for a walk. It's such a nice day, and this is one of my favorite places outside the commune." It was also quiet and less frequented by members of Shrike Heights than say the Central Business District or the mall, but Ocean didn't say that. What she asked him didn't surprise him at all, having expected it actually, and Ocean briefly considered making an excuse; he didn't feel like talking right now. But that wasn't fair to Honey, so Ocean just nodded, managing to smile again. "That sounds great," he answered. "It's pretty hot outside today, so I'm down for a cold drink. But I don't mind the heat either if you'd rather just go for a walk."

closed starter for @deepxbluexocean from honey wozniak. takes place in town (unspecified location outside of the commune), midday. please use beta editor!

"ocean!" honey hasn't seen her dear friend and fellow commune member in longer than he usually likes it to be. she's the kind of person who is constantly buzzing around - true to her name - from person to person, place to place, all in order to check in on all of her loved ones. she's been this way her entire life, but particularly since the attacks began in shrike heights, honey tries to be more attentive and more helpful than ever. she tries to keep adequately up to date with the affairs of all of those who she loves, but the addition of having siblings who have been attacked in her life, along with ocean's recently reserved nature, she hasn't been able to get to the bottom of ocean's affairs in the way she would have liked. to see him out and about today, to have run into him by chance, it feels like fate finally giving them a moment together.

"it's been far too long, my dear ocean," she speaks to him sweetly. "what brings you out here today?" she's aware that he has a job at shrike mall, much like herself, but as they're not in the mall, honey doesn't know if that's the reason for him being outside of the commune - not that any commune members need a reason to be outside of it. "it feels like forever since we've been able to spend some quality time together. tell me, do you have time right now? perhaps to get a cold drink together? or to go for a walk together? if you're not finding this summer heat to be too hot." she's concerned, to be entirely honest; she not only wants to spend time with ocean because she enjoys doing so, but she feels like a proper and honest check in has been long overdue with him, with many factors working together to prevent it. though she won't blame ocean if he has no time at all, honey sends a small wish out into the universe, hoping that ocean will be able to go along with such a spontaneous plan.

[deepxbluexocean]

Smiling back at Reagan, Ocean replied, "I make really good coffee...not that coffee is that difficult to make." And then he laughed, feeling a bit better about this interaction. "Yes, safe adjacent is the perfect way to describe it," Ocean agreed. "As safe as someone can be in Shrike Heights. On my way here, I didn't see anyone lying in wait to murder us." Maybe the humor was a little dark given all that was happening, but Ocean didn't think he could mentally process it without a little humor. He smiled when Reagan complimented his name, feeling like maybe he had misjudged her. After all, he hadn't had a lot to go on, just a couple of interactions where there were other people distracting him, not to mention the fact that they were high. Now he felt a little guilty about that, but there was a chance to make up for it now (plus Ocean knew that Reagan had no idea that he'd been thinking she was a little rough. A little rough around the edges maybe, but that wasn't a bad thing necessarily). It seemed that Reagan was coming with him, and once she was on her feet, Ocean felt a bit unsteady when she grabbed his arm and swayed a bit; he hadn't been expecting it. Clearly the effects of the alcohol were still wearing on Reagan, so Ocean helped her stay upright without making it too obvious that he had noticed she might need it. Chuckling softly, Ocean replied, "Yeah, you did," the two of them walking toward his house. As they did so, he asked, "So Reagan, how'd you end up on the commune anyway?"

His suggestion actually made her smile and she decided that sounded like a lovely breakfast. "Coffee would be amazing too. I mean if you're offering. Who am I to say no?" She was actually grateful that he had found her of all people. She joked around but he seemed sweet enough if not a bit naive but Reagan was used to that. "Safe adjacent you're saying? I'll take it. I still have my clothes and my money so that's safe to me. Ocean! So much prettier. I like that. Ocean, ocean, ocean," she repeated as if she was actually going to remember. She'd try but that didn't necessarily mean she'd succeed. She squinted at the house in the distance, looking him over again before deciding she could likely trust this offer. As far as trust could go in such a short time. "Fuck it, take me to your humble abode, cutie. Coffee, water, weed. What more do I really need? Huh, I rhymed." She linked her arm with his to keep her balance and followed right along. "You've lived here your whole life, huh?"

