diego-theguardian

[diego-theguardian]

DxD Version:

Issei: Me = Boy with problems. Girlfriend = Girl who loves you. Me + Girlfriend = Girl who truly loves me. Harem King = More than one girlfriend. More girlfriends = More true love.

Issei: I have a girlfriend (Rias is lying next to him)

Issei: And now I have 10 more girlfriends (The other girls in his harem are seen in bed with them)

Issei: I'm being so fucking loved right now (eyes shining)

happy make a terrible comic day!!! i haven't stopped thinking about this post since i saw it. in 2018 a common merganser was spotted with 76 (SEVENTY SIX!!!) chicks!! that's SOOOO many baby. so much success.

[diego-theguardian]

That was very scary. And the reaction of others?

If Jaune was evil, he would be terrifying.

And i don't mean evil in the Vegeta/Piccolo way, where he mellows down a lot with time. No, i mean truly, inhumanly, evil.

_ _ _

Jaune: *chuckle, turning his gaze toward Tyrian* Oh you poor soul... *Smiling gently, removing his gloves covered in blood* You really thought we were the same, didn't you? *Walking towards the chained faunus with nonchalance* That we both enjoy violence?

Jaune: *stop, lifting slightly the faunus head so they would see eye to eye, still an angelic smile on his face* But you mistook something, my dear... *Shaking his head, seeming almost disappointed* I don't simply enjoy violence... *His smile, twisting into what could only be described as the face of evil incarnate* I. CRAVE. SUFFERING~!

Jaune: Do you know why, when i see a dying person in front of me, my first reflex is to save them? *Back to an angelic smile* Come on, don't be shy.

Tyrian: *missing the lower-half of his jaw* ...

Jaune: *sigh, disappointed in the man silence* See, *placing his hand against Tyrian's chest, healing him* a dead person cannot feel pain. *Looking sad* Do you know how sad this is? *Shaking his head* Heartbreak, depression, desperation... All these feelings; erased the moment you take your last dying breath!

Jaune: *laugh* But in all this suffering, there's one thing that i love more than anything else; *grinning* TRIUMPH! The indomitable spirit of humankind, winning over everything i love!

Jaune: *wiping off a tear* Oh how marvelous it is! To see them suffer so much just to ask for more!... *Unsheat Crosea Mors, cutting Tyrian's chains in a swift move* But a man blinded by his love of a false god, hellbent on the destruction of all things, could never understand my vision.

Jaune: *grabbing the broken man by the hair, lifting him up with a cold stare* I'm letting you go, but remember this; Wherever you go, wherever you sleep, wherever you try to flee; one day, if i chose to; i'll show you hell. If you think getting skinned was bad... Know that i can do SO MUCH worse. *Smile* Healing is such a gift, don't you think? *Release Tyrian's hair, watching him fall to the ground* The gods really love me, truly they do.

[diego-theguardian]

"Years Later"

Ruby: Mom, Dad, Uncle Qrow, Yang and I have an announcement.

Yang: Thanks to inheriting our biological mothers' blood and being raised by a Rose, we ended up inheriting a taste for idiotic blonds who treat us very well.

Ruby: That's why we decided to be a relation to what you two could have had with Raven if she hadn't run away.

Yang: Don't worry. We talked to Jaune's mother and she already supported us and helped us make a schedule so we could divide our time with him fairly.

Jaune (with his hands tied): Help…

Summer: …Which one of you two will get pregnant first?

Tai and Qrow: SUMMER!?

Orphans

Qrow: Summer, you can't just adopt every random orphan you see on the street.

Summer: Ren and Nora needed a good home.

Qrow: Yeah, what about Little Ice Queen? She has parents.

Summer: Jacques doesn't count and Willow only counts when she's sober. So, Weiss basically doesn't have any parents.

Qrow: ...

Taiyang: *Walks by carrying a tool box, just accepting the chaos at this point, and going to add another room to his cabin*

Qrow: Well, what about him? *Gestures to Jaune* I know for a fact that his family isn't fucked.

Summer: Oh Jaune, that's just Ruby's husband.

[diego-theguardian]

Jaune: How could it be worse? Ruby: She fought my father blindfolded. Sometimes with one arm tied, or one leg tied. And sometimes all three together.

