delilahsjournal-blog

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The Media In A Nutshell

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What then?

When the only reason you want to save yourself is for the people who can’t even pick up the phone when your clutching your chest the hurt is so bad, what then?

When the only love you have is for other people and they don’t accept it, what then?

When you read that one of your idols dies of an overdose and the only thing you can think of is their struggle and the fact that they are now peaceful, what then?

When you’re jealous of the darkness and it’s within your reach, what then?

What then?

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Attention

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Entering the staff room for the first time.

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Living your best life doesn't mean being the best, it means trying your best and staying true to yourself.

Author of Delilah’s Journal

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September 6, 2018

I spent most of the morning thinking about what I wanted to do with my life. Do you ever think you know, like 100%, what you want to do when you grow up? At 9:00 this morning, I thought I did. Here I am four hours later and rethinking the entire hypothetical life I have built for myself. Would I be happy teaching math my whole life? Should I be a writer, or a motivational speaker, or change my specialty? How much do I have to pay for someone to make these decisions for me? 

That’s where I have to stop and take a step back. I don’t care if my mind is running a mile a minute and all of a sudden I am looking up pay salaries for journalists and producers. I don’t care if all it takes is one comment about my most recent essay that makes me rethink my entire life. The last thing I want is for someone else to make that choice for me. That is how I started this whole college thing to begin with. I allowed my step mother to tell me what I wanted to be when I grew up. Thinking for myself was never something I had to do, so at first it came as a relief that someone knew what I would be perfect at. 

I was to go to school for Occupational Therapy. I love kids and they make great money, so of course that’s what I should be. Thanks Melissa. But then, I wasn’t doing too great in my anatomy classes. Maybe I should think of something else. And by I, I mean Melissa. Well, let’s go into Marketing. You make good money at it and it is a broad enough field that I am sure to find work. Plus, let’s be honest, I won’t make it past an associate’s degree anyway so I might as well get it in business. 

Then I left (more of that story to come) and I had to figure out for myself what I wanted to be. I guess the truth is that I am not 100% sure I want to be a math teacher. But I have time to figure that out on my own. I do, however, know that I am on the right path for me. That my be the only thing I am completely sure about, but it is the only thing I need right now. To be myself, keep my options open, and trust my gut.

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Creating More Graduates

The day I decided to become a teacher dates back to my sixth grade orientation. Picture this, excited and fresh faced middle schoolers all packed into a tiny auditorium. High energy because we just walked to the seat we are in now on our own, not in a straight line holding bubbles in our mouths with a teacher planning our steps. This is the first time we have ever been able to leave class just to listen to another faculty member talk. Everyone is tuned into the administrator standing at the podium on the stage, desperate to hear what she has to say. I am assuming for most, the second she started throwing out statistics and numbers, the only thing heard was a quiet buzzing sound, perfect background music for a quick nap. Not me. What I heard was “two out of five.” Two out of five were how many of us would not make it to our high school graduations.

I didn’t have amazing teachers that pushed me towards success in middle school or high school, so I can’t say that that was why I want to be a teacher. I did, however, notice a certain attitude that was severely lacking in my school, and that was patience. I come from a very low income area, where the rich were few and far in between and the “middle class” had to work two jobs to keep the lights on. There was also a very high population of recent immigrants from places like Puerto Rico, Cuba, and Mexico. English was a second language to a lot of students at my school and many adults in my neighborhood.  With most of the student demographics focused on Hispanic backgrounds, you would think the teachers would understand that English doesn’t come easy. No, teachers in my area were over worked, underpaid, and there to take attendance, say their piece, and go home. I knew that I wanted to be a teacher that would push my students academically, and give them enough time and understanding to fully grasp what they were learning. I will encourage them to take a challenge and, instead of run away, run at it head on.

Students went from a school where everyone was worn out and not pushing them to achieve, to a home where everyone was worn out and tired. Most students have families with single mothers working two jobs, or broken homes, or even homes with both parents but they both work so much they don’t have time to help with homework. I came home from school every day to an empty house. My sister would get home an hour later because she was younger than me, and my parents wouldn’t be home for hours, if they were both in town. My mother was usually in Maryland at the NIH for medical treatment and my dad worked night and day to pay the bills and keep food in the fridge. I made dinner for my sister and did whatever chores were left for me on a list, played basketball outside, then went in and did any homework. I was lucky, and I was all too aware that others weren’t so. I knew that I wanted to be a teacher who was there for my students and their families. While maintaining professionality, I wanted to allow my students to feel comfortable enough with me to tell me when they needed help, either personally or academically. They needed to know that someone cared if they skipped class, or failed a test, or stopped doing their homework. I will listen to them, because it is so important for them to feel heard and respected.

Hearing the reasons I want to become a teacher, I think it is also important to explain why I chose to specialize in mathematics. I had a professor my second year of college who truly inspired me. Dr. Camara was the one who helped me realize my love of statistics and math while also encouraging me to pursue teaching. He made me realize that if I can get children to love the challenge that math presents, and teach them to work through it instead of give up on it, I can influence their learning journey. Surely a student that loves learning and knowing new things will be inclined to stay in school longer and try harder.

My goal is to start teaching in middle school because they are about to start the journey that I was starting when I decided what I wanted to be when I grew up. I want to assist them in finding out who they are and who they want to be. Give them a safe and comfortable learning environment to, not only ask questions, but to be confident enough to answer them. The biggest goal I have is to, and you may have guessed by the title, create more graduates. Every year I want to see more of my students walking across a stage to get their diploma. Every year I want to see more of my students aspire to be astronauts and engineers and mathematicians and biologists. Every year I want to give my students a piece of knowledge, whether it be academic or not, that they can use for the rest of their lives.