[deepxbluexocean]

Ocean immediately felt guilty. "Sorry," he apologized. "It was a really nice gesture, and I appreciate it. I just would feel guilty taking it from you." Now Ocean was wishing he'd just done it. "I can take it if you really don't want it," Ocean told the other. "I like coffee. I come here a lot actually, for reasons other than taking a break from a run I mean." And then Ocean took the coffee back to show that he really meant it. Looking at the name again, Ocean told Lianjie, "One time I came here, and they wrote 'Open' on the cup. I thought that one was funny because Ocean isn't a difficult name. Maybe they thought they misheard because it's an unusual name, though 'Open' would be a weird name too." And then he laughed at the memory, taking a sip of the coffee.

Ocean was confused as to what Lianjie meant at first, but then he realized that he was talking about his tattoos. At first, Ocean focused on that because he actually was interested to know more about it, telling the other, "I've been thinking of getting a tattoo myself. I'm afraid though because I've never gotten one, so I don't really know what to expect. Plus I don't really know what I want for sure. I've got lots of ideas, but they don't really go together." Looking at Lianjie's face again, Ocean clarified, "That's not what I meant though. I was talking about the bruises." And then Ocean gestured to the other's face, giving him a look of concern. Did Lianjie not even realize that he was so bruised?

Lux was a little disappointed when his attempt to get rid of one of his two coffees failed, but he didn't let it show on his face, nodding and sliding it back towards himself instead. Absently he wondered if Hoseok were even awake to dump this on him instead. "Uh, yeah, it's mine. I guess some of the baristas have bad handwriting, I don't know. I like, ordered the wrong thing the first time and then realised and ordered something else. It wasn't their mistake so I just...got both."

He reached up to rub the back of his neck awkwardly, unsure 'what' looked like it hurt. Was it his tattoos? There were plenty all over their skin, creeping up their neck from the collar of their shirt, so it was entirely plausible. "I mean, some of them hurt like a bitch, but for the most part, it's kind of a good pain. You get numb to it after a while, and it starts to feel... good almost? I don't know. It depends on a lot of stuff, too, like how long the session is, how many colours... how close to the bone. You know?"

[deepxbluexocean]

Ocean had never been in The Black Cat before, and as he stepped inside, he immediately felt out of place. It wasn't anything the employees or other customers were doing - most were just shopping, not paying any attention to him - and Ocean wasn't unfamiliar with a lot of the things in the store. Many of the people on the commune had uncommon views and beliefs, and Ocean had grown up around it his entire life. But everyone in here just seemed so effortlessly cool, whereas Ocean, well...he was strange, and not in the interesting way that this shop seemed to cater to. He'd just been bored, killing time after his shift at Art Murmur while he waited for his ride home. But this wasn't his scene, Ocean realized that pretty quickly, and he was just about to leave when someone spoke. Were they talking to him? Turning in that direction, Ocean looked at the speaker, someone who seemed to work here, and they were looking right at him. Well he couldn't well leave now - sure, Ocean was awkward, but he wasn't rude - so he walked over toward the employee, and he actually felt a little better because tarot cards were something he was somewhat familiar with. "Yeah, okay," Ocean decided with a nod. "I sort of stumbled into this club open house thing on the university campus, and they were doing readings, and someone I know on the commune is really into them too, so she's done readings for me also. The club invited me to use a Ouija board too, but that was a hard pass." Ocean laughed softly before realizing he was kind of rambling, which was when he cleared his throat and said more seriously, "Anyway, I'm ready. What do the cards have to say?"

𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: the black cat 𝐚𝐯𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲: open @shrikestart

—— it was technically drew's time off, but they liked the atmosphere that their work had, and they hadn't really made too many friends to justify going out — so sometimes they would come in and sit behind the counter, entertaining whoever was on the shift after theirs. other times, when they were especially bored, they would grab one of the tarot decks from the shelves and give impromptu readings that made absolutely no sense. but customers seemed to like it enough. it was on the house, they said, as if they had the right to charge for services they offered without having any expertise whatsoever. "hey, want a reading?" they decided to ask upon seeing a face in their peripheral, fanning out the cards and offering an impish grin. it was an older deck, released seven or so years prior, but it was still stunning. "free of charge. unless you're keen on buying me some ice cream if it goes well."

[deepxbluexocean]

Ocean was having a little bit of a rough day. Last night, Ocean had indulged a little - not alcohol, he didn't drink, but he'd actually let himself eat pizza, and not just one piece either. Generally he wouldn't have even considered it, but he'd had such a good day. He was getting the hang of things at Art Murmur, and he hadn't thought about Grant once the entire day (well until he realized he hadn't thought about him, but that was just a brief moment, and that was better than most days, so he'd take it), and when some of his coworkers had invited him to get pizza after work, he'd said yes, so pleased to have even been invited. But...in the light of a new day, Ocean had stood in front of the mirror, shirtless and picking apart every little perceived imperfection, and he knew he needed to go on a long run to make up for the high caloric (and fat) intake of the previous night. And it had definitely been a long one too, so by the time Ocean had gotten to The Blue Sparrow, he was exhausted.

