devought - Tumblr blog

[devought]

you believe me like a God I destroy you like I am

you believe me like a God I betray you like a man

[devought]

Ben Barnes in The Punisher (1.12)

[devought]

headcannons about john’s sex life under the cut.   warning :   these are especially filthy

[devought]

internūntiō :   1.   intermediary, go-between   2.   messenger

original character by gabe.

[devought]

no   hope   in   the   air,   no   hope   in   the   water.      not   even   for   me,   your   life-serving   daughter. 

original character by gabe.

[devought]

I have 2 far cry 5 ocs if anyone would like to plot / write with them as well <3 

@diciple :   abigail grace seed john’s daughter, born to holly pepper   ( one of the valley’s first project members, & john’s former lover-   mentioned in far cry :   absolution ).   abigail later betrayed new eden by joining the highwaymen, making enemies of her family & prosperity.

@internuntio :   vincent michael callahan john’s messenger, chauffeur, & a member of his security team.   prior to the reaping, he delivered john’s warnings to enemies of the project.   he is tasked with everything from driving john from place to place, to stringing up messages   ( read :  human remains )   from lamp posts & power lines.

[devought]

MIDNIGHT MASS SENTENCE STARTERS   —   quotes pulled from the 2021 netflix limited series. feel free to make alternations.

i know i’m not who you expected to see this morning.

you aren’t a good person.

i loved you my whole life.

do you feel at peace?

i have absolutely no purpose at all.

look at us, back where we started.

god doesn’t love you more than anyone else.

i would go anywhere in the world with you.

it might come down to just minutes, maybe seconds.

everyone gets theirs wings clipped at some point.

i’m sorry that we never told you.

just tell me what you need.

don’t tell me what to do.

i’m sorry for what you’ve been through. i’m really, really sorry.

we don’t have to be afraid ever again.

you’re here and that is enough.

i’m not scared, not of you.

you never felt like a sin.

this isn’t the way. this is never the way.

i learned early there’s no point trying to stop you drinking.

he said to run.

it just felt too easy to leave, like i shouldn’t be able to just leave.

did it hurt you?

i never remember my dreams.

we made our choices.

i just need you to listen. can you promise me that?

everything has its season.

i’m tired of you lying to me!

our whole lives have been wasted.

it isn’t about us anymore.

that’s not how god works.

i forgive you.

forgive me.

i did my best.

[devought]

Ben Barnes in The Punisher (1.13)

[devought]

while his name may have changed from duncan to seed, john did not change.   he remains locked in the same cycle he has dutifully executed since childhood. 

the man who is not a man braces his hands against the altar, looking at his father for the first time in a century.   who now stands here & tells him that he is disappointed.   the man who is not a man grits his teeth & says :   “ I’ve done my best to be what you made me. ” 

whether joseph intended this or not, how john views The Father closely mirrors his relationship with his adoptive parents.   in his upbringing, john was encouraged to admit his sins so that he may be punished & forgiven.   if he did not offer his own confession, his parents would invent crimes for him to atone for.   they told him they did this to cleanse him, to make him pure, good.

the sinner cries in the face of his own predetermined betrayal, his own invented failure, asking :   “ why…   didn’t you make me good enough…   so that you could’ve loved me ? ”

in his life as john seed, his role as baptist requires violence, which requires repeated forgiveness from joseph.   john is always vying for His approval, His love, His praise.   he wants to be seen as good, as worthy, as pure, as holy.   he is held on the short leash that is the promise of eden.   yet he transgresses, he acts out of all of the seven sins out of habit & of need to be forgiven again, & again, & again.   in his role, he turns this need against others-   I know you’re not telling me everything.   I know there’s another sin I can pull from you.

“ you dangle on the leash of your own longing ;   your need grows teeth. ”

he does not blame joseph for this cycle, but he harbors an intense envy of anyone joseph views as good, pure, virtuous.   first & foremost :   hannah seed @ezerkenegdc, joseph’s wife.   this envy inspired compensation-   a desire to have something she doesn’t, to take things from her, or to find fault in her.   this desire manifests in several ways 

1. his children.   john has 3 children, born to different / disposable mothers   ( more on them later ).   he knows that hannah wanted a child more than anything, & he takes cruel delight in having what she cannot.  he withholds them from her at will.

2. petty theft.   john will steal small, important things from her.   rings.   precious objects.

3. surveillance.   john is always looking for evidence of her sin.   for transgressions to offer to joseph :   look, she’s no better than I am.   look, I deserve as much love as you give her.   look, look, look, please look.

& so the monster promises :   “ I will revenge my injuries :   if I cannot inspire love, I will cause fear. ”

[devought]

@ezerkenegdc / HANNAH !

the stage was set & the people were gathered, a low hum of excited chatter filling the holy room.   the ceremony had not yet started, murmurs passed from member to member.   “ y’think the father will speak ? ”   “ oh, I hope so. ”   “ how joyous, to witness this. ”   joseph stood by the alter, a small crowd gathered on the step below.   jacob had no audience, leaning against the wall behind the middle brother.   his chosen dotted the perimeter of the event, heavy guns held in skilled hands.

wildflowers   ( lupine, beargrass, geranium, lewis flax, avalanche lily )   were scattered around the chapel, collected by the project’s children in the early hours of the morning.   the one john held in his arms   ( abigail, his daughter )   was too young to run alongside the others as they laughed & played in the grass outside, content to grab fistfuls of his neatly-pressed shirt.   “ can you say ‘ wedding ? ’ ”   a woman asked her, salt & pepper hair drawn up in a bun & brow damp from the heat.   the child either couldn’t or wouldn’t, turning away from the woman to rest her cheek against her father’s shoulder.   “ excuse me, ”   the baptist gave her a polite smile, breaking away to move toward the small door on the far side of the church’s back wall.   the crowd parted to make way for him, nodding & greeting him.   “ blessed day, baptist. ”   “ hello. ”   “ good morning. ”   

john seed knocked on the door, but did not wait for an answer before he entered.   the low hum of conversation wasn’t quieted until he opened & shut the barrier behind him, leaving him alone with the prize of the morning.   hannah seed.   the bride to-be, once again.   

he could see himself behind her in her mirror, see her lovely face recognize him in the reflection.   her brother-in-law didn’t speak for a moment, taking in the sight of her.   abigail babbled, reaching for her aunt, & he shushed her.   tongue darted out to wet lips.   a smile.

“ beautiful. ”

[devought]

your  absence  has  gone  through  me  like  thread  through  a  needle.  everything  i  do  is  stitched  with  its  color.     /      hannah  seed  ,    the  wife  of  the  prophet.      /       written  by  apollo  as  a  study  on  unending  devotion  and  grief. 

[devought]

like this for… something 🕊

[devought]

The Punisher: ‘Home’ (1.12)

[devought]

sometimes you break a finger on the upper hand

I think you've got me confused for a better man

[devought]

happy valentine’s day to all in the valley & beyond ! keep this in mind today, of all days : many search for salvation in lust, believing that they can be fulfilled by using the body of another. but you damn yourself & your lover by falling into this trap, for giving in to temptation. there is no shame- I have been among you, that have indulged in this momentary pleasure. oh, yes, I have gorged myself on this sin. but those of you who have indulged, like I have, know that it does not last. tell me.. does your soul feel full ? is your heart untroubled ? do you feel that emptiness, deep inside yourself ? I could fill you. I could take those troubles from you. I could give you exactly what you want. you need only ask.

[devought]

This isn’t my gun, Frank. I was never here.