dervampireprince

[dervampireprince]

Matthias is so silly omg I’m gonna burst into tears(pos) he’s so charming and there’s so many similarities between him and Ambrose which makes Johann saying in his audio that Ambrose reminded him of Matthias hit sm deeper aughhh my heart💔 he’s so sweet I’m kicking my feet thank you prince -Fanboy anon

thank you! i hope despite the similarities their differences are noticeable. ambrose is flirty in a kinda calm seductive way, and mathias is a ball of energy.

[dervampireprince]

Hey, I’m the screaming anon who used caps for the last message haha, sorry I always forget people read all caps as yelling - I use it to just emphasize a point, didn’t mean to come off as aggressive : )

I suppose I just wanted to clarify I’m not looking to start arguments and didn’t want to stress you out. It was just a situation that annoyed me (not you or anything you’ve done - just the way the message the original anon sent with the guilt tripping, even if it was worded in a joking manner). I’m a content creator too and I’ve been listening to your audios for a long time, since you’ve done those Viktor audios at the beginning and find it odd that people complain while getting free stuff.

Also do not feel bad about calling your audios work! As you said, they do take work to make and people literally pay for them - it’s a completely valid thing to call them, not big headed or pretentious at all : ). I’m personally looking forward to commissioning you as a treat for passing my collage exams.

Anywho, sorry for coming off as aggressive with my last ask, I just appreciate you as a content creator and think your stuff is great.

it's okay, i just didn't want any of the other anons using my askbox as a way to reply to your ask or anything like that. thank you, though.

[dervampireprince]

I can’t remember if you said whether or not Ambrose could turn into a bat (I’m like…80% sure it was mentioned in the interviewing Arden video) but I saw this and immediately thought of him:

wa- normally, despite my vampire ways, i actually don't like looking at real bats cos they freak me out but that guys pretty dang cute.

...i also cannot remember if ambrose can turn into a bat or not.

[dervampireprince]

The anon who complained about the non binary fem audios??? Literally shut up. I hate people who get content for free (assuming they’re commenting here and not on Patreon so they’re listening to the free ones) and COMPLAIN???

IT’S LITERALLY FREE CONTENT. YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO ANYTHING.

First of all I think the audios are very inclusive - even the m4m are vague and usually don’t mention genital of the listener (not a criticism). I’m amab and you don’t see me complaining about cocks not being mentioned because if I really want to I can just IMAGINE IT DIFFERENTLY. Don’t like the fact the listener is the one on the bottom?? THE VISUALS ARE IN YOUR HEAD JUST IMAGINE IT DIFFERENTLY.

Anyways, sorry you have to deal with people like this lol. You’re doing great, don’t bother with people like that : )

i really don't want anyone to start yelling at each other or using my askbox to yell at each other. i really don't want to cause arguments and this whole thing is starting to stress me out.

i am sorry if anyone feels left out sometimes, but ultimately my patreons pay to request audios and i have rent to pay, my audio commissions are open, i still post most of my audios for free, despite lots of requests for m4m i still mostly post m4a audios, and as a trans guy i think it's natural that i'm going to sometimes focus on stuff for trans guys and therefor also attract a mostly trans guy audience.

but yes for those that aren't on my patreon, when i post m4a nsfw audios i keep the genitals ambiguous, i am always careful to make sure any oral performed on the listener could be interpreted as a blow job or cunnilingus, that any penetration could be interpreted as vaginal or anal, etc. and with m4m audios i make it ambiguous whether the listener is cis or trans.

if you really want me to make a particular audios my commissions are open, requesting on patreon is not a guarantee i will fulfill that request, and if you don't want to join or can't afford too you are still very welcome here but you are ultimately getting my work for free. i don't normally make points like that because it feels big headed to call my audios 'work' but they do take work to make. idk. i make most of them m4a to try and keep most people happy and included. and i sometimes make m4m/m4tm because i'm a trans guy mostly surrounded by trans guys. i'm sorry if that upsets anyone i guess.

[dervampireprince]

Hey~i saw your post to that ask about the females/fems/nbs and as a (chronic tapper albeit shy,) fem myself maybe I could offer a *polite* and *articulated* perspective. Im not the best at using tone indicators as I’m a chronic emoji user, so please know the intended tone is a sort of mix of well meaning and a bit saddish? I simply ask you read all before responding <3.

