djbanana1

[djbanana1]

Lmao, yup thats right! ;) Jk, but it is perfect xD

I’m lacking in the control department, welp~

[djbanana1]

Baby, I'm Mad: Chapter 1

A/N: new author here on tumblr, I realize my chapters are short but I hope to change that!!    

     Penny flew through downtown Gotham, music blasting and her tinted windows rolled tight. She was finishing out the last leg of her shipment, she couldn’t get caught now. Especially not with 73 pounds of cocaine hidden in the trunk of her car. She was fairly new to running- this was her highest run to date. “Eyes on the road. Keep looking ahead.” She repeated this mantra in her head, nerves and excitement leaving her hands shakily gripping the steering wheel. Her eyes darted across every intersection; if there was one place she’d spot a cop, it’d be there. The lights of the city shone through her window like the lights of a club- a rainbow of neon and glass. It was a typical Friday night in the city: young couples journeyed across the sidewalks, hopping from club to club, cars raced alongside each other through city streets, and too-young teens tried their damndest to get into a bar or two. As the building appeared on the horizon, she let out a sigh of relief. She rolled up to the warehouse, whipping around the corner and behind the building. She knocked on the steel garage door. “It’s P!” She hollered through the door.

     “Shipment!” She heard a voice bounce off the concrete floor. The moon shone bleached white and a cold breeze blew in, causing the brick of the warehouse to look colder than ever. She pulled the hood of her sweatshirt over her head, tucking away her ash brown hair and stifling a shiver. Two men, Al and Sam, appeared from the shadows.

     “Boys,” she greeted, popping open the trunk of her black Ferrari. She lifted a small trapdoor to reveal blocks upon blocks on cocaine, stacked in neat piles. It looked so innocent, like blocks of snow piled into a fort.

     “Holy shit,” Sam whispered. He lifted a brick, passing it between his hands. “This is packed solid.”

     “Come on boys, let’s unload this shit. We’ve got a long night ahead of us.”

      Al, Sam, and Penny began weighing out the drugs, pushing aside their dread. The job was slow and tedious, but less risky than selling- that was a rookie job anyways. They sunk deep into the couch, every movement releasing the stench of marijuana. “My fingers are gonna be dead after tonight,” Al sighed, weighing out a bag and sealing it tight; he folded the top over and stapled it- extra precaution. That was the routine: weigh the bag, tare, measure, fill, weigh, seal, staple. The hum of the space heater and the flickering fluorescents seemed to accentuate the monotony, and the small mountain of bricks made the task ahead rather daunting. The tanned twenty-something placed a cigarette between his lips, flicking his lighter and filling the space with the smell of tobacco. He had always been a looker; he caught Penny’s attention as soon as she joined the cartel. Al was naturally tan with dark hair and onyx eyes, tall, and deep-voiced. He was fit; his large biceps were covered with tattoos. He knew it too, often wearing wifebeaters or tees with the sleeves cut off. They were best friends, even though she was invisible to him romantically.

     “Fuck… we don’t even get any of this shit!” Sam exclaimed in realization. To be fair, him and Al split a blunt before they started- they claimed it helped with the repetition. Sam was a few years Al’s junior and his opposite: lean, quick, and pale, with his long, blond hair always tied up in a knot.

     “And when have we ever?” Penny giggled, taking a drag of Al’s cigarette. She weighed the bag and cut the drug into approximate measurements. She had done this so many times before, her cuts were almost perfect. Each bag was anywhere from ½- ¾ coke and the rest was baking soda- depending on the sell route for that night. She scooped out a bit of baking soda, mixing it into the line she had in front of her.

      “Hey,” a deep voice echoed, startling the trio.

     “Yeah Boss?” Sam asked, stapling a bag.

     “None of this shit tonight,” he said, picking up a box of baking soda.

     “We’re selling at J’s club tonight. This shit’s gotta be 100 percent,”

     “J’s? For real?! How’d you get in?” Al asked.

     “Well… I, uh- I actually-”

     “Nah, really?! You’re not just gonna have some poor fucker walk into his club and start selling!”

     “And you’re not gonna tell me what to fucking do,” Boss growled, dropping the baking soda onto the floor in a powdered cloud. The soda fog expanded, thickening the tension even more. He took a deep breath and shut his eyes, leaving the trio frozen. No one dared to say anything; wouldn’t be the first rookie killed on the job. “Hey P, follow me,” he commanded with a quick nod. In a flash, he ripped the cigarette out from between Al’s teeth, throwing it on the floor in a small explosion of sparks. “And get that shit out of here,” he snarled, turning on his heel and striding away.

     “What’s up Boss?” Penny questioned, chasing him down the corridor. He stopped suddenly, staring so intently it was as if he was staring right through her.

     “I need you to get hot, pack up, and grab some baggies. You’re selling at J’s.” He commanded, emotionless.

     “Woah, woah, woah, no fucking way. Leave one of the newbies to do it.”

     “And let one of them fuck this up?”

     “Let one of them get killed.”

     “No damn way-”

     “No damn way I’m letting this happen!” Her voice shifted from anger to desperation. She placed a hand on his shoulder. “Do you know what you’re asking me to do?” She inquired softly, her voice cracking.

