defeatedlaughter

[defeatedlaughter]

“You’ll ache. And you’re going to love it. It will crush you. And you’re still going to love all of it. Doesn’t it sound lovely beyond belief?” - Ernest Hemingway, The Garden of Eden

[defeatedlaughter]

[defeatedlaughter]

“And there are times that I think about all the things you said to me, and I might have not loved you then, but hell— I miss you so fucking much—and I wish I didn’t.”

— Read 11:11 PM // D.C

[defeatedlaughter]

“When I say I love you. I don’t mean the ‘I love you and tomorrow I don’t know if I’ll be able to feel the same’ love, I’m talking about the kind of love that can make the world shake. The love that you will never feel again, the love that people wish they felt when they are awake at 3am with no one to kiss them Goodnight. When I say I love you, I mean the ‘I love you and tomorrow I don’t know if I’ll be able to feel anything else but this love.’”

— I love you, don’t you understand? // D.C

[defeatedlaughter]

“There are nights when your whispers stay behind like the dull white paint under peeling bright green walls and there are days the sun shines your name as loud as the church bells and the sound is far too loud for it to disappear but good god it doesn’t give me headaches like my unanswered prayers did.”

— My Heart is Hurting // D.C

[defeatedlaughter]

[defeatedlaughter]

[defeatedlaughter]

on a scale of one to ten how sad are you.

you almost say seven but the answer floats in your lungs like rising mud. you shift your shoulders. some part of you is already forming an excuse. that it’s not that bad sometimes. one, two, three on a day that the clouds are out. you’re just complaining about stuff. yesterday you laughed past a brick of a four, does that make the brick come down to a two-point-five.  the solid seven panic attack of last tuesday feels somehow like a little thorn, just a regular day full of a gentle three-point-nine earthquake rocking after yesterday’s close-to-an-eight. see but if tomorrow you have a real bad day, it will make today look simple.

and what if. what if tomorrow it’s a big old red eight-point-nine. like one of those days where sirens are going off in every part of you but you’re stuck behind a glass window watching it all burn down. like one of those days that your skin against the air feels foreign. like too much of everything. like sitting-in-the-shower, like can’t-eat, like the tide isn’t just coming in, it came while you were sleeping and now you’ve gotta learn how to swim. like bounce me against a bullet hole kind of day.

you keep numbers like nine and ten way out of reach. those are for the people who really are suffering. you’ve got no excuse. nine and ten are funeral numbers, for real problems, not yours, no. and sometimes you’re fine. and you’re kind of used to it. and it’s not sad, it’s just numb like a television caught on static. numb like i can’t remember if i care about this. numb like nothing works but i can’t be bothered to fix it. that’s not sad that’s every day stuff. everybody feels like this, right? feels like they’ve been shut off. right.  

maybe five. right in the middle. like not gonna shoot myself but i’m not wasting your time. a nonanswer. like could be worse could be better. like i need help but i don’t want you to worry even though i need someone to worry about me because i can’t worry about myself. maybe five. but what if five is too small. what if five is too big. what if -

“on a scale of one to ten,” he repeats into your silence, and then pauses. “and please be honest about this.”

[defeatedlaughter]

[defeatedlaughter]

[defeatedlaughter]

[defeatedlaughter]

Sabyasachi Heritage Jewelry Collection Photography: Tarun Vishwa Models: Eugeniya Belousova & Priyadarshini Chatterjee

[defeatedlaughter]

Hi please support my lovely friend ❤️

please help me move out my abusive household!!

hi everyone… some of my friends knew this post was coming but I need some money to help me move out my abusive household and to get me on my feet so I can go to college in California and pursue my career to become a graphic designer.

I am 18 years old and thought about “running away” for about 2 years now. My parents are both insanely abusive psychologically and emotionally. My father is always working so I am usually stuck with my mother when I am home. She is constantly telling me to do things around the house which I do not mind doing for the most part but if I do not listen to her she loses her shit. If I tell her to take care of her own things or to do things for my younger sisters (12y/o) because I’m not able to do them or it’s not my responsibility, she gets unreasonably mad. Over the years she has attempted to destroy, or has destroyed my highly valued personal belongings (3DS, Laptop, Phone), does not let me out the house unless it’s for work (I’ve only been allowed to hang out with my friends a few times), she is CONSTANTLY yelling, (just ask anyone who I’ve been in a phone call with) she does not care if I am on the phone, she insists that my friends should hear if I am “being a bad daughter” because “I’m not listening”, she literally runs around the house naked at times, just screaming and yelling for usually no reason, I am constantly told by her that I will always need her and implies that I am worthless and that I am not self sufficient because I don’t listen to her, or whatever bullshit excuse she makes up at the time, straight up LIES to me about things I’ve seen with my own eyes and will go to extremes for me to believe her lies, just so I listen to her. She is constantly cussing out everyone in the house and basically never sleeps. She goes to the therapist but I’m pretty sure she just lies to them or doesn’t take her meds etc. I feel like I am going insane. As of recent I feel like I am always in the wrong and that she is right, and I am slowly starting to tell myself that I am a bad daughter for ever disobeying my mother, and that I owe my whole life to her because she’s my mom. I remember once in 7th grade I confronted her about how she hurts me and she just laughed straight into my face. My junior year of highschool I attempted suicide because of her. As of now I have lied to my parents telling them I am going to a college nearby (They will not allow me to go to any other college, they both also lied and told me I have options when in reality they were not going to allow me to go anywhere else and only want me to go into comp sci) and that I missed the deadline so I have to apply in Aug-sept. They are furious about this but as soon as I am accepted I will leave my home. Please help me, I have to deal with my mother doing all of the listed above on a daily basis. I don’t feel safe in my own home. If i do not move out and stay here I cannot even begin to imagine what will happen to me.

As of now financially I work part time ( I am not allowed to work full time) and only have around 1k saved. I am trying to save at least 5k total to cover costs of a ticket, taking some stuff with me, deposit and first months rent. I’m working as much as I can to save and leave. if you’re an angel and have read this far even I want to thank you for the time you spent reading this and kindly ask if you would like to help me out. My PayPal is khanhgeneva@gmail.com If you cannot help me financially I would appriciate a reblog from the bottom of my heart. any questions are welcome in my inbox. I also would appriciate any advice.. thank you for this oppritunity and your time and I’m sorry if this post came out a big mess.

TLDR: I need help moving out my abusive household. I feel like I am going insane. If you are unable to donate please reblog!

Paypal: khanhgeneva@gmail.com

💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

[defeatedlaughter]

[defeatedlaughter]

literally just a dumb unorganized list of school tips

source: im a grad student. i’ve had a lot of school. also i’m adhd & mentally ill and require +8 organization. this is mostly directed @ college students, but maybe high school students can use it too, fuck, idk, it’s been forever since i was stuck in that hell hole

Keep reading

[defeatedlaughter]

THE UNDERREPRESENTED Photography: Simrah Farrukh Models: Shreya Tumma, Rushika Patel, Nidhi Bandrapalli, Maya Chakra & Rushika Patel

“This photoshoot is dedicated to all the South Asian women out there who are often underrepresented in media simply because the color of their skin doesn’t fit South Asia’s unreasonable, fair & lovely, eurocentric beauty standards.”

[defeatedlaughter]