dillysqually - Tumblr blog

[dillysqually]

[dillysqually]

James Baldwin talking about love

[dillysqually]

I think ‘I adore you’ is such a wonderful phrase,, it’s so soft and loving and feels so safe and comforting

[dillysqually]

I want this dress

[dillysqually]

Recognising that I have a pattern of going back (not necessarily romantically, but interacting with them) to men that once made me feel safe because I have so few secure and consistent male attachments in my life.

I feel unsafe so I’m hoping that they can make me feel safe again like they did before, even though ultimately they likely did not keep me emotionally safe before, but it was the closest thing that I had, so I’m clinging to it.

As I’m writing I’m also realising that this is likely why it has always been so hard for me to let go of romantic attachments.

Join me on my journey as I therapise myself through intellectualising my emotions because a decent therapist is focken esspensive 🥴

What makes me extra sad is that I was trying to remedy my emotional wounds at least in part by fixing my relationship with my dad and trying to form a secure attachment in the last few years after he moved back to the U.K., but he died before we could fix it properly..

[dillysqually]

Still trying to figure out how to get myself to drink enough water. Flasks aren’t it, I know that much at least.

[dillysqually]

Two hours to my first birthday without my dad alive, sitting here having flashbacks of him laying on the floor, getting cold.

Today has been sensationally shit. For so many reasons.

Everything feels shit.

[dillysqually]

Fear the man who feels powerless, for he may stop at nothing to regain control.

[dillysqually]

Firmly back in the grip of depression.

Waking up every morning and sighing because I have to do another day…

[dillysqually]

The intrusive thoughts have started again… I’m in so much pain

[dillysqually]

I don’t think I’m processing this.

[dillysqually]

[dillysqually]

It’s true. I think I’m relatively good at the listening part, but trying to get better

communication isn’t just about how u talk, it’s about how u listen too

[dillysqually]

[dillysqually]

I’ve never felt a love this safe. This secure. This abundant. This pure. This passionate. This beautiful. Please don’t listen to people saying this type of love doesn’t exist. That these types of men don’t exist. They do. They truly do. This type of love rarely ever (if ever) finds you when you’re looking for it. This type of love comes when you’re so in love with yourself, you attract your better half. I couldn’t be more grateful for the introspection I did before I met him. I fell deeper in love with myself and the man of my dreams found me. Real, genuine, passionate, pure love does exist.

[dillysqually]

[dillysqually]