destressjournal

[destressjournal]

Lesson learned: don’t let my husband call the shots anymore

Saw the perfect house, didn’t bid on it because I wanted my husband to be comfortable with the purchase (we could have definitely afforded it) but he’s never going to get comfortable with the process no matter how much the house costs. Plus it’s my money anyway. I’m going to call the shots from now on. He told me to do that so I’m listening to him. I never want this to happen again.

[destressjournal]

I have some motivation left in me!

After a much-needed vacation, I feel a little more motivated for the rest of the year. Now that I’ll be in the country for the foreseeable future.

Look, if buying a house doesn’t happen for us this year, it’s not the end of the world. Like I said, 2024 is our buffer year.

The thing I really want to happen is for me or my husband to find a job this year (hopefully my husband, but realistically it’s probably going to be me). And I’ve applied to a couple, did a couple interviews, and lost out. I have applied to 2 more and am waiting to hear back. But in the meantime I should apply for more.

Other than that I have other goals that I’m working on the rest of the year. I’m also just going to focus on being healthy and not losing weight, because CLEARLY losing weight is not something that comes easily to me. I’m just going to make being healthy my focus, going to the gym, eating the right foods, but not directly trying to lose weight or beat the scale. And i think I’ll be a little happier for that!

I’m getting back to reading for fun again. I should totally do a ranking of all my BOTM books and post them here. Putting a pin in that.

I also want to delve back into my art with my “where I’ve been” mini painting series. I’m also getting my new instagram art account off the ground. My goal is to set aside time, even if it’s for 10-15 minutes, per week to work on my art projects.

Lastly I want to really CLEAN AND PURGE the house! Like deep clean! Getting into all the crevices, really organizing stuff, really being thoughtful in purging stuff I don’t need, even the big furniture. I’ll feel so much better once I’ve done that.

I can’t be too bogged down about things because that means I can’t work on things to be better. So let’s get going!

[destressjournal]

2024 has been a tough year so far….

I made a long post just venting but I decided not to post it. But here’s what I will say.

Adulting sucks, specifically buying a house or looking for a new job. I think it’s ruining . And I just want a break from it all. I am burnt out, and exhausted, I am no longer excited about the future. I just wish things were a little easier. Also I’m sick and tired of being the rock or strong person for other people. I also have anxiety issues!

Im fine, im not going to end things. But I think we just need to step back and breathe for a bit. Maybe we’re not ready to buy a house and that’s okay.

[destressjournal]

I gotta keep going. I will keep going even if I’m losing. There’s no other option.

[destressjournal]

Other goals for 2024

Wow! A post that’s not just about my weight loss (or lack ther of)

One thing I would love to do this year is buy a house. But who knows what the market is going to look like this year. Right now we’re deciding if that’s something we realistically can pursue or if we should wait one more year.

In any case, I’m only willing to stay at our apartment for one more year (until august 2025) After that, I want to move forward with buying a house no matter what because that’s when I’ll be 30 and want to try for a baby.

Obviously if anything horrible happens and if we have to push stuff back it is what it is, but I hope we can get a house this year….that’s my ideal situation.

Related to that, I really want my husband to get a new job….I also am most likely going to start looking for a new job. But for me it’s different because I don’t hate my job for one thing, and while it doesn’t pay a ton, there’s so many benefits to it (tons of vacation time and flexible scheduling) which will help a lot for when we have kids…so if I can get a new job at the same company, then that would be the best of both worlds. So we’ll see what’s out there. We just need more income if we want the house and the kids especially.

In the meantime I’m going to brush up on some very essential skills that will pertain to jobs I want to apply for.

So yeah, if things stay the way they are that’s fine, we have some wiggle room, but 2025 will be the year that things will change if it’s not 2024.

[destressjournal]

Plan for 2024

Ahh here we are at another new year and another year of trying to lose weight, yeeeeeeeeee

Here’s the difference though. I realized through all of this that I think I just need an outside motivator. I don’t think I can do this by myself, like I did back in 2019. Now that I’m starting to get older, it’s getting harder and harder to keep up with things. Next time I see my doctor I’m going to see if they can refer me or recommend a dietician. This can only help me!!

