discyours - Tumblr blog

[discyours]

Watch the joy in my eyes die after a woman says she would love to be in the trades but doesn't want to get sexually harassed all day.

Like that's fair, but the reason why there is so much sexual harassment is because, in part, there are not enough women in the industry. Are you just waiting on men to stop being assholes on their own? Things won't change unless you do something about it

[discyours]

My bf and I had guests over for the first time since we moved in together and it's actually crazy how much I've internalized the feeling that our house not being "homely" (no decorations etc because idk how long we'll stay in this apartment and I really don't care enough to spend money on it) should be a source of shame for me, something I should be insecure about, something I might be judged for

If anything he's the less frugal person with the larger disposable income and more experience living on his own but I've had so many people treat me like a housewife just because I'm a woman on disability who's now cohabiting with a male partner that I've started to anticipate being judged for not being a good one

[discyours]

I agree with some nuance. I think trying to talk your partner into enduring pain because you get off on it is disgusting and a lot of the doms I've met are simply bad people even within the context of only seeking out women who are already into kink. I've met a lot of doms who get off not on inflicting pain (which some people enjoy) but on inflicting suffering, specifically because they enjoy the power of making someone do something they don't enjoy, or because they simply get off on seeing someone be miserable. IMO those men are dangerous and I will quite happily kinkshame them. On the other hand, within the context of people who genuinely enjoy the sensation of physical pain, I don't think it's inherently wrong for someone to enjoy inflicting pain on their partner. Not if you only enjoy it because you know they do.

I need to see BDSM haters go on rants about the evils of capsaicin

[discyours]

I reblogged bc as an autistic person who's used pain to regulate myself since very early childhood (ranging from innocently kicking my leg against stuff to severe self harm to yeah just spicy food) I have slowly moved away from believing that all bdsm is abuse that you're conditioned to endure, pretty much exactly due to the argument written above. Yeah we're not biologically meant to seek enjoyment this way but for whatever weird reason it still feels good to some people and that's fine as long as there's no actual danger.

"Enjoying consensually inflicted pain can be akin to enjoying spicy food" =/= condoning strangling your partner though. It's gone terrifyingly mainstream because of the porn industry but I know people who have been into heavy bdsm for decades who still won't even consider it because it's fucking dangerous. Not being against literally all bdsm on the basis that pain is always bad and abusive doesn't mean dropping all criticism of any and all practices that occur within bdsm.

I need to see BDSM haters go on rants about the evils of capsaicin

[discyours]

I need to see BDSM haters go on rants about the evils of capsaicin

[discyours]

Some of you have this really weird concept of “penis repulsion” as if it’s somehow an unnatural response that has nothing to do/is in fact incompatible with simply not being attracted to them.

Let me explain. You know worms right? Like, actual earth worms that live in the ground. 

These little fellas.

I have no strong feelings about them one way or another. They’re kind of weird looking and some of the things they do are objectively pretty gross, but seeing one doesn’t like, ruin my day. If i was still in school and walked into my biology class to find this

hanging on the wall, I would be 100% capable of looking at the diagram and taking in the information without having any type of averse reaction. Nor any type of positive reaction. I feel extremely neutral about earth worms is what I’m trying to say. 

Now imagine if other people didn’t feel so neutral about earth worms. In fact, just under half the population really likes them. And they’re not just especially interested in educational diagrams about worms; they fucking eat them. They think eating a raw worm just pulled straight out of the ground is one of the most enjoyable experiences imaginable.

You’d think the other half of the population understands, because they don’t want to eat worms. But they’re even worse because they fucking love feeding people worms. They love it even more than everyone else loves eating them. And they fucking run society and spread their pro worm-eating propaganda everywhere. Whenever you pirate a TV show you end up on a site that has several images like this

sitting right next to whatever you’re watching. Whenever you try to talk to people on the internet people bombard you with pictures of worms they have prepared for you to eat, worms which they fully expect you to find appetising. Maybe one or two people even tried forcing worms into your mouth, because they were convinced you’d love them once you tried them. Do you think you’d still feel the same about seeing worms in a world like that? Even in a neutral environment, do you think you’d ever be able to look at a worm again without thinking about how you’re expected to want to eat them, without recalling people’s unsolicited graphic descriptions about how they love nothing more than to feeling of worms wiggling down their throats as they’re eating them? And do you think you’d feel any more comfortable if people started telling you about different kinds of worms, ones that technically aren’t earth worms, ones that have a much more appetising texture that shouldn’t even be compared to earth worms. Wouldn’t that still disgust you, and wouldn’t it be fucking weird if people responded to that by getting offended that you were still insistent on not wanting to eat any fucking worms? 