Rough Training

Jaune: So, your Uncle Qrow, he seems kind of... rough.

Ruby: He's a real softy once you get to know him.

Jaune: ...I don't believe you, but that's not what I was going to ask about. What was it like training under him?

Ruby: Oh it wasn't too bad.

------

13Yo Ruby: *Get's woken up in the middle of the night*

Qrow: I got you a soda and a sausage and egg sandwich. Let's get going, we're burning daylight.

Ruby: It's 3am.

Qrow: Yeah, I let you sleep in tonight. Won't be happening again. Now go get your combat skirt on and let's go.

------

Ruby: Then we spent 2 weeks tracking a pack of Beowolves.

Jaune: ...That sounds terrible.

Ruby: Oh I got off easy. Yang's training was way harder than mine.

[diego-theguardian]

When Pyrrha somehow managed to convince Jaune to do this "training":

Pyrrha: (Panting and utterly defeated) … I need to… rest… Jaune: But Pyrrha, it's only been 10 hours, I still have some energy left. Pyrrha: Call Ruby or Yang. I can't feel my legs or arms.

Nora: *bench pressing 505lb*

Yang: *whistle* Damn girl, you make it look easy! I can barely do 305 myself.

Nora: *posing the weight back, sitting up and wiping off the sweat from her forehead* That's nothing compared to Jaune.

Yang: *turning her head towards Jaune, cocking an eyebrow* But he's only doing calisthenics-

Nora: What time is it?

Yang: *confused* 3 pm, why?

Nora: *deadpan* He's been at it since 7 am.

Yang: ... H-how!?

Nora: *shrug* Apparently, ballet is more akin to a spartan training regimen than actual dance lessons. I tried his "light" exercises... *Shiver* I was unable to walk for a day...

Yang: That bad!?

Nora: I felt muscles i didn't know i had, Yang! Jaune-Jaune might be unable to jump in the air and do fancy attacks like us, but in a marathon? He would beat us all!

_ Jaune's "light" training _

Jaune: *perplexed* You guys alright?

Pyrrha: *out of breath* J-Jaune! We can't- *huf* We can't walk all day like you!

Jaune: ... *Tilting his head* Can't y'all use aura to help?

Nora: *transporting an almost dying Ren* WE ARE!

Jaune: ... *Scratch his head* Really? But i haven't even used mine yet, how can y'all be exhausted already?

Pyrrha: We've been walking for 5 hours-

Jaune: *happily smiling* And we have 5 more hours to go. So chop-chop, more walking and less complaining!

Ren: *weakly extending his hand towards the sky* D-dad? Is that you? Can i finally... rest?

Nora: *Panicking* REN! DON'T WALK TOWARDS THE LIGHT! STAY WITH MEEEEE!

Jaune: *rolling his eyes* Fine, we can take a short break, but no complaints that everything hurts even more when we start walking again, ok?

[diego-theguardian]

I'm finally seeing a crossover with DxD in which Issei has a healthy friendship with other characters without said characters stealing the girls from his harem.

The Boys fight Radagon

Inside of The Erdtree.

Jaune (Vagabond): Okay Izuku. Do you have a strategy to beat him?

Izuku (Samurai) : This is our first time fighting him, so the strategy is not to die.

Jaune (Vagabond) : I know, but he walking toward us. Menacingly. Issei why did you enter without regrouping?

Issei (Warrior) : *holding smithscript hammer* I didn't know, but who care we got this. There of us and one of him.

Radagon: *still walking menacingly*

Jaune: We're Dead.

Issei: What the worst that can happen?

Izuku: Parry.

Issei: Like that going to happen. Bosses don't parry, we parry. Watch.

Issei spun and throws smithscript hammer.

Radagon: *Parry it*

Issei: Oh Shi-

System: Harem_King69 was killed.

At Roundhouse Table

Fia is hugging a crying Issei.

Jaune: Should have waited for us to upgrade our gear or get better equipment.

Izuku: My runes.

Thus Issei shall not underestimate a boss ever again.

