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It’s the Little Things: 10 Easy Ways to Say “I Love You”

Happy (almost) Thanksgiving, and in the spirit of the upcoming holidays (which are usually filled with love, family, and community), I composed a short list of the easiest ways to say you love your girlfriend/wife. 

I feel like we all over-complicate our F+F relationships; we tend to think we have to spend $100 or more on dates, we always buy fancy gifts, or we have to go on extravagant vacations. But what if I told you that women in particular really are not that hard to please? 

Wait, what? Women aren’t complicated? 

Yeah! It’s not that hard to put a smile on her face, unless you’ve got a blow-up girlfriend and you have to draw one on. So here are 10 of my sure-fire heartwarming deeds that always make my girlfriend happy, and always reassure her she’s loved.

1. Make the bed in the morning, have breakfast together, and do the dishes afterwards. Yes, these three things should be part of your morning routine, because it says three things: a) I know you like a clean house, so whether we live together or not, I’ll take care of you; b) Spending time with you is important; and c) I know you’ll need these dishes later, and you’re working all day with no breaks except to eat lunch for 30 minutes. Trust me- this routine will actually only take about an hour or so from your personal time, but she loves it.

2. Put your dishwasher-safe dishes IN THE DISHWASHER. DO NOT leave them in the sink for her to do. We’re all grown-ups here and can divide the work equally; don’t make her clean up your slop, that’s your job! If you make a mess, you clean it, and in the end she’ll see you took her busy work day into consideration.

3. If she has to change plans (i.e., cancel a date with you for late-night working sessions, cancel because she’s overworked and exhausted) don’t get mad at her. We all have things come up, so the best thing to do is to just say “that’s fine, would you like for me to order in food or pick something up for you while you work?”. Be understanding, and she’ll be happy and feel less guilty.

4. If she wants to go on vacation, but neither of you can afford to take time off or go away for a weekend or even one night, then let me tell you about the phone app, Hotel Tonight. While my GF and I were out at dinner with our friends, I downloaded this app, and bought us a night at a nearby hotel at a crazy low price. Instead of paying close to $350 for a nice room and a ton of fees, I payed $118 TOTAL. That’s it. It’s amazing, and because of that mini staycation, we had a chance to spend some time alone together with no distractions and just hang out like we used to.

5. Give her a massage, WITHOUT the expectation of sex. I know getting your girlfriend all naked and rubbing her down with hot oils or lotion may get you hot and bothered, but keep it in your pants. Giving someone a massage is about THEM, not you. And if anything, it could lead to sex because she feels relaxed, loved, adored, and close to you.

6. Buy her little things when you’re at the grocery store. Just two weeks ago I purchased a HUGE bottle of Blanc de Blanc from Trader Joe’s (like one of those bottles that in no way fits in your fridge) and one of her favorite snacks. It wasn’t expensive, but her face lit up when she saw I thought about her.

7. If she has a pet, take care of it for her. Although I claim Loki (her dog) as my dog, I’m in no way financially responsible for him, and I’ve only known him for 2.5 years of his 4 or 5 years on this earth. However, I do make sure to feed him, walk him, and occasionally play with him if she can’t. It doesn’t just tell her that I love her, but that I love Loki as if he were mine and will be responsible for him.

8. Buy her flowers every once in awhile, and I don’t mean a $75 24 long-stem rose bouquet. Trader Joe’s has small and large bunches of flowers between $3.99 and $9.99. Spend the extra money on a bottle of something or ingredients for a dinner you can make for her. Instant feelings of love!

9. Call each other once a day. Although we text throughout most of the day when I work, nothing makes either one of us happier to get a phone call and see it’s the other person. There’s a connection that happens between the two of you when you hear each other’s voice on the line; and also, Stevie Wonder did write “I Just Called to Say I Love You” for a reason, you know.

10. Say it every day, and say it first. Even if you think she’s going to say it, say it first. Doesn’t matter if it’s on a note card sticking out of her work pants as she’s getting dressed for a meeting, or on her nightstand when she wakes up, or stuck inside her lunchbox between her kombucha and salad dressing- write it, say it, whisper it. Take the initiative to say it first, and she will be so happy. It also doesn’t cost you any money to talk.

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This is what a real, qualified OBGYN will tell you about what women feel when they get an abortion

Dr. Willie Parker, who is trained as a gynecologist and OBGYN, is a hero for the pro-choice movement because he’s honest about the undiscussed aspects of getting (or not getting) an abortion. Watch how he gives a consultation.

