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The mistreatment of Jin - a BigHit callout post

A lot of people seem to think that BigHit could never do wrong and know what’s best for BTS. They think BigHit and BTS are a “family”. Well it’s time to wake up..! BigHit isn’t any better when compared to big companies like SM or YG for example. They’re just as problematic like K-Pop companies often tend to be. The perfect example of this is how they’ve been treating Jin these past 4 years.

!! - a few of these facts are just borderline emotional abuse..

okay, let’s get started:

- Apparently Bang-PD walked around calling Jin fat???? wtf (this was 2013, before their debut and around the same time Jin went on a diet no one talks about where he only ate chicken breast for A YEAR.)

- And guess what? Bang-PD isn’t the only one who has called Jin fat: even his manager did. Fortunately they fired him because he was mistreating Jungkook.

- Jin majored in acting but in the House of ARMY, he got all the insignificant roles with basically zero dialogue. Yoongi even said Seokjin had texted him, shocked that he didn’t have any dialogue in the script. In the Making of-video he was clearly pissed: when the camera man said they’ll be filming Jin next he said “Oh, wow. Do I get to appear alone?” asdfghjkl. Jin was salty, but tried so hard to be positive. (he even avoided looking straight into the camera while they were interviewing him.. on the inside he was definitely feeling wronged.)

- Let’s be honest. BigHit could easily push him in the OST direction or debut him as an actor if they wanted, but no.

- Jin was once forced to perform even though he had hurt his neck in Kcon Paris. BigHit never made an official report about his condition… (it’s funny how they made a report about namjoon’s toe and suga’s ear but not this.)

- Now let’s talk about his LINES. Remember Blood, Sweat and Tears where he had to share his few lines with Jimin? That was the most unnecessary thing ever. (later in the japanese ver. they made jin’s voice stand out more than jimin’s. lol I guess even BigShit felt a bit guilty??) I’ve seen people trying to defend this by saying that it’s okay because Jin was the ~Main Character~ in the MV. But honestly, where is the logic in that? BTS are a K-pop group! Their voices are the most important thing about them!

- Jin is the only one who didn’t get a single line in any of the year end 2016 special stages (rainism: jungkook, as i told you: jimin, v, jungkook & class idea: namjoon, hoseok, jungkook… suga wasn’t there because of his ear injury.) He was just a backup dancer and nothing else.

- Remember when people were hyping up Spring Day because apparently this was supposed to be the song where Jin would shine… even V said Jin would surprise us all and umm.. well he didn’t.

- BigHit removed Jin from the thumbnail of Not Today MV because ????

- Speaking of Not Today. Let’s talk about this fuck up…

- *coughs* This was his only solo shot and it lasted about 2 seconds. Really. BTS filmed for almost 24 hours in cold weather and you’re telling me this is the only shot of Jin that was “good enough”. I don’t think so, because we saw the Behind the scenes-video and they were filming Jin quite a lot. They just didn’t use the clips.

- They keep telling Jin his voice is suited for ballads, but Butterfly was a ballad and he was once again the vocal who had the least amount of lines. (and some of them were not even lines like repeating “untrue” is.. not really a line)

- … so basically the ballad comment was just some bs excuse, let’s be real no one fits only 1 type of music. Plus here are some Bangtan’s slower/not hiphop songs I think Jin’s voice could easily be fitted in but he still got the least amount of lines: Spring Day Studio Version, Miss Right, YNWA, Just One Day, Outro: Propose, House of Cards, Coffee…

- Now the most recent fuck up is BTS’ cover of Seo Taiji’s song ‘Come Back Home’ and people are still debating whether Jin has ANY lines at all. The MV for the song was uploaded to CJENMMUSIC’s official youtube and their header was changed to a… group photo… of BTS… except Jin was nowhere to be seen. The fact that they forgot Jin is unbelievable and just plain disrespectful. No product should ever be released without approval and double check. None. And while we don’t know if BigHit had anything to do with the header, whose fault it is that even these other companies tend to forget Jin because they aren’t promoting him enough? This was not a simple mistake. It means that design and marketing teams from HUGE companies like CJEN don’t see him.