     “I’m not sending a bunch of babies into this. I want you back here in an hour and a half to pick up your snow. No questions. Now go get beautiful.” Boss said matter-of-factly. He strode off, but not before smacking her butt as he walked past her.

     “YOU’RE SENDING ME ON A FUCKING SUICIDE MISSION!” She screamed down the hallway. Her grief rang through the corridor. “YOU’RE NOT EVEN GONNA FUCKING TURN AROUND?!” She spun around and punched the wall, immediate regret radiating from her fist up her arm. She cradled her hand, holding back tears. “I’m gonna fucking die in there,” she thought, walking down the hall with as much enthusiasm as a sheep to the slaughterhouse.

[djbanana1]

La da da, I'm just gonna slip this out there 🤓

[djbanana1]

Eepers! 😄 Easily the best cake I've ever gotten! ^-^ (they even used my flower crown edit of Joker!)

[djbanana1]

I don’t know if I should cry or eep with joy :) Obviously I think you’re amazing @uncensored-and-psychotic! Here’s 10 more people I find amazing/love their blogs! @dangerousimagines @xhystericaljokersuckerx @jokersonme @suckerforsmilex @pavfiction @the-green-haired-fellow @drharleyqueenzel @jokers-x-story-x-teller @whyarentyoulaughingj @murderous-manipulative-angel 

Let’s try this

Copy this to 10 other bloggers that you think are wonderful. 

Keep the GAME going and make others feel beautiful! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ

@maliciousalishious @auntiemama1 @thestephodimera @wolfgirl1074 @letowolfie @bartholomew-cubbins @rhina988 @louise-buchan @jsproperty @babiiface16 @olivia-leto

[djbanana1]

The Troubles & Blessings of a Pet

(Jared Leto)Joker x reader

This was my very first fan-fiction I wrote. Just not the first one I posted so it will be, whats the word I’m looking for, lacking?

Preview: You’re a 21 year old college student that just recently moved to Gotham City for the University and a change of pace. It’s Friday night and your day has been horrible. To make things even worse your silly little feline friend has disappeared right before a storm. Will you find your kitty? Or will he accidentally lead you to doom? *wiggles eyebrows* 

Warning: There will be blood/killing, torture, slight cursing and use of ‘daddy’ (not a lot?) in later parts, and my lame writing :P

(Part 1)

I walk up the stairs to my apartment door, shoving the keys in as I reach it. Opening the door I toss my backpack somewhere to the right of me not really caring where it lands. Today had been a long day. Pulling an all-nighter to finish a 10 page paper just to have the due date changed wasn’t exactly the highlight of my day.

Oh, but that was just the start of my horrible day. If you add tripping over a trash can in front of a cute guy, spilling juice on my new shirt, getting called out on by a teacher, spilling ink all over myself after breaking my pen, getting chased by a stray dog, and finally obliviously walking in-between a fist fight. That’s right! I’m now sporting a nice pretty purple bruise under my left eye. It had been quite the day.

The only bright side would be the walk home. The sky was dark and about ready to start storming. I don’t know why but I’ve always loved rain. There was something always calming yet exciting about it. At least the walk home helped calm my fried nerves.

Now all that’s left to do is just settle down with supper and watch TV with Jasper waiting for the lovely storm. Jasper is my soft black cat with stunningly bright green eyes. He’s extremely precious to me and I talk to him all the time. Besides my dad, he is the only other male I talk to frequently. I’m not much of a party goer and I’m pretty shy at times. My life is boring but I’m fine with that. I mean it would be nice to spice up my life a little bit but I can’t complain. I have just one good friend that I do everything with. Now I would have normally invited her to join Jasper and I but she was gone visiting her family.

(Friends name) and I moved to Gotham City about 1 month ago to attend the University here. We wanted a change of pace instead of the small quiet town we came from. It was a small town in the country where everyone left their doors unlocked. So moving to Gotham was definitely a change, almost too much of one. Especially since Gotham has a very high crime rate. I guess you could say it has an underworld type deal happening here. Almost like a whole different world. Something we did not have back home. It’s taking some time to adjust.

So like I was saying tonight would just be Jasper and I. Walking into the small white kitchen I pull out a bowl for cereal. I grab a box of (favorite cereal) and make myself a bowl. I bring the bowl into the living room and place it on the small black table while turning the TV on. I nonchalantly throw the remote on the couch when the current headline catches my attention.

“Crime is never at rest, especially with the Joker on the loose!” I eyeball the news reporter as she gives a brief description of the events that happened today. I half listen as she prattles on about some bank robbery, a stabbing, a shooting, yadda yadda and then the Joker.

I’ll never get use to crime being this common, especially when its happening so close by.

A picture flashes up on the TV and I have to admire his flashy green hair. It makes me want to run my fingers through it.  “Make sure to stay inside this weekend. Rumors have it the prince of crime has been seen around these parts of the city. Stay safe and let’s hope Batman or the authorities get him.”  I roll my eyes since I never really leave my house anyways. I won’t be one of those poor fools. “Now let’s take a look at this week’s celebrity…” I completely zone out by this time.

Shrugging, I start skipping down the short hallway to my bedroom to put on some comfy clothes. That being a pair of black leggings and a chocolate brown sweater dress that ends mid-thigh. I let my (H/C) (H/L) hair fall naturally down my back. Now all I needed was Jasper.

