disorderrd

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I feel zero connection to the world and myself

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*sigh* why am i better than everyone

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me after interacting with someone for 5 seconds: zzzzzzzzz

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should have killed myself when i had the energy

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most acquaintances can agree on both sides that you’re only acquaintances.

a stock friend usually is someone who cares about you much more than you care about them, a person who considers you a genuine friend that you do not, someone you “allow” to remain close to you while you care none.

at the end of the day, it mostly means “someone i make myself interact with because they seem to want to interact with me,” so i can understand why “acquaintance” sounds just about the same. there’s just a really strong underlying level of “honestly leave me alone,” for me at least lmao

hey could you define stock friend?

“stock friend” is an szpd term that refers to people who would probably define you as Their friend but, as we have little desire for relationships, we wouldn’t necessarily consider them Ours

they’re around, and we’re most likely friendly towards them, but they’re not someone we’re genuinely attached to. they could leave us without warning to no protest, they’re mostly just kept for convenience/because it’s easier to let them stay than make them go

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me, starting friendship w someone: attention is worth the exhaustion of faking emotions. i need attention.

me, 2 weeks later, lying on the floor: it’s not….. worth it…….

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i’m so overwhelmingly tired of being alive

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Me, reading my old posts: Pfffft- Oh my god, I was so edgy. It's embarrassing, stop-

Me, ten minutes later: I am God. I am chaos. I am sin.

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i need love and devotion that i can turn on and off

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*sits down next to you and sympathetically looks into your eyes* i don’t care

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90% of me talking is just a reflex.

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Finding out people care about me is such an uncomfortable experience. Thanks, but you’re gonna be so disappointed when you find out what a selfish, empty, manipulative person i am