derrickjaeger - Tumblr blog

[derrickjaeger]

“No you didn’t. That’s a lie. Because you know those are my favorite pair.”

“I burned them. Like with fire and everything.”

[derrickjaeger]

“Where’s my Nike sandals?”

[derrickjaeger]

“Not until you talk to me,” he said from his standing position in front of her. He wasn’t going to let her even get to it. Not even if she tried to pout to get her way. Which happened often and it usually made him crack. “Well, what did someone say? Now I want to know what this person said. Specifically around my girlfriend that made her not even want to talk to me when I got in the house.”

“Hey! Give me my food back,” she sighed, debating whether it was worth it to get up and get the food herself or if she should just pout in hopes that Derrick would give it back. The latter wasn’t looking good at the moment. Reagan let out another sigh before speaking. “It’s stupid,” she said quietly. “It’s just something someone said but it’s stupid for me to get worked up over it. Can you just let it go? It’s fine. It’s not important, really. Just let it go.”

[derrickjaeger]

He let his hand go up to his hair and run through it. “You are delusional, Reagan Emma Avery.” He almost shook his head at the hilarity of her next comment. “You almost set the microwave on fire? How could you have possibly done that? I mean, seriously? I have to judge you on that one and you know it.” His eyebrows raised. “So you don’t think I’m a good kisser then? I think that’s some bullshit.”

Rea frowned at him before sticking her tongue out. “He’s my child. Of course he loves me. He just doesn’t show it,” she said. At Derrick’s question, she shrugged. “It’s happened to me once. I almost set the thing on fire. Don’t judge me.” Rea rolled her eyes jokingly as he stopped in front of her. “Oh yeah? Who told you that because whoever was they lied to you.”

[derrickjaeger]

[derrickjaeger]

[derrickjaeger]

Derrick looked at the cat and shook his head as he just licked his paw. “See, he doesn’t even like you as much as he loves me. He gave me so much more attention than he gave you.” He looked towards Fruit Loops and gave him a wink. “Who fucks up microwaving stuff? I’m not that incapable.” Licking his lips, he kept on walking towards her. “I am very good at this.” He stopped when he got to standing right in front of her. “I’m a really good kisser. So I think you should already know the answer.”

“Do not bring my tiny son into this. Leave fruit loops alone,” she told him. “Don’t listen to the big bad man, baby. You do you,” Rea spoke to the cat, blowing tiny kisses at him. Fruit Loops just started at her for a second before licking his paw. “Good point. You’re a shitty cook. I’m surprised you don’t fuck up microwaving stuff,” she laughed. “Shut up; you’re not good at this.” Rea almost stepped back as he moved closer but decided against it. “Depends on how good the kiss is,” she smirked.

[derrickjaeger]

“You obviously aren’t.” He could tell she wasn’t fine just by the way she was acting. When had either of them ever been completely serious with each other? The answer to that was never. He looked on as she scooped up more mac and cheese. Sighing, he grabbed the spork before she could get the food into her mouth and placed it back in the bowl. He grabbed the bowl from her and placed it on the table as he got up. “Whatever you’ve got to say is important. And you know that. So I’m not going to forget you brought something like that up. Can you please just tell me what’s going through your head right now?”

“Sure,” she simply said, deciding to drop the subject. It wasn’t that important to her at the moment considering she was barely paying attention to it herself. “I’m fine,” she said again, stressing the word fine. Rea scooped up some mac and cheese with her spork and brought it up to her mouth, still looking at the TV instead of Derrick. “That’s not important. Forget I even brought this up.”

[derrickjaeger]

“Someone needs their chill pill. Hey, Fruit Loops, go find mommy’s chill pills,” he said as the cat sat down on the floor next to him. “Thanks for nothing, punk.” He shook his head at her trying to make herself seem like a good person. “I’m not a good cook and you know it. When have I made anything that wasn’t in a damn microwave? I’ll tell you when. Never,” he mimicked her previous words. “Wow, you almost fell for that. I’m so good at this.” He dusted his shoulder off and walked towards her. “Oh? And what does it depend on?”

“That’s not even an insult. So I love sloths and kitties. What’s wrong with that? I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it. Nothing!!! Absolutely nothing!” She made a face as he spoke. “Yeah, you’re a pretty good cook,” she joked, sticking her tongue out at him again. “That’s not out that’s the bed–oh! No. I won’t get out. I will stay right where I am,” Her arms crossed over her chest, Rea stomped her feet as if to make a point that she wasn’t moving. “Hmmm,” she touched her chin, pretending to think about it. “That depends.”

[derrickjaeger]

Derrick rolled his eyes at the mere thought of the show. “Yeah, I do listen to you. Just not about this show.” He pointed at the television screen to emphasize his point. “You sound exactly like someone that is not fine.” And then there it was. The golden words. His head immediately up and he brought himself to a sitting position on the couch next to her. “Somehow I don’t think you find it funny. And who the hell is talking about who I have and haven’t fucked?”