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Depression is an awful thing, really. It’s time-consuming, sleep-depriving, rage-inducing madness, and that’s why we have to talk about it.

Regardless of the help I’ve received, hours of therapy I’ve done, or deep conversations with friends and family, I still find myself struggling to find my worth. And the problem is that it’s not anyone else’s job to help me find it. I have to figure it out myself. But why? Why do I have to struggle to find my purpose, my footing, my solid ground?

Why can’t depression work like a thunderstorm rather than a solid state of rainy days? Why couldn’t it be there, and then be gone within a matter of hours? Because, that’s not how it works. You feed your depression by allowing it to consume you. The second that I doubt myself is one piece of me handed over to my little monster. The next piece of me is stolen away when I say to myself, “you’re not good enough”. Well good enough for who? My girlfriend thinks I’m good enough. Is it me? Am I not good enough for myself? What? Why am I thinking these things? Why?

Eventually it gets so dark in my mind that I start to realize I’m in too deep. I’m drowning, and like reality, I don’t know how to swim. I’m reaching for a buoy or some other nearby floating object of some sort, but I’m not treading water because I can’t propel myself through this mess that is my life.

It’s horrible. But I don’t quit.

It’s not that I was born a fighter, survivor, whatever you choose to call it; I just learned what the phrase “it gets better” means.

Because of that, I’m able to share this message. It does actually get better.

Please reach out to local crisis hotlines if you need help. Call a friend, family, or someone who you can trust. Ask for help when you need it. And please, please—

Just stay.

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*Ja Rule Voice* WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT MY BABY

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No, I Don’t Like Taylor Swift, and Here’s Why

Argue with me all you want, but I don’t actually think she’s talented. Blame it on the fact that I’m a professionally trained musician. Blame it on the fact that I’m a music snob. Blame it on whatever you choose to blame it on, and be shooketh, but I hate Taylor Swift. Let me explain.

First of all, when she started off with a weird fusion of pop country, I did kind of appreciate her. I thought “aww, a little baby with teardrops and a guitar and a Shakespearean tribute song aww” , but then, like Darius Rucker switched from Hootie and the Blowfish to country, T-Swift attempted to jump into pop because no one liked her country music. Also, her fake “country accent” singing didn’t help her case either, and before you really get mad, go look up where she’s from. That’s right, Reading, PA. It ain’t the south, hunnies. It just ain’t.

When T-Swift came out with RED, which was her first pop album, I’ll admit it was catchy- but that’s all it was. Songs like “22″, “We Are Never Getting Back Together”, and “I Knew You Were Trouble” were blasted on the radio every day for a year, and I was begging for scar tissue to fill my ears from the damage her songs did to my eardrums. On the bright side, the screaming goat parody of “I Knew You Were Trouble” actually made the song bearable for me. Honestly, I just viewed this whole album as an homage to every single breakup she went through in that year. Actually, that’s how I view every single one of her albums, which is sad because EVERYONE deserves pure, unadulterated love; and maybe she’s found that this year, and maybe she hasn’t, either way she’s still going to end up on the radio, and I’m still going to change the station when she comes on.

Somewhere along the way, some beef started between her and Katy Perry so they had to have an ultimate throw down of songs, and I’m sorry, but Katy took the W. I know so many people will say “yeah but Taylor’s song was badass and KP is washed up and done with,” but here’s what Taylor did:

Taylor

1. Stole a hip hop beat which did not fit her less-than-powerful voice (also, she’s white, and in a time of cultural appropriation being a huge issue, should have not done anything but another pop-ditty-techno-beat)

2. Used the phrase “used to be mad love” (seriously, you’re white and it’s not cute when you say it)

3. (re-emphasizing this) has the weakest voice of any female artist on Billboard Top 40 EVER, and has an extremely minimal range as a so-called “long time” vocalist. 

Katy Perry came through with this extremely sassy, perfect-for-her-voice hit as a clapback at Taylor. She referenced her prowess as a tiger (throwback to ROAR), told her foe that she’s not cute (like an old coupon that’s expired- what? but also DAMN). THEN....

THEN!!!!!! Calls on Nicki M***ERF***ING MINAJJJJ to throw down on her track and drops all the bombs on everything ever written ever. I’m sorry, but If you still think that Taylor won the battle, you’re wrong, because Katy Perry won the war with that move. You can’t beat anyone who uses Minaj on a track; you just can’t.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury- if you still think T-Swift is the best thing since sliced bread, I urge you to branch out. Crawl out of the little bunker, you little Kimmy Schmidts of the world, and listen to other artists like Dua Lipa (love her rich warm tone), Camila Cabello (that’s some power- but Havana sucks), even Tori Kelly (insane range, awesome hair, and can ACTUALLY play an instrument). Get educated folks, then you’ll know what true talent is.