Speaking of the devil. Where was he? He normally greeted me by now.

“Jasper! Come here kitty kitty!”

I go around and search his favorite sleeping places. I end up empty handed leaving me dumbfounded. That is until I see the window open.

That little shit!

I totally forgot about his late night rendezvous! He’s recently been sneaking outside late at night and returning some point in the morning usually when I’m sleeping. This all started about two weeks ago. Since we’d only been in Gotham for like two weeks at that time, I didn’t feel comfortable letting him outside just yet. Well, I guess Jasper had his own plans as he escaped through the window that night. I won’t forget that night anytime soon. I ended up getting help from a stranger and it took us all night to find the little rascal. Anyways, I probably should just shut the window but I don’t want to take that joy of being outside away from him. Rolling my eyes I quickly decide to go look for him. Tonight was going to be our night and no way was he bailing!

I creep up to the open window and yell his name a few times in case he’s just outside the window. After a few failed attempts I head to the bathroom to put some makeup on. I just put a simple layer of makeup on, mostly to hide the bruise. I grab my black combat boots that are cute but comfortable and head to the door. I grab my necklace with my apartment key on it and put my phone in the waistband of my leggings. I locked the door and headed out.

I started by searching near the apartment. Going through the alley way softly calling his name. Shortly after, I realize he isn’t nearby so I set off down the street. It’s dark out so there’s not many people out besides the sketchy people, night owls, party people and occasional late night workers. I continually let soft calls of Jasper’s name roll off my tongue as I stroll down the street. After almost an hour of looking I start to feel a gut twisting feeling. Dang it, where could he be!? I slowly feel panic setting in. How far could he have gone? Maybe it isn’t a good idea to let my cat wander the streets of Gotham. It most certainly isn’t the same as home.

Just then a drop of rain hits my nose. I look up to the sky and see the dark clouds ahead. Not just night time clouds but I mean the stormy kind of clouds. I totally forgot about the storm! To make things worse I didn’t bring my rain coat or umbrella. Great.

I start to fast walk while calling Jasper’s name louder as a light shower starts sprinkling down. I pick my pace up when I feel the rain coming down harder and before I know it I’m running through pelting rain. Each step I take sends cold shards of pain up my legs. The rain isn’t exactly the nice type that lulls you to sleep. It’s down pouring and I’m soaked in seconds. I urge my soaked body to keep going ignoring the rain as I scream Jasper’s name even louder.

Gosh. How could I be so stupid? I should have looked at the weather and kept the damn window shut!

I trip and hit the ground hard gaining some nasty scrapes. I start crying in the numbing rain. It’s hard to see or hear anything.

Poor Jasper! What if he’s hurt somewhere and I’m just being useless dead weight?! What if he’s lost and scared?! What if he’s, dare I say, dead?! My breathing is coming out ragged and it’s hard to breathe. It feels like ages before I actually calm down.

(Y/N). Stop. You need to think rationally. Jasper isn’t a stranger to being outside. He’s probably taken shelter somewhere and is waiting the storm out. Something I should be doing. Realizing I wouldn’t be much help to him or myself sick, I quickly scan my surroundings. Fear sets in as I realize I don’t recognize anything. I’m still very new to Gotham so I really only know my route to school and back plus the occasional places I need to go to.

All I notice is an abandoned looking building off in the distance. Well that’s better than sitting in the rain. I sluggishly lift myself off the ground to make my way over there. My body feels so tired and sore. The closer I get the creepier it feels. Reaching the side of the building, I reach for a door handle. After opening the door, I hesitantly walk inside to get away from the unrelenting rain. I ring out my hair and the bottom of my dress so I’m not as drenched.

Pulling my body into myself to reserve some body heat, I scan the inside of the building. It’s huge but pretty empty. There are some box like crates stacked on the sides of the warehouse. There are lights on but very dim so I can just make out some steep narrow stairs leading to an upstairs area. It kind of reminds me of a murder mystery movie.

Why the hell are there lights on in an abandoned building? Its probably some warehouse and the workers just forgot to turn the lights off.

Quickly shrugging off the creeping suspicion, I pull my phone out from my waistband. It has water damage and won’t turn on. Just wonderful! No amount of rice is going to save this phone. Oh well, I needed a new one anyways. I put my phone in my boot cuff since my clothes were sticking to me like a second skin.

Since I don’t know what time it is and the rain isn’t letting off anytime soon I think I’ll explore a little. My inner child must be showing but I love adventures so this could be kind of fun. (Friends name) and I use to always go out exploring in the country at night back home. We even had our own fun secret base in the woods we would camp out in. If we ever just wanted to disappear from the world, that was our place. 

I mean what am I going to find in the warehouse? A few rats, a zombie, the infamous Joker? I chuckle to myself as I start walking along the side of the wall near the boxes. As I go farther in I hear voices coming from up ahead. I stop and debate about going any further.

I mean how many other idiots are outside in this weather looking for a lost cat? I’m pretty sure its just me.

