dissociacrip - Tumblr blog

[dissociacrip]

so this might be anemia

you guys have heard of "do it scared" well i'm inventing "do it sleepy"

[dissociacrip]

made a silly little trauma playlist the other day for anyone who might be interested lmao

[dissociacrip]

i feel so unmotivated to do shit bc i feel like eternally tired sludge 80% of the time (even while/regardless of whether i'm on amphetamine salts and coffee) which makes it hard to think and not wanna do anything/just rest until i feel better but then i don't feel better so if i wait to feel like i'm not eternally tired sludge then i'll never get anything done, sometimes i feel shitty bc i'm not actually doing anything and getting up and doing something helps*

*this only applies if you are familiar with your body and how it responds to certain things in a way that is in line w/ my experience, bc i'm sure many people who struggle with chronic fatigue issues/brain fog experience worsening symptoms if they push themselves too much rather than making things better, and no one should be forced to push themselves beyond their limits; like, me pushing myself harder certainly doesn't help if i'm experiencing fatigue as a result of something like orthostatic intolerance that only gets worse if i keep myself upright, that just triggers ER levels of pain/exhaustion lol

you guys have heard of "do it scared" well i'm inventing "do it sleepy"

[dissociacrip]

you guys have heard of "do it scared" well i'm inventing "do it sleepy"

[dissociacrip]

...i think the point you're trying to make here has good intentions, which is that it is no small problem that many LSN autistic people divorce themselves from the experiences of HSN autistic people and thusly end up trampling over them and erasing them in the process of their "advocacy" (which shows up in a number of ways), but it seems very confused and kinda under-developed. it would come off very, very differently if you hadn't brought up the Deaf community and the view that deafness or being HoH isn't inherently a "disordered" experience, but overall this seems very disconnected from the various movements and conversations that pertain to disabled people's relationship to our bodies, minds, the world around us, and how "disability" gets defined in various contexts that disability activists and theorists have been talking about way before social media was ever a thing.

I don't understand why some people don't think that some things should be disabilities. I think maybe it comes from a lack of understanding of what it means to be disabled. What it results in, ultimately, is the silencing and erasure of what so many disabled people have fought for.

Disability (at least where I am) is when you are unable to preform ADLs this can be a complete inability to preform one even with accommodation, or, difficulties with several, which results in an inability to preform ADLs or it taking 3 times as much effort and/or time to preform them then the standard.

If you don't exprience that then I am confused as to why you are diagnosed with a disorder/condition/syndrome that is in itself a disability (not every disorder/condition/syndrome is itself a disabilty but can result in disability) one example of something that is itself a disability is autism. Autism is a spesific set of things, and in order to be diagnosed with autism, each one has to negatively affect your own life. Not the lives of others around you. If you are not negatively impacted then you don't have autism? Like why is that label being applied to yourself if you claim that it doesn't? If autism doesn't negatively impact you then it isn't autism. You can have the same behaviors and traits as those with autism but just having them doesn't mean you have autism.

There is a difference between a autistic(?) person saying that it isn't a disability, and the deaf community not viewing being deaf as a disability.

Deaf/hh people can't hear. They may have other things going on that cause them disability related to their deafness but being deaf is not (unlike autism) inherently a disability. That is because being unable to hear does not negatively affect the person who can not hear. It may be hard on those around them, but how others are affected is not what makes something a disability. (I'm not (D)eaf or HH so correct me if I said anything wrong)

Autism isn't just a set of behaviors, it's a description of how those behaviors cause the person difficulties.

I think some of this comes from a place of not interacting with higher support needs individuals, as well as the labeling of normal behaviors as meaning someone has autism.

Autism is not the only condition people do this with, but it's one that more people are likely to see it happening with. It happens with a lot of different disabilities, even physical disabilities.

I would ask those who think this way to reflect on why they want to distance themselves from other disabled people and talk over those who are more affected by their condition. You are shutting us down and erasing the recognition that so many of us have fought so hard for.