Other than that though, I’m going to go back to my previous weight loss system that I’ve been able to stick with for more than a couple weeks. Since we got back from our honeymoon, I’ve just been working on getting a gym routine down. So far it’s been going okay. I go at least 3 times a week which is good, but I’m trying to go 6. With the holidays it’s hard though.

But I have enough of a routine that I can come back to this system with more confidence. I haven’t weighed myself in months and I’m a little scared to see what the scale is going to say, but I am going to take it one day at a time. The only thing that’s changing is that in my previous system I used to count 30 mins of walking as exercise, or 30 mins of yoga, and while that’s still much better than sitting on the couch eating chips, it’s not serving me nearly as much if I hardly go to the gym. So I’m only counting my gym credit when I actually GO to the gym and workout for at least 30 mins. Except for sundays, then I can do yoga or go on a walk, etc.

How I track my calories is still going to be the same. I’m sticking with 1300 (or maybe it’s 1320 or something in my lose it app) and if I hit it, great! If not, I don’t get any reward.

This has been the culmination of the past 6 years of trying to figure out what works and what doesn’t for me. And now with adding an actual professional into the mix this upcoming year, I will have even more tools at my disposal.

Even if I never get to that magical number I’ve been wanting to hit since senior year of college, I will go down trying and I will never give up. Even after I have a baby or two, I’ll find some way to stay active. Make it a habit, make it part of your daily life, make it routine! Something you don’t even think about!

A lot of things might change this year too, as far as where we’re going to live, so that’s a big factor, but wherever I go there should be a planet fitness somewhere nearby.

[destressjournal]

November goals

Spoopy season is now over and a new month of trying to be fit has begun!

I’ve been attempting to go to the gym in the morning at least 3 times a week. And it’s worked pretty well!

This month, I’m going to try to step it up a notch. My previous goal in October was just to go 10 times. That’s it. (For example I would technically be allowed to go in the gym, and turn right around and walk out, but I had to get dressed, get in my car, go, and walk in) And I achieved that well before the month ended.

Now the goal is to go 12 times! AND at least get on the treadmill (like on my worst days, I have to spend at least a couple mins on the treadmill). I’m going to try to shoot for 4 times a week (ultimate goal is 6 times a week) but I won’t actively track that one. For a reward I’m going to get the next cozy game on my list: Unpacking!

I know if people were actually following me they’d be so annoyed at my constant weight loss posts lol. I don’t blame you. This really has been a years long journey for me to find out what works, and now that I have, it’s a matter of just finding that motivation and sustainability within the context of my current life.

2024 NEEDS to be the year. I have to believe in myself that I can do it. The only thing stopping me is my mind.

[destressjournal]

So yeah, I’m not doing that weight loss system right now

Can I keep a consistent weight loss system for more than a couple months?? Apparently not lol

I created that weight loss system because I didn’t think I could do my 2019 gym routine again. And then I thought to myself. Well, can’t I just go to the gym early in the morning before work instead? At first I hated the idea but as I began to do it more, I realize how much time I actually have to just change my clothes, get in my car, and go.

It’s really hard these days to work out after work. But working out before work has a ton of benefits. 1) I get it over with in the morning so I don’t have to worry about it for the rest of the day. 2) it wakes me up and gets me in a better mood for the day 3) the gym isn’t as crowded, which is the main reason why I go early in the mornings.

I’m not doing it every day yet, but at least 3 times a week. And it’s working so far. I might be able to do my 2019 routine after all, and I can lose weight faster. However, I’m not tracking my food intake at the moment so I just have to be careful and ONLY eat when I’m hungry…

I’m going to spend the rest of this year just forming the gym habit, and once January hits I’ll be able to incorporate my other weight loss system into it and i will be unstoppable!! Will 2024 finally be the year that I hit 125????? I fucking hope so….