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94 // 365

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😭😭😭😭

101 // 365

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Serem e&

when he goes from 0 to 100 and 100 to 0

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Udah aku bilang kan, kalo pake baju belahannya jgn yang rendah gitu. Kamu ga dengerin sih.

Kim Seokjin did I fucking ask?

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Goodbye angel

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💔

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So I wrote this about a year ago. I was depressed and suicidal at that time. Like right on the edge of jumping from 10 stories apartment building in front of my office. Or just, you know, standing on the railway, waiting for the train to crash my body into unrecognizable disgusting pieces.

It was after my birthday. The worst birthday I have ever had. The worst days that made me realize how unlovable, unwanted, unworthy, and undeserved I am as a human being. Nobody would be affected by my death. So what's the point of living anyway?

It is painful. It just is. Sometimes it hurts so bad you just wanted to cut your flesh only to distract yourself from the pain within by the more distinguishable physical one. And sometimes it numbs you. It freezes you. Leaving you hollow like a dead shell. Meaningless.

Then just last night, I heard one of my beloved Korean singer died from suicide.

It kind of triggered the pain that I had last year. It felt like everything is coming back to me, attacking me mercilessly. Then I realized how much it hurts. If it hurts me this much, Jonghyun must have had it worse till he decided to just call it quit and wrap everything up already. I can't imagine what kind of pain he had been through. Or rather, what kind of emptiness and exhaustion he suffered to the extent that he wont allow this life to mess up with him anymore.

Congratulations, Jonghyun. You are free now. This life wont dare to hurt or drain you high and dry any longer.

I sincerely hope you find relief in the afterlife. In whatever form that is.

Rest in peace, brother.

Cheers!

On Suicidal Thoughts

I felt a little bugged by one post I saw in between my social media timeline last night. It was from one of my friend who I used to work with. 

He said that having suicidal thought is stupid. Like, if someone have balls to die, instead of posting on social media about how they feel and being like a drama queen, they should have just killed themselves already.

Before I go, please understand that I believe everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But there’s a thin line between being opinionated and being a plain ass. To put it in even milder tone, the point I want to deliver here is that you absolutely have no right to mindlessly judge people without ever walk on their shoes. You don’t have any rights to bash or diss or roast people just because you have different value or perspective, just because they seem overreacted, or because they do not seem ‘normal’ without even knowing what’s going on in their life. 

You may question. But you don’t have any rights to judge.

Okay. So, here’s the thing. 

I have to admit that since I was a little girl, I have been struggling with negative and destructive thoughts. I never knew where it came from, it just popped out of the blue without any notice. And even until now, I have no idea how to overcome it so I tend to appear as this serious, stiff, upset, stressed, angry ugly bitch all the time.

I fully realize that I was not a very cheerful normal happy girl when I was a kid. I was easily frustrated, angered, bugged, irritated, I rarely feel excited or happy, I was overly selective in choosing friends, and I spent most of my time alone. Mostly with books. It’s not that I didn’t want to have friends. I wanted to laugh, to be happy, to play like other normal kids. But I always came to some impression that those kids do not like me very much. 

So that’s that. I felt that they hate me. Oh, no not only them. Maybe my family. My parents. My brother and sister. My co-workers. Even until now, I always think that I am just this hateable, disgusting, unagreeable bitch that everyone hates.

It’s like, no matter how good I behave, how hard I try, how nice I treat them, I never felt like they like me so much. Here’s why I assume it that way:

One, they rarely involve me in their casual-social occations.

Two, I am never their first choice.

Three, it seems that they have a little less fun everytime I was around

Maybe there’s something wrong about me. Maybe I am lame. Or too serious. Or easily triggered. Or selfish. Or stubborn. I don’t know. I have been trying to change. I have been trying to reduce my stuborness and be more laid back, but it came out like I am stupid and indesicive. I did want to be more carefree, cool, and less lame, but it came out like I’m ingenuine. Like I’m faking it. I have been trying to go out more, have some lunch with them, go shopping, or just chat over some coffee, but I still feel uninvolved and not expected to be there at all. They hang out by themselves and I am not one of them. Like, ever.

