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having withdrawals from. the river

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im just gonna put this somewhere before i forget about how it happened

my first kiss was magical

at this point we were flirting but never crossed the line, never confessed, never went past that cliff

he knew my neck was sensitive

we ended up in a room on the bed

i was lying near him

he was sitting near me

we had just shared the deepest of secrets about ourselves with each other

it felt so intimate to know him like that

he reached out and patted my head

his hands journeyed downwards and caressed my neck

i made the tiniest of sounds

out of breath

i felt it everywhere

i covered my face

i swear it lasted forever

then i stopped him

i whispered his name

i asked “whatre we doing….”

he stopped

i looked up

reached for his face

pulled back

he gave me permission with his eyes

i reached again

held his face in my hands

rubbed his cheek with my thumb

i sat up

i was almost on his lap

i ended up on his lap

we hugged

i buried my face in his neck

it became my favourite spot

i pulled back, held his face in my hands, looked at him closely

he leaned in

i pulled back

i made a sound of no in my throat

then i went “just a peck…”

we slowly leaned into each other

our lips met

it was gentle

innocent

we pulled back slightly

both smiling then giggling

leaned in again

we kissed for hours

cuddled until the sun came up

my first kiss was magical

it was a magical 2 months

then it was gone

he was gone

just as suddenly as he had entered my life

he left

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“Things that were hard to bear are sweet to remember.”

— Seneca, Hercules Furens

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when your stomach is really mad at you and you're not sure which one of your fourteen unhealthy lifestyle choices is causing it

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i’m sleepy and tired and cozy yet despite all of those hardships i find the energy to be whimsical

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they're boiling me in oil tomorrow and the day after as well

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i wonder if he ever scrolls through our old messages like i do

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imagine showing people your bravest most noble knight and he falls over in front of everyone sounding like pots and pans crashing to the floor

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im sturggling so much to keep myself from getting emotionally detached again but it hurts so much i think it’s inevitable now

nevertheless i will keep fighting though

wish me luck

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you can’t all be puppies one of you has to be an anteater or something

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one of the best things about sinners (everything was the best thing) is that you can actually hear the lines from the actors and see in the dark

i dont need to strain an ear to hear past all the background noise i dont need night vision to see whats going on in night scenes ughhh 🤌

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and their biceps??? forgive me for i am no better than a man

"imagine liking men" is dumb have you ever seen a mans happy trail. Good Lord

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did you know public libraries are free and beautiful

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Edgar Allan Poe, from a letter to Mrs. Maria Clemm, July 1849