My husband and I want to start trying for a family by mid 2025, so I really have until then to lose as much weight as I can before I start putting on baby weight. All these years of trying and failing have all been mental blocks. And I’m finally breaking myself free of them by getting back into my old 2019 gym routine. 2019 worked for me, so I gotta replicate that as much as possible. No other games or methods and trying to go around it. It’s time to get serious! And STAY serious!

[destressjournal]

8 Benefits of Exercise that’s not just about looks

When losing weight, obviously the calorie intake is the most important thing to get under control. It’s always what you eat that has the biggest impact on your weight, but that doesn’t mean we should rule out exercise, or that exercise on its own doesn’t have benefits to weight loss.

To me personally, exercise is what started my 2019 weight loss journey. Here are the ways in which exercise has helped me (besides the obvious “my body looks good”)

1. Let’s start with the physical benefits. I feel so much better after months of consistent exercise. My body feels like a machine (in a good way) I’m more aware of what my body is capable of and how it moves. I feel like I can take on the world.

2. Going off this, the fat rolls being gone allowed me to move in ways I couldn’t before. Something as simple as bending down to tie my shoes was difficult when I was overweight because of my stupid gut. Or turning around to shave the back of my legs but my back rolls would be in the way. It has allowed me to be more flexible too.

3. I’m obviously less tired when we go hiking or taking longer walks. I can keep up with my (now) husband and not cry in pain. Ugh that stupid knee pain….

4. I’m just less hungry when I exercise. After a workout, I’m not crazy hungry like before the workout. Not sure how that works, but it decreases my appetite and it works wonders! On the flip side the amount of burned calories allows me to consume more food with less guilt (IF I want to).

5. Now moving onto the mental benefits. I love competing with myself, and exercise has given me that outlet to do just a little bit more today than yesterday, to see how far I could go. (Btw the only person you should ever compare yourself to is yourself from the past). It’s given me structure, goals, purpose, and most of all, motivation.

6. Going off this. It’s allowed me to go into a daily routine. Even if I didn’t feel like going to the gym, I still went. It just wasn’t a question. I would still go, maybe I would be easier on myself that day. But even after one of the worst days of my life, I still went to the gym and did my full workout.

7. This leads me to the improvement in my mood and anxiety levels. My anxiety was so much better, I felt like I had a better grip on everything, and had a better outlook on life. And nothing changed in my life except my exercise routine. I still deal with the same crap I’ve always dealt with but I just have a better mindset about it. AND while I’m exercising, I literally cannot be anxious because my brain is focusing too hard on the workout to focus on any anxiety I’m having.

8. Lastly, exercise decreases my boredom. It simply gives me something to do that’s not eating, playing video games, or watching tv/youtube. Sometimes I eat when I’m bored so it gives me less of a reason to eat unnecessarily.

Yeah, looking good is also a benefit but it’s not the only benefit, or the most important, in my opinion, because that’s probably the last change that will manifest. Body recomp takes a long time. It took me 3 months of consistent exercise just to notice any kind of difference. It’s important to focus on the physical and mental benefits that don’t rely on outward appearance in order to keep being motivated. At least for me. Im going to try to re-create my 2019 workout routine this October after my honeymoon, so looking forward to getting back into it!

[destressjournal]

What is my weight loss system?

This may be a really long post….

So the whole idea behind my system is to make realistic goals based on what I already do, and build upon those slowly overtime for, sustained, long-lasting habits. The ultimate goal is lifelong and permanent change. Which isn’t easy.

So I deliberately took weight out of the final goal. This is a change from past systems I did. And it’s honestly one of the best things I ever did. It’s not that I’m not paying attention to my weight, I’m not making a certain weight my end goal. I actually don’t really have an end goal, because I always feel like I’m going to keep improving slowly over time.

I’m just so sick of trying to lose weight quickly for a specific thing and then gaining the weight right back when that thing is over. 2019 was an exception, and while I wish I had the stamina I did back then, it’s also a little harder to accomplish now that I’m in a different living situation (aka I don’t have parents at home to make all my meals for me).

Sooooooooo all that to say I designed this system not to “work” right away, and that’s OKAY!!!