Is it my vibe? My wrong chemical reaction? What? Do I smell like garbage? Or my face disgust them somehow? I don’t know. I don’t even know what it takes to be more accepted. Heck, I don’t even know how to accept myself. Now I have to think about getting myself more normal. More agreeable. More acceptable to some people.

I always failed at that. 

So after some time, I’ve become exhausted.

As I grew up, it does not get better with time or what you call maturity. Instead, it gets worse. When I was in junior high, my negativity only came accross wanting to change my face or having a plastic surgery. But at this point in my twentysomething, it becomes destructive. I refuse to acknowledge my small-daily achievements or blessings. I constantly compare myself to other people, like why in my 25 birthday I haven’t been able to acquire all things I wrote down as my targets years ago and how other people are lucky enough to be given opportunity for that. Being away from home, I think that even my mother do not even give a shit about me anymore, because now she’s led a new happy life with her new husband. So I wont disturb it. Still damaged from my recent heartbreak, I never stop living myself up to that certain someone’s standards, which makes me feel like a bunch of trash. 

I tracked everything to find the root cause of my failure in every aspect of life, and I found out that the biggest cause of it is myself. 

This disgusting, uncaring, selfish, stubborn, envious, arrogant bitch who failed to change herself no matter how hard she tries.

My mom always says that I have to change. By that I know she does not refer to my determinations or hard work, of course. She wants me to change my character. To change every way I am. 

I know I am not her favorite daughter. Maybe she regrets raising me to this point because I did not turn out to be her dream daughter who is obedient, praying and reciting quran everyday, pretty like a fairy, nice to people, likes to buy nice clothes, or have fun. She might regret that I grew up into this ticking time bomb. This ball of fire who is just simply untouchable, let alone controllable. I know very well she regrets it. 

So reasonably, if your mother is dissappointed in you like right deep into your bone, to your very essence, what makes you think that other people would love you?

That’s that.

It’s not like I haven’t tried to fit in. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and exhausted. Sometimes I say fuck it and just let everything pass. But it’s never easy. It’s hard to pretend to not know of that. I have been fully aware that people make plans with their own circle that does not involve me. I have noticed that I am never anyone first choice to talk to or to have fun with. I have been always this disposable loser who is not needed, not liked, and would never be able to blend in. 

I am aware that I am invisible. That I never even exists.

So what’s the point of living like you are a forgettable piece of garbage who fades away slowly from everyone’s memory into thin air? 

Seriously, what’s the point?

It would be different if, let’s say, I am loved or needed by someone or some people. But well, let’s face it, I’m not. And I don’t know how to change that because the very essence of myself does not comply or suitable to be loved. It’s like a rejected product. Unfixable. Why bother use it? Why don’t you just destroy it already? 

And that’s when the suicidal thoughts kick in. 

As for me, suicide is not as simple as being heartbroken and sad and then swallowing 30 sleeping pills to overdose yourself or something. Suicide is an attempt to escape from the pain of being unable to live the life that’s worth living. An attempt to escape the emptiness of being rejected, unwanted, unloved. An attempt to escape the loneliness. Escape from the cruel-bitter certainty that you are nothing and do not matter to anybody. 

And at that point, I didn’t expect any drama or attention. I did not even think about cutting my wrist or hanging myself. Sometimes I just whisper to myself, like when I walk on the street, it would be nice if a cop freak out and shoot everyone, and I got shot right in my head and die. Or it’d be nice to just got a heart attack and end everything. Or just go to sleep and never wake up anymore. 

How nice it would be. Just to end playing the game. 

It gets worse these last few months. I don’t even know whether I am actually bipolar and in need of actual medical treatment, or I am clinically depressed and need some medications either way. One thing I know for sure is that, during these periods, everytime I smile or laugh, I almost certain I fake it. Sometimes because I go to work everyday so I have to push myself too hard to look normal ‘till I can’t even feel my face anyomore. Most of the time I got overwhelmed because I take too many responsibilities, but it’s better because getting highly occupied helps to distract these depressing death or suicidal thoughts. But then I got a horrible migraine and joint pain everytime I got home. Every morning, I always feel so freaking tired and drained all I want to do is to curl on my bed and never ever get up anymore.

I feel exhausted to go through that everyday, over and over again.