Getting down low, I crawl behind some of the boxes on the side. I keep crawling on my hands and knees until the voices start getting louder. My gut twists giving off the feeling I probably should have stayed outside or at least by the door. Curiosity killed the cat. Ironic really. Finding a little peephole between the crates I take a peek.

I can’t tell if the shiver that just went down my spine was due to the fact that I look and feel like a drowned rat or to the sight before me. There in all his glory was the clown prince of crime, the Joker.

Well at least it wasn’t a zombie.

I remember the news lady talking about him. Crap. I should have paid extra attention to what she was saying instead of his dang hair! He was wearing a golden looking jacket with a black shirt underneath that was unbuttoned most of the way revealing all his tattoos underneath. He was actually pretty handsome with his chiseled chest and amazingly sculpted face. His pale white face and prominent red lips. They looked so full and kissable.

Wait! What am I saying? He’s a killer. He would kill me if he knew I was here!

He was straddling some man in a chair sliding a knife gently down his cheek bone. The man looked terrified and about ready to pass out. The Joker had a good handful of goons against the wall dressed up in fancy black suits with weird masks on. One had a fake batman mask, another an eyeball and it just gets weirder from there. I mean that’s something I wouldn’t wear if I was watching someone get tortured but yet again I’m not a goon. Leave it to me to walk into the wrong situation! I can feel the blood pumping in my ears.

I should contact the police! But how can I with a broken phone?!  

“Blah, Blah, Blah. I didn’t ask for your excuses Mr. Jones. I want to know why you thought you could lie to me!” The Joker growled out. He took his knife and slowly but leisurely dragged the knife down the guys cheek leaving a long deep cut. The guy, err I mean Jones, starting screaming as blood oozed out. It was an agonizing scream that gave me goosebumps. As if on que the Joker laughed at his screams of agony. Now this laugh wasn’t just any laugh. I can see why they call him the king of laughter. He had a very obnoxious and loud laugh that sent tingles going through me. He abruptly stops his cackling. Sitting up straight the Jokers eyes lazily traveled across the room, lingering extra-long on the boxes I was hiding behind, until they landed on his goons.

Did he just look at me?!

“See this here boys! I think Mr. Jones is uncomfortable.” The Joker smiles while he breaks Jones personal bubble to run his hands along his face letting small Ha Ha’s escape his mouth. ”Why don’t I fix that? I don’t want you getting bored now do I?” His face has this mock serious look.

I had the strange feeling there was a different meaning behind his words. Like he really didn’t care for Mr. Jones well-being.

“I know! Let’s play a game!” The Joker purrs out leaning even closer to Jones face. “Every time you irritate me or lie, I leave a cut…” The Joker took his finger and stroked the guys cut before slowly digging his finger into it “Like this one here!” Jones struggled and whimpered under the Jokers touch.

“I don’t know anything, I swear! Mister J you got to believe me! I would never betray you!” This Jones guy was desperate.

I have to admit to myself Jones was kind of lucky to have the Jokers face so close. To feel his breathe on his face. There was something about the Joker that drew me to him. I really wanted to see his handsome features up close.

Shit! Am I seriously that guy deprived?

A long agonized scream brings me out of my thoughts. I look back and see that Jones already has a decent cut on his arm, thigh, chest and now one going from his ear to his lip. I feel bile rise in the back of my throat. One thing I’m not used to is seeing a lot of human blood. Before I could tear my gaze away, the Joker was happily sawing away at Jones lower right ear lobe with his small gold knife. This earned him even more screaming. This must be music to his ears judging by the way he happily wiggled his body while he continued his work.

I really shouldn’t be here! I need to get out of here before I’m next. I’m pretty sure he isn’t a fan of eavesdroppers let alone witnesses. 

I cast one last look at the Joker before I turn around to start crawling back. That is until I hear a very familiar sound reach my ears freezing me in my tracks. The unmistakable sound of Jasper’s meow was coming from Joker’s direction.

A/N: Just so people know I posted this on my quotev account first so if you have read this before... I never stole it because that’s still me :)

[djbanana1]

Hi! Once you get this you have to say five things you like about yourself, publicly, then send this to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable) SPREAD POSITIVITY ❤❤❤ - Kara

Sorry this took me so long to get to. This was actually harder than I thought because I only notice things I like about myself when I actually do it. :P

1. My love for animals. Like I’m extremely obsessed with them, show me a picture of your pet or even message me about it and you’ll make so happy! XD I also own plenty of my own pets from ferrets to cats :) (low key going to be a lonely cat/ferret person when I get older)

2. I’m not afraid to get dirty/try new things. I wont freak out if I get full of mud or have to get my hands dirty :). I’m also opt to try new foods or activities (to an extent! I don’t think I could eat those fried bugs o_o)

3. I like to think of myself as nice/friendly (unless someone messes with my BRR of family). Or at least I try to be :)

4. I feel like I haven't fully grown up in the fact I still have a childish personality :P I know when to be serious/ responsible but I’m still goofy (which annoys my mom in certain occasions).

5. Um, i know there’s more I would probably.. maybe like about myself but I just can’t think at the moment. (My love for Joker, Anime, Disney and other movies count?)

