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[destinywebster-blog]

’s the way he laughs. It’s how he carries himself. How he walks as if nothing can can bother him but in reality he feels like it’s him against the world. It’s the way those green hazel eyes draw you in and make you feel like you’re the only person in the room. It’s the way he puts his head in hands trying to figure out how to put thoughts into words. It’s the little side smile that’s so contagious you can’t help but to grin from ear to ear. It’s his fascination for sappy hopsin songs. It’s the way he gives his heart to his friends who eventually become family. It’s the euphoric thrill of gettig out of bed in the morning to fetch a dr. Pepper to quench his thirst It’s the way he bites his nails when he’s feeling anxious but pretends he’s fine. It’s the way he sings his heart out to his favorite songs on the radio. It’s this and so much more that remind you how and why you fell in love with him in the first place. When he embraces you for a hug and wraps you up so tight, it’s like you’ve never felt more safe and secure than right there, in that moment. Then you get stuck; a constant inner battle between distant memories, how you really feel, and hiding the truth. Is it worth it? Is it worth trying? The biggest battle you’ll fight with yourself is deciding if you want to make yourself look vulnerable. But it’s not the simple type of vulnerability… it’s the vulnerability that strips you completley naked and open just asking to once again be told no. To once again feel your heart drop to your stomach, to feel a sharp jab so painful the only solution is to lay in bed curled in a blanket clutching his pillow, sleeping on the right side of the bed because it smells just like him. But, when it comes to deciding who’s going to break your heart, you’d rather it be him than any other bastard. That’s love, yet stupidity. Making the promise tocmyself that I would do everything I can to get him back. Yet although promises were broken, you still find yourself standing in the tree line just waiting for a moment that may never come. It’s the moment you think about constantly but disregard it with thoughts of “he can do better” or “he’s moved on.” It’s true what they say “home is where the heart is” because you don’t realize the reason you feel so out of place is because your home isn’t a place. It’s the heartbeat that belongs to the one you can’t ever let go of. Isn’t it ironic that regaurdless of his intoxication level he just wants to be held. Or when you look at him and think he is the most bad ass man on this Earth but once evening comes, I get to hold in my arms the worlds biggest baby. Or isn’t it ironic how the best stories to tell somehow revolve around him? Through the distance between the two of us, the two hardest things I can’t bring myself to do is strip completley naked to be vulnerable and fighting heart and brain on if I need to stay and do my best to carry out my promise or let him go. Yet, every time I begin to tell myself to move on, something always causes me to hold on to the love I have for the man that changed my life forever.

[destinywebster-blog]

It’s insane to imagine where I was months ago. It’s insane to think I was pronounced dead on scene only moments later to be pronounced dead on arrival. It’s insane that only 4 short hours before my life would be over, I found the strength I needed. Life is far from easy, especially living the lifestyle I had known for such a lengthy period of time. Yet aside from drug addiction and a plethora of near death experiences I found peace, humility and the will power to live.

[destinywebster-blog]

LYRICS

Yeah, I'd rather be a lover than a fighter

'Cause all my life, I've been fighting

Never felt a feeling of comfort

All this time, I've been hiding

And I never had someone to call my own, oh nah

I'm so used to sharing

Love only left me alone

But I'm at one with the silence

I found peace in your violence

Can't tell me there's no point in trying

I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long

I found peace in your violence

Can't tell me there's no point in trying

I'm at one, and I've been silent for too long

I've been quiet for too long

I've been quiet for too long

I found peace in your violence

Can't tell me there's no point in trying

I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long

I'm in need of a savior, but I'm not asking for favors

My whole life, I've felt like a burden

I think too much, and I hate it

I'm so used to being in the wrong, I'm tired of caring

Loving never gave me a home, so I'll sit here in the silence

I found peace in your violence

Can't tell me there's no point in trying

I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long

I found peace in your violence

Can't tell me there's no point in trying

I'm at one, and I've been silent for too long

I've been quiet for too long

I've been quiet for too long

I found peace in your violence

Can't tell me there's no point in trying

I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long

[destinywebster-blog]

I can’t talk about it because if I talk about it that means it matters. If it matters that means it’s real, and if it’s real that means it’s going to hurt.

I can’t talk about it. (via insanely–crazy)

[destinywebster-blog]

Do you ever want to tell a person things but you know it'll scare them away so you just have to deal with your sad, depressing, suicidal thoughts on your own? Shit sucks.

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my definition of paradise is waking up next to you

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Ever wish you could be someone else?

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"Are you okay?" She asked as endless tears ran down my red cheeks.

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