Even praying doesn’t help. So I have given up on that because I cannot find any connection or even just a little bit of peaceful feeling in that any longer. 

I don’t know if this is appropriate of not. But the only one thing that keeps me away from really commiting suicide is that I don’t wanna be remembered as that pathetic girl whose life so messed up she chose to give up and shot herself right between the eyes. 

That’s it. Nothing more or less. 

Well maybe considering how my mother whould feel (especially the shame, gosh, I don’t have a heart to give her another shame after I am already a huge shame by just being me), how would that hurt my friends (I’m not sure tho, I guess since I am easily replaceable, I would be effortlessly forgotten), or the fact that I’m not sure yet what would happen to me after I die, I still have no enough courage to actually do it. To actually pull the trigger and stop all these misery already. 

I do want to die. But it doesn’t necessarily have to be from suicide.

Imagine struggling with it everyday. Especially when you are alone. Especially when you don’t have anyone to talk to. Or you do have, but you don’t think they would understand. 

Imagine keeping yourself right on track when all you want to do is jump in front of the running train and get your body smashed into pieces. 

Imagine forcing yourself to jump out of your bed, taking showers, and work with full responsibility as if your life is normal and you don’t have a huge pile of dark matter inside your head that tells you to grab that knife in the kitchen and just get over with it. 

Imagine smiling and chatting like there’s no problem while you’re screaming ‘shut the fuck up!’ inside your brain just because there’s too much voices telling you how ugly, disgusting, unworthy, undeserved, and unwanted you are, all the time.

Before I struggle with these destructive thoughts, I always consider suicide as a cowardy. Only losers do that. Only people with low resistance and no durability do that. 

But it’s not that simple. Suicidal people have their own reasons to not shot themselves yet, to keep struggling and maybe hopefully heal themselves in the long run. If they are not dead yet, or instead just posting or writing status about their dark thoughts, it’s not because they just want your attention or mind-numbingly want to appear dramatic. In most cases, including mine, they still have active reasoning to keep it together, especially on how that would probably affect other people (if there is). 

They just need some way to release their pain. To accept and deal with it. And sometimes writing or posting things about that can make them feel better.

After putting myself in those suicidal people shoes, I think as long as you put some reason and logic in it, both keep on living or hanging yourself to death are still considered acceptable decision. I start to consider that people who commit suicide are brave enough to put an end to their suffering. They have balls to pull the trigger and respect themselves enough to not get hurt for unecessary reason anymore. Especially if there’s literally nobody who relies on them or they can rely on at all. Meanwhile, suicidal people who keeps on living deserve the same respect. Especially if they still manage to be the best version of themselves in spite of unrelenting whisper that they should just put a gun in their mouth and pull the trigger ‘till their heads blow up. 

Suicide and suicidal thought is not a joke. It’s not an empty threat or an immature attempt to seek attention. 

When you have nothing, all you’re gonna get is failed attemt with scars on your wrist or just getting your stomach pumped to let the pills out. And then maybe some mockery from this fucking cruel society. But when you are capable, it’s not gonna be just a tweet or facebook status. It’s gonna be a purchase to one Revolver and one official signed will. And maybe a breaking news in the paper tomorrow morning.

Suicide is not something to laugh at or to be frowned upon. 

In some cases it requires help. 

But in some others it just needs acceptance. 

[dillaibtida]

Ngaqaq anj 😂😂😂😂

sasuke’s apprentice

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Istigfar, kang 😂😂😂

Jin’s ninja skills amazed the members 😂

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H-40

Had just decided to purchase the ticket of Wings Tour Finale and put the deposit to koreanbuddy.

Setelah kontemplasi selama berbulan-bulan, maju-mundur cantik, galau ini itu, gue akhirnya memutuskan untuk berangkat. Despite of my angry bank account, I know I should take this chance.

I want to give something for myself. An appreciation. A present. A chance to start everything all over again, if you may.

Masih ga 100% pasti berangkat dan nonton juga. Karena god knows how fierce the war for those purple grapes will always be. Bisa jadi juga gue ga diizinin cuti. But what the hell. Gue tau gue ga akan berhenti menyalahkan diri sendiri kalo kali ini ga at least berusaha untuk pergi.

Give yourself a present, baby.

