dethmail

[dethmail]

This is for dick and Charles, hope yall are doing well. Anyways here’s some fan art for you guys

Hope to hear from you guys more! <3

-Blue

Oh hello. Thank you for the fanart. That's quite sweet of you. I didn't realize some people were fans of me as well. Thank you. I'll put it in my office.

-Charles Offdensen

Wow babe, that's totally awesome! Are those hearts in my eyes? I love it! You're great! I hope to hear again from you soon!

-Dick Knubbler

[dethmail]

Hi Charles! What advice do you have for someone who is starting a new job and is nervous? You're so good at your job, were you nervous when you started too? What are your tips for doing well? Thank you in advance, you are the best!

Hello there,

Apologies in the delayed answer. I think your response got mixed up in the wrong pile. I've taken care of the Klokateers who weren't adequate at their job. Anyway, of course I was nervous. There are still things about this job that makes me nervous even still. It's important to just take deep breaths and do the best you can. Just give it your all, and if there's something you don't understand don't hesitate to ask. Sure, it seems scary to always have to ask questions but it's important that you understand the tasks you have to do rather than just trying and not getting the job done effectively. I believe you'll do great... Or rather, you've been doing great at your new job. Good luck.

Sincerely,

Charles Offdensen

[dethmail]

Charles,

I’d personally love to hear about you more. You are such an interesting and mysterious guy, I don’t think you’re boring like a “robot”. Your smarts and critical thinking is to admirable!(like in a cute way :3)

-Marbles ⭐️

Hello Marbles,

What is it you'd like to know about me? It's true that I keep knowledge about myself to a minimum. It comes with the job I suppose. I've dedicated my entire purpose for Dethklok - I suppose you could say I live and breath Dethklok. Maybe at times it feels as though I'm much too serious and invested in my work. It's all with good reason. I'm glad you don't think I'm a 'robot', that's comforting at least. Thank you for taking the time to write to me I appreciate it.

-Charles Offdensen

[dethmail]

GIFT TOKI 500 CATS!!

WOWEE! THIS AMS THE BEST GIFTS EVERS! I loves thems all... Thanks you!

[dethmail]

Will there be a Dethklok pin up calendar? I'd pay my soul top dollar for a picture of everyone in their stage getup with the corpse paint!

Hey there... It's me... FACEBONES!!!

I've heard this idea circulating about Dethklok pin up calendars! It should be a thing, especially with all the thirsting we get from you all! Unfortunately Klokateer #1012 isn't good at art, but maybe you could convince some mtl artists to collaborate for the idea! Wouldn't that be fun???

[dethmail]

hey toki :D!

just wanted to send a couple pictures of my cat Percy, he’s a big fan of yours!

he says that he hopes you have a very merry christmas if you celebrate :D!

Hellos!

Oh wowee! Tell Percy I ams a fans of hims too! What a cutes cats! Loves his little face... Is that stuffed animals his friends? That ams so precious! Thanks you for sharings with me! Merry Christmas to you and Percy if you celebrates too! If nots happy holidays, hopes this holiday seasons has been brutals to yous (in the best ways possibles!)

Your friend,

Toki Wartooth

[dethmail]

Magnus,

Merry Christmas, or whatever it is you wanna celebrate. Here's to another year of being spiteful bitches together

-A.I.S

Hey A.I.S.,

Thanks. You know I don't like to think about the holiday's and shit too much but it can be a lonely time so I appreciate ya thinking of me. Cheers to that. Hope you have a good holiday season.

-Magnus Hammersmith

[dethmail]

to toki wartooth,

hey there!

so, toki, this has been on my mind a lot lately: what is your favorite non-dethklok song to play on your guitar? don’t tell skwisgaar this, but you have to be my favorite member of the band. best guitarist ever!!

okay now here’s me being sappy: i’m a relatively new dethklok fan and i don’t really listen to death metal often, but i gotta say you guys have really grown on me! you have to be some of the most talented fuckers i’ve ever seen and it’s no wonder that the whole world knows your names.

i wish you a metal christmas and a brutal new year~

XOXO,

tseli 🤘🏻

p.s.: facebones!! you’re the funniest guy alive (or dead) and i wish i could give you a hug. thanks for reminding people how to not act like stupid assholes at concerts. 🖤

Hi Tseli,

Cools names! Oh mans... That ams a hard questions. Likes a lot of songs...Maybes 'Heaven and Hells' by Black Sabbaths! Thank yous! Ams happy to hears ams your favorites! Goings to totallys rub this in Skwisgaar's face! He hasn't gots as much fanmails as I gots!

Wowee, a new fans! Happy to haves you heres! Glads you ams a fans! Hopes you haves a metal christmas and brutal new years too!

Your friend,

Toki Wartooth

---

Hi it's me... FACEBOONES! I appreciate you including me in this message! It would be cool to give you a hug, but I'm only a face! I'm hugging you... with my mind! I do my best to keep the fans in check!