[dissociacrip]

‘relationships are work’ means ‘you have to put effort into loving each other intentionally & learning how to love each other and communicating properly’ not ‘your relationship makes you feel stressed and sad most of the time & the other person disrespects you and treats you bad but you stay anyway’

[dissociacrip]

you're not stuck. it's not over. you can claw yourself out again and again. find strength in yourself. find strength in others whom you can trust. the fight isn't over until you're dead.

[dissociacrip]

I start missing you as soon as you're out of sight

[dissociacrip]

sitting is hurting so much rn. pain shooting down my left leg and then pain in my right hip area. also back pain but not as irritating as the leg pain. i feel so gross. if this is due to endo then the sprintec isn't doing enough to mitigate it.

[dissociacrip]

really strange how you can be almost at peace with something that happened to you but it will continue to be a defining moment of your life for the rest of your life. you wont think about it much anymore but in a conversation about a film someone will mention the year it was released and you’ll think to yourself, “that was before it happened” and you’ll see an old photo and think how strange it is to have existed before it happened and somehow it’s like living a life in two acts

[dissociacrip]

post-work (where i ate) vs. post-kitkats after getting home bc i had a bad headache that i was worried was hypoglycemia, which is when i took the first reading

literally fuck off dude

[dissociacrip]

i apologized to her. she said "thanks for the well wishes" but her tone seemed justifiably angry or resentful/passive-aggressive. i told her i wouldn't disturb either of them again and that i meant it.

they were right when they said it wouldn't make me feel better and nothing good would probably come of it. i got it off my chest at least.

[dissociacrip]

I really can’t stress enough how important it is to talk to your friends, family members, and partners regularly about their right to set boundaries, even ones that inconvenience you.

We absolutely live in a hierarchial abuse culture where people can and do impose their will on each other in a million tiny ways. A lot of people just expect it - they’ll make choices according to the assumption that you, too, are invested in controlling them to whatever degree - because unless you consciously make a point not to be, it’s possible that you are.

In a healthy relationship people ask for consent often - “Do you want to do this? Are you comfortable with this? Is there anything you think we should change about this plan?” And then, they clarify that negative answers are totally normal and okay.

Checking in can sound like, “Hey, you know I love doing X but if you ever don’t want to you know that’s okay, right?” It’s paying attention to nonverbal cues that someone is uncomfortable and giving them an out - “You don’t seem excited about this party, I want you to know it totally won’t be a big deal if you’d rather not.”

In a healthy relationship there’s a huge difference between “no” and “you shouldn’t have asked”. “No” is normal and expected and it’s assumed that sometimes it will be the response. There’s an intentional effort not to punish each other for not always giving each other what you want.

Normalize “no” in all your relationships. Seek it out! Give people extra opportunities to say no! And accept it. Recognise that it’s a good sign when your loved ones feel safe enough to not agree to things they don’t want out of fear of your reaction.

Just - check in. I don’t care what kind of relationship it is, don’t assume people know it’s safe to say no to you unless you remind them and show them regularly. Making space for healthy boundaries is one of the most important things to communicate with the people that you care about.

[dissociacrip]

idk how to phrase it other than like "my stomach used to be more responsive to me eating food"

[dissociacrip]

I notice when intrusive thoughts are discussed on here, they're always presented in the form of a voice giving commands. That doesn't fit my experience, which is of unwanted images, or my wife's, which is of feeling compelled to repeatedly think through issues that cause them guilt/shame.

[dissociacrip]

based on the hip pain i'm assuming whatever is going on w/ my fallopian tubes hasn't cleared up

[dissociacrip]

WANTING IS A FILTHY THING. BUT I LEARNED GREED BEFOFE I LEARNED SHAME.

red doc - anne carson , first love / late spring - mitski , starvation - maya angelou , let dead dogs lay - silas denver melvin (@sweatermuppet), wishbone - richard siken, a self portrait against red wallpaper - richard siken, truisms - jenny holzer, stop telling me i should’ve died too - tumblr user @tankgotstuckinthecircusgate, many hands - lingua ignota, hungry thread of nerves - fatima aamer bilal

support me on kofi <3