As a long term listener, like I’m taking I remember when you posted your 1k thank you, maybe sometimes it feels a bit awkward to listen to M4M specifically for the shes and theys? And not even from a problematic way, like I am someone who imagines myself and have a hard time imagining otherwise Of course I want to gobble up every video because I genuinely like you as a creator and you voice two of my biggest comfort characters so well (Viktor and Astarion,) but I’ll admit even I get a bit pouty (not mad/upset I mean like 🥺) when it’s not M4A of a character I adore HAHA (I am a goblin for valentine in terms of your OCs btw.)

Of course no one is saying that as a creator you can’t do what you want (at least speaking for myself and hopefully the normal fems/nbs lol), but you still have thousands of listeners that arent on patreon/maybe can’t afford/pay for some reason. And that’s not me saying give away free spicy audios or something, but maybe a recommendation (again well meaning and trying to help because I adore your work and I want the best for you <3) maybe unless it’s a patreon request leave *non* oc’s as (T)M4A, like if you’re just doing a character for however you decide to rotate them?

I’m sure you know how feral about comfort characters some people can be haha. Idk as a female I don’t want you to suddenly think all the fems/females/NBs are bad and to alienate/punish them because of someone probably being crap at expressing themselves. I also do think part of it is that weird para-social behavior too at play. I thought maybe I’d throw my two cents because I care and you’ve been a great help with your audios through out my doctoral program (I feel like an old lady writing that lol.) also as a final note I do appreciate you representing trans men/ because it’s been very helpful and a safe(as in no fear if saying something stupid or asking wrong)/cozy/digestible way for a cis girl like me to learn more about it and I really appreciate that <3

Phew sorry for that the ND itch to ramble and I appreciate you engage with us <3

ah hi. well firstly thank you for sticking around for so long oh my goodness.

i fully understand anyone feeling uncomfortable or dysphoric over m4m audios, just as i would if i listened to a m4f audio. and i have no problem with anyone being a bit disappointed or not wanting to listen to m4m audios. what i had a problem with was someone saying they were 'going to die' because i posted an m4m audio. i do not like guilt tripping, i do not like people threatening to harm themselves in order to get something they want from me, i have had people in the past who would threaten things like that and it was traumatising so it's triggering and upsetting to me to see anything similar to that sort of talk.

i understand i have listeners who cannot afford to pay for my patreon. however, i am still always going to take requests from my patreons, they pay for that reward, i'm not going to take it away that would be unfair. as for only making m4a audios for fandom characters like you suggest, no. i'm not going to do that. i don't want that to be upsetting, but as i said before i am a trans man and sometimes i want to focus on making audios for trans men like me. i don't think that's wrong. and i'm sorry if there's a lack of nonbinary and trans fem listener audios out there, but it shouldn't be put on me to fix that and fill that void? i dont think? is that wrong of me to say? i think it's wrong to say you don't want me to make fandom m4m audios anymore. because when i do make fandom m4m audios the majority of the time it's period comfort audios for trans men and gender affirmations for trans men. why do you think i should stop doing that? do trans men not deserve representation? do trans men not deserve comfort audios aimed specifically at them? i'm sorry if you feel left out if a period comfort audio is m4m instead of m4a or m4f but there are other creators out there who have made m4a and m4f period comfort audios. i know you are trying to be nice, and i appreciate your message, but i am not going to stop making audios for trans men. i don't see why it's wrong of me to do that.

and i in no way would alienate nonbinary and fems because one trans fem was rude to me? i hope you wouldn't seriously think i would do that. i've had discussions today with nonbinary, women and trans fem members of my discord about the earlier ask and been assured by them that i haven't been doing anything by making the occasional m4m audio but it did come up that because my discord is majority trans men/mascs that one was worried about being fem in there but thankfully no longer had those worries after joining and being involved with talking to others in there.