Base off of this: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTj9tRA1a/

[diego-theguardian]

Anti Irondad fic recommendations please

I have seen ones written by myself, Phillipe363 and perhaps bl4ckhunter but I was wondering if you can help me find anti Irondad fics. Here is some criteria I am after:

* Any argument has Peter in the right and he gets to point out that he was the one that was kidnapped to fight in Tony’s fight and peter now realises he was on the wrong side and the ferry incident only happened because Tony was dismissive and never made any attempt to Let Peter know he was forwarding information to authorities

* Peter tells Tony that he is not his dad and never has to take it back

* Aunt My acknowledged as Peter’a only real living parental figure

* just to be curious I wouldn’t mind if Morgan was involved like post Endgame and Peter decides he wants nothing more to do with the Stark family, he has to gently let the girl know Tony was never really a dad to him

* Peter was on Steve’s side from the beginning, like maybe Steve in civilian clothes spots Spider-Mn and ends up helping him learn to fight with his powers and doesn’t drag him into the civil war because that would be irresponsible. While also encouraging peter to tell Aunt May when he is ready

[diego-theguardian]

Peter: PP?

Penny/Peni: De novo, sim?

Peter: (suspiro) Minha filha.

Penis: Cool.

I recently had the idea of adding Peni Parker to my Avengers x RWBY fic. Here's a quote based on it.

Peter: Hey, Penny...

Penny/Peni: Yes?

Peter: ...

Team RWBY: ...

Avengers: ...

Kate: Yeah, this isn't going to work.

[diego-theguardian]

I recently had the idea of adding Peni Parker to my Avengers x RWBY fic. Here's a quote based on it.

Peter: Hey, Penny...

Penny/Peni: Yes?

Peter: ...

Team RWBY: ...

Avengers: ...

Kate: Yeah, this isn't going to work.

[diego-theguardian]

MJ: I'm sorry Peter but... it's been four years. I'm in love with Paul now. I hope you can understand.

Peter: Yeah, sure. Do what makes you happy.

MJ: Really? I was hoping you would understand but- Who are you calling?

Peter, on the phone: Hey, Cindy, remember back when we couldn't keep our hands off each other because of those pheromones? Wanna do it while we're in full control of our actions?

MJ: Wait... WHAT?!

[diego-theguardian]

Spider-Man for Daredevil: Born Again Season 2!!!

We must free our favourite webslinger from his shackles.

[diego-theguardian]

Inspirational Quotes

Jaune: My mom likes to tell me inspirational quotes, things like: ‘Even monkeys fall from trees.’ ‘Don’t explain your philosophy, embrace it.’ Or, ‘Do not make peace with evil: Destroy it.’ Little things like that.

Jaune: Sometimes they are deep ones that make you think about things, or they’re simple things like, ‘let it flow off of you.’ In essence, don’t bother it doesn’t matter. It depended on what had just happened really.

Jaune: But, the one I remember the most was one she said to after I made a mistake. I don’t remember what the mistake was, whether it was something big, or insignificant, but I made a mistake nonetheless. But I remember what my mom said to me. It was: ‘Mistakes make you stronger.’

Jaune: I thought that one was nice. But, I couldn’t help but ask my mom one simple question after hearing that.

Jaune: I asked: ‘Did I make you stronger, Mom?’

Jaune: …

Jaune: She stopped saying those inspirational quotes around me after that.

[diego-theguardian]

[diego-theguardian]

Better?

Ghira: So… my daughter is dating you… Why?

Jaune: I don’t know. Honestly, she can do a lot better…

[diego-theguardian]

Arc-Swapped Au: how is Jaune feeling after getting back and getting hear everyone talk about how amazing Jeanne was?

Well that was fast. The first prompt was barely five minutes old, and here someone is already asking for a sequel.

And, I’m answering it…

///

The Return

Jaune: Hey guys!

Pyrrha: Jaune! You’re back!

Nora: Jaune-Jaune!

Ren: Its a relief to see you again.

Jaune: Naww… Thanks guys.

Nora: Where were you?

Pyrrha: Yeah, we went to bed, and we wake up, and it’s your highly attractive female version of you!

Ren: Quite attractive.

Nora: She was really hot!

Jaune: Of course you’d say that…

Ren: Were the two of you swapped; She came here to your world, and you went to hers?

