defenstratedantagonist

[defenstratedantagonist]

whenever I open my tumblr I remember how fucking unhinged my brain is damn. Anyways I saw waterparks two day ago and I’m still not over it they were so good geoff waved at me

[defenstratedantagonist]

I’ve felt the need to puke all day so tonight I said fuck it and drank about a TBS or two or salt water and it didn’t work. I have the weakest area postrema ever it’s been an hour and nothing.

[defenstratedantagonist]

DEPRESSION SESSION TIMEEEE

yoyoyo this feb 9th it is time to be sad. it is almost valentine’s day and i’m gonna be single again, so on tuesday the 14th we are going to the gym in the evening––everyone there is single!!

anyways i’m watching criminal minds and i wish i had my spencer. a man who makes me laugh, buy me flowers, cuddle and watch movies etc. instead i text college friends and whenever i try to express emotion they leave me on read. the accuracy in the fact that there is an exponential decrease in the amount of people in your life from the age of 7 to 19 is hitting hard.

also i’m sick and have no energy to move or focus so that’s a blast.

[defenstratedantagonist]

bro my sept 9th note was so morbid I forgot about it. It gets better y’all. Currently eating a bagel. Tumblr is going to be my new bit I’m committed to.

#EDrecoverydiary

[defenstratedantagonist]

POV: your camera roll while dating Spencer Reid

[defenstratedantagonist]

POV: your camera roll while dating Spencer Reid

[defenstratedantagonist]

Spencer Reid: Headcannons

If you liked this, let me know if you'd like a part 2! I have more ideas and some maybe a little more spicy, but I need to get some confidence to write that lol ...

The First Date ....

Didn't date much at all before you. Maybe some first dates and a stray amount of second dates, but nothing permanent or official

You'd have to be the one to ask him out. He'd be total blushing mess because how on Earth can someone like him land a date like you?

Okay, so the first date.... it would be something special and where you can talk and get to know each other.

Maybe you'd take him to a bookstore, knowing that he loves to read, and pick out books to read together. He would try to convince you to let him to buy your selections

He would end the date so awkwardly though, unsure if he should try to kiss you or not. His heart nearly splint into two when you grabbed his hand and didn't let go

Of course, you'd notice this and it's just the most earnest thing. You'd ask him if he wanted to kiss you and Spencer would hardly able to speak, just nod.

You could tell that it's his first kiss, by the way his hands bunch at your cardigan (I wear cardigans lol). It's a sweet kiss, but washes away all the kisses you've ever had

Becoming Partners ....

It would be a little overwhelming for him at first to wake up with text messages from you wishing him a good day or sending him pictures of things that remind you of him.

He'd realize that he loves you really suddenly. It would hit him like a ton of bricks. He'd realize one day that he just doesn't want to live his life without you.

Spencer would be so dramatic about it, his idea of loving coming from movies and books, and rush to the nearest florist and pick out flowers that symbolize everlasting love.

Of course you'd drag him into your apartment by his tie and pepper his face with millions of little kisses

Dating....

He has so many books. SO MANY. And is kind of a disorganized organized mess. Spencer would leave books all over the place. Sometimes, you'd find them in the kitchen, in the bathroom, in piles five feet tall in the bedroom

The clutter and books take them to get used to, but you secretly love it since both of you love reading

He'd have the books he bought on the first date somewhere special, a very hopeless romantic that man is

Dates with Spencer doesn't mean going out. Both of you'd much rather spend the weekend or Friday night playing games like Scrabble, watching movies, or reading to each other.

READING TO EACH OTHER !!!!

You'd always try to get him to read to you, but he'd always seem to convince you to read to him.

He'd lay on your chest and of course you'd immediately thread your fingers through his hair. The sound of your voice, coupled with the way your fingers feel on his scalp put him at ease.

His cheek would have crease marks from your shirt. Spencer snores and drools in his sleep, especially when it's a deep, comforting sleep. And you know it's love when you find it completely endearing.

Okay now nicknames, Spencer would be heavy handed with sweet little pet names. He'd kind of classic too with names, favoring ones like sweetheart and darling and my love. He'd probably use them more than your actual name.

He never fails to blush when you call him sweet boy or honey. And he'd get so embarrassed about it too, still not used to the affections.

PDA !!! PDA !!! This is a PSA that Spencer Reid deserves some PDA!!! He'd be so shy about this at first, even just holding your hand in public would make him lose his mind at first. He'd grow into it, once he realizes that you're not going anywhere.

He'd so affectionate when he realized that. Not caring if he kisses you in public. He'd kiss you in lines at the Farmer's Market. He'd wrap his arms around you when you talk walks in your favorite park.

[defenstratedantagonist]

From the Dining Table

Summary: Based on the Harry Styles song, Spencer struggles dealing with a breakup that he’s at fault for with all the guilt, sadness and anger.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader (angst w a fluffy ending)

Content Warning: heavily implied sex | prison arc | irresponsible drinking

Word Count: 5.0k

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25 days.

Spencer could provide the correct number of hours, minutes, and second if he wasn’t such an emotional wreck. Despite all the bad things that had happened to him, having the only continually good thing taken away was undoubtedly the worst thing he’d been through.

His hotel room with low-quality art, boring white walls, and a showerhead that didn’t go up just enough had 100 square feet for every week he’d been away from her.

It was infuriating, saddening, and all his fault. The crushing feeling hadn’t stopped since their argument and since he decided to walk out the door. It went against everything he promised Y/n, that he would always come home, that every action he made was to get home, and that they’d never let a fight go on for longer than 24 hours.

Keep reading

[defenstratedantagonist]

Sept 9

I feel awful. I completely overate. I keep doing this. I feel starving all day, I control my meals, but I get to dinner and I can’t stop eating. I ran this morning and I’m playing football tonight so I know I’ll burn it off, I just feel so fat. I tried to make myself vomit, but my gag reflex is too weak and I can’t.