so if anything can come of that ask, i want to make it clear that nonbinary people, women (cis or trans), trans fems and anyone fem aligned are of course as always welcome in my spaces. just because i make some m4m content doesn't mean that you aren't. attraction to female characters probably doesn't come up as much in my spaces as people are mostly talking about my ocs that i voice who of course are not women because voicing female characters would make me dysphoric. but i'm a bi/pan man, i have a wonderful partner who i just had my three year anniversary with who is a woman. i in no way am unwilling to make m4f audios, it's just a matter of what gets requested, and i don't think it's wrong if sometimes i have a personal preference to make audios for trans men when i myself am a trans man who wants to make stuff for people like me. and there are trans fem asmr vas on youtube, there are genderfluid and nonbinary vas, and just other vas in general. if you really don't like that i make audios for trans men, mostly make gender neutral audios to be inclusive of everyone, and rarely make m4f audios.. there's nothing i can do about that. you don't have to listen to my audios, you certainly do not have to listen to any that make you uncomfortable or dysphoric.

and so to end this let me shout out some creators on youtube who are trans or trans inclusive that make audios for or inclusive to gender neutral or trans fem or nonbinary listeners, because they are out there and you don't have to expect me to be the only one to fill that niche, a lot of these channels have under 10k subs so go show them some love:

https://www.youtube.com/@LilacLorenza a trans woman (she/her) making audios that are mostly TF4TF with some TF4TM

https://www.youtube.com/@kamiyakuniVA a trans person (he/him) making audios that are mostly M4A with some M4F, M4TM and M4M

https://www.youtube.com/@salemAudio (they/them) salem was one of the first va asmr channels i found and a huge inspiration, they make mostly M4A audios with some M4M

https://www.youtube.com/@lil_slice_of_Everything (they/he/she) making audios mostly 4A with a couple genderfluid and nonbinary listener audios

https://www.youtube.com/@GhostlyGrowlsASMR (she/her) making mostly TF4TF audios

https://www.youtube.com/@thestrokeofmidnight7269 making a mix of M4A, M4F, M4M, M4NB audios

https://www.youtube.com/@ThatCatJac making M4F, M4M and M4NB audios

https://www.youtube.com/@WhispurrAudio making M4A, M4F, M4TF, M4TM, M4NB audios

but that's just a handful i know of and others i found just by searching gender tags like M4NB M4TF on Youtube, there's more channels that just me out there, and maybe the best person to make 4NB audios is a nonbinary person, and maybe the best person to make 4TF audios is a trans woman, and maybe that's why i like making 4TM audios. i'm a trans man. i make audios i wish i could hear. that's all.

and also the majority of my audios are still M4A.

/nm

[dervampireprince]

Your work is awesome!!!! I’ve been listening to Love Bites over and over again and your voice acting is soooo good!!! The emotions are so real and the voices and personalities vary so much from character to character, I sometimes forget it’s just you behind the mic and not a whole crew of people!

Just wanted to let you know that you’re awesome and thank you for creating such inclusive and wonderful audios for us to enjoy!

oh goodness thank you so much!

[dervampireprince]

Matthias is soo cheerful and joyful its contagious I LOVE HIM AAHH!!!

wah thank you!

[dervampireprince]

cantf stop thinking about frankensteins monster. ovulation fucking sucks but im like horny 24/7 like what the fuck. not like the movie versions of him but mary shelley's book vers of the monster. he's such a sad character but damn is he fucking hot. not only is he like super intelligent but he's also big. like 7ft tall big. im not into penetration much but fffuck imagining him fingering me with those thick fingers of his does something to me. i bet two fingers alone would barely fit. he'd be such a sweetheart too, he knows he's strong and could easily kill me but if he loved me he wouldn't, he'd use his strength to hold me down (tmi but i twitch a lot when i jerk off), he'd just keep me stuck to the ground while he ate me out. now im horny at work fuck

.

[dervampireprince]

hiii prince!! it's me again!! (the dork who was raving about your voice a while ago) and im back for more deranged ramblings :))

this time about your most recent audio, because i am now certain that mathias is going to be the death of me (in a entirely positive way)!!!

all the giggling!! "mouse" as a pet name!! the little claps!!! i could literally swoon!!!! he is so charming! (like all of your characters are, but i think he especially may have struck a chord :DD)

i truly fear i may not survive if you decide to make more audios of him, buttttt if you do, i would happily listen like a lamb to slaughter!!!/pos

-dork anon!!!

eee so many people pointed out the clapping. what can i say he's just a excitable, cheerful guy. thank you!

