dkdaniel

[dkdaniel]

I already know. I already know that I’m going to fall for you.

[dkdaniel]

a collection of emotions

life hasn't made sense for a long while now. it's clear. i'm not over you. i wear this guilt upon my chest because i've earned it. i keep this blood on my hands to show that i've done it. there is only this cavity in my chest. it was once full but has since been swept out like the tide. these shores will never again feel your waves. and without you, the violent winds have removed me of my sand. leaving nothing but twisted rock. a barren, cracked and imperfect landscape. weathering and yearning for the water.

[dkdaniel]

Grand Teton National Park II ➾ Luke Gram

[dkdaniel]

We robbed each other of everything. Every nook and every cranny until we stood up and realized we had nothing left for ourselves. We were one, without secrets or facades. Just our bodies restless in the night.

[dkdaniel]

Best beach house

[dkdaniel]

[dkdaniel]

[dkdaniel]

[dkdaniel]

First there was god, or gods, or nothing. Then synthesis, space, the expansion, explosions, implosions, particles, objects, combustion, and fusion. Out of the chaos came order, stars were born and shown and died. Planets rolled across their gallaxis on invisible ellipses and the elements combined and became. Life evolved or was created.

Cells trembled, and divided, and gasped and found dry land. Soon they grew legs, and fins, and hands, and antenna, and mouths, and ears, and wings, and eyes. Eyes that opened wide to take all of it in, the creeping, growing, soaring, swimming, crawling, stampeding universe.

Eyes opened and closed and opened again, we called it blinking. Above us shown a star that we called the sun. And we called the ground the earth. So we named everything including ourselves. We were man and woman and when we got lonely we figured out a way to make more of us. We called it sex, and most people enjoyed it. We fell in love. We talked about god and banged stones together, made sparks and called them fire, we got warmer and the food got better.

We got married, we had some children, they cried, and crawled, and grew. One dissected flowers, sometimes eating the petals. Another liked to chase squirrels. We fought wars over money, and honor, and women. We starved ourselves, we hired prostitutes, we purified our water. We compromised, decorated, and became esoteric. One of us stopped breathing and turned blue. Then others. First we covered them with leaves and then we buried them in the ground. We remembered them. We forgot them. We aged.

Our buildings kept getting taller. We hired lawyers and formed councils and left paper trails, we negotiated, we admitted, we got sick, and searched for cures. We invented lipstick, vaccines, pilates, solar panels, interventions, table manners, firearms, window treatments, therapy, birth control, tailgating, status symbols, palimony, sportsmanship, focus groups, zoloft, sunscreen, landscaping, cessnas, fortune cookies, chemotherapy, convenience foods, and computers. We angered militants, and our mothers.

You were born. You learned to walk, and went to school, and played sports, and lost your virginity, and got into a decent college, and majored in psychology, and went to rock shows, and became political, and got drunk, and changed your major to marketing, and wore turtleneck sweaters, and read novels, and volunteered, and went to movies, and developed a taste for blue cheese dressing.

I met you through friends, and didn’t like you at first. The feeling was mutual, but we got used to each other. We had sex for the first time behind an art gallery, standing up and slightly drunk. You held my face in your hands and said that I was beautiful. And you were too. Tall with a streetlight behind you. We went back to your place and listened to the White Album. We ordered in. We fought and made up and got good jobs and got married and bought an apartment and worked out and ate more and talked less. I got depressed. You ignored me. I was sick of you. You drank too much and got careless with money. I slept with my boss. We went into counseling and got a dog. I bought a book of sex positions and we tried the least degrading one, the wheelbarrow. You took flight lessons and subscribed to Rolling Stone. I learned Spanish and started gardening.

We had some children who more or less disappointed us but it might have been our fault. You were too indulgent and I was too critical. We loved them anyway. One of them died before we did, stabbed on the subway. We grieved. We moved. We adopted a cat. The world seemed uncertain, we lived beyond our means. I got judgmental and belligerent, you got confused and easily tired. You ignored me, I was sick of you. We forgave. We remembered. We made cocktails. We got tender. There was that time on the porch when you said, can you believe it?

This was near the end and your hands were trembling. I think you were talking about everything, including us. Did you want me to say it? So it would not be lost? It was too much for me to think about. I could not go back to the beginning. I said, not really. And we watched the sun go down. A dog kept barking in the distance, and you were tired but you smiled and you said, hear that? It’s rough, rough. And we laughed. You were like that.

Now, your question is my project and our house is full of clues. I’m reading old letters and turning over rocks. I burry my face in your sweaters. I study a photograph taken at the beach, the sun in our eyes, and the water behind us. It’s a victory to remember the forgotten picnic basket and your striped beach blanket. It’s a victory to remember how the jellyfish stung you and you ran screaming from the water. It’s a victory to remember treating the wound with meat tenderizer, and you saying, I made it better. I will tell you this, standing on our hill this morning I looked at the land we chose for ourselves, I saw a few green patches, and our sweet little shed, that same dog was barking, a storm was moving in. I did not think of heaven, but I saw that the clouds were beautiful and I watched them cover the sun.

[dkdaniel]

I'm running tired of this complex  I was jealous, knowing that you wanted more  I assure  How was it? Did you get it faster?  I hope it's everything you want and more  There's the door A taker and a giver Oh you make me shiver Could not deliver Oh I guess I found you out  My table didn't need a Judas  Your pride turned you into Brutus now  Now Get paid and tell you couldn't cover  I lost a confidant and lover now Oh now A taker and a giver Oh you make me shiver Could not deliver Oh I guess I found you A taker and a giver  Oh you make me shiver Could not deliver Oh I guess I found you out  Oh I guess I found you out (Yeah) I was so sick of it- your lies and selfishness  I'll be the bigger man while you act like you're innocent No matter where you go, your lies will follow you You think you're back on the top but the back rows will swallow you  A taker and a giver  Oh you make me shiver Could not deliver Oh I guess I found you out Oh I guess I found you out Now I know we didn't fit I wish I could've quit Did having sex with other men make you feel you were relevant? Just for the hell of it You make me feel like shit I fell in love but soon I met you  Now I'm over it

[dkdaniel]

[dkdaniel]

[dkdaniel]

#likecrazy #felcityjones

[dkdaniel]

[dkdaniel]

I lost a deal with myself tonight As our hands were sitting side by side A space between them just one inch wide A crowbar twisting my insides I can’t tell what’s wrong And you can’t tell what’s right Except that, I want you Do you want me Just a little bit of old fashion simplicity But do I want you, so easily No, suspense you have my attention You held my heart, You held my glance But it was emptiness that held my hand You tried to speak the fear away, But forget your words, let you hand say. Say that I want you, Do you want me Just a little bit of old fashion simplicity But do I want you, so easily No, suspense you have my attention In that simple inch there are worlds of hints And wonderings and questions And continents made out of apprehensions And if that space be breached Conclusions may be reached and then, There’d be nothing left to mention. But, I want you Do you want me Just a little bit of old fashion simplicity And, do I want you, so easily No, suspense you have my attention I want you Do you want me Just a little bit of old fashion simplicity And, do I want you, so easily Maybe, suspense you’ve worn out your welcome

[dkdaniel]

[dkdaniel]