desired-destruction - Tumblr blog

[desired-destruction]

never let being human stop you from being a god

never let being a girl stop you from being a boy

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the first two are more like you matty

your pallet is always sky themed, starry night and calm blue sunrise

which one is more like me?

or is there something that fits better?

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helooo

i dont like my icon again

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i wanted to share what cotard's syndrome is like for me, how it feels and effects me day-to-day, so i thought adding such in it's own chapter would be the best way to do so.

for me, i believe i am either already dead or dying, depending on the day. some days i believe im dead, that mu body is a corpse and my stiff joints and back, the arthritis in my joints and limbs, etc, are the result of rigor mortis setting in, my limbs starting to part from my lifeless body. i often feel as though none of my organs work, the magority of them already decayed and gone or rotting. 

other days i feel like im slowly dying, dificulty walking or functons and mobility in general is due to my body shuttng down for the last moments of breath. my pulse speading up or slowing down could either assure me im still alive a while longer or further the idea im not real or about to die. sometimes feeling my pulse could trigger thoughts like "living things have a pulse, but m not living and i have one, so im clearly not a normal human".

i'll believe my body is only still managing to function or move or do anything at all because dead or not...

continue reading this chapter in my new book, understanding cotard's.

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so i started thinking about writing a story

party is formed, mc is an elf warlock except theyre actually a human cosplayer from another time and world entirely and the party picked them up with the assumption of who and what they were no questions asked and the cosplayer is so deep in it at this point they cant tell the truth

and their deity is actually their genious sibling from their home who sends them tech that the party just deems magic and moves on. the sibling is working on a way to get them back but keeps getting side tracked by the cosplayers requests.

"i need something like a flamethrower but smaller so it looks like im casting fire magic"

"well that would set back my plans for the rescue but if it keeps you a live, sure. hey do you want it to fit like a bracelet on your wrist like a spiderman webshooter? i think getting fuel for it would be super easy where you are-"

and if the party ever catches them mid cosplay prep they have some sort of excuse like

"um, elf friend you seem to have dropped your ear"

"oh shi-uh yeah that..that happens-uhm..im sort of back from the dead see-"

"oh no worries at all my friend! sold your soul for magic and a new life in survitude towards your deity, i understand! if any more of your limbs fall off outside of battle we will be sure to assist!"

i think this would be fun and funny

does the cosplayer want to go home? mixed feelings but would you wanna go home right away if you made a bunch of friends and are living the life of your dnd character with the help of your probably autistic scientist-likely the dm-sibling?

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craving popcorn but cant have it ecause im missing a tooth

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guys please I need to know :(

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alright lets try this again

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taken, fuck

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oohh i forgot i did a poll

loveandstrife won did it?

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hello my 11 followers

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whoa eris in front again? blog revamp coming up?

hell fuckn yeah boy

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feel free to rb for reach

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non-ocean/sea related eldritch genders?

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time to name/term/prn/gender etc hunt

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are any of these links working for anyone?

Gender hoard

agender, angerboy, angergirl, angerboygirl, apobsessix, antiendoic, anishift, angemilkic, angelaindollic, angdevic, amallenbilic, allovetle, abandreligic,

bloodrosexenic, bpdsacrific, boyprincess, bloodycreature, bloodrosexenic, bloodcorvic, bloodeuphoriac,

crysteluvgalaxic, canivisborderic, cottagegoric, catgender, cutescare, cotraumareligic, cotardgender, corpsething, caticfluid, catdivine, catdespic, caderic, catgender,

deviloveic, darklovecorian, darklovecoric, dyorinelavenic, dullrith, dreamboy, demoniclexic, demondivine, deadcute/pretty, deadbitch, dullblissic,

erosgender, edgecute, edgecute, evilgender, egogender, evilsillycatgender, etherealbeing, ersfluid, elegoric, eldrilovic, eldritchblood, eclipsedeitic+soleclipsedeitic, evillittleguy,

faesari, faunagender, fingender, fpgender, femyandere, femboygirl, femascdox, felispiritin, fallendownsongic,

ghostorbeuphoriac, genderless girlboy/boygirl, glitchedlovic, genderfawnet, girlrare/boyrare, girlfriendboyfriendic, girlboyfriendlyrical, girlboyboygirl,

heartfavshapic, heavensentlexic+heavenscentic, heartbloodic, heartbandaic,

iloveyou.txtic/loveletter.txtic, inviheartpillgender,

juxera,

kingender,

part 2

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im playing this silly little witch shop game we have

idk why i like it so much but its cute!