I realise this is a weird post but I watched a contrapoints video about “mouthfeel” and I needed to say… something.

PS: I realise some cultures do eat worms. If anyone needs me to come up with a more inclusive analogy for not liking dick just let me know. 

[discyours]

“waaah i always feel like a prey animal that’s being hunted down… i’m literally just an anxious little bunny girl 🥺” actually you’re an adult specimen of an apex predator species and you better start acting like it bc you’re giving me and all normal women secondhand embarrassment 😒

[discyours]

Not to be all crunchy granola conspiracy theorist but acrylic nails are literally made out of micro plastics (and return to micro plastics when they’re ground off) and there’s comparatively little regulation as to what goes into cosmetics, and using false lashes involves sticking glue right next to your ocular mucosa, which is more vulnerable to absorbing germs and chemicals than skin, and most hair dye is literally so bad for you that you’re not supposed to use it when you’re pregnant.

It’s just not good for you and it is completely avoidable.

I’m not suggesting all chemicals are evil and we need to make everything from scratch, but I do think that it’s something to be considered.

[discyours]

when i was a kid i found an anti-new jersey fb group & as someone from new jersey i took it really personally for some reason, so I'd go on there and on an almost daily basis I'd make posts like "wont you visit our beautiful coastline? :)" and all the comments were like "i hope you get run over by a car" and it would give me insane anxiety but i kept doing it

[discyours]

[discyours]

[discyours]

"life doesnt get better, you just get stronger" does NOT include ages 11-17. life does in fact just get better from there. those years are dogshit. like, you do get stronger but its mostly just a factor of not being 11-17 anymore. positive thinking helps but it doesnt fix whatevers going on at 15, you have to brute force through that one raw

[discyours]

[discyours]

Did you ever entertain the idea that maybe trans movement has the potential to be the ultimate equalizer? If birth sex is not a lifelong sentence and people who prefer to be one over the other, to have the body of one over the other, to have sex in a way that having the body that they feel more connected to and are more comfortable with allows to, function as one over the other in society and be recognized as one, wouldn’t it mean that there’s no place left for oppression and inequality in a sense that we know it now? If the surgeries on pair with hormone therapy progress and the results start to be indistinguishable pretty much making you the member of the opposite sex you were born as wouldn’t that solve the majority of issues not only of people who don’t feel like the body they were born in is truly theirs but would it not erase the inequality between sexes as we know it now and potentially end the oppression of women?

You're not the first person to suggest that but ultimately this mindset holds women who do not wish to be treated the way society treats women responsible for not just changing what they are, which is incredibly backwards. I don't want to be treated like having a uterus makes me inferior to men. I also don't want to have to cut it out to prove that I shouldn't be treated like that. I never medically transitioned but even as someone who has the privilege of passing as male very consistently with just a few surface-level changes to my appearance, going back to the way I looked when I identified as trans just in the hopes of being left alone the way I was then would be exhausting. I don't want to constantly have to worry if people can clock that I was born female and even if medicine advanced to the point where medical transition is extremely consistent, and free, nobody should be expected to undergo that just to get society to treat them the way they want.

There's also just realistic constraints to transitioning. A lot of the discrimination women face is an indirect result of being "the childbearing sex" and uterus transplants don't seem like they'll ever be viable, meaning society will never stop benefiting from oppressing individuals born with uteruses in ways that ensure they'll bear more children to keep society running.

[discyours]

What if in some theoretical future we take out All the stereotypes and biases of gender-what do you think of raising boys and girls exactly the same way to assure true equality? Is it realistic?

I don't believe true equality is achievable, no. I think society does a lot to create differences where there don't need to be any, as well as exaggerating and even "enforcing" minor biological differences. I've talked quite a lot about how I think it's virtually impossible to truly seperate nature from nurture due to how prone to social influence humans are from a young age.

But I am pretty certain that things like differences in aggression (and proneness to commit violent and sexual crimes) have a biological root that you can't eliminate through socialisation. The massive gap in violent crime committed by men vs women that persists across cultures and has been observed throughout history just seems too consistent to explain by just "men are taught to be violent". And I do say this as someone who's been physically abused by women. Anecdotes don't take away from statistics.

There's also physical differences that are bound to lead to some inequality in how society runs. A woman with fortunate genetics would still need to work 10x as hard as a man to be equally suited for physical labour that involves a lot of upper body strength, and most of us can't reach that level period no matter how much work we put in. I regularly see "men's rights activists" quoting statistics on workplace deaths being something like 90% male to prove that men are discriminated against, but realistically I don't think there's any good ways of replacing half the workforce in (most of) those jobs with women. The focus should be on improving labour conditions overall rather than ensuring that half of the people dying are female, and obviously hostile work environments that push women out should still be addressed regardless. But 50/50 equality? Just not gonna happen no matter how kind everyone is to each other.