Its kinda hard for me to pick 10 followers since I don’t know many people yet... Plus I’m happy with all of mine so I encourage everyone to do this! So like totes do it! (I nominate everyone who wants to do this! Idk either add on to this or make a post ^-^ Hopefully that’s allowed cuz I just did it)

~Stay safe Beauties! <3

[djbanana1]

Can you please make another part to 'his little problem' pretty please, with chocolate and cherries!!

I’ll see what I can do! :)

(sorry for late reply)

[djbanana1]

Hi! If you get a chance can you please make a second part to his little problem? It's was so good! Thank you love xx

Thank you! ^-^ and I can try making a second part! I already have a few ideas for it but no promises in case they don’t come together. :( I first have to finish my other fanfic so it might be a bit till I get to it. I’ll try to finish it up soon :)

[djbanana1]

The joker imagine you put up titles his little problem is really good and I love it so much

I’m glad you love it! I was so scared to post any stories on here at first. Thank you! 

[djbanana1]

His Little Problem

Joker x Reader

One Shot (but might make a second part)

Description: The Joker's been stuck at Arkham Asylum for months, unable to break out no matter what he tries and it all leads back to her. The new guard at Arkham Asylum might just give Joker a challenge. 

Warning: Mention of death and near death experience (probably isn’t even a warning because its not that bad in this story...) Also I’m sorta new to writing fanfics so sorry for mistakes and/or if the story doesn't run smoothly. 

The Joker leaned back on the old mat in the corner of his cell. Two guards stood guard down the hall as their idle chatter filled the air. The guards were getting more cocky than usual, forgetting how Joker was the King of Gotham and not just some patient. It’s not like they’ve treated him like a King whenever he was in Arkham Asylum but this time they’re acting even bolder. Joker couldn’t wait to teach them a lesson when he escaped.

If he escaped.                        

It was going on ten months being holed up in this hell hole, longer than he’d ever been there. He was finding it near impossible to escape. All of his problems led to her. F/n, L/n. She was a new guard at Arkham Asylum. Well, at least new to him since she was hired between the last time he escaped and now.

At first he had enjoyed picking on and flirting with her. Female guards weren’t that common so he had to have some fun. She even dressed differently than the other guards, she lacked all the protective gear except when a situation called for it. It’s like she was begging to be beat on. That was until he learned his lesson and boy did he learn fast. She wasn’t your average female, oh no. She was smart in the most annoying way possible. Arkham Asylum was finally gaining some brains by hiring her.

What made her different from the other guards? Evolution.

She wasn’t like the other cocky guards that lacked a brain. He’d have to admit she was something else. And that something else was costing him big time. All the money and business he was losing while cooped in here along with what little sanity he had.

Soft clacking down the hall alerted the Joker of his little problem. Sitting up in time to see f/n step in front of his cell. She was wearing her typical guard outfit. She wore tight white skinny jeans with her black combat boots. She had the stereotypical guard vest on with the long black sleeves rolled up a quarter of the way. Her black helmet strap was hooked on her belt loop hanging lazily by her side.

The first time he saw her dressed like that he laughed. What were they thinking sending a little girl into his cell all alone? It’s like they were insulting him but he didn’t mind since it would be an easy escape. When he tried to get the upper hand she surprised him. She may not look it but she was strong. Definitely not stronger than him but she used her agility to her advantage. It’s like she knew what he was going to do before he even knew.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t my little problem.” Joker spoke up.

“Hello to you too, Joker.” She answered as she busied herself with unlocking the door. A satisfying click alerted them the door was unlocked. Shoving the door open carelessly she waltzed on in holding the straight jacket by her side. “You ready to see Dr. Talia?” She asked as she stopped in front of him motioning with her finger for him to turn around. With a quick motion he aimed a swing at her arm but f/n was quicker as she grabbed him under his forearm turning him around using the momentum from his swing.

“Ah, my little problem. I was just testing your reflexes today, nothing serious. And I thought I told you to call me Mr. J.” Ignoring him she slipped the straight jacket on and buckled the straps so it was as comfortable as it could get without being too loose. Spinning him around to face her she replied.

“I’ll call you that when you stop calling me your little problem.” She started leading him into the hallway by the arm. The Joker walked alongside her eyeing her looking for any faults he could use to his advantage. “Alright, fine. Just for today I won’t call you that… doll.”

Looking to him feigning a horrified expression she gasped. “That’s worse! Never mind you can call me your little problem just not your doll.” She chided him as they were nearing the end of the hallway. “Too late.” Joker sing-songed as they passed the two guards.

“Look at the lunatic. He thinks he’s so tough.” Laughed guard one.

“I bet I could take him on with one hand tied behind my back.” Guard two joined in boasting.

J fixated his eyes on the two guards, memorizing them for later. Narrowing his eyes at them he continued on forward alongside f/n. This was all because of her. She made everyone here feel safe. It irritated him when he couldn’t inflict the fear he loved seeing.

“I wouldn’t’ be talking if I were you two. I saw you two cry the day Joker first arrived.” F/n threw over her shoulder nonchalantly. “Ha Ha Ha! It’s alright boys, you can come cuddle with me later if you want.” Joker giddily mocked.