You were suicidal last year. And you made it through.

Please appreciate it.

For once, let yourself live.

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Nama: Dilla Hobi: Bilang bisa tanpa mengukur limit kemampuan sendiri. Kemudian burned out.

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I'm choked.

HE DID THAT HE DROPPED HTE MIC

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My favorite choreography so far ❤❤❤

[170923] [BANGTAN BOMB] ‘고민보다GO’ stage @COMEBACK SHOW ‘BTS DNA’ - BTS (방탄소년단)

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Jinception 😂😂

His reactions are priceless

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*Focused on the last three pharagraphs*

Naha ari maneh kunaon hyungggg

kvlk 

ㅋㅋㅋ

Sleepy – “I discovered Rap Monster… And unreleased tracks from pre-debut” (Interview)

Rapper Sleepy talked about stories in relation to boy group BTS’ Rap Monster and Jin.

Sleepy, who will be making a comeback with the digital single “Whatever I Want” on September 10th, held an interview with the Sports Today editorial department located in Seoul Gangnam-gu Nonhyeon-dong on the afternoon of September 8th.

Sleepy says that he personally discovered Rap Monster, the leader of the group BTS, who won Top Social Artist at the Billboard Music Awards this past May. Once this truth was known, BTS fans went on to say “Where is Sleepy-nim. I need to bow in his direction”, and would call him “God-leepy (God+Sleepy).”

When asked about the story between Sleepy and Rap Monster, he answered “Rap Monster was the first BTS member to be casted. He got to this point because he did well. But if it weren’t for me, it might not have happened (laughter). I take pride in the fact that I discovered him.”

Having seen Rap Monster while he was active in the underground scene, Sleepy got his phone number and referred it over to producer Pdogg of Big Hit Entertainment. After that, Rap Monster went through the process of becoming a trainee at Big Hit Entertainment and would end up debuting as a part of BTS.

Sleepy said that “recently, I opened up a hard drive that I used a long time ago. Inside it were raps that Rap Monster had written when he went by his pre-debut name of ‘Runch Randa’. There were around 10 songs in reserve.” He went on to say that “it was Rap Monster rapping with the beats that I’d made. The feeling is quite different when I listen to it now. He rapped a verse that said 'Sleepy hyung might be sleepy, but stay by me, Randa boy’.” After explaining, he showed us that particular rap.

He also revealed that he’d like to collaborate with Rap Monster. Sleepy said that “when I recently met with Rap Monster, we both had coffee and a slice of tiramisu cake. While talking with him, I said that we should do a collaboration, and it’s currently still in discussion.”

But Sleepy has also formed a connection with BTS member Jin after returning from SBS’ “Law of the Jungle.” When asked if he’s recently been in contact with Jin, Sleep said that “he likes me. Our chords (personalities) match. We’ve also recently had a meal together. He wanted to eat sea snails, so we found a place in Nonhyeon-dong that cooks sea snails and ate there. The place had a lot of people, so it was very crowded, and I remember the three of us sitting together in a small space and eating.”

To follow on that story, he said “Jin called me and asked what I was doing. He said that he wanted stir-fried octopus right this instant. He said he was hungry and we should eat. He said that none of the members were at the dorm. And so I met with Jin in front of the dorm and took him to go eat stir-fried octopus.”

But there was a reversal after they finished their meal. Sleepy said that “on the way back after eating, Jin got a call from Jimin. He asked, 'Hyung, where are you?’ Jin said, 'No one was at the dorm so I went out with Sleepy hyung to eat.’ But then Jimin said that he was at the dorm. Turns out Jin didn’t know that Jimin actually in the dorm.”  

[orig. article] Trans cr: Christie @ allforbts © Please take credit when taking out

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I personally don’t like being an adult. Being an adult comes at a price. You are now faced with a reality which kind of pressures you to chase after stability and security so they become your new dream. That’s why I don’t consider myself or rather don’t want to consider myself as an adult. Sure, my age will define as an adult but I want to be a teenage-adult who is still chasing after his dream. I wish you can be like that too. Stay innocent, be naive. But still dream big. Dream big to the point that it is beyond your ability and endeavour to achieve it. So dream big and don’t lose your innocence.

Min Yoongi