[dervampireprince]

RAHHH I love Matthias he’s so sweet

raaah thank you!

[dervampireprince]

👋 hi, nonbinary fan here. Your 4a audios are very much inclusive (and delightful), I think that one anon just wants to stir up drama and be rude for no reason.

aaah thank you. i was saying to my discord members, 'i can understand the want for more m4nb content but ... theres not one way to be nonbinary, like some nonbinary people are okay with masc/fem gendered terms, some arent, and there is no one sex that nonbinary people have so any nonbinary audio is pretty much going to be identical to my m4a auidos anyway (unless its specifically a nonbinary transphobia comfort audio/coming out audio), and if i made them more specific it would start to alienate some nonbinary people. i dont think there'd be any way to make a nonbinary audio that didnt sound like an m4a without excluding some nonbinary people? if that makes sense'.

but i always want the majority of my audios to be m4a because i don't want to exclude anyone. and i always try my best to make sure at most only 1 of the nsfw audios per month are m4m and i know i messed up with this once and put two m4m ones up in the same month because i just didn't realise, but i'm going to make sure i don't make that mistake again and either 0 or 1 of the 2 nsfw audios that go up on patreon every month will be m4m, one of them will always be m4a or have a non-male listener.

[dervampireprince]

>be a female non-binary or female/fem fan >insert the guess I’ll die meme

...i don't know why you'd sent me this. are you trying to guilt trip me into making more 4nb or 4f audios?

i am fully accepting of having fans who are nonbinary, women, or fem-aligned. the majority of my audios are 4a as in for a gender neutral listener, that includes nonbinary and fem people. i am not going to apologise for some of my audios being for male listeners. i am a trans man who likes making audios for trans men because i wish there were more audios for trans men out there. a lot of my listeners are trans men or trans masc. i understand the frustration of feeling left out of something or wishing there was more content for that fits you specifically, but let my trans masc audience have their thing. not all of my audios have to be for you.

some of my ocs are gay, i am not going to make m4f audios with them, but most of them are bi/pan so again you're complaining about a minority of my audios.

and yes i mostly make 4a and 4m now and it's been a while since i've made a specific 4f audio, but again most of my patreon members are trans man/trans masc and so i make audios for them because they pay me too.

and, i literally have audio commissions open so anyone who misses me making 4f listeners can just commission me to do so. i am happy to take audio requests from my patreon members and commissions for audios where the listener is non-binary/female/fem/etc.

leaving asks like this is just going to make me associate making m4f audios with this sort of behaviour, it's just going to make me less likely to do them. i do not appreciate being guilt tripped, if you meant it as a joke it's not a funny one, and you didn't leave a tone tag to indicate so.

there are so many creators out there making m4f audios. the majority of male asmr voice actors make m4f content. i am in the niche of making mostly m4a with the occasional m4m. if you have a problem with this i suggest you stop listening to my audios and coming to my page.

people who are non-binary, cis women, trans women, trans fem, demigirls, genderfluid and any other identity that is female or fem-aligned are more than welcome in my spaces and welcome to listen to my audios. but complaining that i sometimes make audios for gay men, bi/pan men, trans men... i don't know what you're hoping to achieve with that.

i'm a trans man, i am always going to want to make audios for other trans men, the audios i wish i could hear for myself. and my audios are based on my patreon requests and it's rare that i get a requests for m4f audios. no complaining is going to make me stop doing that. maybe instead of complaining or guilt tripping me you could go and search for creators who make m4f and m4nb audios, you could see if there are creators making audios specifically for trans women, and if there aren't maybe instead of complaining that you're 'going to die' because i made a m4m audio, you could just ask creators you like if they would consider making more m4f/m4nb audios.

again if this was meant to be light-hearted or a joke, you completely missed the mark. and i'm autistic and there's no tone tag so i have no way of knowing how to interpret what you sent. and even if you had used a tone tag to indicate you were joking, it's not a funny joke.

do the other non-binary and fem in my community/audience feel left behind or not seen by my audios?

i hope not. i hope me making fewer m4f audios hasn't greatly upset anyone. i've never tried to exclude you, it just so happens that the majority of my audience is male. and despite the fact that if i made all my audios m4m i'd probably get more views and therefor money, i still keep the majority m4a in order to make sure my fem and nonbinary fans aren't excluded. i'd be willing to hear from any nonbinary or fem fans if you think my m4as are inclusive enough, and to make it clear that with audio commissions back open you can commission me for m4f/m4tf/m4nb audios.