Alright, now let’s get into what this system actually is. Again, this system might only work for me, maybe it’ll work for other people, but it’s a complicated system with a lot of rules and people will probably get turned off my it, but I honestly love all the structure! And it’s actually not THAT complicated…

Anyway, let’s finally get into it shall we?

So the first thing I did was make 4 overall goals. For me, these included tracking my weight, hitting my calorie target, exercising at least 30 min a day, and drinking less alcohol. If you ever do a system like this, the goals may look different for you.

Now, I love physically writing things down. It helps me remember better and I feel like I’m more engaged in what I’m doing. So I use a physical journal with colored markers and it’s so satisfying…I think that’s part of why it’s working for me, honestly.

So in the journal I write the month at the top with the four goals right underneath it. Like this:

JANUARY

Gym Weight Calories Alcohol

1 ◻️. ◻️ ◻️. ◻️

2. ◻️. ◻️. ◻️. ◻️

3. ◻️. ◻️. ◻️. ◻️

4. ◻️. ◻️. ◻️. ◻️

5. ◻️. ◻️. ◻️. ◻️

Etc…

Ignore the periods.

The grey boxes are meant to be filled in. Green if I met the goal that day, yellow if I completed some of it but not all of it, and red if I didn’t do anything. The most important thing in all of this is that I have to be HONEST or it doesn’t work. No one else sees this journal. I mean people can look if they really want to but I just do this for myself.

For gym/exercise, I can fill in green for that day if I did at least 30 minutes of some kind of exercise. It can just be walking! But something! Usually I shoot for my running goals which is a whole different system I’m not going to go through here. There is no yellow category for this because it’s either I do it or I don’t…pretty simple.

For weight, that’s also easy. Green if I weighed myself, red if I didn’t. No yellow for that one.

For calories, green if I tracked my calories and hit my daily target, yellow if I tracked all my calories but didn’t hit my goal, and red if I didn’t track at all.

For alcohol, my goal is not not exceed 3 drinks in a week. I tend to go a bit overboard when I do drink so I’m trying to drink less. So I fill in green if I had no alcohol that day, yellow if I drank but fell within that 1-3 range for the week, and red if I went over 3.

Now onto the rewards part of the system. This is a rewards-only system. I do not punish myself for anything. Say I only get reds for the entire month of January (which would be yikes). I don’t get punished for it, but at the same time, nothing happens. But if I hit my goals for that month, I get a reward!

There’s two different kinds of rewards: small rewards and big rewards. Small rewards are things like, getting to play my switch or painting, or painting my nails, or planning my next vacation, something fun that I personally would enjoy. Big rewards are pretty much treat-myself things, like buying a new switch game or a collectible, or taking a day off work just cuz.

I earn a small reward if I get all greens in the same day. That means I exercised for at least 30 minutes, I weighed myself, I hit my calorie goal, and I didn’t drink! Then I put a big star ⭐️ next to that day, I call these days “star days” for obvious reasons.

There’s two ways I can earn a big reward, 1- if I hit a new streak of star days, and 2, if I hit my goal for that particular month.

I have monthly goals too, to get a certain percentage of green or a combo of yellow and green boxes. I increase that percentage bit by bit every month. But it’s such a small increase that it’s hardly noticeable. Again, baby steps. In July, I got myself a switch case. Just this month I hit a new streak of star days so I got a new switch game. Once I hit my other monthly goal I’m going to get a few thumb grips for my switch. It’s all about my switch these days lol.

And that’s about it honestly. So that means I don’t play my switch, I don’t watch anything on streaming, and I don’t do any art whatsoever unless I earn these rewards. But im not a monster to myself. I still allow myself to watch all the YouTube I want, listen to anything on Spotify, and read my book of the month books, no matter what. And it’s worked for me so far!

It’s been the only system I’ve stuck with for more than a few weeks, so I’m going to keep doing it! Wish me luck!!!!!!

