dismalstation

[dismalstation]

12/30/2024 — the rain came in bursts.

People drop off like hens in the summer, unsurprising and inevitable. Days blend into nights, it is easy to lose your grasp on time when nothing seems to keep these things anchored to reality. Though, I do find ways to pass the hours. Mainly back and forth games that act like chess in my mind, playing out scenarios, imagining futures, most of the time is spent writing over the past. Creating little alterations.

Buy a gun, move down south, sell the house.

But there is no house to sell. Its a joke I like to tell to myself, as if I could ever own a house. For now, I am stuck here between cracked walls and singed carpet.

I think of resolutions, ways to fulfill the looming sense of complacency and drabness within a monotonous life. I wonder how many gym memberships will be purchased within the week, I wonder how many will be untouched by 6 months. Smokers will ponder the patch and alcoholics will consider a month off the bottle. I think smoking and drinking go hand in hand, just like anxiety and depression. Maybe the four are a brilliant combination of their own. People don't find this funny, I do.

I hope to end the evening on my knees. Either hurling or sat in prayer. I figure porcelain is the closest you can get to God.