They quickly arrived at the shrink’s room where he’s supposed to be cured. F/n walked him to his chair before giving him a few pats on the head. “Be good for Miss Talia! I’ll bring a chocolate chip cookie for you later if you are.” She made her way to the door before throwing over her shoulder. “By the way, I love your fluffy hair. I might have to start calling you fluffy Mr. J!” She giggled before fleeing the room

“I’ll see you later doll.” Joker winked at the door, hiding his irritation, even though she was gone. The doc in front of him started to cough nervously before going on with her boring spiel. The doc sounded like a broken recorder as she tried to push her values of society onto him. Joker went into his own world as he thought of some new plans for escaping. Hopefully f/n wouldn’t sniff them out like all the other attempts. Although if he was honest, he was having some fun with this.

Flash backs~

***

“Hey J! Looks like I get to bring you back to your cell today. Jack wasn’t feeling well.”

“As long as I get to walk behind you so I can enjoy the view.” J purred out suggestively. F/n smiled back at him before slowly sauntering up to him. She threw her left leg over him so she was straddling him. She slowly began moving her fingers into his straight jacket brushing her fingers gently against it. “Oh, doll. I didn’t peg you as that type of person but I’ll gladly accept.” Of course he thought he was possibly getting somewhere with her. Maybe an easy ticket out of Arkham. Some good old flirting and she’d be wrapped around his finger. He purred as she moved her hands more roughly until she halted, retreating her hands. Standing up she swung her leg back to her side before starting to walk towards the door.

“I’m flattered by your compliments. Thank you!” She turned around winking as she twirled the key around her finger he had stuffed into his straight jacket. Realization dawned on him as he growled out in frustration.

***

J was sitting in his cell waiting impatiently. Today was the day he was going to break out. He had several of his goons slowly taking out random Arkham guards and taking their place. Laughing at how stupid Arkham was to not even recognize their own employees. How gullible could they get? One of his goons had dropped by informing him they would be ready soon. He could just feel all the blood that was about to be shed. He would start with those two guards that dared mock him.

After an hour he became restless as he couldn’t hear anything. No screams of agony, no panic, no emergency alarms. Nothing. A slam on the window startled him as he looked up to the glass wall. Standing there was f/n. But what really pissed off J was all the name tags she was holding and that damn smile on her face.

“Sorry! I don’t know if anyone ever told you this but no sleep overs allowed. Of course unless it’s with one of us guards then that would be fine! So anyways, I had to escort all your friends out. Geez, I didn’t know you were so popular.” She smirked as she waved at him before skipping off down the hall way.

“You you you… pain in the ass.” J muttered before falling back onto his cot debating on what his next move would be.

***

This time he knew he would get out, no doubt about it. He had Frosty boy as his lawyer. Cackling he still couldn’t believe how easy it was to discuss his escape plans in the very facility he was going to demolish. The plan was for Frost to blow up the Wast wing of the building as a distraction before blowing a small portion of the East wall. He’d love to see f/n stop this plan. Sitting back he waited for the plan to unfold.

By dinner time when no one came with food he knew his plan was in motion. He waited for Frost or one of his funny dressed goons to appear. Neither of those appeared but instead a person in all black appeared. Quite literally.

They approached the glass wall before coughing and wheezing a bit. When they were done with their coughing fit they wiped at their face but it didn’t help much. Joker got a better look and realized the person was covered in rubble dust. Which means the West wing was a success. Throwing his head back he let out a throaty cackle before the person on the other side started joining him. The other person had a feminine voice that sounded an awful lot like f/n. Snapping his head up he looked at her.

“My little problem. Why are you so dirty?” He eyed her suspiciously. If it had been anyone else he wouldn’t have been worried but this was f/n we were talking about.

“You wouldn’t believe me even if I told you. Your little friends must really miss you because they tried exploding the West and East walls. Good thing I saw them burying those explosives earlier so I reburied them by the shed out back. I had to wait all day for them to come back before escorting them out. As to why I’m so dirty, I kinda got too close to the explosion.” She huffed out before having another coughing fit.

“Figures.” J growled out while rolling his eyes.

“You know this is going to take me forever and a half before it washes off!” She puffed her cheeks out while folding her arms.

“I can help you if you want. I’m pretty good at getting all the nitty gritty stuff off considering how dirty my business meetings can get. All you gotta do is let me out.” He grinned like a Cheshire cat.

“No waaaay.” f/n exclaimed before storming off.

“It was worth a shot. See you tomorrow my lil problem!” He hollered after her.

***

End of Flash backs~

Dr. Talia kept drawling on and on, grinding on J’s nerves. Joker looked her up and down, sizing her up. He had figured out all her little quirks so easily. How boring. He had so many new docs he’d lost count. Dr. Talia started working with him a few weeks ago. He watched as she nervously pushed her glasses up while reading over her scribbled notes. Smiling widely, J just got his new idea for escaping. He would sweet talk the Doc into falling in love with him. It was so easy to twist girls like Talia around his finger. Just a few sweet words and she’d be his. No way would f/n see this coming.

“Hey Doc.”

“Y-y-es?” She stammered out.

“You know you have really pretty eyes.” He tipped his head to the side looking up at her like a little kid.

“R-really? I always think they’re so dull especially with my glasses. No one’s ever complimented me on my eyes before.” She nervously pushed her glasses up even more.

“They must be blind than because all I see is a lovely lady.” He began smiling slowly. Some girls were just too easy to read.