[dethmail]

Dear Murderface,

By now im sure your used to getting love in this app so i wont bore you with more praise….

Just kidding i wanna spoil you.

I think you’re handsome, talented, and the most brutal member of the band. You may not feel like it but there are many people who love you. You are special and wanted and loved.

Okay it’s out of my system, time for a question! What would be your ideal hang out/date? I want to know what you think makes a good time.

(Off anon bc i wanna tell mf i love him with my full chest)

Hey,

Itsch still really schurprising to me to receive so musch fanmail, but I'm glad people are recognizing that I should be the moscht popular member of Dethklok.

Thanksch. Makesch me happy to hear you think that.

I think it'd be real cool to go to a rage room... I mean I guessch I could just set up one here at Mordhaus or whatever... But like breaking shit sounds like a fun way to spend time together.

-Murderface

[Attached is a signed bass pick ]

[dethmail]

Nathan,

approach Charles with the orange. give it to him. he will understand.

write "Dunce" on the Lemon and wrap it in a paper towel. place it on an arcade cabinet of your choice

once you have done so, you shall receive the ultimate power.

you have fufullied the prophecy. ask charles for more details after the procedure.

-Lemon.

(p.s. whatever happens, DO NOT LET TOKI UNWRAP THE PAPER TOWEL WITH RHE LEMON IN IT DONT LET HIM EAT THE LEMIN EITHER)

UHHHHHH, Sorry. I read this a few times and I don't get it. I'm kinda slow at reading stuff... I think I get it.

Shit, I think Toki ended up finding the lemon and eating it though. I saw the paper towel wrapped up but there was nothing inside it... Is that bad?

-Nathan Explosion

[dethmail]

Hey everyone, it's me... FAAACEBOONESS!! There's been a delay with answering fanmail, I think maybe some of the Klokateers had misplaced some of the letters... Who knowwwsss? They're being answered now. Thanks for being patient, stay safe and warm!

[dethmail]

Hey Toki!

Sending you a picture of my cat!

We love you, have a good day! 💗

Wowee!

That ams a very adorables kitties! Loves calico cats they have such cute colors! What ams your cats names? Goings to start a section in my scrapbooks for pictures of kitties.

Loves you! Haves a good days too!

-Toki Wartooth

[dethmail]

Hey Facebones, thanks for passing on all our messages to the guys! This letter is for Magnus. Hello Magnus. This is again an anonym who loves to bite. I apologize for my previous incontinence, I was too fascinated by you. This time I just want to wish you a good day and tell you that despite everything, you are still an amazingly talented man with ambitions that deserve respect. Your appearance is captivating, your hands on the neck of the guitar look incredibly cool. Take care of yourself. Sending some of my love. - Vg

Vg,

Hey it's cool. Noticed a bunch of you like to bite... Guess it ain't all bad, I suppose I just have questions. Wait, not judging. I think I'd just prefer to do the biting. Maybe. You don't gotta apologize for saying how you feel. It's cool, I respect it. Seriously. Thanks for the kind words. I appreciate that a lot. For you being so cool, I've decided you can bite me if you choose to do so, but only if I can bite you back.

-Magnus Hammersmith

[dethmail]

Nathan,

Paper towel.

Orange juice.

Lemon.

this is your new shopping list.

their purposes will be revealed with time.

-Lemon.

Uh, what? Wait what the fuck? This seems so random... Kinda curious though so OK. I'll get these as long as you'll actually reveal to me what this is for.

-Nathan Explosion

[dethmail]

THIS IS FOR KNUBBLER PLEASE SHOW HIM THIS

Knubbler, I'm actually your biggest fan. Please let me get a hair tutorial plsplspls

Oh hey babe,

I never thought I'd be getting fanmail, but I'm so happy to get some! Usually I'm the one who ends up distributing the fanmail to bands and stuff so thanks for sending something in for me! I'm happy to know that I have fans, and you are officially the biggest one. Of course babe, I'll include a step-by-step tutorial for you. Hope this helps!

xoxo,

Dick

[Attached is a step-by-step tutorial as promised. He made sure to include pictures with every step.]

[dethmail]

Murderface, why do I have this obsession with you biting me? Can you bite me, pretty please?

Ps, I love the gap in your teeth. And your lips 😏😏

Whatsch up with all the biting?? Are you schure you want me to bite you? I might have rabiesch... No... I don't but...

WAIT you achshually like the gap in my teeth? Alwaysch got made fun of for it... but if you like it then... Guessch it ain't so bad.

-Murderface

[dethmail]

For Magnus.

Tomorrow (Dec.15) is my birthday (dethday). I can get a happy birthday or something??

Oh hey, Happy birthday. Hope you have a good one. Make sure you do something you like. Maybe treat yourself. It's always important to treat yourself whether it's your birthday or not. Don't forget that.

Have a good one,

-Magnus Hammersmith