deus-ex-machinis

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when the video essayist is cracking too many unfunny jokes

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They should invent a method of asking for reassurance that nobody secretly hates you that doesn't make people secretly hate you.

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Unmute !

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@nathanwpyle

I literally love this.

I couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes.

No joke.

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every day i think of that one picture of azealia banks with florence and the machine

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Walking around my neighborhood wearing my sick as fuck custom T-shirt that says "I STEAL EVERY FRIENDLY CAT I MEET WITH NO REMORSE I DO IT ALL THE TIME DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK I BEEN HERE FOR YEARS KEEP THAT BEAST ENCLOSED LEST YE FACE MY LIGHTNING CAT GRASP" and smiling politely while my neighbors' indoor-outdoor cats gently trot down the sidewalk towards me as the neighbors themselves read my shirt with a growing sense of panic.

[deus-ex-machinis]

One of my neighbors has two freaky dogs. Creepy, uncanny dogs. Two dogs which move like a single entity in two bodies. Anzu is freaked out by them. Their owner looks beleaguered by them. Whenever I see them she has the exhausted affect of an overworked domestic servant. It looks like she is in charge of two elven princes who have been cursed to take canine form. They often look as if they’re planning to eat smaller dogs, but never bark, even while standing up on their hind legs or stalking other dogs down the sidewalk, which of course makes them creepier.

I was extremely confident in my breed ID on these dogs but tonight they came close enough without Anzu barking at THEM, I was like, for due diligence and my own satisfaction I will ask. “Are they basenjis?”

The owner, being dragged in opposite directions on two leashes like the victim of a terrible Roman torture, gasped “yes” with the faintest of breaths. And then her dogs carried her away

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One of the funniest things about you Marvel bitches is how much you suck at making gifs

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ppl who celebrate fictional character birthdays are annoying pass it on

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I'm going to say it. The (word in parentheses) meme is way better for tone indication than tone indicators

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I just came up with a really inconvenient, possibly unplayable four-player game: The Evil Advisor

All you need is a completely normal chess board and a deck of cards that you can somehow divide into an even amount of cards that mean "yes" or "no". Out of the four players, only two need to know how to play chess - those play the role of advisor. The other two play as rulers. At the start of the game, both advisors pull a random card from the deck, which dictates whether their goal is to win the game, or lose it. They keep their respective card, showing it to nobody else.

The rulers, who ultimately choose where to move the pieces, always aim to win the chess game, and also know that the advisor may or may not be on their side, and don't know whether to trust the advisor or not.

If the ruler wins the chess game, they win the whole game. An advisor only wins if they reach their own goal - if an advisor's goal was to lose, but the ruler wins, the advisor loses, and vice versa.

[deus-ex-machinis]

well. it’s the middle of june. and one could say we’re in a heatwave.

[deus-ex-machinis]

This video is just 4 minutes of horses in a large stable and it is one of the most viewed videos on YouTube.