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Sorry, But It’s Never Gonna Happen (A Guide to Rejecting)

Ladies and gentlemen (because we all experience this problem), this post is for those of you who are the rejecters and not the “rejectees”. Or perhaps, maybe I should write a post for those who don’t seem to get a clue when they’re being told a hard “no” to their face. This is my own personal guide of how I’ve rejected girls and guys alike in my few short years of dating, and should you find it helpful, don’t hesitate to let me know!

There is nothing worse than hurting people, especially when you don’t mean to. I personally hate when I have to tell people that it’s NEVER going to happen between us, either because they’re not my type, they can’t offer me anything, or because they’re just plain creepy. I really don’t mean to come off rude when I’ve told a guy or girl “sorry, but no”, and maybe it’s the fact that I have a resting bitch face (my girlfriend calls it my brooding face), but if I’m not into you now, then chances are I’m never going to be into you. I’ve had disgusting men and women alike hit on me on my metro train travels up to work in Maryland; I’ve had drunken folks come onto me at bars, and I’ve had sober people in broad daylight show interest. So how do you shake people off-slash-run away?

First off, if you feel weird or awkward about the person approaching you, chances are something is actually off with them, not you. If you have a sudden gut feeling that you’re being approached by someone who is going to make you feel uncomfortable, turn and walk away. Your gut feeling is always right. That feeling is your brain screaming “get away, this isn’t right for you”. Trust your gut, always.

Secondly, if it’s too late and you’re trapped in a conversation with said stranger, and it’s clearly going south, excuse yourself to the bathroom. Chances are that there will either be a potential friend in line that will help you escape, or someone in the bathroom with you. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help or for an escort out of the bar, restaurant, or whatever public place you’re visiting. Also, if you’re a woman, there’s no shame in asking that new friend to walk you to your car or wait with you for an Uber/Lyft/Taxi. 

Now, men, you may think that women aren’t dangerous to you, but they are crazy. Girls also have a hard time hearing the word “no”, especially if you’re good looking and are checking all her boxes for a future baby daddy. Gird (more like “guard”) your loins boys, and travel in packs. Your buddies won’t let you end up with a psychopath if they can help it. Also, watch out for your bar tabs. I haven’t personally done this, but I’ve heard of girls flirting with a man until he offers to buy her and her friends drinks, only to have his tab run up to thousands of dollars. Watch your junk, and watch your drinks. Women can be inappropriate as well.

For all of you reading: if the lady or gent is still not understanding the phrase “sorry, but I’m really not interested”, the best thing you can do is tell a bouncer or HOH (head of house) employee and let them handle the situation. Employees of the bar/restaurant/club you’re at don’t take lightly to complaints about guests, so rest assured that you’re going to make it home safely. 

Finally, here are a few quick tips that will help you have a safe and fun time when you go out:

1. Try your best not to go somewhere alone. If you are adamant on going to a bar alone, at least tell a friend where you are or where you’re going. It’s always better to travel in a group; you’re far less likely to get approached by an unwanted guest.

2. Keep track of how many drinks you have. The more booze you have, the more your guard slips down. Yes, being shitfaced is fun and fancy free, but your safety depends on staying as close to sobriety as possible, whether it be slightly buzzed or tipsy.

3. Unless it’s someone you trust, don’t let anyone buy you a drink. People slip drugs into drinks more often than you’d think.

4. Anyone can be predatory. People can also be perfectly innocent with their intentions. It’s okay to meet a stranger in a bar and flirt and go home and bang. It’s also okay to meet a stranger in a bar, have fun, and not go home and bang. It’s also okay to feel totally creeped out and leave a bar without the promise of drunken sex, as long as you’re safe. Keep track of who you’re with and what you’re doing.

5. Always surround yourself with a crowd of people. Chances are they’ll help you escape in an awkward situation, or you might meet someone far less creepy and inappropriate to save you. 

6. Don’t keep frequenting the same place every week. If someone is too interested in you, they’ll keep showing up just to stalk you and talk to you. Have a mental list of places you go, and visit those venues. Plus, variety is so much more fun than hitting the same bar every single Friday.

Most importantly, don’t go to a club/bar/restaurant with the assumption that everyone is creepy and trying to attack you in some way. Nobody likes paranoia, and it’ll destroy the fun and buzz you planned on having. Trust me, I hate a buzz kill.

