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[djjtdxjjfsx]

There are things I remember about childhood.

Walking through the overgrown grass and weeds and pretending to be a goddess who was one with the land. Long sheer train attached to a dress and long hair flowing behind me as I imagined a world where I didn't have to be anything.

Where there was no expectations. I could just be. Sad, angry, hurt- it didn't matter. I miss that

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Some days it's just another realization that you really can't just die without putting effort in, huh

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Me and my older sister talking and she really just. "You really took the bullet when you came out as trans and bi at the same time when mom was super homophobic" like yeah. I guess I did

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Relapse is so much fucking fun, it ruins your entire life and while you're spiralling, no one even knows because you've fucking mastered hiding shit so efficiently. I fucking hate this and I hate that this is the only way I feel alive

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I cut again

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What would you do

All alone yet again

Left ton read by your only friend

You're at the lowest you've ever been and you can't hold it in

Will it be today or will it be tomorrow

A week from now or in an hour

You can't even gather up the motivation to leave the house

Maybe one day I'll be okay

But right now I'm falling apart and there's no life line

There's nothing

And that's all there ever was for me, wasn't it?

Endless nothingness

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He dominated me and I've never been so horny in my life. I want to have this man cum on me and in me so bad

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Nnnnnnn he fucking degraded me in Spanish and kept telling me how he wants me I just-- I need to get laid I was so fucking wet afterwards like 🥴🥴🥴 boy just fuck me

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There are things crawling on me

And my eyes cannot see

I feel their spindly legs on my skin

My flesh rises in the form of goosebumps

There are things crawling on me

I cannot brush them off

There is nothing there when I look

But I feel their tiny bodies on mine

I feel them sink their vermin teeth

So tiny and miniscule

But all the same

I feel things crawling on me

And nothing has changed

Because I cannot see

[djjtdxjjfsx]

What is troubling you right now?

Everything. I feel so lonely andbafraid of what I see and feel isn't real and never was. My mind is a spiral of reality and delusions and psychosis. I don't reach out for help in fear of being disregarded for my uselessness and yet in the end I've crippled myself. I can't do anything without shutting down. I'm so tired.

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It is me and it is a reflection of my heart and it is nothing like me and nothing can truly be comphrended by what this house is- or was it a house? Was it a street or a bed? Whatever it is, it's everything to you and it's empty and lonely, yet it's still yours and inevitably it will become you because you are one of the same, forever pulled in together, gravitating around each other. Together you are whole, seperate and the same.

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Living through a day where you are constantly reminded that you had planned your suicide, where it's fucking engraved down into the marrow of your bones because it had been years of planning, and then just refusing to let yourself die- I think that's very sexy of me

[djjtdxjjfsx]

One day I'll die and finally live my dreams of becoming one with the dirt and maybe my remains will help nourish the soil and flowers and grass will grow and maybe one day while my spirit is free once again I'll finally feel like I am worth more than the numbers and statistics as I was in life

[djjtdxjjfsx]

have ya’ll heard about “Kinou Nani Tabeta?”

based on Yoshinaga Fumi’s manga by the same name, it’s a slice-of-life food-focused JDrama about a couple in their 40s who live together, a hairdresser by the name of Kenji Yabuki and his boyfriend Shiro Kakei who is a lawyer but also loves to cook.

it has been praised for its healthy and realistic depiction of gay domestic life, as well as what the various issues and nuances of being gay. Including:

Heteros™ that mean well

Gay Fear™

supportive straight women listening to the gays rant

well-meaning “when are you gonna get married?” parents

supportive parents!

misconceptions

especially about heteronormativity 

gay civil issues (also gay elders!!!!!!)

being out (or not) at work

trying to live your truth

and most importantly…

GAY PEOPLE BEING HAPPY

thank you for coming to my ted talk

[djjtdxjjfsx]

Sometimes you just have to accept that you're never really liked. No one really wants your company and you're a second thought at most. You just have to accept that you mean little to people and no matter how much you change,that fact will stay the same.

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I'm pretty sure that I'll develop schizophrenia. Idk what to do with this information tho

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I just had a wet dream for the first time in forever