disisacrazyplanet

[disisacrazyplanet]

Sa kagustuhan mong umangat, hihilahin ka nila pababa.

Huwag ka kasi masyadong pabibo sa mundong ginagalawan mo. Magpasalamat ka at nandyan ka at dyan ka nilagay. Huwag mong kakalimutan nantingalain ang mga taong nagbigay sayo ng opurtunidad. Huwag kang pabibo, na akala mo kung sino ka na at malayo na ang narating mo para i-angat ang sarili mo. Wala naman masama sa ginagawa mo, madalas. Pero sa mga sablay mo, sa mga banat mo, tandaan mo, hihilahin ka pababa ng mga kagustuhan mo.

You desire, you suffer.

Kaya huwag kang kampante na kontrolado mo ang lahat, kahit ako nga na nasa mataas na lugar, hindi kampante sa sitwasyon, ikaw pa kaya na tinutungo ko lang.

Huwag ka din masyadong pabibo, dahil kung inaakala mo na ako ay iyong mahahadlangan, nagkakamali ka. Dahil sa totoo lang, madami kang natatapakan na tao aa kagagawan mo.

Sa kagustuhan mong umangat, hihilahin ka nila pababa. Tandaan mo yan.

Paa sa lupa, mata sa langit.

[disisacrazyplanet]

I felt a sudden realization that I am no longer in chains. I have now the freedom to choose. It felt like everything is falling into its natural order. I am no longer in pain. No burden to keep. It felt like a pair of wings suddenly grew into my mind to fly and think that I can do the things I really wanted to do with nothing or anyone restrains me from doing the things I've loved to do. It feels like I am free of worries. I wish this would last.

Maybe I should take this opportunity to thank the persons who belittle me, betrayed me, hurted me, poisoned me, wronged me, and even those who tried to kill me, I thank you. Because you people, are my living testimony that I am struggling, pushing hard, and moving forward. Because of you, my motivation to do more, soars high. And I will prove to you all, that you were wrong.

I also would like to thank the most important person who showed me love and shine a light upon my darkness even if I'm in a situation that I am most unlovable. Thank you, Gerjie.

PAA SA LUPA, MATA SA LANGIT.

[disisacrazyplanet]

Once in a while you need to check what you feel towards a certain aspect of your past. So that you'll know how to deal with it today. It's also to check whether the path you've chosen was the right one. This also means that if a person did you anything wrong, or you think they've caused you nothing but troubles all along, you may totally elimanate them out of your life. After all, people can be stupid as fuck. No exemptions. Healthy mindset leads to a happy life. Throw a middle-finger salute to those people who have wronged you. That's the only fuck you should give to any negativity. You'll be hurt, but then move on. Life goes on. Lead a happy life. People can be stupid as fuck. Don't give a shit. Live life. People will judge you. Though it doesn't says anything about you. It says alot about them. No fucks should be given. Motivation. Motivation. Motivation is not enough. ACT. Act now!

[disisacrazyplanet]

Cutting off ties with toxic influences

I understand that there are some people who're really annoying but tolerable. Though admit it, there are certain people that who are being toxic to us, here are some indicators that they’re “toxic”:

They’re judgmental. Constructive criticism is healthy, but persistent, unwarranted criticism can deteriorate anyone’s self-esteem.

They feed off drama. Have you ever turned to a family member for some personal advice? Yet, somehow after you’ve shared your most vulnerable moments with them—someone you thought was a trusted ally—somehow everyone in your family knows everything about your personal life (including your distant cousin in Hungary, who you’ve never met).

They gaslight you. If your family member continually claims they never said something, when you and everyone else knows they did, it might not seem that serious. However, this is a form of gaslighting, which is highly emotionally abusive behavior.  

They only talk to you when they need something from you. Often, they’ll go to you for advice or emotional comfort. But once you turn to them for support, they dismiss your needs or hold your personal information against you.

They flip-flop between positive and negative reinforcement. They can lash out at you, yell and insult you. However, once you ignore them after this senseless attack, they’ll likely coax you back into their trap by offering you pseudo-praise and support. Typically these positive interactions are short-lived before this individual goes back to their typical manipulative behavior.

Toxic relationships, even with family members, can drain you emotionally, which can impact your overall mental well-being. Nevertheless, you shouldn’t accept this as the status quo. 

[disisacrazyplanet]

Tagpuan

“At hindi, di mapaliwanag, Ang nangyari sa akin, Saksi ang lahat ng tala, Sa iyong panalangin,  Pano nasagot lahat ng bakit?“ 

-Moira

This time, I really believe that there are things or person that only meant to teach us a lesson in life. People don’t usually stay if they no longer see any benefits having you on their side. Well, they have all the rights to do so. Everybody has the rights to decide whether to stay or to leave. Though always remember that not everybody fights for something they want, you’re lucky enough if you found someone who’s willing to beg you to love them back, even if it looks stupid. However, in some cases, even if you found that someone, you’re already unsure of what will happen in your relationship, so you’ll end up leaving this person and regretting it after you’ve realized what you’ve done. 