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Friday, July 13th, 2018

So it’s been about a half century since I last posted on this blog, so hey! Hello! Hi! Howdy! Osiyo! I’m back, for now. A lot has happened so I will sum it all up in this one, very long, very run-on-y sentence:

I dropped out of school because my life was horrible and I didn’t have anymore left in me and I was on the outs with my family so I just ditched on my 24th birthday and then my brother in law died and I became part of the family again and I had some other troubling things happen immediately afterward and then I turned my life around and started school at a community college and am planning on getting my ADN for nursing so I can become an RN and then eventually an MSN so I can be a Nurse Practitioner and make a ton of money and help people without having to go through the agonizing pain of medical school like a doctor and that’s about it. Oh and I did neurofeedback training to help with my anxiety and my depression. Yay #selfhelp .

Tonight’s theme is one that I hold as very important because it sets apart the adults and the child-like adults: The “I’m Sorry Effect”.

Relationships, whether they are familial, friendships, or with significant others, are hard. There’s so much pressure to be a good person all the time, and I hate that. I hate that there’s this need in all (or most) of us to be these people that never get angry and never yell and never fight with the people we love, but it’s all bullshit because we will fight. Yes, we will. 

Where I left off, which I believe was back in August of 2016, I was typing sonnets about the love of my life, Sophia. Believe it or not, we have only fallen more in love (or at least I have, as I think she is “still deciding”) in the past almost two years since that last post of mine. Yet, like most couples, we have fought. There have been nasty, drunken fights, there have been stupid fights, there have been fights fueled by my anxiety and depression, there have been fights. And I’m not telling you all of this because our relationship is horrible; please realize that two people can fight and still be meant for one another. But we had a bit of time that it was difficult, and unfortunately for me, that’s a moment in time that still bothers me to this day. I was dealing with a lot and took pretty much all of it out on her. Of course, like two people who love and care for one another, we would say “I’m sorry” and move on.

Now, before I go any further, let me explain what the “I’m Sorry Effect” is. When you’re a little kid and you get in a fight with someone, whether it’s over your Juicy Juice or that someone getting the last pudding that you wanted, it always turns ugly. 

“Give it back, loser!”

“It was mine first, dumbass!” (yes, I’ve heard kindergartners call each other that)

A teacher or adult will intervene and have the two talk it out, then apologize. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, me too.”

And that’s the end. That’s it. Here is where the fault in the adults in this scenario lies: the kids apologized, but didn’t admit to what they were apologizing for. To me, one of the biggest failures in parental figures is that they never have their children explain why they are sorry. They just say “tell him/her you’re sorry” and that’s the end of it. You may wonder what the problem is with that, and from what I can tell you from the multiple psychology courses I was forced to take for an Education degree, the problem is that children never learn to take ownership for what they’ve done wrong. So they grow up to be somewhat functioning adults and yet, they have the maturity of a tree sapling.

This is the almighty “I’m Sorry Effect”. You hear the words “I’m sorry”, and the fight is over, but it doesn’t help the guilty individual(s) learn and comprehend that what they did was wrong. The vicious cycle will continue on.

What I like about fighting with Sophia (sounds twisted, I know) is that we don’t actually just say “I’m sorry”. We always say “I’m sorry for...” and “I’m sorry that I made you feel like....”. I like that even when a fight is completely pointless, we admit that it was pointless and we apologize for what we said or did and how we made the other person feel. 

In a mature adult relationship, this is normal. If you look into Developmental Psychology, you will learn that starting a healthy habit as a child will stick well into adulthood. Having your 8 year old help with the dishes isn’t against child labor laws, it’s just teaching them that after dinner, you have to wash dishes and put them away. Having your 13 year old learn to do their own laundry and to do it consistently every week is smart because they’re old enough to understand how to sort clothes, when to use what cleaning products, etc. The same applies to teaching your child how to apologize, instead of just simply asking the child, “what do we say?” 

“Sorry”.

“Okay, now run along.”

Guess what? They’re going to do the same thing in about 5 minutes. You haven’t instilled in them that what they’ve actually done is wrong because they don’t recognize that specific action as “wrong”, just that you were upset with your child. But, if you call your child over when they’re misbehaving, and have this type of interaction, it will stick:

“Do you know why I’m upset?”

“Because I did...”/”Because I said....”

“Why did you do it?”

“Because I....”

“So what do you say when you do something and it upsets me?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“Because I....”

It seems lengthy, but you get the idea. Very much like how I have to handwrite my notes for it to stick in my little brain, a child needs to be helped and coached on how to apologize. I promise it’ll stick.