[dervampireprince]

ASMR | OC - Mathias x Listener SFW Friendly Flirty Vampire Helps Walk You Home

[TM4M] [First meeting] [Flirting]

Oho who's this now? He's very friendly, perhaps overly-so, but he hopes he won't make you uncomfortable.

.

Old public spicy audios on sound gasm (link in pinned post). 2 Exclusive spicy audios on Patreon every month. I also stream on Twitch every week @ dervampireprince . [minors + ageless blogs dni. this blog is for 18+ only.] [do not repost/reupload/edit any of my content]

[dervampireprince]

I can TOTALLY Smilk and TR taking oral

Like imagine:

Truthless Recluse between your legs, eating you out/sucking you off. He's going slow and steady, savoring the flavors of your juices/precum. . . Till all of a sudden, Shadow Milk comes out of nowhere and pushes TR like "Out of the way! It's my turn!~" then proceeds to eat you out/suck you off like his life depends on it, his tongue mercilessly lapping at your folds/taking his whole cock in your mouth

. . .

Now which sounds better?

For the sake of my sanity reader has a pussy (sorry guys it’s my default).

MDNI

Anywayyyyy, the two of them have VERY different styles of pussy eating, and they bicker about who you like better all the time. It’s hard to chose though, they both excel at what they’re good at, and they both cater to different needs.

Starting with TR, he’s definitely more the type to take it slow. It’s not as though he has any reason to go slow, he doesn’t really care to draw it out, that’s just how he is. Part of it carrie’s over from before he became TR, Pure Vanilla was always the kind to be sweet about things.

Truth is, Truthless Recluse goes slow because he’s greedy. He wants to take and take and take from you for as long as he can. He’ll press warm kisses to the inside of your thighs, dragging them across your dough, because forbid he have to remove his mouth from you. He’ll take his time with one, breathing over your pussy for a moment before doing the same to the next.

His eyes are shut tight the whole time, uncharacteristic for him, but once he gets to the main course they lock onto you. He almost always starts by licking a long wet strip up you. Starting from your dripping hole all the way up to your needy clit. He shudders at the taste, feeling as if he’s in heaven, you are divine on his tongue. Once he starts, he can’t stop himself from taking more.

Another slow lick right up to your clit, then he takes the bud in his mouth and sucks. He sucks and rolls his tongue over the sensitive little nub, relishing in the way you cry out his name. He’ll let you do what you like, squirm and pull at his hair, it doesn’t matter. He’s steadfast in his pleasure, enjoying the taste of you, drunk on it. His dull eyes with peer up at you with unrestrained possessiveness, drinking you in like you were the last thing he’d ever get to see.

It’s very different from Shadow Milk, who is fast and eager. He does not like to waste time with silly little games, biting you once or twice before diving in for the meal. His tongue being forked allows him to do things most cookies can’t, which aides in making his fast pace feel so much better.

Unlike TR with his slow licks and consistent speed, Shadow Milk is like a mixed bag of everything. His long tongue curls deep inside, able to reach your g-spot with little to no effort. It curls around your clit, stroking it until your eyes are crossed. He can take it nice and slow, but equally he can go hard and fast.

He usually is a mix of both, starting fast and rough, leaving you gasping for air then slowing down suddenly to make you beg for more. The whiplash is part of the experience, it’s what makes everything feel so good. Oh, and unlike TR, he uses his teeth a lot. It’s rare he leaves any marks on your pussy, but he leaves light little impressions. It’s enough to make you jump and squirm.

He likes control, and he’ll fight you for it. If you wiggle too much he holds you still, because he can’t make you feel good if you’re running away. He overstimulates you to high hell, making you cum again and again over and over until you can’t think of anything but him. It’s so different from TR, and back to back sessions make your head loopy.

The both of them together is quite the experience. It’s typical that Truthless Recluse is the one eating you out, Shadow Milk not wanting to relinquish that control over the two of you. So you’ll be settled between Shadow Milks legs, back to his chest, while his hands keep your legs open for TR.

