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god of the multiverse

Dear Friend,

I admit that I may have been watching too many multiverse movies lately. The delusion about living several lives at the same time had had me spiraling in different directions in terms of interests -- from bookbinding to fanfiction writing (with some tarot card reading on the side), and then from touring open houses to thrifting antiques. The love of my life bought me a violin for Christmas 2021 after I told him that I wanted to reminisce about my younger days of playing an instrument. Then I realized that I couldn't do the vibrato anymore, so the eagerness somehow faded away throughout the months.

A-- was joking when he said that all my frustrations were trying to reconcile with each other. There's probably some truth to it. One moment I wish I could have been a writer, maybe a musician, and then the next, a real estate guru or a badass stock trader. Housing is still expensive here in New England with the unreactive market and the rising interest rates (which means there's no way to go forward but stay in the moment), and yet there's not much I can do from dreams that I've already parted ways with.

I think I'll blame it on the Marvel movies for now (Dr. Strange and Spiderman, I'm looking at you). And then there's Everything, Everywhere, All at Once. The latter has definitely made me think of the different possibilities, the different versions of ourselves, in all that we have become and in all that we haven't. Michelle Yeoh in that movie was a frustrated mother and wife; at the same time, she was also an immigrant who owned a failing laundromat. If you take out one part -- say, the immigrant's journey -- you'd end up watching another version of her character's life. 

I guess I'd really like to believe in a multiverse. The belief that all of these variations of our identities must reconcile at some point in time makes me, in some ways, hopeful. That somewhere out there, a million universes away, there's a world where I never had to cut ties with friends, or another world where I would have been content not leaving home. (Who knows, maybe I could have been a martial artist, too. Ha!) 

So if there is indeed a God of the Multiverse, I'd like to pray to him, tell him how thankful I am. That even in this life where things have ended up differently the way I wanted it, at least I know that there's a life out there where it has gone according to how I wished it to be. 

Always,

RK

[djmarinizelarecs]

Grief is just love with no place to go.

– unknown // Art piece by Ikenaga Yasunari

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no love is ever lost. i used to feel like I wasted my love on the wrong people but in the course of my healing, not only have i felt the love I've poured out come back to me in different ways, but i have been reminded that love is not expendable at all. love cannot be measured nor contained. discarded nor wasted. it has no form or shape. it surrounds us. love is essential. it's abundant. it's powerful. its potency makes it capable of finding its way back to you. again and again and again. love is a whole phenomenon. don't ever regret the love you give to anyone. it's theirs. it's yours. it's everywhere. the cycle is infinite

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“I am not ashamed, the story goes. I swear I will learn to leave a room without touching every part of your face.”

— Marcelo Hernandez Castillo, “How to Grow the Brightest Geranium,” published in Breakwater Review  (via figlip)

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Ultra violent

By Smoltog

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Dreams

by Langston Hughes

Hold fast to dreams, For if dreams die, Life is a broken-winged bird That cannot fly. Hold fast to dreams, for when dreams go, Life is a barren field Frozen with snow.

[djmarinizelarecs]

A sacred space is so important in the home, I’m not just talking about an altar either, a sacred space can be anywhere where you feel most comfortable and at peace, the best thing is you can have as many as you want too!

This is only one of 3 of my sacred spaces at home, and it’s just been re-decorated with new flowers and new crystals ✨🤍 do you have a sacred space? 🕯

Verbenalune.com ✨

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Tarot deck (personal project) by Ivan Onokhin

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ana, part one

moments from a little life

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from Loneliness: coping with the gap where friends used to be by Olivia Laing for The Guardian

[Text ID: Last night, I ate dinner with my friend Jenny. In real life, on a warm London evening, forking up aubergine from the same plate. We laughed, shared family news, told each other the things we’d been worrying over. At home, alone in my study, they’d felt insurmountable, a sign that something was irredeemably wrong with me. Under the gentle scrutiny of my friend, they diminished to a normal size: just the grit of everyday traffic with other humans. I walked home feeling buoyant, nearly invincible. I need my friends. I bet you need yours.]

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Yule decorations

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Whimsical jewelry

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George Seferis, tr. by Edmund Keeley & Philip Sherrard from, “In the Kyrenia District.”

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Noor Unnahar, New Names for Lost Things; “Lucid Dreaming”

[Text ID: Everything I know about you, I know it from the absence of you.]