Personally, I don’t accept apologies that don’t come with an explanation. I will not forgive a friend or family member completely until I’ve understood why it happened and that they understand that I’m upset at what they said or did. 

So why have I gone on this long tangent about the “I’m Sorry Effect”? Because people need to learn to say “I’m sorry” properly and take ownership of their wrongdoings. Sometimes Sophia has to coach me into explaining my actions because it’s hard for me to apologize, but I still do it. Why? Because when you apologize correctly , it shows you actually care and respect the person, and you actually mean it when you say “it won’t happen again”.

Be kind to people, learn how to apologize, and most importantly: learn how to be a grown adult who takes responsibility for their actions. 

[diariesofahopefulromantic-blog]

I’m not good at taking care of myself but I’d make you baths filled with flowers and I know I’d treat you well. I don’t know how to deal with my own emotions but I’d hold you crying in my arms, and I’d laugh with you till the sun rose. I’m not good with mess, and I hate uncertainty, but I’d clean up your dishes and sweep up your doubts about everything. Maybe I’m not the best person — I’m unsure of myself and I often think living is so cruel that I’m not sure if I want to keep doing it. But if you were to grab my hand, I wouldn’t let it go. We could do this together.

take my hand // r.e.s (via thoughtsintorhymes) @a-baby-velociraptor

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August 13, 2016.

  A few days short of two weeks ago, I received an email from my university provost, announcing I had been invited to join a national honor society: Sigma Alpha Pi, also known as the National Society of Leadership and Success. Because I go to a shit school, it’s imperative that I have a decent resume as I prepare to graduate this upcoming May. I’ve accepted this honor, and will be inducted into the society in the weeks to come. I would not have made it to this point in my life if it weren’t for my girlfriend pushing me to succeed this past spring semester.

  Sophia, I know that you think that I’m this incredibly smart and talented person. But you also know that I have struggled in school my whole life, and I never really fit in with any particular group. Even in college, I’ve had a small group of friends, and my grades haven’t always been the best.

  When you and I met, it was a motivator for me. Our relationship has been a vital role in my success as a musician and as a student. You came into my life at exactly the right time.

  You see, when we met, I was one failing grade away from being thrown out of the music department. My professors and the rest of the staff were concerned about me; they could see I had lost interest, and obviously I would considering I’ve been in school for five years now. The week I was told I was at risk for being thrown out of school was the week we met, and I remember having 5 days of sleepless nights trying to finish all the homework I never did, crying nonstop, and then having to handle an interview to get into the professional program in the education department.

  There is something about you that makes me want to do better and to be better. Maybe it’s the fact that you are so successful and I find comfort in that. Maybe it’s the fact that you push me to be a better person. Maybe it’s just that this is the very first time in my life where I feel like what I do matters.

  So Sophia, you can say all you want that the reason I’m getting into this “honors society” thing is because of me; but in my heart I know that I would be NOTHING without your love and support. I find my strength in you. Never forget that.

  I love you, and thank you for pushing me to succeed and to be a better person for myself, and for us.

@a-baby-velociraptor

[diariesofahopefulromantic-blog]

August 2, 2016.

 It’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything about, well, anything. I’ve been fairly busy with working, teaching, and most importantly, spending time with Sophia. Regardless, I decided it was time to once again write a blog post about how amazing my journey with the love of my life is.

  This past weekend I was able to crash at my girlfriend’s flat Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. It had to be one of the most memorable weekends with her, because of all the things she had planned for us.

  Thursday, we (attempted) to go to Kings Dominion, and well....we got rained out. BUT we took the extensive road trip together and had a phenomenal time. Friday we both had to work unfortunately, but had planned to go out that night with her friends. I got off work at 9 pm, made the trek all the way back to her (an hour of a trip), only to find my wallet was locked in my box at my store.

  I was exhausted. It was a horrible, horrible moment of defeat for me as I called my girlfriend and told her the news. What made it worse was that her best friends were at the apartment already, and I was, as I told Sophia, “five seconds from crying and losing my shit”. When I got home, she became the light at the end of the tunnel for me. I was so irritated with myself; I mean, who the FUCK leaves their wallet at their store?! I did. But see, what made my night a little better, was not the fact that Sophia’s friends were there, but the fact that when I walked in, she looked so beautiful and was, as we say, “all dressed up with nowhere to go”. I gave a horrible first impression to one of her friends, which I am completely disappointed in myself for seeing as how I view meeting my girlfriend’s friends/family as of the utmost importance. BUT Sophia, instead of going out for the night, actually drove the entire hour back to my store WITH ME to retrieve my wallet, and then another hour back to our place. Needless to say we had a calm night just making UNO into a drinking game.

