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@srvial   /   @anmli .   very private   &   selective .

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@caestillo​   +   starter call .

how do you make a home when you never knew one   ?   for most people it came so naturally ,   and maybe it is .   for them .   it’s something they remember from before tantalus became part of their lives   &   it’s something they simply go back to ,   something they welcome with open arms .   willow never knew home .   never knew the safety of one .   never had parents that cared or even tried ,   never had people that cared .   the only person she had before magnolia was her handler   &   that had always felt     .  .  .     different .   and now that she do have someone   (   at least she think she does .   )   she doesn’t always know how to handle it .   what to do with it .   being around magnolia always come so easily ,   like there is something inside that simply clicks   &   she can finally be herself .   she can dig up parts of herself ,   so hidden   :   even she didn’t know they were there yet magnolia somehow coax them out and it doesn’t feel too scary to reveal parts of herself .   

after tantalus was taken down ,   there is something inside that shattered .   a part of her that didn’t feel right .   so while magnolia paints ,   she bakes .   and it didn’t always turn out great   (   still learning and still trying out new things just because she can .   )   but the plate of chocolate chip cookies are taken out of the oven and she puts it on the kitchen counter when magnolia comes back from her trip and glancing up ,   there’s hint of a smile tugging at the corner of lips .     ❝                      hungry   ?   ❞ 

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Did you ever wish for kids?

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one time when i was a little drunk and laying in bed with a guy, i kissed his neck and mumbled “i could beat the shit out of you” in his ear.

he said “i know”

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magnolia castillo​ .

@dervoured​​ sent:  also give me theo hurt and he doesn’t let it show before they have driven in a car for a few miles and he almost pass out thanks

             she’s staring out the window.  eyes flicker between the buildings passing by and the side mirror in front of her.  no one is following them but she can’t resist the impulse to check every few minutes.  the only person who is supposed to be causing trouble is her.  she doesn’t understand why there is interference,  if it’s his own problems biting him in the ass or some other group who would love to get pieces of her under a microscope.  either way it doesn’t bode well for her.  eyes close and she releases a slow,  steadying breath.  she cannot control this.  she knows that.  but the truth of the matter is,  tantalus is the devil she knows.  she already understands how things work there.  she knows the rules and what to expect.  if someone else takes her she will be at a loss.  it will be worse and harder to figure out.  as her eyelids flutter back open she notices the vehicle beginning to drift.  brows furrow and she turns away from the window to glance at theo.  he looks about five seconds from losing conciousness.  what the fuck.  magnolia quickly reaches forward and grabs the steering wheel,  turning it before they run off the road.  there’s blood on his shirt.  his blood.  that’s obvious now.  ❝   pu—  ❞ heavy exhale  ❝  park.  ❞  he’s going to get them both killed which wouldn’t be so terrible except,  with her luck,  he would be the one dead and she would just be stuck,  injured and waiting to be captured by someone else.  

coat has hidden away the injuries .   not sure if it was a bullet or a knife ,   and he can’t quite place when it happened .   (   he’s always liked the moments of actions the most ,   feeling alive again .   when on the regiment tantalus put him on ,   the world seems to work a little slower ,   it pass by differently   &   most time he can anticipate what happens next without much troble .   but sometimes a surprise come along   :   and even then he comes away from it unscathed .   only this time his mission look very different from his usual ones .   a cleaner sent to get someone back .   he’s used to killing ,   he’s used to be ruthless   &   he is used to only be concerned about his own safety .   just keeping eye on the mission ahead .   blood soak the shirt and slowly drip down into seat and eyes get heavier ,   heavier until shooting up when she takes the steering wheel   &   the car jolts to the side .   air exhales and the car slowly comes to a stop by the road and for a moment ,   hand simply press against his side as if he needs a moment to catch up with what’s happening to his body .   takes a moment before reaching to the midconsole and grabbing the small pack inside while unbutton shirt and really taking a look at the injuries .   doesn’t look good .   the more skin that comes into view ,   it’s a surprise he’s still concious .   there’s a low crap murmured under his breath before ripping the plastic off the gauze and push it firm against what looked to be the entry of a bullet hole .   probably already healed around it ,   just need some more time and he’ll be fine .   lost too much blood to not mention it to staff however   &   this is a set back ,   time wise .          ❝   don’t try anything .   ❞      glancing up at her and head tilt back against headrest ,   jaw clench tightly .     ❝   only wind up doing more harm than anything .   ❞

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magnolia castillo​ .