Jaune: Yeah pretty much; Everyone on Team RWBY were guys, as well as you, Pyrrha.

Pyrrha: R-Really?

Jaune: You were a girl, Ren.

Ren: I was?

Jaune: And, you were still a girl, Nora.

Nora: I am a multiversal constant. There will only be one, Nora. And, I will be a girl!

JPR: …

Jaune: So yeah… W-What was it like to have, Jeanne here?

Pyrrha: Oh she was wonderful to have around! She was always so bright, and cheerful to have around! And, she looked absolutely beautiful!

Ren: I found her presence very relaxing to be around.

Nora: And, her smile was stunning! But, the bright light hurt my eyes.

Jaune: Beg pardon?

Ren: Yeah, he smile was like the perfect summers day~!

Pyrrha: Jeanne was wonderful to be around~!

Jaune: …

Yang: I heard someone say: Jeanne! Is Jeanne back?! Ohh… it’s you…

Jaune: Ow…

Ruby: Is big sis back?! Oh, hi, Jaune.

Jaune: Hi…

Blake: Is the angel back! Oh, it’s just, Jaune…

Jaune: Nice to see you too, Blake…

Weiss: Where is she?! Where is my future wife?!! Oh… It’s just you, Arc…

Jaune: …

Jaune: I see, Jeanne made quite the impression…

Yang: Oh she was a riot to be around!

Blake: She was the most wonderful person I ever met~!

Ruby: She was the big sister I never new I wanted!

Weiss: She will be my future wife.

Jaune: …

Jaune: So anyway, as I said I met the gender swapped version of you guys, as well as team, RWBY.

Ruby: Really? What was I like?

Yang: I best I was really cool!

Blake: Probably wasn’t much of a difference with me was there?

Weiss: No doubt I was perfect as always.

Jaune: Hell if I know. As soon as I got there, her Team RWBY, and Pyrrha tried to kill me.

Pyrrha: They what?!

Jaune: Yep, as soon as I showed up, Pyrros, male you, Pyrrha. Threw me against a wall with his semblance, and threatened to gut me if I didn’t say where, Jeanne was.

Pyrrha: Oh my…

Jaune: Yeah, luckily, Rin, female Ren…

Nora: Bet she’s pretty hot~!

Jaune: And, Nora were there to stop him. I then explained I had no idea what happened, then boy team, RWBY came in, and threatened to kill me. They wanted their, ‘Angel’ back. After I said, I didn’t know, Blake, male, Blake bound me up with his weapon. William, male, Weiss, used his semblance to pin me to the wall. Ruben, male, Ruby pointed his gun at me, and Yin, male, Yang socked me in the stomach when I couldn’t answer his questions…

Yang: Ouch!

Ruby: That’s mean!

Blake: Why would I do that?

Weiss: Seems like something I would do…

Jaune: Yeah, they were going to gut me if I didn’t tell them what happened to, Jeanne. Luckily the teachers saved me from that…

Ren: Did they?

Jaune: No, not really. They interrogated me, and threw me in a cell while they worked all of this out… Jeanne told me you were having a lot of fun though. Seemingly she awoke some stuff in you as well.

Yang: Well… I always had a feeling was into girls…

Blake: Same, but only for the right girl.

Ruby: I loved my Onee-Chan!

Weiss: I was going to marry her!

Jaune: Nice! Well… Now I hate her even more than I did before! Peachy…

RWBY: WHAT?!

Pyrrha: How could you say that?!

Nora: What did she do to deserve that?!

Jaune: Sorry, I just so happen to be, Jaune Arc, the ‘loveable’ goofball stuck in the tree, who barely anyone likes, and is willing to put a spec of trust in! Compare to the, Angel of Beacon, Jeanne Arc! A person with her own fan club, who everyone loved! Who was properly trained to be a Huntress, who everyone put their faith in her! How can I not love the better version of me?!

Weiss: Well what did you expect? She is perfection incarnate, and you’re trash incarnate.

Ruby: Weiss that’s mean!

Blake: But, true.

Ruby: Blake?!

Yang: What, Vomit Boy just isn’t anywhere close as fantastic as, Jeanne is.