  Saturday was ONE OF THE BEST DAYS EVER. Sophia surprised me with a zoo date, and it was HOT AS FUCK. No, really, even with a sudden downpour, it was still hot. But it was fantastic and we have matching baby panda bears (cute stuffed ones, of course) sitting on each side of our bed. We then came home, showered, and went to see a stand up comedy show which was really really fun and something I’ve never done before! Afterwards we hit Nellie’s and had a couple drinks before hitting the dancefloor. The DJ sucked ass so we went home instead. lol

  Sunday I surprised Sophia by staying the night (Because we never handle goodbyes well), but spending the whole day seeing Bad Moms and Secret Life of Pets in the theatre across the street. We had a great dinner together and enjoyed yet another night spent sleeping and cuddling in the same bed.

  It’s been a phenomenal weekend and I can’t believe it ended so quickly. But as Sophia always says, it’s always a “glimpse of what our future together will be like”.

  Thank you for reminding me to always keep my head up and keep looking forward. I can’t wait for the day I have my head up, looking towards you--to see you walking down the aisle toward me.

@a-baby-velociraptor

[diariesofahopefulromantic-blog]

June 17, 2016.

  A few years ago, I found I had my first cavity. I wasn’t all that thrilled, but my dentist put a normal filling in and sent me on my way. A year later, my tooth began to bother me again, aching and throbbing, so my dentist put a medicated filling in its place, and sent me on my way. When we were sure that the nerves had healed, he replaced the medicated filling with a permanent filling once more, and again sent me on my way.

  A few months ago, I started having horrible pain in my tooth yet again, so I returned to my dentist, where I was told that I was grinding my teeth and also clenching my jaw so much (although my girlfriend absolutely loves my jaw) that my teeth were sensitive, so he prescribed muscle relaxants to help me sleep better at night.

  A few weeks ago, I started having the pain again, all while eating, drinking, biting, chewing, breathing--I knew something was wrong so AGAIN I returned to my dentist only to be told that the nerves were severely damaged if not infected, and that it was time for a root canal.

  Today, at 8:00 a.m., I sat in the family’s endodontic’s chair, and for 30 minutes had a vial of Novacane injected around my tooth and gumline. For the next hour, my ass fell asleep as did my feet, while the doctor worked and worked to fix my VERY DEAD nerves.

  I was not prepared for the excruciating pain of having my jaw (I suffer from Lax Joint Syndrome) open for so long, the needles, and naturally, all the work done on one very, very bad tooth. I was not ready. So I drugged myself up, took my antibiotics, called up my girlfriend on FaceTime, and we napped together.

  SO all of this being said, I wanted to take a moment to thank my girlfriend for not only faithfully FaceTime-ing me, but taking the time to drive over an hour and a half to come visit me at work to check on me and spoil me rotten. You have no clue how bad I was really feeling, but your compassion and your kisses made my night all the better.

  I’ll see you in a couple of days love, then we get 5 days together! HOLY CRAP!

@a-baby-velociraptor

[diariesofahopefulromantic-blog]

June 14, 2016.

  I prefer to not take part in politics, racial issues, homophobic issues, or anything that can cause any more conflict on Tumblr, because this is my outlet. That being said, Tumblr is also my outlet. Confused?

  Because of the recent tragedy at the night club in Orlando, I’ve seen a lot of my friends posting about the major headline that was listed on every media outlet on television. According to the media, this mass shooting was the largest in U.S. History. This headline has angered the major demographic on my News Feed on Facebook, and I feel as though I need to say something, without coming off as racist.

  Do I agree that the wording of the headline was factually incorrect? Absolutely.

  Do I believe there is a hate in this world for most, if not all people? Yup.

  But here’s what irks me the most.

  Instead of simply saying “I think the media has their facts a little twisted when it comes to mass killings, but what’s happened is yet another hate crime” or something to that effect, I see most of my colleagues taking after the media. It has now become a competition. It has now become about how horrible the media is--the focus is no longer on the fact that a mass amount of innocent lives were taken just the other night.

  I hate that there is racism.

  I hate that there is terrorism.

  I hate that racial profiling is still an issue in my line of work (retail) and in most places.

  I hate that there is inequality.

  I hate that there is intolerance.

  I hate that there is police brutality.

  Trust me. I hate all of it. But what I hate the most is when a nation-wide issue becomes so convoluted that the original purpose of this issue was to bring light to something more important than “oops the media screwed me over again”.