“Thank you!” She blushed as she bowed her head finding her feet interesting.

“You need to be treated like a princess. I’d be able to do that, if you were my girl that is.” He questioned testing the waters.

“You would? I mean yeah that'd be nice.” She stammered out.

“There’s just one thing I need you to do for me.”

“Yes?”

“I need a machine gun.” He looked at her with a serious look.

Before Talia could reply f/n burst through the door. J growled at his luck as he stared down f/n. There was no way she could have heard them through that door so what was she doing here? The session wasn’t up yet.

“Talia! You would never believe this but I have the best news for you!” f/n replied while she galloped up next to Talia. She stepped excitedly from foot to foot as she waited.

“What is it?” Talia asked with a smile at f/n's excitement.

J rolled his eyes at the girlish behavior in front of him. What happened next though had J’s jaw hanging open. F/n leaned down planting a kiss on Talia’s lips for a good few seconds before pulling back.

“Susie wanted me to tell you that’s from her. She’s waiting down stairs for you.” F/n winked at Talia as she quickly stood up heading for the door. As soon as she left f/n sat down in Talia’s chair resting her chin in her hands as her elbows rested on the table.

“That was a smart plan you had there J. The only flaw was Talia already has a crush on Susie. But she thought she wasn’t into girls so she was trying to move on. It would have been funny though. You would have used her and she would have used you. Oh well, looks like you lucked out this time.” F/n spoke before yawning and stretching back in the chair.

“When I get out of here. I’m gonna have so much fun with you. I don’t even know where to start.” His face darkened considerably as he eyed f/n. Sitting back up, f/n smiled right back at him.

“By the looks of things. You’re not getting out anytime soon. But I look forward to your many future attempts!” She beamed back.

Sighing J replied. “Did you at least bring my cookie?” Laughing she stood up before walking towards the door.

“I sure did! It’s waiting back in your cell. Unfortunately I have an appointment so I can’t bring you there today. Bob is going to but don’t worry. I talked to him about beating up the patients so he shouldn’t touch you! If he does just tell me!” With that she skipped on out with J staring at her retreating form.

***

Joker paced the inside of his cell. It had been a whole week since the day f/n had her appointment. It had been a whole week since she had come to work. To be honest, he should be thrilled because it was the perfect opportunity to escape. But another side of him was kind of missing her annoying self. She was the only decent guard minus her annoying habit of thwarting his plans. He didn’t want to admit it but he missed his little problem.

A guard brought J out of his internal reverie as he slid a tray into his cell. The food looked unappetizing as he stared at the unnatural colors. F/n had made sure he had actual edible food when she was here.

Growling out he asked the guard. “Hey, where is f/n?”

“F/n? Awe, does the big bad wolf miss his whittle guard?” He provoked.

“I wouldn’t be talking like that if I were you. You never know what might be lurking around the corner.” J smiled back.

Visibly shivering the guard tried to put on a brave front. “Whatever. I’m not supposed to say since its private matters. But on her way to her appointment she was in a car accident. It was pretty bad from what I heard. She’s been in critical condition ever since.” Before J could reply a huge smashing sound was heard as a big ball crashed into the guard sending him flying down the hall.

The wrecking ball swung a few times before it finally settled. Joker’s goons came storming in shortly after dressed in all sorts of bizarre outfits. Waving his fingers J waved them on towards the main body of the Asylum. Without a word they all went onward looking for any employees they could wreak havoc on.

“Boss. Aren’t you going to join them?”  Frost questioned as he opened up the cell.

“No, not this time. Frosty, were going on a little field trip.” He grabbed his purple jacket from Frost’s extended hand before swinging it over his shoulders as he walked through the hole in the wall.

***

(Your P.O.V)

You were currently holding a cup of red jell-o as you watched it jiggle with every small movement you made. You really weren’t in the mood to eat. Sighing dejectedly you set it back on the tray in front of you. You were just transferred into a new hospital room. After going through several surgeries you were finally on the track to getting better.

You scoffed at the horribly bad luck you had. You were on your way to the appointment when someone was going too fast smashing into your rear end sending you spiraling into the other lane. May you add you were both going about 60 mph. From there someone else hit you before you rolled off the side of the hill. It was very terrifying and by the time your vehicle was still, you’d lost consciousness. You’d apparently flat lined once before they got you into surgery. When it looked like you were a lost cause things took a turn for the better. So here you were a week later in the recovery wing of the hospital. Nurses were constantly checking on you to make sure you were doing ok.

You felt bad for all the trouble you were causing everyone. It looks like you really were a little problem. Speaking of a little problem the Joker was probably going to escape soon. Even if you were discharged in the next few days you wouldn’t be able to go back to work. You looked down at your bandaged torso. The nurses had to apply ointment, clean and re-bandage it at least twice a day. Like that wasn’t bad enough, you had broken your left leg. It was in a cast that ended high up your thigh. It didn’t exactly look charming. You wouldn’t be able to perform your job in your current condition, you'd need a lot of recovery time.

