doktorapenggay

[doktorapenggay]

It's you, it's always you

[doktorapenggay]

What if the one that got away never came back?

(via abbyjadloc)

[doktorapenggay]

till we meet again, my piggy

dati, ako lang mundo mo. sapat na ako para sa kasiyahan mo. makita mo lang ako, okay kana. mahawakan mo lang kamay ko, ayos kana. ang tanga ko kasi hindi ko naisip na, madaming flavors pala ang ice cream. ang lawak ng galaxies. ang daming laro sa star city. wala bang connect? pasensya. ganyan na tayo eh. bakit? ayan tanong nanaman. pero pagbigyan mo na ako. last naman na to. bakit humantong tayo dito? nakakaya mo akong hindi kausapin ng ilang araw, magreply ka sampung dekada. pakiramdam ko wala kana talagang natitirang pake para saakin? kasi ako? meron. sabi mo, mahal mo ako. pero di ko na maramdaman. sabi mo, miss na miss mo na ako. pero bakit kahit chat di mo magawa? kapag nag uusap tayo, masaya tayo. kwentuhan, sabihan ng problema. pero bakit kinabukasan, wala nang pansinan? di mo na ako kilala? ang komplikado natin. hirap na hirap na ako. pero umaasa parin ako, tanga ako, oo alam ko. mahal kita eh. sobra. kamusta kana kaya? sure ako nag eenjoy ka ngayon. nagagawa mo na mga bagay na hindi mo nagagawa nung tayo pa. ang laki ko bang sagabal? pasensiya na. kapag online ka, sino kayang mga kausap mo? naiiyak nalang ako kapag naiisip ko na may kausap kang babae-meron na ba? napapagaan niya ba loob mo? ayoko maging selfish, mahal ko. kung dadating yung oras na babaliin mo ang pangako mo-na ako na ang huling babaeng mamahalin mo- magiging ayos lang lahat. sabi ko sayo diba? kung saan ka masaya, doon ako. masaya na ako kapag nakikita kitang masaya. madami akong hiling para sa susunof mong mamahalin... sana mahalin ka niya ng buong buo. tanggapin ka niya kung sino ka, kung anong nakaraan mo. wag sana siya mapangitan sa mga daliri mo sa paa bagkus hawakan niya ito at hilutin kapag napagod ka sa training sa badminton at pagbbike. wag sana niyang sabihin sayo na kadiri ka, kapag yayakapin mo siya kapag pawisan ka. wag sana siya maghanap ng iba kapag di mo siya nabibigyan ng atensyon at oras. wag sana siya magalit kapag nagseselos at naiinsecure ka. wag sana niya gawing dahilan ng pag aaway niyo ang lahat ng bagay na nagawa mo sa nakaraan mo. wag sana siya magsawa kakaintindi sa kakulitan at pagiging pasaway mo. wag sana siya magalit kapag nakalimutan mong maglagay ng deodorant sa sobrang pagmamadali mo, sana yakapin ka parin niya. wag sana siya magalit kapag naamoy niya paa mo kapag nababad sa sapatos. sana... sana maging masaya ka sakanya. sana intindihin ka niya palagi. sana tupiin niya mga damit mo at gamit na damit, na punong puno ng pawis kapag mag laban ka sa badminton. sana icheer ka niya sa lahat ng laro mo. sana wag niya ipagdamot yung fries niya. sana wag siya magalit kapag nagtatakaw ka. sana yakapin ka niya palagi at ipadama sayo na safe ka, mahal ka niya at ikaw lang. sana halikan ka niya palagi kahit saang parte ng mukha mo kahit pawis ka. sana wag ka niya sigaw sigawan. sana wag ka niya suntok-suntukin. ipapanalangin ko na mahalin ka niya ng buong buo. mas pa sa pagmamahal ko sayo. siguro nga eh pinagtapo lang tayo ng tadhana para malaman natin lahat ng dapat at hindi dapat gawin sa isang relasyon. lagi mong tatandaan, kung masaya ka... mas masaya ako. nandito ka lang sa puso ko, hindi ka mawawala dito. hangad ko ang kaligayahan mo, mahal ko. baka hindi mo talaga saakin matagpuan yun... baka sa ibang tao talaga. sa huling pagkakataon, mahal na mahal kita! walang ni katiting na pagsisi na naging akin ka at naging sayo ako....sa panandaliang panahon. isa ka sa pinakamagandang nangyari sa buhay ko. paalam... hanggang sa muli.

