cphenderson

[cphenderson]

ily: i love you

ilysm: i love you so much

dlmoisttlotjidnftdsaydihbpjfastmne: Don’t lecture me, Obi-Wan. I see through the lies of the Jedi. I do not fear the dark side as you do. I have brought peace, justice, freedom, and security to my new Empire.

[cphenderson]

[cphenderson]

you know what? no. fuck this. fuck you.

 *unionizes your tenants*

[cphenderson]

[cphenderson]

Florence vs Venice

[cphenderson]

take my sappy quiz and find out which private of expression of love you most represent

[cphenderson]

I was a part of something special earlier this week. A near and dear friend mine was crossing the Atlantic for his first time, and I had the resources to meet him down in Malta. Years ago I took him out of the United States for the first time.

I have been traveling to Europe my entire adult life. Loving to travel, and more specifically loving to see Europe, has been such a large part of my life for so long that sometimes I forget why and what it is like (it’s easier to gloss over these things during the time period(s) that I have lived here). This week I got to watch my friends eyes open to what I have seen for the last 7 years.

I feel so extraordinarily privileged to have been a part of this experience for him. Seeing how he marveled at the same aspects that 6 years ago ( and that same day to be honest) spoke to me was incredible. Watching him fall in love with the history of where he was and to connect to a place hours before he knew next to nothing about was beautiful. And it was a new perspective for me, one that I will keep in mind for a long long time.

Thank you for letting me be a part of this journey with you, my friend.

I was so happy to show you a little more of my world.

[cphenderson]

I fell in love when I was 16.

Like often happens the first time you fall in love, it takes you a while to realize. And some of the things that end up meaning the most to you were things that you felt weird about in the beginning.

I was 16 when I met the great love of my life- and 8 years later, I feel incredibly qualified to call it such. I have loved many people – healthily and unhealthily. Friends, lovers, and some caught in between. Every love is different, and it is in knowing this that I can unequivocally state that this is the love of my love.

I fell in love with, in, and for Europe.

I fell in love at 16 surrounded by the greenest greens I have ever seen in Poland, flanking the Auschwitz-Birkenau camps. Because there is nothing more beautiful than life returning to heal the scorched earth, to remind us that while there is no going back, there is always going forward.

I fell in love at 17 rushing off a plane and onto the train, whisking myself away, unsupervised for the first time, into the late summers of Spain. Watching the world flicker by, sitting in the window, emanating excitement and pure joy with one of my closest friends beside me.

I knew I was in love for the first time at 18. Living aboard a ship that took me across the rocky Atlantic into the calm Mediterranean. Washing over Greek islands with no inkling of an idea of where I was or what was waiting for me. Bustling through the heightened alleyways of Portugal, confessing for the first time what I knew to be true: that I was in the land of love.

At 19 I felt hurt and rejected. Separated from the place I love for the longest period since our introduction, life having charted a different course for me. In open rebellion I did the only thing I knew to do; I laid down the planes to return before a year had passed. Writing letters and performing monologues to my dearest.

20 finally rolled around and I made my triumphant return. Running through the tulip fields of the Keukenhof, drinking it all in. Feeling my future at my fingertips… life had never been better. Determined to see as much as I could with the time I had, I felt connected and energized everywhere I went. Stepping into Stockholm, gasping in admiration at how perfect it all seemed to be.

When I was 21 and returned I was a different man. I was mere weeks away from completing the long-awaited cohabitation process with my love. The one thing standing between me and that was a 3-week passage of time, exploring the borders of my beloved, living life in ecstasy and anticipation of what life would be knowing and loving myself for the first time.

22 began with resounding success. My love and I were never to be separated again. Stockholm had opened its arms to me in the twilight of summer, our shared life truly together had finally begun. To celebrate, I swam in a Baltic channel. I climbed to the highest points of my new home. I gazed in adoration at what life finally was.

Summer waned into autumn, which decayed into winter, and for the first time trouble brewed. There was a fight that I felt powerless within. Wounded, I retreated to safety across the ocean. Wanting desperately not to leave but not knowing what else could be done. For months I wandered in a haze. Feeling hurt in a way that seeps into every piece of who you are.

As the spring thaw came to me, I risked a return. I could still see what there could be, but for the first time, the steps to obtain it felt impossibly steep. At 23 I stood in the dirty London streets with the steadfast belief that I could fix this. I only needed the time to figure out how.

Afraid of going a year without seeing my love, I made my emboldened return at 24. Taking the time to wade through the cities, to show how earnest and serious I had become. To etch the words into Us that I am coming back. That this story is not over, and that our next chapter will be the story that is whispered about for eons.

I will always come back. You are a part of me in a capacity none else can hope to achieve and while this can seem frightening, I am left with nothing but the drive to return and return to our unity. My darling, beautiful vast and imperfect Europe, I will come back for you as many times as it takes before you allow me to stay.

My heart is yours, my dreams are of you, and the future we will write together.

[cphenderson]

A friend I’ve known for 20 years tagged me as soon as she found out Avatar the Last Airbender is returning on Netflix. I gotta say, I’m touched. 9 years ago we went to the midnight premier of M. Nights abysmal rendition, and a few weeks later she moved away.

That she felt inclined to still include me brings joy to a rocky day.

Thanks, friend. I won’t fall on your brother for the premier this time

[cphenderson]

Look.

There are plenty of days- in a row even

Where I don’t think about you.

 There are still some days where I am hurt that you packed up and vanished from my life

Especially when you live one town over

 There have been days where I have wrote to you

Days where I have called

Cried

Lamented.

 There are days where I am appreciative of you

We called each other platonic soul mates

We gallivanted through eastern Europe

 You made me feel…

You made me feel

like I was the good person you saw I was

You weren’t the first person to say I was a good person

 But our time together made me believe it

It also made me believe that I didn’t deserve all the ways in which my life transpired

That even when I messed up

It didn’t mean I couldn’t still be a good person

 You are a piece of the pattern that is woven into who I have become

 And I said then

and I will say it now

I will always love you.

[cphenderson]

Last night I was sitting at a bar with a friend of mine

She has been a giant in my life

We have become one another’s family

And three things happened yesterday that has made my heart sore

 Number 1

Her daughter, who used to dismissive of my existence has decided that I am the coolest person

Never before did I think a 2-year-old could make me so happy

And I was wrong.

 Number 2

She told me that since her sister moved to town

And her and I subsequently became best friends

Her heart is happy

As we love each other

She loves that her sister to has me

 Number 3

My friend told me

In no uncertain terms

How sorry she was that I wasn’t invited to her wedding

That everyone believed I was across an ocean

And how happy she is that I ended up being there anyway.

[cphenderson]

My life looks a lot different now than it used to

Despite the fact that I live in the same room I used to

Despite the fact that this town has been irreparably stained

 The way I walk to work is different now

The motivations to my actions are shifted

It brings me great joy to look at the life I am leading

 And to be able to stay

“things are different now.

I am different now.”

[cphenderson]

This song is sad. I love it

I tell myself drunk on a train

[cphenderson]

Moral Sexting

You can use me for whatever you want

[cphenderson]

[cphenderson]

But Shelbs, you’re the bees knees! The hot tomato! The cats meow!

oh yeah?????I know I’m terrible but what are you?????

[cphenderson]

Some days you just need to take a moment and appreciate what you've done, and how far you've come. Every year is different, and some have been easier than others. I hope we are all still making your proud, Zoë. (at Boulder, Colorado)