TR keeps his usual pace, slow and steady while Shadow Milk plays with other parts of you. He’ll cup your chest as TR hums against your hole, the vibrations making you lightheaded and weak against Smilk. He guides TR verbally through the process, telling him what to do and how you like it. TR doesn’t really listen much, but you seem to enjoy it so Smilk doesn’t reprimand him too much.

He can only take so much of it before he gets bored, though. TR is too sweet and slow on you, the show gets lame fast. So, he grabs TR by the hair and pushes him against you, forcing him to go the pace he wants him to. The rough treatment making the cookie moan against you, causing you to squirm uselessly between them. Smilk makes it worse by swirling little circles into your clit, heightening the pleasure tenfold.

He’ll coo at you so sweetly, praising you and TR for taking it so well. But again, there’s only so much of it he can take until he gets bored. When that happens, he’ll tug TR away so he can take the reins of your pleasure. It’s up to TR on whether he stays or not, but he usually does.

He’ll take Smilks spot behind you and watch the way the other cookie works his mouth over you. He’s not vocal, but you can feel the way he watches your reactions, and you can certainly feel the way he enjoys them too.

If you pick a favorite, they’ll both pout about it — though TR is more a dejected sigh than a pout. They both compete quietly to see who can pleasure you better, and it goes on right under your nose. The way they look at each other while they pleasure you is the dead giveaway, like wild beasts challenging each other for their mate, they glare over your stomach as if to beg the other to try better.

Now, when it comes to you giving them head, that’s a different story. But they use that as the ultimate show of who suits you better :)

[dervampireprince]

Avi is one hell of a rambler, it’s more word vomit than actual info dumping, but why does he only really do it around Satin? Who knows! This is a fun sleepover though!

Avi makes his own horn paint and while it’s easy to scrub out of hair and off horns, he’ll make sure to keep Satin’s neat and pretty.

Satin (purple silly) belongs to @dervampireprince and Avi (rambling nerd) belongs to me! Please don’t repost my art or use my oc’s, the only one who can repost is Prince because Satin is his character.

Thank you! Have a nice day!

[dervampireprince]

Hello!! I come with two questions

1: Have you watched House of the Dragon?

Follow up; If you have, do you ever plan on making any audios of it? I feel like you'd pull off Aemond really well

Im not meaning this as a request, ik you only take those from Patreon, I was just curious if it was on your radar. Thanks ^^

i have not watched house of the dragon and so would not be able to voice anyone from it.

and i don't plan on watching it. i did watch and enjoy game of thrones, more specifically i watched the first 3 seasons. and weirdly recently youtube has been reccomending me nonstop shorts of old game of thrones clips and i fell down that rabbit hole. turns out i do still have fondness for the show and certain characters. however, i watched GOT during the few years as a teen where i could handle seeing violence and blood and all of that. but i can no longer watch shows with those things without having panic attacks of feeling sick so if house of the dragon has the same level of violence and blood as GOT did then it's not something i'd be able to watch.

[dervampireprince]

Hiiiiiiiii! This is more of a suggestion then a request but if it's too similar then sorry sirry and pls do ignore 😅🙏 /gen

Butttt I was wondering if you liked Doctor who and if so do you think you'd ever do a Doctor audio, either as one of the canon Doctors or like an oc one?

(also if you do like Doctor who who's your fav doc 👀)

so love for doctor who is complicated for me.

i watched the 9th and two of the 10th doctor's seasons as a child (when i has 7-9 years old), but while i loved the show it would give me terrible panic attacks and night terrors when i would try and go to sleep so i had to stop watching it. but it was still a big presence in my childhood as my sibling and mum carried on watching it together, and my sibling had a lot of doctor who toys and collected the trading cards. i also watched the sarah jane adventures as a kid.

i didn't watch any episode again until i was about 13 and i wanted to see if it would still give me nightmares and i watched the 11th doctor weeping angel two parter (the one with river where they find the angels in caves) and it didn't give me nightmares so yay but i also had no desire in me to keep watching the show. since then i've seen i think two 12th doctor episodes, and i did see the 10/11/war doctor special, but again it didn't grab me enough to make me want to watch the rest of those seasons. i also as a teen watched the first couple seasons of torchwood, and the 4th one.. i have no idea how i ended up skipping children of the earth. well i do kinda, i watched season 4 when it aired and hadn't watched the previous ones, went back afterwards and watched the first two seasons and then just lost interest or couldn't find season 3 anywhere to watch.