[doktorapenggay]

🌻

all girls wanted to be shown off. sa case ko, di pwede magpost sa fb pero sa ig at twitter keri. siguro dahil narin sa impluwensiya ng media at kdrama, natutunan kong hangaan yung lalaking my photography skills or kahit wala naman pero yung ig feed is yung girl nila, like kapag kumakain sila pipicturan niya girl niya then post, kapag aalis sila pipicturan niya girl niya habang naglalakad, kapag magkasama sila pipicturan niya girl niya then post. anything about sa girl niya, anything na ginagawa ng girl niya. na sa bawat post niya ang sweet ng caption? lol yung feed nung lalaki is yung girl niya, with her yung mga ganern. kasi ako ngayon inuumpisahan ko ng gawing feed piggy ko. hahaha siguro sa kdrama and wattpad nalang talaga may ganon. ayaw ko mag demand ng ganon pero i wanted to feel being a queen. yun bang tuwing titignan mo feed niya or posts niya, kikiligin ka kahit visitor ka lang sa acc niya? yun bang sasabihin ng iba ’ wow relationship goals, bf material, swerte nung girl’ and vice versa. ewan ko. pero ayokong pangunahan si piggy kasi ang pangit diba? yung gagawin niya lang yun kasi demand mo hindi yung siya mismo may gusto nun. well epekto talaga ng kdrama tska wattpad.

[doktorapenggay]

[doktorapenggay]

Surreal 🍑

Everything was blurred, unclear, and uncertain. Everything was like a blink of an eye, it happened even if it wasn’t on the plan. Everything was surreal. What are we now is surreal.

I didn’t expect everything will be like this. We were just strangers back then, i don’t know you and you don’t know me. Everything was new before.

I am a transferee student from a public school, a nerdy-grumpy-girl sitting at the back because I don’t have friends in my new section. I don’t want to get along with those new noisy people around me, I don’t want somebody to look or even give a glance to me, I don’t need friends.

I was sitting-peacefully, watching those annoying people make their noise, make friends to one another, introduce their self to others, and making fun.

I have no plan on getting close to anyone. I hate noise, so I hated them.

I was a bit shocked when someone had courage to introduce himself to me. He’s wearing a cap, a polo shirt, tight brown jeans, and a pair of nike shoes-great fashion.

I felt his two eyes looking at me, I’ve got that creepy feeling when I met his eyes. So weird because he’s smiling to me like he knew me.

I am at a critical stage that time, red month to be exact. Every girl’s nightmare.

He reached his hand to make a hand shake to me after he said his name to me. Honestly, I didn’t know what to do, am I going to accept his hand and introduce myself to him also? What? I, being a grumpy person, instead of answering him by saying my name, I answered him one of my famous line- ‘Oh anong gagawin ko diyan?’ I saw his shocked-laughing face when I answered him like that. The room was filled with his friend’s laughter. I guess they didn’t expect what I have done. Surely, I make my first impression to him. As time passes by, he tried to reach for me by asking me to sit behind him, which is not a good idea for me. He insisted. I walked to their place and placed my chair, sit quitely and ignoring the world. Noise was on my ear when I stayed there for days, he became close to me unexpectedly. He used to spray his perfume to me, a man’s perfume-I’m a girl for pete’s sake! I am always irritated by him, he makes fun of me, he took a pictures of me while sleeping on my favorite subject-pre calculus. And by that, we became ‘friends’. Days passed, he disappeared, not showing off, no shadow, no him. I am very quiet because he’s not on my side, I don’t have someone who I can talk to, laugh to, and shout to. He’s presence was missing. I got mad, I knew the reason behind his absence-computer games. He stayed for almost a day in computer shop wearing our school uniform. He’s wearing our school uniform but he don’t go to school. Eventually, I got used in his absence. His absence doesn’t bother me anymore, and that time he finally showed up. Still the same, he still have that look. Ghad, I missed his presence-what?! Distance-it’s what we had. We didn’t see each other for a month. I look at him, my eyes were asking-’ how are you? where have you been?’- But unfortunately, he can’t read me. I don’t like him, even admire him. I hate him. He always make fun of me, hurt me, drag me, shout at me, how can someone like him? He’s far different to my ideal man. So far. As time passes by, things were changed. We stayed up late everynight, unending calls, long conversation, goodmornings, goodnights. He start talking about someone he likes. I was very curious, who is she? Who is that unlucky girl? You know what’s funny? It’s me. He’s been a chick magnet, probably because he got this handsome face ( lol ). He look so manly everytime he stands, walks, talk. But I’m one year older than him ( child abuse ) At first, I was hesitated when he said he likes me. Who the hell would waste his time to have a chitchat with me, have a night convo with me, a video/voice call with me, compliments me, giving me sweet messages, long messages, and a corny jokes for me. It took time for me to appreciate his efforts, at first I felt very uncomfortable when he’s around, when he simply make his moves or give me a corny jokes. Eventually, I realized something. He met me at my darkest, he met me at my weakest, he met me at my nightmare. He met me-nightmare. Who would think someone has a courage to walk through my nightmare? Being a close-person, It’s not normal for me to share my problems, show my true emotions, talk about personal things, and show who I am. I thought he would give up, but no. He’s still here, standing in front of me, wearing those smile, his pair of eyes on me; so breath-taking. There’s only one thing that I’m sure with, not a surreal, but the truth. I’m madly inlove with him 💞