  50 lives were taken the other night. It was a mass shooting. The media could’ve done a better job with getting their facts straight, but this was not aimed at African Americans/Black people. What happened the other night not only affected a large community but shook the world to its core. I don’t understand how the deaths of 50 people at a GAY night club can ultimately be turned into a Black Lives Matter issue.

  Like i said, I don’t mean to come off as racist, but the point of my rant is this:

  It is not safe to be gay.

  It is not safe to be Black.

  It is not safe to be Christian.

  It is not safe to be Muslim.

  It is not safe to be you.

  And it is not safe to be me.

  It isn’t a competition. It’s just one more nail in the coffin for the United States.

[diariesofahopefulromantic-blog]

June 9, 2016.

  I wanted to write tonight. I had this intention of writing some deep and meaningful post about my undying frustration with my parents and my life in this house. I had this belief that I had the strength and verbiage to write an extensive diary entry on how hard it is being 23 years old, a full time student, working two jobs, balancing making your family proud as well as your mentors.

  But this isn’t that kind of a post.

  I started this new blog with the intent that I would post about relationships and my adventures in dating. Since I started writing here, I met someone. Someone real. Someone genuine. Someone so loving. I met the love of my life.

  Sophia and I met mid-April. It was a Sunday, and it was beautiful. I drove an hour to meet her for the very first time. How we actually began talking is an intriguing story.

  We ACTUALLY (although she “doesn’t remember it”) began talking on one dating app, and I guess I nearly bored her to tears or she actually did quit using the application. Either way, we found each other on Tinder and I “liked” her instantly when I saw and then recognized her face in her photo. I decided that if we matched, that we were supposed to be together.

  Obviously, we matched.

  So, Sophia and I met just a week after we began talking, and I babbled like an idiot, she wooed me with her rooftop view and tiny yorkie, and I quickly fell in love with her eyes, smile, laugh, and soul. We spent every day of the week together after our first date, then another Sunday, then it was like we were completely inseparable. I couldn’t...no. I still can’t get enough of her.

  Sophia and I have been officially dating since May 5th, and without even realizing it, spent our first anniversary together (in NYC, no less). It has been amazing and I can’t believe I have the opportunity to be loved by someone as amazing as she is.

  Now, on another note, I am not the most spiritual person. I do believe that when science has failed me (I’ve almost died like 6 times), there is some higher power saving my ass time and time again. But I think what I believe in most? Is that this higher power took part in forming this person. This person with blue eyes, a beautiful smile, this amazing talent of making napkin bras (yes, you should ALL be jealous), and the amazing talent of lighting up a room on the darkest of days.

  I see Sophia as the greatest blessing of all. And it probably sounds corny to anyone who hasn’t ever fallen in love this quickly or this hard, It probably sounds utterly ridiculous to most, but I look at her and I see the world in front of me. When her face is pressed against mine, our eyes staring at each other, her eyes are SO blue and clear that I can see my own reflection in them. I feel her heartbeat beneath my hand or my head and I know that it’s beating with a purpose. Sophia is my biggest blessing.

  And there’s no science to that. There’s no science to love. I mean I can throw in terminology like dopamine and serotonin and all these other happy chemicals that are released from the brain when you fall in love, but that’s not what our relationship is. Our relationship isn’t science. Science is all about proving things wrong, proving things don’t exist, or proving things do exist, or proving things to be true.

  Sophia and I love each other in a way that there is no proof necessary.

  She’s my proof. I’m her proof.

  I love her with every fiber in my being. I love her.

  So I’m not going to post about how angry I am with my parents or how my life aside from my amazing relationship is going.

  That’s time and energy wasted.

  I love you so much, Sophia Ritz-Carlton. You are my world. You are the light in my darkness, the laughter in my pain, and the smile through my tears. You make me so incredibly happy, and I know that there is no one on this earth that I could want more, and nowhere else I would rather be than by your side, for the rest of our lives (times infinity plus one).

  I can’t wait until the day when the ring you wear on your hand isn’t my Gaelic Knot ring, but rather a ring that symbolizes my everlasting, unconditional love for you.

[diariesofahopefulromantic-blog]

You Kissed a Lot of Turtles Before You Found Your Penguin.

  That’s right:

I found my penguin. And let me tell you, she is the prettiest penguin I have ever seen. She is the smartest, most caring, most loving, most amazing woman I have ever had the privilege of getting to know and love. And I am so completely undeserving of her.