I’ve learned to embrace the changes since it’s just the way it is. Things will never be the same. My memories rest in peace now. 

People really come and go, we cannot force them to stay. They have their own lives after all. It’s true that we accept the love we think we deserve, but looking in a higher ground, I’ve realized that we really choose our own poison, and pray for the strength to resist that poison. No matter what other people say to you, their opinion doesn’t really have weight, it doesn’t matter. If you really think you deserve that person, what other people says doesn't matter. Besides, only you can decide what you want for your life. 

[disisacrazyplanet]

Bakit kayo naghiwalay ni Jesika? (Answer in one or two word)

The relationship was too toxic. She falls out of love and I had to accept that fact. Now, I’m happy and I’m moving on. Is there anything else that you would like to know? 

[disisacrazyplanet]

Reassurance

Reassurance; Who doesn’t want to know that they’re wanted by someone they want, like, or love. Everybody loves to feel that they’re wanted, everybody does. The world is cruel enough, stop being a nuisance to another soul. We should be looking in their eyes as if we are looking to the stars above. That’s the universe unfolding right before your eyes. As much as possible, show that you care, show what you are, or who you are. We are living in this world which is full of drudgery and trickery, be the better person always. As I see it, the planet needs more people who can give their affirmations, understanding, assurance, and efforts towards another soul. It starts with you, do know that you are worthy and you are wanted. Never rush things.

[disisacrazyplanet]

Feel vulnerable, Be vulnerable.

Though scary, but being vulnerable to someone whom you trust is one of the greatest feelings a human being can ever feel. Those things that you feel when you think about her, those sensations that your body feels. It’s such an awe. The warmth that you feel when you’re beside her, it feels like home. It’s a feeling that one couldn’t resist. Whenever you feel vulnerable, let the universe do the work. You’ll come to see that the universe is unfolding right before your eyes as it should be. Experience it, embrace it, and treasure it.

[disisacrazyplanet]

Emotions, sucks.

I feel like a shit. There’s a surge of unexplained feelings rushing towards me. There’s something in my mind that pushing myself to the limits. I thought I was done with those feelings. I thought I was doing great, I thought those feelings would never come back again. I don’t know what I was going through right now. There’s guilt, anger, hatred, sorrow, all together. I was having suicidal thoughts but not like the one you think. It’s just I want to put an end to those feelings I’m having right now. It feels like a wound that’s being opened up again and again. It sucks. It literally sucks up the life out of me. I would do everything to get back to the old new version of me. Human emotions really suck. It really destroys one’s life. I’m having a disagreement with my own thoughts. I’m trying my best to become positive as much as possible. I’m trying to be aware of my own thoughts and actions. I’m trying to evaluate all the things that go through my mind. I’m trying to be mature as much as possible. But the thing is, that I’m constantly bombarded with shits, and all the troubles that I have in my mind, I’m like going through a storm right here.  I don’t even know what to do anymore, the heck, I was even thinking about ending everything once and for all, but that’s not me. I know that it’s just a fraction of my thoughts, and I can control that thought, and I know to myself that I’m bigger than my thoughts. I know that I can do great things. I know that I can be great. I was once a great man with her, with that woman, I was great. But now, I’m scared to do anything. It’s just I lost my trust to any woman. It’s the truth. I can’t even do a thing for my new chapter. I cannot make an effort to do such a thing. Because I’m scared as fuck. I even lose my shit sometimes. I’m being driven by anger and hatred. I’m not living the life I wanted it to be. I’m not living my life as it supposed to be.  I’m on the verge of giving everything up. I don’t know what to do anymore.  

But with all the things I’ve said, I still consider myself a very lucky person. Because I still have those friends that guide me through the light I even wasn’t able to see. They’re there to support me even though they know that I’m being a devil in a form of a human. They’re the one who makes me human as much as possible. They’re there to make me sane in this cruel world. They’re there to help. All thanks to them, I’m still able to pick up all the pieces of humanity I still left with. I hope that this is just a phase. Wait… I believe that THIS is just a phase. I’ll eventually get through this shit, I’ll eventually forget what she has done to me. I’ll eventually forget her. I’ll move on with my life. I’ll be strong enough to face all my fears, I’ll try my best to be strong for every challenge that comes along the way. I can do this! I’ll be strong enough to be happy alone with my own, I’ll be happy with who I am. I will be who I want to be. I am who I am.

[disisacrazyplanet]

How are you?

The answer to your question would depend on my mood. Right now, I’m good. Yesterday was not so great. I still feel that void in my heart. So, I’m not okay. 

[disisacrazyplanet]

for she is nothing more than a mere memory, and memories are meant to be forgotten.

lunnatikka  (via wnq-writers)

[disisacrazyplanet]

After a heartbreak, focus on yourself.

After a break-up, you may try to do all sort of things that will make your loved one come back to you, even the stupidest thing. Of course, knowing that you’ve given your hundred percent to that person, you’ll try hard to fix what’s already broken. After doing that for several days, months, or even years, you’ll grow tired. It’s not that because you stop loving them, but it’s because you realized that it’s now pointless. But it’s natural to humans to get tired, be tired of chasing people. 

