diaryof2022

[diaryof2022]

06102022 // 0800

161/365

Day 002

Yeah, I’ve already failed at writing every day lmao. It’ll just be an intermittent thing for now I guess.

I’m homesick as fuck. My car is halfway broken; still runs but I gotta be careful with where I go, so I’m pretty much just stuck at home except for when I see my boyfriend on Saturday’s. I miss being able to have a friend pick me up, or be able to just walk to wherever I wanna go. Also..I just miss having friends lol. Like I have a lot but I never hang out with them. I miss being able to be around friends all the time. Literally all I do is work and go home.

Speaking of work. BrOOOO I HATE MY JOB. Okay. Not necessarily hate. I don’t mind it. Actually I love it, I just hate some of the people I work with as coworkers. They’re fine outside of work, great even, but they fucking suck at their jobs. It gives more work to everyone else and that’s what really sucks. Also, we have one girl who’s been out for two fucking months on medical leave so I’ve been acting as assistant manager and somehow she hates me for “stealing her job?” Like okay maybe you shouldn’t have wrecked your car on a fUCKING DRIVEWAY THEN. She’ll be coming back soon and then I gotta deal with it at work and I’m not excited. But good news is, when she comes back, I’ll be able to quit and get another job or go back to school. It’s just fucking annoying.

Anyways, I gotta get up and get ready for work. Maybe I’ll write more later. Adios👋🏻

[diaryof2022]

06072022 // 2355

158/365

Day 001

I’m restarting this online diary thing. Been a long time since I’ve done this but I was reading through some old posts and I feel like this is a really good way to kind of keep track of things over time. I have too many thoughts in my head lol so these first few posts are probably going to make like. No sense. Whatever though. Anyways. On to the writing.

I haven’t done this in a few years, and so much has changed since then. Biggest thing would probably be that I’m no longer friends with the girl I used to be so close with. It’s..bittersweet, I guess? Idk. I cared about her more than I’ve cared for pretty much anybody else. I spent years giving her so much, just for her to replace me before our friendship even ended. Looking back, I know it was better for me in the long run. It was the most toxic relationship I’ve ever had with another person. The years of lies, manipulation, and use was disgusting. It would’ve destroyed me eventually, hell it was already starting to. But I still can’t help but look back and miss it. I can’t even figure out why I do. Part of me thinks it was just a severe dependency, but it doesn’t explain why I still care so much 3 years later (almost to the day, actually). It doesn’t explain why I still think of her so often. It’s like it won’t let up, no matter how fucking badly I want her out of my fucking mind. Maybe I just need a fucking lobotomy. Maybe that would get rid of it, of the memories, of her. God please lol. Just let it be out of my mind. I literally feel fucking crazy.

Moving on from that though. This past year has been…a lot. I moved 3 hours from my hometown. It’s not that far, and I’m glad I did..but I miss it so much. I miss my friends, and I miss the food and everything I know. The area I moved into is honestly boring as fuck. Maybe it’s just cuz I don’t have a very well working car right now, idk. But I can’t go anywhere or do anything really, so when I’m not at work, I’m stuck at home. I’m trying to make friends here though. I need to find people to do shit with so I’m not home alone all the time.

I know I haven’t written much but it’s pretty late, I work in a few hours and I really need to go to sleep. I’ll hopefully remember to write again tomorrow.

Goodnight ♡