The struggle isn't in identifying whether there's any way to become completely equal, but in how to deal with the differences that we do have. Like, how do you warn your daughters that men are often unsafe to be around without sending the message to your sons that their future violence is simply something to be expected. How do you acknowledge that most primary parents are female without inadvertently reinforcing that it's supposed to be a women's job. I don't have answers. I don't think the approach of "pretend there are no real differences and shame anyone who observes otherwise as being to blame for sexism" has ever worked but openly acknowledging the differences in the way the average person does it almost always leads to them being strengthened, so yeah idk.

[discyours]

Life update if anyone cares, living with my bf is going amazingly well relationship wise but general-life-wise I'm struggling a lot. I didn't have any friends in my home town and I didn't expect to make any when I moved here (I honestly have just never had the energy to maintain more than one relationship at a time) but living hours away from my family has been really hard.

Moreso than that is that moving has meant being dropped by my mental healthcare provider and the waiting list in this new city is still "unknown" over half a year after being signed up with them. I've had weekly support at minimum for over ten years and now it's nothing. It's been years since I seriously considered suicide but I've run back into periods of suicidality because I don't know how to cope anymore. I asked my GP about medication as a last ditch effort (I've only ever had terrible experiences with psych meds but I need something) and finally got an email back today saying I can only get medication through a treatment provider, ie suck it up until the mystery waiting list is over.

I've virtually stopped going outside without my partner due to anxiety. I'm remembering that my disability assesment report said I never went anywhere without my mom and that struggling to go out alone isn't exactly a new development, but I guess I forgot how dependent I was on my home environment. If nothing else I walked the dog with my mom every day.

I've gone from being in denial about my autism to realizing I am not only autistic but a lot more affected by it than I thought was possible for people with "aspergers" (yes I was diagnosed when that label was still used, yes I still managed to be in denial about it up until recently regardless). I knew I was on disability and I knew I wasn't able to finish school, albeit because of a variety of other diagnoses I blamed it on. But now I know it's definitely not OCD that causes me to freeze up on the couch all day often unable to even go to the bathroom until my partner comes home. I absolutely used to be severely depressed but I don't think that's an issue anymore. I don't lack enjoyment for life. I am really enjoying living with my partner and there are parts of every single day that I profoundly enjoy. I am just severely struggling to function and don't know how to deal with it or even wrap my head around it. Because I didn't realize how bad it was before. Even when I went months without going outside except for middle of the night walks because I was too anxious to be seen by people, even when I only ever ate because of my mother prompting me to. I never considered that my issues could be due to a developmental disability. It's not like nobody told me about the diagnosis. I was there for it. My mom used to blow up at me and hit me for not making eye contact, I had an ex who would tell me I was "fucking autistic" and forbid me from speaking around his friends because I was so obviously socially not-normal. And yet I didn't really connect the dots on being actually autistic, and actually affected by it, until I moved out and got hit in the face with my inability to function independently. And now I'm here.

[discyours]

The point is that being a heterosexual trans person and displaying this sexually entitled behavior =/= automatically having a fetish like autogynephilia. The divide is rooted in straight privilege. The entitlement is rooted in straight privilege. Not in some kind of universal fetish.

Hot take but the reason heterosexual trans people are so much more sexually entitled than homosexual (and even bi) trans people isn’t because all “gay trans boys” are fujoshis, or because of some rigid binary between homosexual transsexuals and autogynephiles.

It’s because they grew up straight. 

Those of us who grew up attracted to the same sex may have been bitter about our straight crushes at some point, but we grew past it quickly. We didn’t just learn that they wouldn’t like us back, we learned not to complain about it not to seem predatory. We already realised and came to terms with the fact that we have an incredibly small dating pool when we were younger.

Heterosexuals grow up in a world where everyone they’re attracted to is assumed to be an option by default. And when they aren’t, it’s completely normal to complain about it. How often do straight girls actually get called predatory for being sad that the cute boy in their class is gay?

When het trans people come out they may have made their own decision to shrink their dating pool by refusing to date straight people who “won’t see them as their real gender”, but everything outside of their control is completely new to them. They’re genuinely hurt that most people they’re interested in won’t like them back, and baffled that anyone’s dating pool could really be as small as people are telling them theirs is now. Meanwhile I’ve met 4 out lesbians in my entire life and haven’t thought getting a girlfriend would be straightforward or even likely since I was like 7. 

All of these indepth analyses claiming their sexual entitlement stems from a deeply rooted fetish are overcomplicating things. It’s just straight privilege.