[destressjournal]

Updates

1. Got a head cold -not Covid as of right now

2. I reached one of my big August health goals and I got dorfromantik!

3. My goal is to play 50 hours of both Palia and Dorfromantik before reviewing them.

4. I got a new cozy gaming blog! Calmcomfycozy is the username. We’ll see if I can keep that blog running long enough, lol

5. The biggest one. Even though I feel like crap right now, I overall feel so much better than I did back in June and July. Again, haven’t lost much weight on the scale yet, but I honestly think if I keep it up I’ll see the pounds start to come off. Again, I may not be the weight I want to be by my honeymoon, but this weight loss system extends well beyond that! I want to continue doing this for years. And I know some months are going to be better than others. But that’s life. And I think if I just at the bare minimum on bad days and holidays, pay attention and be aware of my actions, it’s going to help me toward my goals. I just gotta keep believing it’s going to work. Like I said I can feel the effects already, even if they’re small. I found that I don’t have a giant gut in the morning anymore. May, June, and July I had a gut even in the mornings! But now I’m finding my stomach is becoming flatter in the mornings again! And that makes me happy.

In my next post maybe I’ll explain how my weight loss system works. It’s complicated but that’s why I like it. Haha!

[destressjournal]

This might be a cozy gaming blog for a bit

First of all, I think I FINALLY found a system that works for me and continues to motivate me in terms of weight loss. Again, I haven’t straight up lost any weight other than the typical 1-2 pounds, but as I progress with my goals it’s bound to happen. I already feel better than I did earlier this month.

So because I achieved my monthly goals a little bit early, I treated myself and I got a new switch case and a screen protector! I didn’t end up getting dorfromantik. Not yet at least. Although I just learned about a VERY similar game called Panorama that actually looks easier (and I’ve read reviews saying it’s easier and arguably more fun) BUT the art style doesn’t look as good as the former…we’ll see.

As far as Palia goes, I actually got the opportunity to Alpha test the game a few days ago, which was super cool! I’m not allowed to say anything until August 10 for the open beta, but I will say that I had a great time and this will definitely replace my Disney dream light valley sized hole. That’s a free to play game so i don’t count that as I “treat myself” purchase. But I think dorfromantik will still be my next purchase once I hit all my goals for august.

Maybe I’ll start posting my formal reviews of each game as I play them! I’m just so excited to go on this cozy gaming journey!

[destressjournal]

Been getting into cozy gaming lately

So ever since I got Covid back in January and started playing Disney dream light valley, I fell in love with the game. I still play it almost every day (when I’m not on trips and stuff). But lately I’ve been getting a teeny bit bored of it. I played the full main storyline and it seems like there’s going to be more big stuff coming, but not for a while.

Anyway, the only other games I have on my switch are the NSO expansion pack with all the old games, and the newest smash. So I need something else to fill that void. And lo and behold I got introduced to cozy gaming. And I am in love!!

I am not allowing myself to get any new games right now (because these will be my rewards once I complete my heath/workout goals for the month) but I’ve been watching trailers and play through’s of a bunch of different games just to see what I like and im having a great time!

I’m going to have my husband buy me animal crossing for Christmas. But in the meantime my next buy for myself is going to be dorfromantik. Im so excited to be able to explore more games than just Mario games or Disney games.

I also want to deck out my switch, and now as im typing this I wonder if that should be my next purchase instead…

Anyway a whole new world has opened up for me and I can’t wait to explore all of it. The new gameplay first look also just released for Palia and I am super excited for that game as well. It’ll be my first MMO in a looong time.

So yeah, loving this new hobby :)

[destressjournal]

Always have something to look forward to

I’m making a lot of personal goals now that I’m married, and I finally have time to pursue them. Today I’ll talk about planning trips or fun things, because you should ALWAYS have something to look forward to.

Daily: plan at LEAST 20-30 minutes to myself to do whatever I want (this is going to help a LOT when I have kids in the next year or two)

Weekly: get out of the house (doesn’t have to cost money)

Monthly: big date night or a day trip!

Every 3 months: weekend trip or a packed weekend full of fun!

Every 6 months: extended weekend trip!