             it’s like a fairytale.  the little flurry of flakes float all around them,  gentle and delicate.  she wants to remember how magical it feels.  she wants to remember it’s beauty and replace uglier memories with things like this.  it’s all she wants anymore.  as if she could empty her brain of all the horrors and fill it with all these little joyous moments which make her glad she’s still here after all.  magnolia lifts willow’s hand to her mouth and presses a soft kiss to her knuckles.  ❝   not hard,  ❞  she murmurs.  a small smile is given and she sways side to side to demonstrate.  ❝   no one.  but us.   ❞  she adds after a moment.  they’re not being watched.  no one to judge.  no one to decide they’re not allowed to have fun anymore.  or that there’s no value in something a little silly.  gazing up at her with soft,  pleading eyes  ❝  just.  little bit.  ❞

she can stand here with her   &   watch the snow fall ,   feel it lightly prick against her skin before melting away and simply leave behind a drop of water .   she can stand here and it’s comfortable enough ,   even if they are pretty much out in the open right now .   she can not pull away and go back to beneath the roof ,   but she doesn’t want to dance .   doesn’t want to do anything else .   it doesn’t feel right for her .   some rule or line she doesn’t want to break .   there’s a slight frown between brows as she watch magnolia kiss her hand   &   she takes a deep breath ,   slight shake of her head .   not that she wants to ruin the moment for magnolia ,   but it just isn’t something for her .        ❝   you can  .   ❞      slight shiver rush through body ,   as if she tries to shake it off somehow ,   low murmur as she continue .     ❝   it’s not for me .   ❞

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you fucked up

idk what you’re referring to but probably

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magnolia castillo​ .

             it feels like time stands still— or rather,  she feels like it races on all around her while she herself is just frozen.  watching.  waiting.  afraid.  she isn’t sure she even breathes properly the entire time.  oxygen only seems to enter her lungs again at the first signs of noelle reaching conciousness.  she is quick to rise from where she was perched,  moving to sit on the edge of her bed.  she takes one of the other woman’s hands and offers her a small smile.  ❝  told you,  ❞  she murmurs quietly.  noelle is too important to die yet.  and she thinks if the reaper had come for noelle she would have just fought him herself.  

there’s some relief when seeing magnolia   &   she tries for a smile   (   it’s barely a twitch of her lips when trying to focus up on her .   )   and air exhales softly .   she honestly didn’t know how she is still even here   :   slipping into darkness had been so easy and waking up now ,   it felt painful .   it hurt   &   she is glad she had the touch of magnolia’s hand to focus on .   eyes close briefly and there’s a soft hum .   not sure for how long she had been out ,   but it feels like she could definitely sleep the double of it .     ❝   guess so .   ❞      slight frown before finally looking up at her again .     ❝   you look as shitty as i feel .   ❞

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This might be too controversial but. poo poo pee pee.

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@hisflaws .​

❝     .  .  .     i got this ,   you know .   ❞      she’s been without max for years already ,   and of course she is thrilled to have him back in her life .   sought him out ,   found him     .  .  .     not exactly the version she thought she would find however .     but she doesn’t need him to fix this .   fix her problems .   air exhales softly while throw some dirty clothes into a basket   &   looking up at him ,   arms cross over lower abdomen .     ❝   i don’t need you to swoop in here and be the knight in shining armor or whatever you’re trying to do right now .   ❞

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KATHERYN WINNICK as JENNY HOYT in BIG SKY 1x07

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leopold bennett .

leo hasn’t experienced the apocalypse in the way others have —-  and the longer he spends establishing their new settlement in the mall,  the more clear that becomes.  it’s safe here,  and it feels like something truly special,  but then sometimes,  they come across people who have lived out there or have had experiences he can’t imagine,  and it’s a blatant reminder of how sheltered and secure he’s been all this time.  nine years in a thriving community with secure walls,  then another year with access to some of the most promising resources he’s ever been able to work with on his research,  maybe even more so than he had before the fall  —  and yet, this is the first time he’s truly been out, living by his own devices,  no higher power like the CRM there to help them along.  but it feels good, because it’s what’s right.  sometimes things really are too good to be true — just like the CRM was,  in all its glory and advances.  now more than ever, he’s determined to do the right thing, under the right premises.  he and the other scientists and the other members of his community as genuine in their desire to offer any kind of help they can.  they’ve experienced something traumatic, yet they haven’t let it harden them.  