Ruby: You too, Yang?!

Yang: You were thinking something similar too, Rubes.

Ruby: But, I wasn’t going to say it!

Jaune: …

Ruby: Oops… He-hehe… S-Sorry…

Jaune: I fucking hate my life, twice over now…

Pyrrha: Uhh… Do you perhaps want a hug, Jaune?

Jaune: I want to kill myself…

Yang: …

Weiss: …

Nora: …

Ruby: …

Ren: …

Blake: …

Pyrrha: Oh… Oh no…

[diego-theguardian]

Ruby: If we had a fighting-

Jaune: Yes.

Ruby: Jaune I didn't-

Jaune: No-no. We would be more profitable if we were a fighting game. And no, not a Naruto Ninja Storm rip-off, I mean BlazBlue, Guilty Gear, and Street Fighter game.

Ruby: Just say 2D fighting games.

Jaune: Whatever. Ruby, what are we known for?

Ruby: Our story.

Jaune: Our fight animation.

Ruby: And our-

Jaune: Bitch, our story sucks ass. The manga died. We're in Viz Media but we still have nothing going on. We might as well be stuck in limbo. And if we get volume 10 confirmed we have to do damage control and advertisement. Our fan base could help but still.

Ruby: Okay rude. But why not like Naruto games?

Jaune: Hold on. …. ….Okay my bad, Naruto Ninja Storm is a good idea. I mean people can finally explore the streets of Remnant and fight against other characters in a 2v2. At least we can go with the official fourth game where we can switch characters.

Ruby: Thank you.

Jaune: But the reason I say 2d is because of how many fighters we could have. Hell, your team and Neo were in 2d. Remember BlazBlue Crosstag? You all played well. It's a good start considering you already laid out the bases.

Ruby: Yeah.

Jaune: Remember BlazBlue and Guilty Gear are more known for their fighting formulas, not their stories. Even though Guilty Gear might have it better than BlazBlue. 

Ruby: Based on opinion. To each his own.

Jaune: And with so many characters with their own lives and personalities, seeing that in a game where you can play as them and catch up with their lives. It would be amazing.

Ruby: Alright. Then who would be-

Jaune: Salem.

Ruby: Yeah she is a one-note villain. But what about-

Jaune: Again so many characters any of us can be the final boss. 

Ruby: You're right. You're right.

Jaune: And why stop there? We could have beat 'em up games and J-RPG games. We could have been Kingdom Hearts. Dynasty Warriors. Tales of series-type games. Someone made a fan-made game with that formula in mind and it is still better than our actual game. We have the potential.

Ruby: Damn.

Jaune: I'm just saying Ruby if we're going to be stuck in a non-productive domain we might as well think of other ways to profit off our brand. Just saying.

Ruby: Damn. 

Jaune: Like only five of you were in the game. Which is sad.

Ruby: It wasn't that bad. Besides, it was a BlazBlue game.

Jaune: So Persona and Under Night in birth, somehow managed to get almost all their major players in the game. Meanwhile, we only have five. And Neo was only added because she was popular in our show. 

Ruby: Your point?

Jaune: BlazBlue Crosstag had BlazBlue, Persona, Under Night in Birth, and you, Rwby. They have almost all the major characters from three games while you have a measly five. So instead of adding more Rwby characters they used the remaining four slots for other characters. Characters who had nothing to do with the story or the brand. It is a false advertisement. 

Ruby: Wow Jaune. Are you mad?

Jaune: I'm saying Qrow, Cinder, Penny, or my team could have been in that game. Hell, why not Roman? Just saying wasted slots.

Yu: Yeah, Ruby. He has a point.

Ruby: Yu.

Ragna: Like a lot of our characters were in the game. It might as well be another BlazBlue game.

Ruby: Ragna.

Hyde: Yeah they did y'all dirty. Like most if not all of our characters were in that game.

Yu: Ours too. 

Jaune: Like I said, false advertisement.

[diego-theguardian]

Jaune: Weiss, I can't believe you had this with you. I hope you're feeling better now. Weiss: Grandma…? Am I in heaven…? My knight took me to heaven…?

Jaune and his ship most days

Open up for anyone to continue.