years later, like around 2021, i can't remember what caused it, either my sibling enjoying and recommending the audio dramas or that i'd always been curious about a certain doctor after the war doctor short film or that i'd heard the most recent series of these audio dramas had the first ever trans companion, but i found myself listening to the first season of the '8th doctor adventures' audio dramas and i loved them. i fell very much in love with the 8th doctor and his voice is so soothing and gorgeous. i still haven't watched his film, and i only through through season 1, possibly season 2, of his audio dramas before the hyperfixation faded or idk what happened but i drifted off from listening to them.

and then it's 2024 and i hear that the doctor's kissed a boy. not the first time he's done that, but the last proper kiss between him and another man happened in 2005 so it still felt big to me, and i think it was big to have an episode with a queer male love story plotline from and center (which it shouldn't be, that shouldn't be a big deal but that is still not common to see on a major tv show in the uk airing on our biggest main tv channel). so i watched rogue (the episode). and i loved rogue (the episode and the character). i miss rogue (the character). i hope to see rogue again but i feel it's unlikely. and i loved the 15th doctor too, i think he's fun and idk how to describe it but he feels safe and comfy to me. so i went back and watched his first episode, the christmas special, and i had mixed feelings on the plot and the random singing and the goblins, i did like 15 and i did like ruby, i like their friendship and i liked seeing the doctor be allowed to be emotional and cry.

but. sadly, the entire time i was watching the the 15th doctor episodes that feeling was still in the back of my mind, as if i had almost trauma from what the show did to me as a young child, and i tried to keep watching the season but every time i tried, every time i watched clips from the show or the 14th doctor specials, that dread and anxiety still game to the back of my brain and i couldn't watch more than a little before i started feeling mentally kinda sick. which is a shame. i would love to be able to watch the current season, i'd love to be able to watch the specials and see 10 again, but i can't because my brain sees the same characters or monsters or tropes or even just the tardis and goes 'beep beep red alert thing that caused us trauma as a child' and i struggle to watch it, and watching doctor who isn't a necessity and so i don't watch it to save myself the mental stress.

but i loved 9, and i still do. i loved 10, but i think if you'd asked me as a kid i'd have said 10 was my favourite, but as i've gotten older i've appreciated 9 a lot more and might say i like him more than 10 now. i love 15. but who takes the prize as prince's favourite doctor? the one with the least video media, the one with a singular movie and short film, the 8th doctor. i love him so much. listening to the audio dramas didn't give me the same anxiety that watching the show does, maybe because i can't see what's happening idk. though i've spoken before about how i have to be careful watching any shows or films because of my mental health, i almost always dissociate and experience de-realisation after watching a show due to being so sucked in or hyper empathy for fictional things or something that just makes me not okay and out of it for hours after watching something. but i don't recall that happening while listening to the audio dramas, though i also haven't listened to them post-being unable to mask all the time anymore and post-autistic burnout so maybe now they would effect me idk. i'd love to listen to them again and finish the rest of his audio dramas if it's possible for me too.

and if anyone hasn't listened to the audio dramas, i would so recommend them. there's audio dramas for most doctors, both old and new who, and they're loads of them. literally loads. hundreds. and spin off audio dramas for sarah jane, unit, torchwood and probably more.

so that was a long way of saying it's 8. and i don't know if i would ever do doctor who audios. like i've explained, the show can be difficult for me mentally despite liking it. i've had requests to voice 10, but i don't think i could capture his mannerisms, i had enough trouble trying to voice crowely and feeling like i wasn't getting anywhere close to tennant's voice. i don't feel like i understand or remember any other doctor well other than 8, and i firstly don't think many would be interested in my voicing him and secondly i'm not sure i would want too? voicing him would mean delving back into doctor who and i still don't know if the audio dramas would triggering any anxiety and sometimes when i love a character and they're a comfort character i don't want to voice them, i want to keep them for me, and he might be one of those. i would have no interest in trying to voice any character other than 8, and i'm not sure i want too voice 8.