Bored out of your mind you reach for the remote on the side table. Your IV got in the way so you had to readjust it. You turned the TV on but regretted it the moment you did. The flashing headline didn’t cause you much comfort. “The Joker escaped Arkham Asylum roughly one hour ago using a wrecking ball. His henchman have wreaked havoc on the employees and not many survivors are left. Stay tuned as we find out more!” The news reporter was standing outside the asylum. It didn’t look to be in good shape.

You feel slightly panicked. He’d definitely come after you; all the times he promised he would the moment he got out. To make things worse you were in no position to defend yourself. You were like a sitting duck waiting for the predator. You couldn’t just get up and leave! You couldn’t even use crutches right now because of your torso. An alarm goes off startling you. Within a few seconds a bunch of nurses came running in.

“F/n!” Nurse one came rushing to your side. “You need to calm down, your heart rate is too high!” She quickly scrambled to grab a shot as she filled it up with some kind of liquid. “Will you turn that TV off Carla! It isn’t helping her!” She took the needle injecting it into your IV. “Now F/n, this will help you feel better. Just relax.” Before you knew it, you were fast asleep.

***

Blinking a few times you groggily open your eyes. It takes a few moments for your vision to clear. The lights are dimmed in the room. In your disorientated state it takes you a bit to remember you’re in the hospital. Wondering what time it is you look at the clock. It was 2 in the morning. You must have been asleep for at least eight hour. You rest your head back as you contemplate what to do. You guess fate would take its course and if it was time to die by J’s hands then so be it. Although you’d at least fight till the bitter end. You could just hope for a sweet quick death and not one of those horror story deaths he’s so famous for. You feel slightly angered when you think about it. You treated him well when he was in the Asylum. Just because you didn’t let him escape doesn’t mean you were bad. That was your job!

Sighing you decide it would be best to stop thinking about it. Who knows, he might not even come for you. That was just friendly banter between you two. He probably had a lot of things to catch up on and you weren’t even that important anyways. Feeling a little more at ease you go to press the nurse button. You were feeling hungry. Just as your finger was hovering over the button an alarm went off casting the hallway in red lights.

You feel your heart drop as you hear several people yelling orders out. The nurses were frantically trying to get patients out of the rooms near you. You nervously wait for them to come to your room. It’s not like everyone was evacuating because of the Joker. It could be a fire or something else you tried reasoning. As you waited for someone to come into your room the alarms suddenly stopped. It was really quite. Too quite.

You focused intently on the door waiting for any sign of life. Several footsteps could be heard coming down the hall. Feeling slightly relieved you relax a little. That is until you see who came into your room. Mr. J walked into your room wearing his famous purple jacket. He had on stripped blue and yellow shorts with batman leggings underneath. He looked so much more intimidating than he did with his straight jacket. He stopped at the foot of your bed as a man in a fancy suit and a few nurses followed him into the room. You made eye contact with him as he stared you down. You probably looked really pathetic with your hospital gown on with an IV stuck in your arm and a cast on your leg. Your hair was a mess and you looked very tired. You didn’t even have a bra on underneath the gown, just a pair of underwear.

“Looks like you didn’t waste any time escaping.” You give your signature bubbly smirk hiding the unease you felt. Even though he was here to kill you, you had to admit you still felt you had a friendly rivalry going on. He didn’t speak as he looked you over with his eyes. You felt even smaller as he continued to eye you down with a serious intense look. How embarrassing. “Doll, you don’t look so well.” He slowly made his way to your side before he bent over to your level. He slowly extended his hand towards your face before putting a strand of hair behind your ear. “So what? You gonna kill me Mr. J?” You timidly asked, your nerves were just about at their end.

“Kill you? Oh no no on. I’m not gonna kill you.” He stood back up before motioning to the nurse. She nervously made her way over to you before taking your IV out and patching you up. Once she was done she quickly got out of the way. J came back to your side putting his arm underneath your legs and using his other arm to support your back as he lifted you off the bed. The cold air greeted your open back immediately as your gown was open in the back. Your face grew red as you realized how pathetic you looked. “Frost. Get all the things f/n needs from the nurse, will ya?” He then began walking out of the room with you in his arms. He carried you with care, mindful of your torso and leg. He was treating you like some kind of porcelain doll.

“J-J? What are you doing?” You asked in shock, eyeing him with big round (e/c) eyes. Looking down at you he smiles, flashing his silver grill. “Isn’t it obvious? I’ve come to get my little problem.”

[djbanana1]

The second hug is the important one ;)

What are your top ten blogs you fully support?

@whyarentyoulaughingj@mistahjrp@auntiemama1@frosty-rp@random-gallifreyan-rp@random-gallifreyan @butthedrugslike-me@ma-ph@murderous-manipulative-angel@djbanana1

[djbanana1]

I'm lacking in the control department, welp~

[djbanana1]

Not gonna lie, that sounds like fun! I'd be up for it if you want me to help develop characters :-) The rp part... I'm an untalented person. 😅

Has anyone else seen the anime Soul Eater?

[djbanana1]

Yee, I have. 🙃 (of course I'm a weeb so what would you expect?)

Has anyone else seen the anime Soul Eater?

[djbanana1]

Please don't tell me I'm the only one that finds this adorable? Look at that cute wittle sad face! It makes me wanna give him anything he wants. Or ya know, just smother him with hugs and kisses xD

[djbanana1]

I made a Joker candle 😂😅