Rea huffed and looked at him again. “They’re two people on the show. How don’t you know who they are? I always talk about them,” she shook her head in disappointment. “Do you ever listen to me?” When he spoke again, Rea resisted the urge to roll her eyes. He wasn’t going to sweet talk his way out of this but she had to admit he was being pretty fucking cute at the moment. Not that she would ever say it out loud. His head would get bigger than it already was. “Nothing is wrong. Everything’s fine,” she reassured him and yet even she didn’t believe her own words. “I just find it funny how I get to hear about your previous sexual escapades from random girls.” 

[derrickjaeger]

[derrickjaeger]

[derrickjaeger]

“Don’t call me a pony loving asshole, you sloth kitty cat loving asshole.” How they came up with these insults for each other was a mystery to him. He was sure that outsiders probably thought they were fucking insane. Or just nerds. “If you think you’re a good fucking person, then I think I’m a fucking master chef.” Derrick’s hand lifted up to his heart in mock pain. “Wow, that is so hurtful. You wouldn’t climb me not even once? Get the fuck out,” he said as he pointed towards their bedroom with a smirk on his face. “If you feel like you’re working in a sweatshop, are you going to file a sexual harassment lawsuit if I kiss you right now?”

“Don’t call me a turd you pony loving asshole,” Rea screeched, sticking her tongue out at him. “Shut up. I’m a good fucking person.” Rea laughed and shook her head at him. “But I don’t want to climb you,” she lied, grinning from ear to ear. “Fuck you. This relationship is abusive as fuck. Here are your damned untangled lights. I feel like a child in a sweatshop. You’re not even paying me for my work.”

[derrickjaeger]

“I don’t even know who Charlotte and Gary are.” The last thing Derrick ever paid attention to was Geordie Shore. He payed attention to Jersey Shore because technically it was the original for him. Nobody was better than Pauly D. “Well, you seem stressed or you have a lot on your mind. And you’re not smiling which is something I love that you do.” He turned his head and wrapped his arms around her waist, leaving his head tucked into her stomach. “Tell me what’s wrong,” he mumbled into her stomach.

Rea rolled her eyes and raised a hand to slap him in the chest softly. “It’s not trash. It’s amazing. Look Charlotte and Gary are talking about their feelings,” she explained, pointing at the TV with her spork. Rea looked down at his head, pissed that she actually liked it. She wanted to compliment the hair but she couldn’t so she just shrugged. “Nothing is wrong with me. What do you mean?”

[derrickjaeger]

A hand lifted to rub at the spot on his chest that she slapped. “I already did.” He raised an eyebrow. “You’re being fucking rude. I deserved no such face licking.” He shook his head as he watched her arms cross over her chest again. “You know what? Take that fucking back. These are great, okay? You know you love it.”

She raised a hand to slap his chest, not hard enough to really hurt. “Don’t call me that, you doofus,” she huffed and frowned. “Yeah well you deserved the face licking. You’re being fucking rude,” Rea exclaimed, crossing her arms over her chest for probably the fiftieth time that night. “Yeah well I guess it sucks to suck. That’s what you get for having a fucking grill you dumbass.” 

[derrickjaeger]

He knew she wanted to answer the question as soon as he even asked it. “Shut up. I am not a brony. Not even close, you fucking turd.” He rolled his eyes at her giggling. “You’re a terrible person.” Derrick mocked her pout. “Yes, you so can climb me. Literally all day and night if you want. You don’t even have to ask.” He wiggled his eyebrows at her and winked. Watching as she tried to untangle the lights, he sighed as she untangled one end. “Yeah, you did. Now you can untangle the rest.” Derrick’s mouth opened in faux excitement along with his words.

Rea opened her mouth to say something before promptly closing it as he spoke again. “Yeah I was going to answer that but you probably wouldn’t like the answer,” she giggled loudly. “If it makes you feel better to think that fine. I won’t stop your happiness.” Rea pouted jokingly as he spoke again. “I could just jump on your back. You can be my step ladder and I could climb you,” she giggled again, thinking about the accidental innuendo she just made. Reagan raised her right hand to flip him off before going back to what she was doing. After what seemed like hours of slaving off but in reality was approximately five minutes, she finally untangled the light. “I did it!”

[derrickjaeger]

Everything that came out of her mouth seemed forced and he was wondering what the hell had happened since he’d been gone to cause it. He tried to ignore it the best he could though. Maybe he was just seeing things. “You mean Geordie Shore? That trash?” He hadn’t gotten a look from her since he walked in the door which was definitely worrying him. But then she finally looked at him. “Yeah, that’s a thing that happened.” He lifted his head slightly out of her lap to run his hand over his head again. “So what’s wrong with you?”

Rea didn’t even glance at the door as Derrick walked in. She was trying really hard not to be petty and jealous but so far it wasn’t working. “Hi.” she mumbled, frowning as he took a bite from her food. “I’m looking for some reality trash show. You know how I love those,” she explained as she flipped through the channels again, finally coming across what she was looking for. She set down the remote and picked up her fork, really looking at Derrick for the first time since he walked in. “Wow,” she mumbled, her eyes glued to his hair. “So…that’s a thing that happened?”