Baby, I know you’re probably reading this because you probably asked to see my blog, so I am going to tell you this:

I love you. I love you so very much. You are the world to me. You are my very best friend. You are the song I sing in the car. You are the reason I dance in the shower. You are the voice that calms me in my darkest hour. You are the hands that guide me on my journey. You are the embrace I long for.

I love you so very much, and I plan on marrying you SO HARD. I can’t wait to start writing about our adventures together, although I don’t know how I will be able to keep up, I KNOW THERE WILL BE SO MANY.

Sorry to all of the 0 women who read my blog, I am very much taken (actually have been since April 17- definitely our first date lol). She is the love of my life and I couldn’t ask for more.

[diariesofahopefulromantic-blog]

Welcome to America. We speak the language of freedom. Apparently.

English isn’t my first language so this makes a lot of sense to me

[diariesofahopefulromantic-blog]

Venting; Written Pre-2016

Why the fuck do I keep falling for the pretty girls. The ones who are taken. The ones who I don’t have a bloody fucking chance with.

Why the fuck do I say the words “I love you” to people who, sure, they say it back, but do absolutely nothing to prove it.

Why do I keep going back to people who continuously hurt me, apologize for it, only to do it again.

Because I’m fucking stupid. I do stupid things. I say stupid things. The worst part is, when I actually open up to you, you should feel fucking grateful. You should be thankful because no one has gotten me to open up in 2 years. No one has heard me scream in the middle of my nightmares, waking myself up in a panic attack because I’m terrified you’re going to break me in half. No one has seen me cry over you. No one has seen me get jealous or get hurt because I put on this stoic face, act like I’m tough shit, act like you never hurt me in the first place.

I’m going out of my mind because I love you. Whoever you are, Miss 2016, I love you. I will let you break me in half. I will let you make me cry in the middle of the day or the middle of the night. I will let you make me feel stupid. I will let you say you love me, only knowing you’ll never mean it. I’ll let you tell me you want me, only knowing you really don’t. I’ll let you leave me, because we all know you will.

There’s no happy ending for people like me. There are a few orgasms, a few fun nights out, a few 3-worded phrases thrown around, a few makeouts--but there’s not really a chance of anyone loving me. And it’s okay, because I’ll be dumb enough to keep making the same mistakes; I’ll let you pretend to love me. I’ll let you pretend to like me. I’ll let you pity me.

It’s okay.

Maybe I’ll get lucky and someone will actually love me.

But probably not.

[diariesofahopefulromantic-blog]

A Letter

  Dear Potential Someone,

  This is a letter for you. In it you will find the very secrets to my happiness, my quirks, my wishes. However, it’s not just for you to read and have a cheat sheet. It’s for you to know my heart.

  I’m not very trusting. In fact, I used to believe that people had to earn my trust. After many attempts and fails, they would leave, believing that they would never have a chance. The few that did earn my trust, quickly then broke my trust, leaving me in no shape to believe anything that anyone said. Since then, I have changed. I give them my trust completely, but silently wait until they hurt me. I’m trusting you completely, and I’m trusting you not to hurt me.

  I struggle with taking compliments. I have a very low self-worth, although most think I shouldn’t with my musical talent and appearance. I don’t see myself that way. I criticize myself almost every day, finding any and every flaw, beating myself up relentlessly. If you were to tell me something you appreciated about me or admired me for, I would laugh it off. Inside, I would be ever so thankful that you found one thing about me that wasn’t a flaw or a mistake. Don’t give up on me.

  I like the warmth of your embrace. I like the way it feels when you pull me in closer as we try to take on the colder weather in the winter months, or when your feet and hands get cold at night. Don’t let me go. Don’t stop holding me. No, I’m not falling apart; I just like the way you fit against me. No, I’m not sad; I just don’t want to say goodbye at the end of the day. Hug me. Hold me. Please, don’t let me go.

  I’m not always the most confident person. Yes, on stage I put on a smile and an act, but inside I’m shaken to the core. I’m scared. But I can be strong for you... for the both of us. I will protect you. I will fight for you. I will wipe away the tears. I will bring back your laughter and your smile on your darkest days. I will hold you until you fall back asleep. I will fight your personal demons for you, or with you. Side by side. I will be there for you even when you don’t need me. I will remind you that the world is a better place because of your existence. I will be there.

  To my potential someone,

  If you haven’t grasped anything from this letter, please understand this:

  I’m not the best person in the world. I have my flaws and mistakes, my quirks, my oddities. I do stupid things sometimes, I act seriously in some cases, and not-so-seriously in others. But I will take care of you. I will be good for you. I will protect your heart. I will fix it all.

  Maybe, definitely, one day.