despair-and-rage

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as a cis guy, when presented with the "99% you get a ton of money, 1% you turn into a girl" it honestly would be dumb to not hit that button until it breaks. like ok now i have 100 bajillion dollars and gender dysphoria. big deal. i have all the money in the world to turn me back into a guy. like with that kind of money i could have obama do me a phalloplasty. he wouldnt be able to do it as he isnt a surgeon but the point still stands

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The spell master: God damn it, where on earth is my magic crystal ball????

The suspiciously hungry and round bug:

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Do you actually ship them or do you want them to be trapped together in a cave-in where one of them is injured and they have to talk to keep them distracted and stay sane while they wait for help, and end up opening up about their vulnerabilities and bond and then grow desperate as one starts to slip from consciousness while the other begs them to stay awake—

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[loading screen tip] People will dislike you if you are Mean to them

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im laughing so hard because no matter what song you listen to 

spiderman dances to the beat

no matter what song ive been testing it and lauing my ass off for an hour

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well. it’s the middle of june. and one could say we’re in a heatwave.

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All my haters become aligators when I activate my gatorinator.

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The parasites made me draw this

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"30 years old isn't old man" what privilege do you live in where your life expectancy is far past 30 years

This post blindsided me so bad I spent a full minute staring at it in shock

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encountering an inconvenience while cold: damn that sucks, oh well, i’ll figure something else out!!

encountering an inconvenience while hot: we all deserve to die right now, come on everyone, lets all go die

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New Life series! Anyone Excited?

I was just tying a new style and then it turn into me making a poster LOL (Doing the values first before doing color is life changing oml)

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Unfortunately 40 days of not scrolling did not fix me in any way that matters

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Actually no one should be having sex. All of us are aged-up minors and the passage of time is inherently problematic

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I had a dream that opened immediately to me sitting on the edge of an indoor, hotel swimming pool. I was in a bathing suit with my feet dangling in the water. I knew right away that this was a dream, and I thought to myself that it was a pleasant one, because I love hotel pools so much. I love when they're so warm and accompanied by a hot tub as well that the entire room is steamy. I love when there are big windows so you can see winter outside. I love the children making friends and inventing intricate games in the water with strange children they'll never see again. I was enjoying all of that, when a woman appeared beside me, sitting with her feet in the water.

It was as if she blipped into existence, but it also felt that perhaps she was there before, and I hadn't noticed her. We both took a moment to look startled, and then we said hello. She looked like she was in her 60s or 70s. I started on small talk, and then she calmly and politely told me that she believed she was dying. I didn't know what to say. I said, "Oh. Are you sick?"

She said, "No. Right now. I think I'm dying right now."

She pointed across the swimming pool, and sure enough, she was there too, lying on the ground while someone performed CPR on her. Everyone was silent. The children stood in the pool and watched, ignoring their parents frantic, silent waving to come out.

The woman told me that the young woman and man beside her were her adult children. The children behind them were her grandchildren. Her husband was in their hotel room. I still didn't know what to say, so I asked her about her children.

She was worried about her son, who was going through a terrible divorce. She said he needed her. I told her that he would be okay. I told her about losing my dad when I was young and the way my friends and family took care of me. She was happy to hear it. She said she felt better about leaving. Then she said, "OH! I think I'm going back."

She was gone in an instant, and across the swimming pool she started vomiting water. I thought, "How nice I could keep her company during that ordeal" and "I should have asked her name so I could reach out to her." And then I woke up feeling like I didn't sleep at all.

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Loving this letter that one deeply hilarious National Trust employee was clearly tasked with writing to dress one of the rooms at the property we visited today:

I'm sure they never anticipated Dr Tall Gf and I, who spend half an hour minimum in every single goddamn room, and will therefore notice every single thing, including your funny little jokes!!!

(Letter reads:

Fourth Dec. 1772

Dear Brother,

Whilst I am most delighted to welcome you to my home I must also let you know that quite recently I did engage a local artisan-builder to undertake the plasterwork here at Mompesson House. I have had many wonderful ideas for the plasterwork: to whit, peaches, Inigo Jones and Alexander Pope, King Midas, shells, a Green Man who is most distinctive, the Goddess Athena, a lady with the head of a cornucopia, a Large Eagle, several sundry fruits as well as the aforementioned peaches, and so on. Suffice to say, it will be most grand but also cause a lot of mess. Anyway, my great hope is that one day the plasterwork will be so historically significant that it will pass onto some kind of National Trust that protects buildings and their furniture and so forth. I am sure the employees of such an institution would be kind, generous, thoughtful, attractive, most engaging and witty, probably extremely sexy and certainly in general a delight to be near. Visitors of the future witnessing my noble plasterwork will be so grateful that they will no doubt spend plentiful money in the tea room and secondhand bookshop I should think.)