direbeta-archive

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guess who’s back, bitches.*

*as soon as i get off work and get everything situated.

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I miss Isaac. I miss my Lydia. I miss having an actual muse.

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tfln meme

[ text ] I love seeing you outside a bar. It’s like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs. [ text ] Can I just say that you’re probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am? [ text ] It’s like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus. [ text ] You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning. [ text ] When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7? [ text ] So last night took an interesting turn. Never thought I’d say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club. [ text ] Clearly I’m trying to change the world one fuck at a time. [ text ] Get home. Someone threw up in the fish tank last night. [ text ] Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I’m glad to see someone else’s life is a bigger joke than mine. [ text ] You were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of French toast. [ text ] Well, he’s moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy. Since you are my only pregnant friend, I’m going to need you to pee on this stick for me. [ text ] No, I didn’t go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I’m having a naked day. [ text ] In case you’re wondering what frozen hash browns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame. [ text ] Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning, we were still fucking. It just didn’t stop. [ text ] She might as well just lie down with one of those red “Easy” buttons next to her. [ text ] I would eat my own dick if it were covered in Nutella. [ text ] I feel like telling him your vagina’s older than him was not a good pick up line. [ text ] I’m fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life? [ text ] I don’t think I’ve ever had this many people offer to blow my before. 3 o’clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.

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tfln starters

[ text ] He was playing drums on Rock Band as I poured Bailey’s into his mouth. Tell me that’s not a bonding moment. [ text ]  In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.." [ text ] I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis. [ text ] You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow. [ text ] I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral... [ text ] Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America. [ text ] I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11. [ text ] Yeah that's one way to look at it. On the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE [ text ] I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again. [ text ] I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now. [ text ] She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided. [ text ] Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!" [ text ] My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help. [ text ] You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there. [ text ] I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks. [ text ] I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die. [ text ] oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it [ text ] Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand. [ text ] Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed [ text ] I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina. [ text ] REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES. [ text ] I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment [ text ] So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....

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                                    i just have voices in my head

[credit.]

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HEY LOOK I'VE MOVED

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haleignited:

"Don’t push it, Lahey."

"It's not my fault that's the first time I think I've ever heard you be kind of nice."

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bravexbanshee:

{ Lydia } And I have the perfect pink panties for you too.

{ Isaac } ... { Isaac } no.

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your-throat-my-teeth:

[ DH ] not a fan of those things [ DH ] they just get in the way

{ Isaac } that's... really nice to know. { Isaac } and it sounds like you have experience. { Isaac } i don't want to know.

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{ Isaac } give me three good reasons i should get out of bed though

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Jason Momoa for Men’s Health UK October issue (x)

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bravexbanshee:

{ Lydia } The stench of your jealousy is so overpowering that I could make it into the world’s worst cologne. 

{ Isaac } i don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

direbeta 

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... I actually was gonna do shit today but then photoshop happened and I've had to start on the same batch of icons three times now because I keep fucking up. And frustration to the point of tears and rping don't mix very well.

I don’t have anything to do today but I woke up with another fucking migraine and I can’t tell if it’s from my Metformin because a side effect of it is headaches or if it’s from where I’m trying to stop drinking pop/caffeine but oh my god it hurts so fucking bad I can barely see to type this right now I took three excedrin a few minutes ago so I’m gonna go lay back down. I’ll be on later to actually do shit and reply to things.

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LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT

This moron