So now he was sitting at a table inside, hoping he didn't look like a sweaty mess (but knowing that he did). Really he'd just been catching his breath, so Ocean was surprised when someone spoke, sliding a coffee down to him. "Oh, that's okay," Ocean said. "You should keep it. I really only stopped in here to sit down for a minute." He needed to continue his run and head back to the commune eventually. But Ocean didn't want to be rude, so he took the cup, looking at the name written on the side of it. Unfortunately he couldn't read what it said, and he laughed, "Are you even sure this is yours? The writing is totally indecipherable." And then he looked back at the other, introducing himself, "My name is Ocean." And it was like he suddenly realized the state the other's face was in. "Are you okay?" he asked. It looked like someone had punched him, though Ocean didn't want to ask that directly. Instead he moved over so that he was sitting closer to the other, saying, "That looks like it hurts."

open starter @shrikestart location: the blue sparrow

Not remembering the night before was nothing new. That had been the modus operandi ever since the last attack. Going through the motions, numbing down the paranoia by getting high, getting drunk, or both. Whiting out on someone's couch. His own, last night. They had never been one to fall into a pattern of bad habits, and yet here they were, itching not to be sober any longer than they had to be. They were still responsible enough to show up to work with their wits about them. Even though it wasn't exactly the profession they saw themselves having after pouring themselves into their studies growing up, they loved their job. Getting to put a permanent piece of his art on a person was an uncontested luxury. It was important that they kept that intact, even if their social life was going to shit. Today was his day off though. It could not have come at a more welcome time, between the hangover and the lack of caffeine weighing his bones down. "Here," He set down a cup of coffee at the other end of the communal table at the centre of the cafe. "I ordered the wrong thing the first time, so... free coffee?" He said with an awkward, uneven smile. One side of his face was hurting like crazy and it wasn't until he thought of that that he realised he hadn't even looked himself in the fact that morning. Had he done so he would have been aware of the ugly pattern of bruising that was starting to form around his eye. He reached for his own mug of sweet, salted-caramel goodness, bringing it to his mouth for a sip. "If you want."

[deepxbluexocean]

what does ocean really think of the mall?

To be honest, Ocean has mixed feelings about it. While he likes the mall and meeting new people and the employment opportunities it's provided the people of Shrike Heights, he worries it's part of a larger trend and that it's the beginning of Shrike Heights losing what makes it a quiet little refuge from the larger world. Though he knows a city running rampant with masked killers is neither quiet nor a refuge.

[deepxbluexocean]

what are ocean's thoughts on change?

It depends very much on what the change is, though overall Ocean is a creature of habit. Once he becomes comfortable in a situation (or at least used to it), it's hard for him to try and come out of it, even when it's in his best interest (such as his relationship with Grant). Even though he knows that in the cases of positive change, he's never regretted it (again, such as his relationship with Grant and choosing to end it), it's still scary to him. For Ocean, he would rather take the humdrum of consistency than the unknown of change, though when he really needs to, Ocean is able to accept that that very change may be the right move. But it still terrifies him sometimes.

[deepxbluexocean]

What is Ocean's favorite album?

This changes frequently, but right now Ocean's favorite album is Doolittle by Pixies, which just came out in April. He loved their last album, Surfer Rosa ("Where is My Mind" is sort of his theme song), but right now he's been listening pretty exclusively to their latest album and loving it.

[deepxbluexocean]

who is ocean's favorite person, if he had to pick one right now?

While Ocean loves everyone on the commune, he especially loves the Wozniak family, and he could never pick just one of them. After his parents died, the commune banded together to raise him, but Ocean lost his sense of belonging. It didn't make any sense to him - and still doesn't - because how can he feel like he doesn't belong to anyone or anywhere when he has so many people who love him. But Ocean felt adrift for a really long time, still does, which is probably why he was so susceptible to Grant's machinations. But after his parents died, he spent the most time with the Wozniak family, and they - even more than the commune - became his home. While Ocean still feels like he doesn't really have a place, while he still doesn't totally feel like he belongs, that feeling is markedly lessened when he's with them.