[doktorapenggay]

Again 🍑

Make me believe in love again. 💑 To the one I'll end up with 💏 Love is not easy💢It never will be✔. So I hope that you can find your love for me in your heart, for when the time comes that your mind couldn't process your love for me💭, I know that your heart will 💘 Love is just not about happiness 😊. It is also about sacrifice😷, compromise🤕, and a lot of other unpleasant things😤. So let's make a very firm foundation of love💖, trust👫, and respect so that when the going gets tough, we will give it a good fight👊 I hope that you won't give up on me. Plith 😖 I do not wake up at the right side of the bed all the time. Believe me, I have mood swings and it will drive you crazy lol hehez 😂😑😏😭 The good side that you see often is only half of who I am. I hope that you'd stay when you get to see the other half of me and believe me, it is not pleasant at all⚠and I know that you've seen some already huhu. I hope that you'd understand my insecurities and assure me that you are mine. MINE ALONE, ARASSO?😒 I tend to get jealous; not that I don't trust you, it's just that I am afraid to lose you, I am afraid of losing someone that I love, I am afraid of getting hurt🤕. I am afraid of a lot of things and I hope you'd banish that fear😟. I cannot say all of the bad things about me, I guess, it is for you to find out and I hope that when you do, you'd still think that I am worth the stay😞 Make me believe, please🙏. Understand that someone broke my heart into tiny pieces and although I took my time putting myself all together, the scar will be there💔. Mend that scar. Make me believe in love again because, honestly, right now, I don't. I'm fcking scared to feel that hurt again🖐. Make me believe in love, make me want to love all over again. Make me believe that we could last a lifetime, because someone fucked up the meaning of "forever" for me. Give me a reason to wake up and look forward to each day, because right now, I don't even know why I need to wake up anymore. I loved someone so much and I thought that person is my greatest love🖕 And i know that you knew him since i've tell you our story.  Surpass that. 💏Be the one who is even greater than the greatest love that I had. I hope that when God lets you in my life, I am ready🙌 I want you to come at the right time because I don't want to give you the burden of healing me. Trust me, I am trying to heal myself right now and I am not just trying, I am trying very hard. And I hope you know that. I'm still in the process of healing, so please don't get tired of me. 🙇 And if ever you are meant for me, I hope you are meant to stay👞. I am already in the stage of life where all I want is something serious and something that would last. And if ever you turn out to be the person who shattered my heart into pieces, my greatest love, I hope this time you already know my worth. 💯I hope this time you are meant to stay. Stay and love me until your heart beat stops.💗 -Peng 💕

[doktorapenggay]

Watching you playing your life, watching you smash, watching you jump, watching you grin while playing.

You are the first person I spent my time just to watch smashing and running to chase the shuttle-like a pro.

I was never been bored when I’m with you, every second you make me smile, grin, laugh and irritated.

I am having those creepy weird feeling when you joke around, when you do pick up lines, when you compliment me and when you act like a monster when you got jealous.

I was enchanted when you play, most specially when you do unexpected-amazing smash.

Having this privilege to be with you, watching you playing is one of the most amazing thing happened to my life.

Honestly, I don’t know how long we can be like this. I don’t know how long am I being like this, I don’t know how long I will be your girl.

Is this story will end?

Is our story has its ending?

[doktorapenggay]

💑

Date someone who is interested in you. I don't mean someone who thinks you're cute or funny. I mean someone who wants to know every significant detail about you. Someone who wants to read every word you write. Someone who wants to hear every note of your favorite song, and watch every scene of your favorite movie. Someone who wants to find every scar on your body, and learn where each one came from. Someone who wants to know your favorite brand of toothpaste, and which quotes resonate deep inside your bones when you hear them. There is a difference between attraction and interest. Find the person who want to learn every aspect of who you are, and hold onto them.

[doktorapenggay]

Am i really inlove or just infatuated?

[doktorapenggay]

yuuuuuuum

Happy Sunday Everyone!

I haven’t had awesome sushi in ages, but that doesn’t mean I can’t draw amazing sushi to make up for it.

[doktorapenggay]

i’m now practicing the piano version of this, sungha :) Kyaaaah~