Annually: week-long vacation

Every 5 years: 7-10 days out west (since I live on the east side of the US), or go to Canada

Every 10 years: go abroad! (I’m going in 2023 so my next destination will be in 2033)

Now we’ll see if I even follow this but I think it’s a good rule of thumb or a guide. Right now I may not start doing this yet because we need to financially recover from the wedding (which is another goal of mine to track all my spending, cancel subscriptions, etc. so we can start saving for a house. Oh adulting is so much fun!!

In the meantime I really want to start getting back into my art because it’s been neglected since Christmas, and I think it’s really going to help me. I have other self-care goals that I’m going to implement too. It’s gonna be great!! Cheers to the next year being at least a little less stressful!!

[destressjournal]

I am married!

That’s it.

Also, it’s time to start training for my honeymoon in September. (Lots of hills and walking!) So I’m going to try and lose weight for that as well. Now that I don’t have wedding stress I’m actually excited to have something else to preoccupy my headspace.

I’m just trying to figure out how to do it this time….

Basically I’m going back to the gym and I’m trying to eat within my calorie range. When I lost 13 lbs back in 2019, I went to the gym a lot and I just barely ate because I was at the gym so long I only had time to heat up leftovers, if there were even any.

I also would love to try a reward system, but I don’t know what I would pick! Hmmmm I just want to do something that’s going to last….I could do what I was doing earlier this year and track my calories, the gym, alcohol intake, and weight. It actually did work for me if I did it every day…maybe I’ll just do that again. And I do have rewards handy for that system.

Okie dokie, I’ll just do that then!

[destressjournal]

Going into 2023

So looking back on this year, I hit a really big milestone. I FINALLY moved out of my parents house. I think that was the biggest thing to happen. And then obviously the wedding in 2023 will be the big thing next year, along with the honeymoon hopefully.

In terms of weight loss, I pretty much just stayed where I was, I may have actually gained another 1-3 pounds on average. But I’m no longer going to cry about it. Why? Because I haven’t been counting my calories. Like, I know as soon as I start doing that again I’m going to see results.

So as y’all know I got rid of Noom. I think it helped at first but it was just too overwhelming for me. I just want to focus on a couple simple goals and stay on those goals. So I’m going back to using Lose It to track my calorie intake. Along with that, I’m going to try to use some other apps to track my alcohol intake. My main problem with my weight isn’t just the binge eating, it’s alcohol. I never want to have just one drink, if I drink at all. And that’s not a good way to look at it. I was to look at it like coffee. Just a simple weekend treat, and just one in a weekend is fine.

I keep starting over so many times, but this is literally it. I have control over how im going to look in my wedding photos. This is the time to really do the hard work, just until the end of April, and then I can relax and figure out a more long term solution. I’m also going to weigh myself daily as to keep track of my progress. And lastly, I’m not going to make this a trackable goal, but I want to focus on doing other stuff when I’m anxious as opposed to consuming something, like yoga or meditation, reading, cleaning something, etc. And yes I’ve made this a goal in the past too. Im just trying to combine all the things I know has worked for me in the past and bring it all together. I already have my gym routine pretty much down. So the rest of it I will actively work on starting tomorrow.

I don’t care what I weigh by the time I get married but it HAS to be lower than what I started with. Even if it’s just a few pounds. I have to try. I have to do something.

[destressjournal]

I hit the bullet and got rid of Noom

I think it started to work for a while and then I just got annoyed by it. Maybe I’ll try it again one day, but I’m going to count my calories in Lose It like I used to do, and then we’ll see what happens!

I liked the fact that in Noom the more exercise you did, you saw the calorie meter go down away from your limit, but for me I feel like I only burn about 200 calories (so basically half a sandwich or a cliff bar) when I exercise right now, and that’s not really going to help me. And it hasn’t. (Also the calorie tracker is so effing annoying) So I gotta be truly honest and record my food intake as if I’m not doing any exercise and that will get me to my deficient. Besides the last time I actually really lost weight was when I used this app instead of Noom. I lost weight without Noom before. I can do it again! I’m finally glad I can stop paying for it though!