If you’re at this point in your life right now, after a massive heartbreak, I think it’s time to give yourself time. Heal yourself, be selfish once in a while, think about what’s good for you, think about your future without those people who tried to hurt you and leave you. 

Focus on yourself. Let me tell you that, that relationship took a huge toll on you. You put your work aside, you put your friends aside, you put your family aside. And the worst thing, you forgot yourself. You lose yourself in that relationship. 

Now the thing is that you should give yourself time now. Time for you to find yourself again. You can use this time to re-invest in your own happiness and your own fulfillment. 

Do what you are passionate about. Do the things that make you excited. Do the things that drives you and motivates you.

In this point of time, you may realize that you should stop being hard on yourself. It’s time to accept that whatever tragedy or heartbreak happened to you is now a moment of the past. Accept that they're gone. They are not the same person anymore. Accept it, embrace it, and eventually, you’ll soon find yourself truly and genuinely happy. 

[disisacrazyplanet]

If you could only erase memory.

Heartbreak can be crippling. There are moments when waking up is so painful because you are greeted by memories you wish could be relived. The whole world aims to remind you of the love you have lost. If only memories could be conveniently erased.

[disisacrazyplanet]

When was the last time you look into someone's eyes very closely, like you're trying to look right into their soul?

Unknown

[disisacrazyplanet]

People will hurt and you will hurt them, too. And I think, that’s life; finding the ones who are worth the pain.

L.D (via wnq-writers)

[disisacrazyplanet]

“I almost killed myself too, seriously. “

It’s been a while since I wrote something here. A few weeks back, I found my moon. Well, we all know that I’ve been through hell these past few months. Darkness embraces me once again, wolves of terror lurking, voices of the night owls that hymns hatred in my ears, It’s fucking dreadful. I can’t believe I’m still here, alive. Even though it drains all the life out of me. And I almost killed myself too, seriously. 

Oh wait, I’m dead inside already. 

However, with all the things I’ve said and done. It’s all part of the past now. I know that some of those things are not good into the eyes of other people. Heck, that I would regret what I’ve done. To hell with them. I don’t care about what they feel about what I’ve done, I was doing it for myself. I’m mad, I’m losing myself, I’m losing almost everything, and especially I’m losing my will to live. So why the fuck would I care about what other people feel about that. But I realized that I was losing friends too, with that kind of attitude. I have to stop it. It was destroying me, or I was destroying myself, rather.

It eases the pain a little bit, but I’d to sacrifice a greater deal of things that really matter in order for my soul to get satisfied. Then I decided to stop. I decided to stop all the things that would further hurt me, and all the people around me, and I started looking for distractions. I indulge myself to do great things, things that I didn’t do before. Things that would help me overcome all the shits out of me.

Then I was looking for the stars when I found my moon. She helps me overcome what I’ve been through until now, and I’m happy about it. Maybe, bad things are just meant to happen once in a while, you know. But it doesn’t and will never define who you really are. 

“The greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.” ― Martha Washington

P.S If killing him is wrong, I don’t want to be right. 

[disisacrazyplanet]

Umaapaw

Gusto kong bigkasin lahat ng nararamdaman ko sa himig ng kantang “Umaapaw” ng Ang Bandang Shirley.

Una sa lahat, isang awit na sobrang sarap sa tenga na sobrang saya kapag iniisip. Nakikita ko nalang sarili ko habang magisa, nakangiti. Tuwa’t galak na sobrang nakakabighani.  

Mata’y nasilaw sa kanyang ganda, gandang hindi kayang tumbasan ng kahit anong halaga. Antok at pagod, napapawi sa tuwing siya’y nakikita. 

Damdamin ko’y umaapaw.

Labi, halik na ninanais. Sa tuwing labi ko’y dumadampi, may puwersang hindi ko kayang ipaintindi sa iba ang bumabalot sa aking damdamin. Sa bawat matatamis na salita, buong puso ko’y inaalay. 

Yakap, higpit ng mga braso sa kanyang pagkadiin, nararamdaman kong ito ay tunay. Init, tinig at tamis sa araw-araw.

Damdamin ko’y umaapaw.

Handang sabihin at ipakita, lahat ng aking nadarama ay bibigkasin ng lubos at totoo. 'Wag pigilin ang pagbugso.

Puso, hahayaang paganahin, Sa muling pagkikita, mayroong dadalhing magandang balita na maghahatid ng ngiti sa kanyang mga labi. 

Talumpati sa harap ng isang tao, walang ibang kailangan, isa’t isa ay maiintindihan kahit salita ay hindi bigkasin.  Dahil lahat kabisado. 

Buo ang loob ko sa'yo.

Ganito ako kasigurado. Sarili ay hahayaang magpakatotoo. Tunay na anyo ay ipaparamdam. Init, tinig at tamis. 

Awit, Yakap at halik. Ibibigay ang lahat, lahat ng kayang ibigay. Puso ay ang tanging puhunan. 

Ikaw ang tubig na papawi sa'king uhaw

Pagibig ko'y umaapaw.