he scoffs,  a smile on his face as he waves her off.   ❝  oh,  no,  it’s no problem,  if you decide it’s a good idea.  i think they’re antsy to get back out there,  ❞   he chuckles.  part of what they feel like they’re doing here is  hiding,  so any chance to get away from that could be good for his son,  he thinks.   ❝  but—-  we’re here,  any time you’re in the area.  whether it’s because you need help,  a place to hide,  or you just want to stop by,  ❞   he smiles warmly.  his arms cross over his chest,  raising a brow with intrigue as he looks back at her.   ❝  yeah?  ❞   he wonders how much to divulge about himself, but he decides to, because he’s never been the kind of man who isn’t entirely open and honest about his life—  and he doesn’t want that to change now.   ❝  to be honest,  these past few months —  this has been the closest to being ‘ out there ‘ as i’ve come,  ❞   he admits.   ❝  most of us,  actually.  so, i have to admit, i don’t entirely know that feeling myself.   i’m trying to learn, though.  ❞   even the smartest man alive can still realize there’s so much to life he doesn’t know about yet.   ❝  what is it about being out there that’s nice for you?  ❞   he’s genuinely curious,  hoping to understand for himself, too.  

this place has potentional to be safe ,   to become someone’s home and sanctuary   &   while she would usually love to help and get them started ,   help them get settled ,   to try and figure out how to help   :   some of the equipment she had seen down here didn’t exactly awaken good memories .   perhaps been snooping because she was a little curious to see what kind of people they were ,   and so far they had been nothing but kind .   so far she had felt nothing but welcome by all of them .   still ,   there is some hesitation .   a gut feeling that maybe it would be better to leave   &   find her way back home .     ❝   i get that feeling .   ❞      getting antsy ,   wanting to get out there and just feel free .   something about seeing the world as it becomes something new ,   it changes all the time and she doens’t want to miss it .   spent so much time on her own after the virus first spread   &   while she found isadora and she found home     .  .  .     it still felt like she still needed that .   being alone .   clear her head and feel like she is still alive .

❝   i’ll keep that in mind .   ❞      voice is soft as she speak   &   looking up at him ,   she wants to believe .   believe that everything doesn’t have to be horrible ,   and she can put her faith in people .   a slight frown form form as head tilt to the side and she wonders silently ,   where he could have been if he had met the world with rewritten rules ,   only now .   it’s been years and sometimes it feel like the memories she had from before the virus ,   before the dead walked ,   it was just memories playing in the background like some sort of cruel joke .     ❝   how come you guys haven’t been outside before now   ?   ❞     it’s kinda weird ,   and honestly she couldn’t imagine being sheltered like that for so long .   because it had to be sheltered right   ?   hidden away behind walls for the entire time   ?   and the thought of missing everything on the outside didn’t feel tempting either ,   no matter how horrible it could be at times .   there’s a shrug of shoulders then   &   she turn her focus down to her hands .     ❝   i spent the first few years alone and i guess i kinda got used to it .   nice to hear yourself think .   and it might not be the safest ,   but it just feel like i can breath out there .   and it’s nice having a place to go home to after .   a little bit of both .    ❞

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friendly reminder that i literally, actually cannot die, and id love to see any of you fuckers try to take me down

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alden mendler - sutton .

@dervoured sent: “you’re really cute, you know.”  

no, he doesn’t know, because that’s not a word he thinks he’s ever really been called  —  nor is it a word he’d expect to ever be called.  it’s not a bad thing,  it simply catches him off guard,  brows furrowed as his head tilts to the side and looks over her,  almost as if he’s waiting for her to correct herself.  his cheeks warm to a shade of pink,  and he lets out a soft laugh.  ❝  well,  no,  i s’pose i didn’t.  you sure you’re talkin’ about me? ❞   he grins,  shaking his head slightly.  he’s used to the compliment being thrown at his son  (  well deserved and primarily coming from himself, too  )   but it’s going to take him a moment to accept a compliment when it’s about his own appearance.  ❝  i think ‘cute’ works a whole lot better on you,  y’know.  ❞

they’re doing something so normal   &   there is sometimes ,   she has to punch herself to make sure it’s real .   remind herself how lucky she is   :   and a part of why she is this lucky ,   is  because of him .   and sometimes she forget that he is part of that .   not intentionally ,   but their lives are busy and they try and take more time just the two of them ,   try and take time for each other   :   but between everything going on   &   the kids ,   sometimes it’s hard .   but looking up at him now ,   she can’t help the dimpled smile forming upon features .     ❝   yeah ,   i’m sure i’m talking about you .   ❞      shoulder bump lightly against his and there’s a soft laugh ,   shake of her head while continue to fold some of the kids’ clothes .   it’s the nice and normal she wanted and craved after everything she went through out there   &   she wouldn’t trade that or him for anything .     ❝   well ,   it works for you aswell ,   alden ,   don’t try and cheat me out of my compliments .   ❞

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